A Healing Heart (18 page)

“
Hey, Lacey, I’m Bailey’s aunt. I’m going to take Riley to my house for a while. Would you like to come over and play with him?”

Lacey’s eyes darted to her dad’s and he nodded his head in assurance that it was okay. Lacey simply nodded yes. Her hand still clutched Riley’s. The two little kids hopped off their chairs. Riley hurried over to me and flung his arms around my neck. I held him tightly, soaking up his unconditional love. I set him back down on his feet, and Lacey was in my arms next.

“
It’s going to be okay, Lacey. I’ll stay here with Collin, okay?”

Nodding, her face filled with pain and worry, she grabbed Riley’s hand, holding it like her life depended on the connection between the two of them. I sat back down on the chair and watched my aunt leave with the two little ones. Jared came over to sit next to me, awkwardly patting my shoulder.

Uncertain how long we sat there in silence, my mind drifted through so many memories, both good ones and those that were pure agony. I was so absorbed in my memories that I didn’t even notice when Mia and Natasha walked in until they were right in front of me. I looked up at both of them, and a new flood of tears came pouring out. They both held me tightly, reassuring me that everything was going to be okay. Jared had gotten up and was pacing the waiting area. It was then that I noticed that Quinn had come with them; he was talking with Jared across the room from us. The young nurse that had ushered me out of Collin’s room entered the waiting room and stopped to speak with Jared. I watched the interchange intently. After a few minutes, Jared gestured to me, and the nurse walked in my direction.

“
Bailey?” she asked.

“
Yes.”

“
You can come back again if you wish.”

“
Thank you.”

Mia grabbed my hand, “It’s going to be okay, Bailey. We’ll go get you some coffee and be right back.”

Nodding gratefully to them, I turned and followed the nurse. Walking down the hall toward Collin’s room, the need to be with him was overpowering, but at the same time, an unsettling apprehensiveness settled over me. Reaching his room, the nurse stepped aside as I entered. I sat back down in the same chair I had occupied just a short time earlier.

Grasping Collin’s right hand in mine, I sat there watching his unmoving body. His eyes were still closed; his beautiful features almost frozen in time. He looked so peaceful. The constant beeping of the machines around him seemed to fade. The only thing I could focus on was this boy, who had come to mean more to me than anything else. I had to be positive, to really believe deep down inside me that he was going to be okay. But I had been down that path before, and the pragmatic side of me warned that things don’t always turn out the way I may want.

“
Hey, Collin, I’m back. I’m here, waiting for you. I know you can wake up. You’ve got graduation in just two weeks, and you can’t miss that. Just squeeze my hand, let me know if you can hear me.”

I waited intently, watching every breath he took, waiting for any muscle to move, but there was no movement.

“
I love you so much, my heart hurts.”

Still nothing. I wasn’t going to give up. I sat there until the nurse came in and said it was time to go.

I leaned over and kissed him, telling him that I would be back soon. Back in the waiting area, Mia and Natasha were waiting for me with coffee as they had promised. I sat down next to Mia as she handed over the cup.

“
Thanks.”

Jared had taken a seat across the room. He was leaned over with his head in his hands, my heart went out to him.

I took a drink of the coffee in my hands. It was hot; I didn’t even notice the flavor much, I just knew that it warmed the inside of me.

The day crept by, with no change in Collin’s condition. He was stable, and that was a good thing, we were told over and over. Through the day, Jared and I took turns sitting with Collin. Quinn went back once; when he returned to the waiting room, his face was stark white. I knew seeing his friend in that condition in the bed had been difficult. The next time he was asked if he wanted to see Collin, he said he would just stay in the waiting room as support.

Mia and Natasha had dragged me down to the cafeteria for some food, but I couldn’t taste any of it. I mostly pushed it around on my plate and just needed to get back up to Collin. I was afraid that something would change and that I wouldn’t be there.

When we came back up to the waiting room from the cafeteria, my aunt was there with Lacey, who was sitting in Jared’s lap with her face buried in his shoulder. My aunt got up from her seat and walked toward us.

“
He’s going to be fine, Bailey, he just needs to rest. His body went through a lot today.”

“
I know, I keep telling myself the same thing.”

Jared, with Lacey in his arms, came over to us then.

“
I need to get Lacey home and ready for bed. They’re going to call me if there’s any change. I’ll be back here first thing in the morning. I’ll call you, Bailey, if I hear anything.”

