You Only Love Twice (18 page)

But only for a moment because the chill was replaced with
the heat of those big hands rubbing over her body. As soon as Jesse handed the
corset and knife to Ian, he immediately ran his hands down the line of her
spine. His head turned down, his eyes going right to her breasts.

Her nipples perked up and no matter what Charlotte had said
about this scene being impersonal, she was wrong. Taggart might be wielding the
flogger, but this scene was really about her and Jesse, and there was nothing
impersonal about that. He’d never seen her breasts before, but she couldn’t
hide them again when he was so obviously enjoying the view. His eyes were hot
on her skin and he pulled on her hips, bringing her into contact with his lower
body.

Yes. He liked her breasts quite a bit. His erection pressed
against her belly. The few times that had happened, he’d shied away, but not
this time. This time he looked right at her, confidence evident in the way he
held himself. “Yeah, that’s for you. That’s what you do to me.”

Desire was a drug thrumming through her system, making the
whole world seem softer than it had before, slightly unreal. She didn’t argue
when he gently turned her, his hands going to her hips as he displayed her to
the crowd.

Crap. She was an exhibitionist. There was no way to fool
herself. She was hot and bothered and it was mostly about the fact that Jesse’s
hands were on her, but she had to admit, she liked being half naked in front of
the crowd. She should be shrinking back, covering up.

Why? Why should she? Because someone told her she should?
Charlotte was right. This place was safe.

“I have a beautiful sub, Master Ian,” Jesse said. “I like
showing her off.”

“She is lovely, Master Jesse.” Ian Taggart was looking at
her breasts, but with an almost clinical detachment. “You’re a lucky man. Now
let’s see if we can get her to relax.”

He turned and began showing off the floggers he held,
explaining what they were made of and how important it was that they be properly
matched and weighted for Florentine flogging. Jesse led her back to the cross
as Taggart continued his lecture. She heard his voice but her focus was on
Jesse’s hands, his body, as he shrugged out of his vest and all she could see
was his beautifully muscled chest. He placed his back toward the cross and
spread his legs wide, boots solid against the floor.

“Stand on my feet. It will put you in the proper position.”

“I’m heavy.” It would seem odd to be so close to him, almost
dependent on him.

“None of that. I don’t want to have to stop the scene and
spank you.”

He would do just that. She could see that this was a
different Jesse, and she found him fascinating. She stepped up, placing her
bare feet on top of his boots. His hands found her waist, balancing her. It was
easy to let her chest rest against his. Her breasts against his chest, her legs
rubbing the leather pants that covered his body. Warmth immediately suffused
her and her skin felt alive. She turned her face and allowed herself to really
study him for the first time. She’d pushed him away too many times because she
thought she should. Now she took in the planes of his face, the way his jaw
squared. His lips were sensual, big and so kissable she wanted to run her
tongue across them. His blond hair was too short. If he was hers, she’d get him
to grow it out so it was thick and wavy and she could sink her fingers into it.
Blue eyes stared down at her, so serious.

“Relax. I’ll be able to feel your reactions. I’ll be
watching you.”

He would take care of her. She wouldn’t be alone for a
moment.

She laid her head against his shoulder.

A sexy beat began, spilling from the speakers that dotted
the club. She heard Ian explain that it was helpful to keep a beat.

“He’s going to start now. He’s going to be easy at first.”

She couldn’t help it. She tensed up, but Jesse was right
there, whispering in her ear. “It’s all right. It’s going to be good. You can
stop at any moment.”

But it occurred to her that she’d been stopping far too
often. She’d been screaming a safe word at the universe for years, and she
wasn’t safer or happier for it. She was just lonely and afraid.

She had a choice and she chose to lay her head back down, to
trust Jesse and the very man who should hate her. She had to trust Taggart or
go back to her room and cling to her side of the bed because she was too guilty
and afraid to lie in Jesse’s arms.

The first
thud
hit her shoulder, a little whisper
across her skin. It was followed by a twin caress on her opposite side. It
wasn’t bad. It was nice, a brushing of soft falls over her flesh.

She opened her senses, allowing touch and sound to rule. So
often she lived only in her head, ignoring her body like it was secondary and
somewhat useless in comparison. She chose intellect over everything else, but
now she allowed herself to simply feel, to hear without questioning.

Thud. Thud. Thud.
Like a train running endlessly
down the tracks. Not in a hurry. No particular destination, traveling to simply
travel.

Thud. Thud. Thud.
Like the horse she’d learn to
ride on, big hooves eating the distance, joy in the freedom of riding.

Thud. Thud. Thud.
Though she was still, she felt as
if she was moving, the insistent
thud
of the flogger taking her
someplace she’d never been before.

