You Only Love Twice (14 page)

Taggart huffed a little. “I was talking about the fact that
Jesse finally had someone to drink those fruity things he likes so much with.
That boy never met an umbrella drink he didn’t like.”

She could imagine how Tag teased him about his love of piña
coladas and mai tais. “You have to stop making fun of him.”

“Then how will he know I like him?” Taggart expertly sliced
and twisted her lime. “I don’t think you’re going to have a lot of say in
Jesse’s life once you dump him.”

Of course he could convey tons of judgment with words, too.
“I’m not dumping him. We were never really together as anything more than
friends, and now I have to leave. My job here is done.”

“Oh, I think he feels like he’s been dumped. Maybe not
dumped so much as betrayed and gutted.”

She hated the guilt that flooded her system. She’d fucked up
so badly. The first rule of the game was to never make it personal, but she’d
failed at that before she’d even begun to play. “I never meant to make him feel
that way.”

“You care about him?”

“Yes.”

“Then spend the next few days proving it.”

She just managed to not roll her eyes his way. “And how
should I ‘prove it,’ as you say so eloquently?”

Taggart laughed. “Hey, women think sex is purely physical
for a guy, but for most of us, it’s really how we express shit.”

“You mean like feelings?” She loved the way Taggart went
slightly green at the very word.

“Yeah, that’s what I said. Look, Ten told me about your
husband. I hope you don’t hold it against him. He’s really good at keeping
secrets. I didn’t even know he had a family.” He slid the vodka tonic her way
and then turned and opened a small door revealing his Scotch. “I’m not telling
you to fuck Jesse, although you would probably both feel better, but I get that
you’re going to be a nun for the rest of your life. That’s cool. It’s a choice
at least.”

“Screw you, Taggart. My life, my choice. You just don’t have
any idea what it means to lose someone.”

There was that judgmental brow again. “Really?”

She’d forgotten about his wife. It was easy since she was
alive and such a part of his life now. “Fine. You do and you chose to deal with
it differently. I don’t judge you. You should understand how I feel. Do you
honestly believe you could ever love another woman? If she hadn’t come back,
would you have found someone else?”

He poured out the Scotch, more liberally than she had. “No
idea, but she did come back. According to Ten, your husband is never coming
back. So I think I can tell your future.”

“Nice. I didn’t know you were clairvoyant.”

“I have many hidden skills.” He grabbed a second glass for
himself. “You’ll head back into the service, but you won’t play things the way
Ten does. You’ll go back in as an operative, and you’ll take all the risks you
can because you’ll have a death wish. The good news is in our business, people
with a death wish usually find their desire granted and quickly. Does Jesse
know he was in the same prison as your husband?”

She wished Ten hadn’t mentioned that little truth. “No.”

Taggart slipped the Scotch back in its hiding place. “Then
I’ll talk to him about it.”

“No. He doesn’t need to know.” She couldn’t see how having
that information would do anything but hurt him. “Look, as soon as this mission
is over and we figure out who’s trying to kill Jesse, I’ll be out of here and
he can go on with his life.”

“His life in Wyoming? Because he’s planning on quitting and
punching cows and stepping in their shit.”

She shook her head. “He’s not serious about that. Just tell
him he can’t quit and he’ll settle back in.”

“It’s not about the job,” Taggart replied. “It’s about you.
He’s been fine on the job, but finding out his awkward little princess is
really a warrior queen put him on his ass. Now he’s questioning every single
friend he’s made. You did that to him. You broke him. You better fix him.”

“How the hell am I supposed to do that?”

One big shoulder shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s not my
problem. I gave you a very viable solution. Men are simple. Sleep with him for
the rest of his life and he’ll probably be fine. See, simple. You women are the
ones who make things hard.”

“I’m married.” The words came out of her mouth before she
could think to stop them.

“No. You’re a widow. Your vows were until death parted you and
it did. Your story is not going to end like mine. He is not going to walk
through those doors. He’s not going to sneak up and tell you it was all a
trick. He’s dead and unless he was a sorry son of a bitch, he likely wouldn’t
want you to be alone.”

