12 Good Reasons to Look Up Uranus (25 page)

The planets are setting themselves up to give you every opportunity to get on in every part of your life. If you have special ambitions, you are likely to find the opportunity
to move them on very significantly. Your finances are likely to improve after you find £200,000 in used £10 notes down the back of the fridge while trying to retrieve an escaped
duckling.

Lucky spree:
Spending

Lucky look:
Supercilious

L
EO

Your ruler the Sun is in dispute with Pluto this week. Although you may be having arguments with someone close to you, this will be a very good month in which to advance your
career. However, not everything will go smoothly after the resignation note allegedly from your boss is found to be a forgery and a detailed forensic examination of your car finds him chained to
the engine with tape over his mouth.

Lucky gland:
Pituitary

Lucky tape:
Gaffer

V
IRGO

Mars enters your fourth house on Tuesday bringing a potential catastrophe with it. Your power will go off at around mid-morning threatening your huge collection of frozen
commemorative egg and cress sandwiches from significant dates in history. Fortunately, you are able to borrow a petrol generator to avert a disastrous loss.

Lucky pants:
Paisley

Lucky clip:
Paper

L
IBRA

This week sees an unwelcome return of the recurrent and rather unsavoury dreams about Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop at the local massage parlour. Venus goes direct on Thursday,
which means that you will receive mixed news about your bid to become the Deputy Prime Minister’s stunt-double.

Lucky lubricant:
Mint jelly

Lucky wipes:
Facial

S
CORPIO

Venus enters your fourth house this week and with it comes a feeling that something momentous is about to happen. This is however entirely misplaced as you will have one of the
dullest weeks you can remember. Even a careless road crossing in front of a fire-engine leaves you uninjured. On Wednesday you will put too much butter on your toast and feel a bit queasy all
morning.

Lucky colour:
Beige

Lucky socks:
Grey cotton

S
AGITTARIUS

This week may start with events that seem discouraging, but in fact time is on your side. Whatever setbacks you experience in the short-term, your ruler Jupiter is all set to
bring a considerable boost to your fortunes. On Saturday, you will win the £15 top prize at the local Scout Troup raffle.

Lucky ticker:
Yellow

Lucky number:
44

C
APRICORN

An unusual trine between Mars and Uranus probably means that your long-term plan to form a Rubettes tribute act with the other members of the bowls club are likely to be
thwarted once more when you are again found to have a boy-soprano hidden in your briefcase. Luckily he will have the presence of mind to claim to have been playing hide-and-seek.

Lucky sentence:
Suspended

Lucky destination:
Coventry

A
QUARIUS

On Saturday an interesting aspect to your ruler, Uranus, will throw everything into the melting pot. Fortunately, your partner will have the speed of thought to pull most of it
out with the barbecue tongs before there is too much damage. However, you will need to apply for a new HGV License and buy a replacement ironing board. Try to be more careful in the future.

Lucky call:
Lineout

Lucky Key:
Robert

P
ISCES

As a water sign, you should be particularly careful when shopping this week as Neptune goes retrograde. This indicates that you are likely to be injured by a tin of tuna in
brine that was canned rather too hastily and which survives in the salt-water in the can long enough to make a break for freedom. On Thursday, the staff canteen runs out of Danish pastries.

Lucky alternative:
Belgian bun

Lucky accessory:
Catcher’s mitt

A
RIES

Mars forms an unusual square with Saturn this week. You should try to avoid any game with young children that involves ‘washable’ felt pens, as on Tuesday the
‘funny purple eyelashes’ may be harder to remove than the label might suggest. The repeated application of cleansers will leave you looking somewhere between Alice Cooper and The
Singing Detective. You have to choose between taking time off or fronting it out.

Lucky outfit:
Black leather catsuit

Lucky boots:
Silver platform

T
AURUS

Your irritable mood looks set to continue until Venus goes retrograde on Thursday and good fortune returns once more. On Friday, a chance meeting with a professional Mervyn
King look-alike leads to investigations, which reveal that you are the legitimate heir to the Romanov crown.