Taggart kept pace with the music, his flogger moving in time
to the rhythm. Over and over he struck with loving precision, bringing her skin
alive. He struck her shoulders, her butt, the tops of her thighs. She could
feel the almost circular pattern he was making, but after a moment, she took a
breath and stopped thinking about the academics of the situation. She let out
the air and felt her muscles relaxing even as the strikes got harder.

No pain. There was no pain from his flogger, just a hard
thud
,
striking her and forcing the tension to flee.

She felt loose, like her muscles were melting in the most
pleasant way. There was heat and pleasure at her back, but Jesse was at her
front. She was surrounded and she gave in, allowing herself to sink into the
sensation of being wrapped in tactile pleasure.

“I can feel you,” Jesse whispered against her ear. “I felt
the moment you gave over. Do you know how beautiful you are?”

She didn’t answer him. It wasn’t really a question. He
continued to murmur in her ear, his words somehow matching the floggers beat.
They drugged her further, taking her to a place where there wasn’t a lonely
future, no tragic past. There was only the now, and it was full of possibility.
She didn’t have to be Phoebe Grant, grieving widow. She was just a woman,
relaxed and submissive in the arms of her lover.

She wanted to be his lover. Even if it was only for a night.

The thought whispered along her brain. She could steal a few
days. She didn’t have to be alone. No one had to know.

“She subs out fast.”

“I think she needed that.”

They were talking, Taggart and Jesse, and she realized that
the wonderful thudding had stopped. “It’s already over?”

Taggart chuckled. “That was a good fifteen minutes. I think
it’s enough for your first time.”

How had it been so long? If she’d been asked, she would have
said she’d been held by Jesse for a fraction of the time.

“I think she needs some aftercare, my brother,” Taggart said
as Jesse lifted her up.

It was a good thing because her knees were distinctly weak.
Her whole body felt loose and her head sweetly befuddled.

How had she gotten high off some dude flogging her?

“Because you’re a sub.” Jesse grinned down at her as he
started to move off the stage.

Had she said that out loud? She felt small in his arms,
small and protected. It was so easy to cuddle down and allow him to take over.
She let her eyes drift closed, but she wasn’t about to fall into sleep. She
wanted something more. She wanted a memory of him.

“I think we can handle the aftercare upstairs.” He reached
the back stairs that led to the second floor and their private quarters. “Do
you want me to draw you a bath or do you just want me to tuck you into bed?”

“I want you to make love to me.”

He stopped in the middle of the stairs. “What?”

“Make love to me.”

He stared for a moment and then he picked up the pace,
practically running to get to their room.

No matter what happened, she would have her night with him.
She would have one memory of the man she shouldn’t love.

Jesse hurried down the hallway. From downstairs, music
thudded up softly, but he was no longer tempted to go back to the club. He’d
thought he would settle Phoebe in and then go back down for one last beer, but
there was no way he wasn’t honoring her request.

He’d had some hope that she would let him rub her feet and
talk about how the scene had made her feel. He’d never imagined that her
aftercare request would involve actual sex.

Should it?

He kicked open the door and made his way to the bed. She was
a soft bundle in his arms. He would have been content to simply hold her. She
was warm and half naked, and he would likely never forget that moment when he’d
slid the corset off her and saw her breasts for the first time. They were
perfect. Round and just enough to fill his hands. He’d loved the way her
nipples had felt against his chest, the way she’d leaned into him when she gave
over.

It had been the single most intimate moment of his life and
he didn’t want it to end. No matter what he told himself, he wanted more with
her, and not in some dumbass, dump-her-afterward way so he could feel better
about himself. That had been a momentary insanity. Now that he was alone in the
room with her and her skin glowed like a pearl, he was willing to admit he
would take any time he could get with this woman. He would take anything she
offered him and be grateful for the time they had.

He would do just about anything to keep her.

He gently laid her down on the bed and then turned on the
nightstand light. He couldn’t do this in the dark. He needed to see her. When
he dragged the skirt off her hips, she didn’t fight him. She just looked up as
he tossed it aside.

Her chest moved as she stretched out on the bed, a tired
smile on her face. “I liked that, Jesse. I didn’t think I would.”

He’d known what she needed. He’d known it for months, but
she’d seemed so standoffish. Would things be different if he’d taken charge? It
didn’t matter now. He was in charge of this. She’d told him to make love to her
and she still had a safe word in place. “I’m going to kiss you now, Phoebe.”

She nodded up at him, eyes suddenly going serious. “I want
you to kiss me. I’ve thought about it for a very long time. Kissing you in your
office wasn’t enough.”