“He was the best man I ever knew,” Ten said quietly. She
hadn’t heard him walking up behind her. He groaned a little as he leaned
against the bar. “We were just kids when we met. Nothing fazed Jamie. I mean,
it did, but it didn’t. He came up through the same system Phoebe and I did, but
it didn’t wreck him the way it did us.”

Phoebe shook her head. “He was lucky. He didn’t have the
same trouble we did, Ten.”

Ten’s lips firmed as though he was holding something in. He
finally turned her way. “No. That’s not the truth. He never told you about it.
He went through every single thing we did. Some worse.”

Her heart twisted. “No. He said he was all right. He lived
with his aunt until she died.”

“Who beat the shit out of him,” Ten said. “He had those
scars on his arm. You remember the one.”

“He said he was playing with a nail gun.”

“She burned him with cigarettes when he didn’t behave,” Ten
stated flatly. “She was a monster and yet Jamie was still open, still willing
to try in a way I wasn’t when Franklin adopted me. He was a light and I miss
him every fucking day, Phoebe. And I know one thing. He wouldn’t want you to
die with him. He would want you to be happy.”

He would, but she wasn’t sure she could be happy without
him. How many shots did a person get? In her experience, it wasn’t many. She’d
had her real true love. There couldn’t be two of them. She took a deep breath.
Explaining that to these particular two men wouldn’t do a damn thing. Ten had
never been in love and Taggart wasn’t exactly being logical. It was apparently
okay for him to have shut himself off after he thought Charlotte died, but she
was supposed to just jump right into bed with someone else.

Except it had been years and she missed the feel of arms
around her. Jesse Murdoch made her miss the feeling.

“Look, I’m here for a few days. How about we just say that
I’ll keep an open mind.” She couldn’t say she wasn’t intrigued by what happened
here at Sanctum. And if spending time with Jesse helped him at all, she would
happily do it. She just couldn’t allow herself to feel too much for him.

Taggart handed Ten a glass. “I can’t ask for more. Oh, wait.
I own this place and I totally can. I can give you an entire contract to look
over and sign, or I’ll shove you out on your pretty ass and let Erin pretend to
be you.”

“Erin so can’t pretend to be me. I don’t think Erin has a
sensitive bone in her body.” Everyone kept trying to shove other women at Jesse
and she really didn’t like the idea. It was totally illogical and unreasonable,
but the thought of Erin with her hands on Jesse made Phoebe want to rip all
that red hair off her freaking head.

“Apparently she’s sensitive enough to know my little brother
gets a boner around her. I need to have a long conversation with that boy. Talk
about a death wish. Hey, Ten, put the glass down.” The minute Ten set the glass
on the bar, Taggart casually popped him right in the nose, the sound crunching
through the air.

Ten cursed and held his nose. “You asshole.”

Taggart grinned. “Oh, I’m never going to be able to hoard
them properly. It’s too much fun. And I’ve got nine more of them. I should have
gone for an even dozen. Imagine how much fun meetings will be. We’ll be sitting
at some briefing and I’ll just punch you right in front of the Joint Chiefs of
Staff. Good times are coming our way, buddy.”

“I thought you were done with me,” Ten managed to say.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t know you had a family. We do strange
things for a family, and sometimes we forget who our family is and we walk away
without saying the things we should,” Taggart allowed, and Phoebe got the
feeling he wasn’t just talking about today. “I’m still pissed about you keeping
things from me.”

“He was going to tell you about Case and Theo.” She could
clear one thing up very quickly. “He just needed time to get them on the team.
If you had met them in the beginning, they would probably be working for you.
Ian, we need men like them. I know you do good work, but this country still
needs the Agency and the Agency needs men like your brothers. Like you.”

“I walked away because of my family. I suppose I could walk
back in for them, too. Don’t think this means I answer to you, Ten. It just
means I’m willing to work with you if it means getting to know my brothers. And
you. I walked away when you needed me. I’m not without blame here. Now, Phoebe,
go and read the contract and talk to Jesse because I’m sick of the drama. It’s
getting late. Ten and I need to drink some Scotch and discuss how we’re going
to torture and kill the asswipe traitor when we find him.”

