Wrecked Book 4 (9 page)

“
Because I
’
m trouble, right?
”
he finally said.

I think it was supposed to come out as angry and biting, but even his tone had lost its intensity. Instead, he seemed defeated and sad. I wished I could do something to change that, and for a moment, I wondered if there would be any way that the two of us could be together. Two wrongs making a right?

But I just didn
’
t think so. It was impossible to ask the universe to grant me this favor.

I offered him a sad smile, because it was the only thing I could offer him.
“
You know that you
’
re not the problem here,
”
I told him softly. Giving him a smile that was sadder than I meant it to be, I said,
“
Never be afraid of who you are, Logan. Because you are a kinder, gentler person than you give yourself credit for and you will never be your father.
”

I took a risk, but it was one I could not resist. If this was the last time we would ever be together, if I really was giving him up now, then I had to say good bye. For real this time. Stepping closer to him once more, I cupped his face in my hands and leaned up to place a soft, gentle kiss on his lips.

It was goodbye for me and I could feel it in my chest as my heart twisted around uncomfortably. Maybe it was even breaking.

Before I could step away, though, his hands went to my waist and he held me there firmly. He kissed me this time and it was not soft or bare, but demanding. This wasn
’
t a goodbye kiss. This kiss was a promise of more to come, an acknowledgment of the passion that lay within us both.

“
I won
’
t let you go,
”
he said to me. He shook his head.
“
I can
’
t now.
”

I bit my lip. I understood now what he was trying to tell me, what he was feeling inside, but I couldn
’
t change things. I still believed that this was for the best
—
for both of us. So I offered him a sad smile and a shake of my head, then I backed up out of his arms.

“
We can
’
t, Logan,
”
I told him and this time I forced myself to walk away.

Kass invited me to go with her to a party that night. It had been a few weeks since my most recent talk with Logan, and I hadn
’
t heard from him since despite his determination that he wouldn
’
t give up. I was starting to feel a little better, like things were finally settled between us.

Derek and I had gone out on a few more dates, sometimes for coffee and three or four times to dinner. It was nice and simple between us. I enjoyed Derek
’
s company and I liked talking about school and his plans for the future, his family and the kind of music we liked. Things were progressing pretty evenly now. We
’
d kissed more than a few times and ended up making out. I wasn
’
t ready to take the next step with him or anything, but I liked the way he felt against my body and I knew that if things continued the way they had been, we
’
d cross that barrier pretty soon.

With my romantic troubles sorted out for the most part, I was feeling more like my usual self. I began to focus on school again, putting more effort into studying and paper writing. I hadn
’
t let myself slip too much, but I
’
d spent a lot of time being preoccupied with other things lately and that wasn
’
t good for me.

So when Kass asked me to go with her to the party tonight, I had to decline. I
’
d finally found my school groove again and I couldn
’
t give that up now. Things were settled and comfortable and I felt better than I had in a while.

I
’
d told her that if she needed me for anything that I was only a call or text message away. I
’
d have my phone on all night, since I
’
d be up late studying anyway, and Derek and I liked to text through the night on weekends.

Kass promised she
’
d be careful and that she
’
d call if she needed anything. Neither of us expected that she
’
d need to call me, though. She was going with the twins and they
’
d take good care of her. Plus, she was going with James, like a date, so the chances of anything bad happening were slim. There were enough people that would be looking out for her, that even if she got completely plowed, it was unlikely that anything really terrible might happen.

Besides a raging headache and hangover the following morning.

I was working on my English Lit assignment that night. Kass said she
’
d do it the next day, but I wanted it out of the way. It was so boring that I was worried that if I put it off, I
’
d leave it to the last minute and never get it done.

We were supposed to write a ten page paper researching Shakespeare
’
s
The Taming of the Shrew
and why it was still relevant in today
’
s society. I was focusing on how often it was recycled and made into modern day movies and books. I had a whole list of examples and was breaking down the key elements of each of them, explaining why they were important for their specific time. The idea was that my conclusion would explain how
The Taming of the Shrew
was timeless, because of human psychology and the oppressive nature of social constructions, which tended to be patriarchal.

It was so boring that I was worried
I
was going to fall asleep writing it. I couldn
’
t even imagine having to read through it. It made me pretty thankful that Derek was texting me often. It helped to keep me awake.

My phone beeped at me and I opened it to see a new message from him.

How about we grab a bite to eat and then go see that new movie.

Smiling, I replied quickly.

The one about the girl who loses her dog or that one with all the guns and the mazes?

I got through the rest of the page on my essay before he texted back.

The gun one, duh. What guy wants to watch a movie about a girl losing a dog?