He’d thought about it since the moment he’d laid eyes on
her. Too much time had passed, and now he had to be careful he didn’t simply
devour her whole. He had to make this good for her. He had to make her crave
this the way he craved her.

He sat down on the bed beside her, his hand covering her
breast. When he ran his thumb over the hardened nipple, she gasped and her back
bowed, pressing her breast up into his hand. “You’re so fucking beautiful. They
were all watching you. They were all thinking about how beautiful you were.”

Yeah, he hadn’t missed the way she’d responded to being
shown off. He’d felt a shudder go through her when he’d turned her around. At
first he’d been worried it had been from distaste, but then she’d leaned
against him and her body had gone languid.

“I can’t believe I did that.”

“You liked it. Do you think you would like me to really show
you off? That was just a little taste. I could properly show off my gorgeous
sub.”

“How would you do that?”

“I would show them your breasts.” He cupped the other one,
pressing them up so the nipples were aligned and just above his thumbs. “Look
at how beautiful these breasts are. They belong to me. I’m the man who gets to
play with them. See these pretty nipples? It’s my tongue that drags across
them, my teeth that nip at them, my mouth that sucks on them.”

He moved his hand up to her chin. “Such a pretty face, and
look at that mouth.” He dragged his thumb across her plump bottom lip. “That
mouth was made to kiss, and it was definitely made to fuck. I’m the Dom who
gets to shove my cock into this lovely mouth. My cock gets loved on by these
lips and that tongue.”

She looked up at him, her eyes flaring just before she
swiped her tongue along his thumb. The sensation seemed to go straight to his
cock. It pulsed and threatened to break through his leathers in an attempt to
get to her, but he was going to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was in
control.

“We’ll get to that later. Don’t you want to know what else
I’ll show off when I get you naked on a stage again? What else do you think
I’ll touch and show everyone? What else will they want to see?”

Her face flushed and she moved a little restlessly under his
hands. His words were getting to her. She might have thought she was vanilla
before, but he was going to show her just how much fun being dirty could be.
“My pussy. You’ll show off my pussy.”

There was his eager puppy cock once more trying to have its
way. He loved the breathless way she said pussy and yes, she had properly
answered his question so she deserved a treat. He trailed his hand down her
torso, past the valley of her breasts and over her softly curved belly. His
eyes took in every inch of her gorgeous skin, illuminated by the low light. She
practically glowed for him. Her breath hitched as his fingers brushed over the
mound of her pussy.

“Spread your legs. They want to see you.” He could
role-play. He’d never actually done it before, but it was kind of fun to
pretend. “They want to look at this pretty pussy and dream that they get to
touch it. They don’t. I’m the only one. Spread your legs wide so they get a
good view of just how fucking creamy and wet you are.”

It was true. He was going to lose his damn mind over her
scent and the silky feel of her skin. He stared right at it and blessed the day
he walked into Sanctum. Sex had been something to do under the covers, with the
lights out and as unoffensively as possible before he’d gotten into the
lifestyle. Some people could have active, fully satisfying sex lives without
play, but he’d found he wasn’t one of them. He needed this, and he loved the
freedom of not hiding what he wanted to do. He wanted to stare at her pussy, to
study it. So that was what he was going to do.

“So pretty.” He slid a finger, parting her labia. “Do you
always shave? Your skin is so damn soft. Like silk.”

“I did it today. I took a shower before I decided to go down
and look for Avery. I knew if I went downstairs you wouldn’t let me wear
panties, and I didn’t want to look like Sasquatch if someone caught sight of my
cootch,” she said on a shaky laugh. “It was pretty much a seventies disco down
there.”

It didn’t look like one now. She’d done an incredible job.
She was bare and smooth and ripe. Pearly fluid coated her labia. Arousal pulsed
from inside her. He slid his fingers all around, carefully exploring that soft,
feminine part of her. He breathed in the scent of her.

She was ready. He could shove his cock inside right then and
there would be no barrier. He could take her and she would welcome him, but he
needed more. He had no idea how much time they had. There was a conference in
the morning, and the outcome could be the two of them released back into their
lives. She would go one way and he the other. He wasn’t going to have his only
memory of her being a quickie.

Long and slow. Thoughtful sex. That was what he owed her. He
also owed her that kissing he’d promised. He leaned over and let his mouth
hover above hers, suspended in the potential. “Do you know how long I’ve waited
to kiss you like this? There’s no one outside the door. There’s no one who’s
going to interrupt us. I can just kiss you for as long as I want.”

“Months,” she whispered back, her hand going up to his hair.
She smoothed her fingers over it. Her eyes were steady on his. “I don’t count
your office as our first kiss. You were being an asshole. So make this one
count. I’ve waited months. Months and months of waiting.”