“Are you going to punch him again?” She wasn’t sure she
should go.

Ten waved her off. “Go. Let us talk about manly stuff. Call
me if you need me, but I’ll be back when the club opens for business. Maybe I
can look at some pretty girls. I can’t say I want to have anything to do with
the whipping crap, but the costumes are nice.”

“Your sister’s going to be in one Friday. That is if she
doesn’t hide in her room,” Taggart pointed out.

“Maybe I’ll just stay outside then,” Ten said, going a
little green.

Taggart laughed and poured Ten another. Someone was going to
have to drive him back to base. “Do you have any idea how happy I am that my
asshole dad only knew how to make boys? I’m so glad that baby in Charlie’s
belly has a penis. I have no idea what to do with girls.”

As she walked away, she kind of hoped whatever sonogram
Charlotte Taggart had proved false. If any man deserved a daughter, it was Ian
Taggart.

What did Jesse deserve? A woman with a whole heart. A woman
who could love him without reservation or regret. Unfortunately, for the next
few days, all he had was her. So why did a little piece of her thrill at the
idea of walking the club with him? For the first time in forever, she had no
idea what was going to happen that week.

It made her feel alive. Yeah, that was dangerous.

* * * *

Jesse stared at the bed. Damn Tag. What the hell was he
thinking forcing him to share a bedroom with Phoebe for god only knew how long?

They should have let him go back to Wyoming. He had half a
mind to bust out and leave anyway.

“Hey, we brought your things,” a soft voice said behind him.

He turned and Chelsea Weston stood in the doorway, her
husband behind her. Simon towered over his wife, but his eyes were soft as he
looked down at her. “She packed for you. She claims I would pick the most uncomfortable
things possible. I tried to tell her you don’t own anything that qualifies. And
you should really prepare yourself.”

He was about to ask for what when Chelsea flew across the
room and threw her arms around him.

Simon laughed indulgently, picking up the bag she’d dropped.
“Sorry, she hugs now. I can’t quite stop her.”

Jesse sighed and hugged her back. How had he ever doubted
Simon? Simon was his partner, and maybe it had started out with Simon being
forced to watch him, but they were friends now and Jesse promised he wouldn’t
question that again. He would be grateful for the friends he’d made in this
place. “I don’t mind.”

He’d spent so much time with no one to hold on to that he
liked the fact that the women of McKay-Taggart hugged often and well.

Phoebe had started hugging him about three months after
they’d met. She would wrap her arms around him and lay her head on his shoulder
for a long while before breaking it off and saying good morning or good night.

Chelsea broke away, sniffling. “I can’t believe she nearly
killed you.”

He hadn’t thought about the fact that Chelsea could get a
little protective. Chelsea likely wouldn’t listen to logic, but he had to try.
“In her defense, she didn’t pull the trigger.”

“There is no defense for what she did,” Chelsea said with
complete conviction. “I don’t understand why Satan hasn’t taken her out yet.
She should be strung up. You know what, if Ian won’t do what needs to be done,
then I will. I will make her life a living hell. She will wish I’d just put her
on the no-fly list. I’m going to put an APB out on her ass. I’ll get her on the
sex offender list. Hell, I’ll put her number up at Craig’s list with a long
menu of sexual services she’s willing to provide for very little money. See how
she likes that.”

Chelsea could be a little fierce when she cared about a
person, but Jesse thought she was also being the slightest bit hypocritical in
this case. “Uhm, aren’t you kind of doing the same thing to Ten’s unit? He
knows about that now, by the way.”

Chelsea waved him off. “I’m doing it for good. She’s
obviously evil. And Ten’s giving me a ten percent raise if I don’t leave. You
can bet Ian won’t be doing that with Miss Happy Trigger Finger.”

“No, I think it’s safe to say I’m going to be looking for
another job.”

Jesse turned and there was Phoebe. She’d let her hair down
at some point and gotten rid of the sweater she always wore around the office,
swearing Taggart kept it too cold for her. Jesse was pretty sure now she’d done
it all to hide the fact that she had the most beautiful set of breasts he’d
ever seen. They weren’t huge, but they were so perfectly formed he couldn’t
take his eyes off them.