I laughed out loud and shook my head. I could imagine his slightly offended, deliberately haughty expression and tone of voice in his response. I sent a quick reply, telling him that I
’
d rather watch the dog one, but that we could talk about it later since I really wanted to get my paper done tonight, then got back to my paper.

His text back to me was little more than a smiley face. For the next hour or two, it was silent. I was in school mode now, focusing on getting my paper written so I didn
’
t have to worry about it anymore and could finally get it taken care of. No more feeling like I was falling asleep. Once I reached the last leg of any project like this, I always got my second wind.

It was the knowledge that it was finally over.

So when I got another beeping from my phone letting me know I
’
d gotten a message, I let out a frustrated sound.

“
Damnit, Derek!
”
I said to the phone, my voice clearly annoyed.
“
I said I have stuff to get finished!
”

Annoyed, I opened the message
—
but it wasn
’
t from Derek. It was from Kass.
Not sure if you need to see this, but bad stuff
’
s happening.

Frowning, I was about to ask what was going on when I got another message. It was a picture this time. There was a crowd, a party full of college students. Most of them looked pretty wasted, dancing drunkenly together, some even standing on the table.

In fact, the girl standing on the table I recognized. She was tipping back what looked like a half empty fifth of something. Her clothing was in disarray, her makeup smeared and her hair wild.

It was Miranda.

Below the picture, the message said,
Lexie
’
s been feeding her alcohol for the last two hours. Not sure if you wanted to do something
…

I shoved my phone into my pocket, put on my shoes and grabbed my coat. I didn
’
t care if I looked like a mess, if my hair wasn
’
t straightened and my clothing was plain Jane. I needed to leave. Now.

“
Damn straight I
’
m going to do something.
”

I went to the party, determined. The memory of Beck and our conversation about protecting Miranda surfaced again. I couldn
’
t leave her to this crazy lifestyle that she
’
d chosen. Before, I
’
d decided that I was the wrong person to tell her no. That it wasn
’
t my business to interfere in her life after I
’
d been the one to wreck it, but wasn
’
t I
exactly
the one to be lecturing her?

Not because I was older and wiser or because I made a promise to her sister all those years ago. I was the perfect one to tell her because I
’
d been exactly where she was now. It
’
d been reckless and foolish and stupid and I
’
d nearly messed up my whole future. But worse than that, I
had
messed up Beck
’
s future. She would never get to college, never get married, never have kids and it was all because of me.

Because I
’
d been doing the same stupid shit that Miranda was doing now.

Didn
’
t that make me the person who should be talking to her about this? Sure, maybe she still wouldn
’
t listen, but I couldn
’
t just sit by and ignore her while she was flushing her life down the toilet. I had to do something.

I took the bus to the party, because it was far enough away that it would take me far too long to walk. I didn
’
t want to give Miranda any more time to do something stupid. I waited at the bus stop for about five minutes before it came. This was a pretty frequently used route, so it stopped often and I lucked out enough that it came pretty close after I
’
d gotten there.

I paid the fare and took my seat near the middle. I knew the bus would get me there faster, but I hated riding. Part of that was because there were so many weird, often scary, people on the bus. Everyone from crazy people who talked to themselves to druggies and drug dealers. Not exactly people I wanted to associate with.

Now, though, I didn
’
t want to be on the bus because I was impatient. I needed to get to that party,
fast
. Which I knew was why I was on the bus in the first place, but the fact that I was sitting here instead of doing anything was driving me nuts.

At least walking I felt like I was being productive.

I focused on the windows to try and keep calm. Anything to try and take my mind off of Miranda on that table, drinking her life away. What was she even
thinking
? How had things gotten this far?

Part of my reaction was due to the fact that this wasn
’
t the first time I
’
d gotten a picture or a text or even seen it for myself about Miranda doing crazy stuff. Since getting here, she
’
d become this wild child that no one back home would have recognized. No one really worried about it here, because it was a normal college freshman reaction. No parents, no guardians. Kids went crazy, they let loose in ways they were never able to before.

But I knew better. I knew that this wasn
’
t Miranda and after this last picture, it was the last straw. I couldn
’
t let her keep doing this to herself.

I watched as street lamp after street lamp passed by. There weren
’
t a lot of people on the bus at this time of night. It was late and other than a few late night students and graveyard shift employees, the bus was empty.

When it came to a stop on the corner of sixth, I got off the bus. It wasn
’
t right outside the house where the party was, but it was close. The house was just a block down the street according to the address that Kass gave me. I walked in that direction, moving quickly. It was cold outside. Colder than it had been. We even got snow last week, though it didn
’
t stick to the ground for more than a day or two.