He was glad she was willing to forgive him for that debacle
in his office, but she was wrong about that timing. “Forever. I’ve waited
forever.”

He let his lips touch hers and heat spiked through his
system like a live wire sparking. He molded his mouth to hers, tasting her for
the first time. She filled his senses, became the center of everything in that
moment. She was the sun, warming him, making him feel alive and male and so
good that he wondered why he’d waited.

Her fingers sank into his hair and he knew. He’d waited on
this Phoebe. He’d waited because the real woman was so much more than the
façade. This woman had all the passion, all the affection he’d sensed in the
construct. She’d hidden behind a mask, but there was no hiding now.

When her mouth flowered open and her tongue glided against
his, he nearly lost it. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his
chest, nestling their bodies together. His tongue surged inside, a marauder who
wanted to take everything she had to give and then demand more because she was
it for him.

He’d never wanted a woman the way he wanted this one. How
could he even have fooled himself for a second that he would be satisfied with
a night? He wanted a lifetime with her. She was the prize he got for surviving.
All the horrible shit he’d been through fell away the minute she walked in a
room.

“I want to touch you,” she whispered against his lips. “I
want to see you.”

It would kill him, but he was determined to give her what
she wanted.

He forced himself to stand up. He’d left his vest downstairs
and he would very likely get an unholy lecture on cleaning up his shit from
Ian, but he’d been too eager to be alone with her. He was still wearing his
pants and boots. As quickly as he could, he toed out of his boots and worked
the laces on his leathers. Phoebe sat up, pushing back her hair. Even though
she was naked, she looked oddly innocent to him, sitting there and staring at
him like a child about to receive a gift she hadn’t thought she would get.

“I think you’re beautiful, too.”

He shoved his pants off, kicking them to the side. “I’ve got
a lot of scars.”

She ran her hands over the place where the IED had nearly
opened his gut. The scar was jagged because he’d been stitched up by someone
who’d only wanted him alive in order to torture him. They hadn’t thought a lot
about how pretty his abs would look.

He fought a shiver as she brushed her fingers there.

“We’ve all got scars. It proves we did our jobs. Did you
like it? Showing me off? Did it do something for you?” She asked the question
in a halting tone, her skin flushing like she was nervous to hear the answer.

Did she think he would judge her? “It got me so hot, baby. I
loved it. I loved everyone seeing how beautiful my sub was. It made me feel
good, worthy.”

“You are so worthy, Jesse.” Her hand went lower and her eyes
drifted down. “Did I say you were beautiful? You’re gorgeous.”

He’d never had a woman praise his cock before. Yeah, that
did something for him. “Touch me.”

Her right hand came up and she grasped him. “Like that? How
do you like it?”

He put his hand over hers and tightened. “Hard. Grip me
hard. I want to feel it.”

She nodded and then followed his lead, pumping him up and
down. “Would you ever do more than show a sub off?”

So good. It felt so fucking good. He could already feel his
balls tightening. It had been a long time.
Concentrate, Murdoch.
She’d
asked a question that was really more like a land mine waiting to go off. He
wasn’t completely dumb. “I’ve never shown a sub off before. I’ve played, but
I’ve never displayed my beautiful sub because I never had one until tonight.
But if you’re asking me what else I would like to do to you in public, that’s
easy to answer.”

Her lips curled up in the sauciest grin. “Alright. I’ll
bite. What else would you do?”

Oh, so many things. He looked down and watched as she pumped
his cock. “I didn’t even get to show off your ass. You have a spectacular ass.”

“I’m glad you like it.” She leaned over and he had to stop
himself from shouting out when she licked the head of his dick.

Fuck. He wasn’t going to last if she kept it up, but he
couldn’t seem to find the will to stop her either. “I would spread you out and
show you off and then I would take you. I would let them watch as you take my
cock. You’ll take it because it belongs to you, because your pussy is where it
needs to be. You’ll wrap your legs around me and you’ll shout out. You won’t be
quiet when I fuck you. You’ll give them a show. You’ll let them know just how
good it feels to be fucked by me and I will make sure you scream. Don’t even
think you can hold out on me. I won’t let it happen. I’ll fuck you so long and
so hard, you’ll give me everything I want. Suck me, Phoebe. I want your mouth
on me.”

He watched as she leaned forward and her lips wrapped around
his cock. He let his hands sink into the soft silk of her hair and stared as
she sucked on his cockhead. He let his instincts drive him, allowed his hips to
move, to force her to take more. Her tongue dragged over his skin, making his
spine nearly curl in pleasure. So hot. Her mouth was hot and tight. Perfect.