Lucky egg:
Fabergé

Lucky bearing:
Regal

G
EMINI

If you are in business it’s a good time. Financially you should be able to make good progress. Saturday may be particularly good, with some unexpected developments and
the opportunity to have your say. The end of the week is likely to see you much in demand socially, particularly since your party-piece at the Masonic hall which put an entirely new perspective on
the old music-hall favourite of plate-spinning.

Lucky tern:
Arctic

Lucky bat:
Table tennis

C
ANCER

You’re entering into a time of opportunity. Recently there have been people in your life who are just plain annoying. Yet with any luck you have avoided retaliation and
have been concentrating on getting on with your own affairs. The downside to this is that at least three of them will be discovered by the end of the week and you will subsequently be cited as a
co-respondent in the divorce proceedings that follow.

Lucky reputation:
Tarnished

Lucky disguise:
Prince Michael of Kent

L
EO

You have always enjoyed being the centre of attention, and the intervention of Chiron in your sign means you will be getting more than you had anticipated as on Tuesday you
learn that, after all these years, Interpol are finally onto you. On Friday you will be offered the chance to invest in a poison franchise.

Lucky sensation:
Pins and needles

Lucky precaution:
Antidote

V
IRGO

If you are studying in any way, or involved in education as teacher or pupil, you should have a very good week. Your ideas will almost certainly get off the ground although the
one about the vertical-take-off and landing tuck-trolley may cause one or two raised eyebrows at the next Parent-Teacher Association meeting, as the £20,000 cost of the Pratt & Whitney
Jet Engine was not in this year’s budget.

Lucky excuse:
A big boy did it and ran away

Lucky tent:
Marquee

L
IBRA

Many people with Sun in Libra, or Libra rising in their chart, have some important issue they have been avoiding for a while. This is the week to see to it. If it is a health
matter it’s not worth putting it off any longer. Regardless of what Bill at the swimming club told you, it is not normal to have three sets of eyebrows and the sooner you get something done
about it the better.

Lucky band:
Elastic

Lucky puppet:
Troy Tempest

S
CORPIO

Some people with Scorpio strong in their charts will find this week brings an opportunity they’ve long been waiting for. If you’ve had an interest that you have wanted to pursue for
some time, the New Moon indicates that this could be the time to do it. It will be nice and dark so even if someone does see you standing by their washing line with your pockets full, you will not
be recognised.

Lucky Mac:
Dirty

Lucky time:
2.20am

S
AGITTARIUS

You remain on top form. You are so full of energy that you may expect everyone else to keep up with the tough pace you are setting, but barely even give them the chance before
you step in and do it for them. The gardener is likely to be philosophical about it, but your dentist will have entirely different views.

Lucky rake:
Spring-time

Lucky extraction:
Rolled-up copy of
Country Life

C
APRICORN

This coming weekend it would be wise to keep a guard on your tongue. You know how you can mean well, but a chance remark creates untold repercussions? Well, this weekend is a
prime example. You are in no position to declare war on North Korea and your feeble attempt to mobilise the local Sea Scouts is greeted with bemusement at first, followed swiftly by a call to the
authorities.

Lucky window:
Sash

Lucky blockage:
Embolism

A
QUARIUS

This week you can do no wrong. The sun shines, if not out of, then from the near vicinity of your ruling planet Uranus. On a visit to the wet-fish counter in Morrisons on
Thursday, you will strike up a conversation with a woman during which you learn enough to be both surprised and delighted with the range and flexibility of frozen Hake loins.

Lucky sauce:
Parsley

Lucky bag:
Bio-degradable

P
ISCES

A difficult week during which Mercury goes retrograde, leading to serious misunderstandings. A casual remark over a few drinks to a rare-cattle breeds farmer about your
enthusiasm for seeing running before the bulls in Pamplona is likely to have repercussions when 200 fighting bulls are released from their corral in John Lewis down the main shopping concourse of
Lakeside during the January sales.

Lucky position:
1st floor balcony

Lucky retreat:
Hasty

My thanks go to my Agent, Darin Jewell, of Inspira Group, Tom Chalmers of Legend Press and of course to the world’s favourite Irishman, Sir Terry Wogan – who you
will be delighted to hear is every bit as nice as you think he might be.