“
Thanks, but I want to stay here.”

“
Bailey, you need to get home and get some rest too. You aren’t going to be doing Collin any favors if you get yourself sick,” Jared replied.

“
I can’t leave, I just can’t. I won’t be able to sleep even if I do leave.”

“
Bailey, please, you do need to rest. I’ll take you home,” my aunt insisted, siding with Jared.

With the decision being out of my hands, I was forced to leave the hospital with my aunt. She dropped me off at Eileen’s to pick up my car, and it took all my self-control not to immediately drive back to the hospital. As it was, I knew that I’d be up first thing in the morning and back with Collin.

* * *

I tossed and turned all night, unable to sleep. When the early morning light began streaming in my window, I threw back the tangled sheets and dashed through getting ready so that I could get back to the hospital.

In the kitchen, I grabbed a granola bar out of the pantry and tossed it into my purse in case I might need it later. Leaving a note on the kitchen table since both my aunt and uncle were still sleeping, I quietly left the house.

The hospital parking lot was virtually empty this early in the morning. I found a space quickly and proceeded into the building with dread. I hadn’t heard anything last night from Jared, so I assumed that there had been no change through the night. I crossed the quiet and almost-empty lobby, the cleaning staff moving efficiently through the area preparing for the day, and I followed the maze of hallways to the ICU.

The ICU waiting room had a cluster of people in one corner, anxiously hugging and talking among themselves. Though I was preoccupied, I mustered a brief positive thought for them. I hoped they would have good news soon. Walking past them, I found the nurses’ station and asked about Collin’s condition. The nurse in charge of Collin’s care was a different one from the day before, and she politely but firmly informed me that if I wasn’t immediate family, she couldn’t give me any information. Frustrated, I turned and went back to the waiting room to wait until Jared arrived.

A TV hanging from the ceiling in a corner of the room had an old rerun on it. Strangely, I hadn’t even noticed it was there yesterday. I’d brought the book I was reading with me today and flipped to where I had left off, but I couldn’t focus on the story. After rereading the same page for at least the third time, I tossed it back into my purse.

Slowly the minutes ticked by. The show that had been on the TV was over and a new one was starting. My eyes sought out the clock mounted on the wall; it was now seven a.m. Where was Jared? I hoped he would get here soon so that I could find out what was going on.

The room was a bit chilly this morning, and I wrapped my sweatshirt tighter around me. I wished now that I’d taken the time to drive through Starbucks and get a coffee; the stuff here in the hospital wasn’t very good.

With nothing to do now but wait, I began watching the group of people in the corner. A young lady, in maybe her mid-thirties, was sitting in a chair. I could tell she was in the late stages of pregnancy. Her blond hair was in a ponytail, and her face was frighteningly pale. An older lady with graying hair at her temples was sitting next to her—their features were so similar that they had to be related—the younger woman’s hands in her own. The other three, all men, were standing clustered together speaking quietly.

The door to the waiting room opened, and a doctor approached the group. He spoke to them for a while, put his hand on the pregnant lady’s shoulder, smiled and nodded. From across the room, I could see apparent relief in her face and the tension release from her shoulders. The group’s mood immediately improved as the doctor turned and slipped out of the room. It appeared that their news was good, and I was happy for them. So many times, the news in hospitals was only bad; at least this once it was nice to see the opposite. Now, if only Collin would wake up. It wasn’t long after that Jared appeared at my side.

“
Hi, Bailey. You’re here bright and early.”

“
I know; I couldn’t sleep. They wouldn’t tell me anything when I got here, though, since I’m not immediate family.”

“
Okay, let me go get an update. When I called in last night, there had been no changes.”

Jared left my side and vanished through the double doors to the nurses’ station just down the hall. He wasn’t gone long. When he returned, I couldn’t read the expression on his face. Was it good news or bad? I couldn’t tell.

“
Everything’s the same. I did ask them to allow you to go in and visit. They said you could go back for a short time.”

“
No, you go first. You’re his dad; it’s only right that you see him.”

“
I see now why my son seems to be so drawn to you. You have a good heart.”

With that, he turned and left the room. I’m not sure what I expected him to say, but it wasn’t anything along those lines. I knew it must be very difficult for him to see his son in the hospital and feel totally unable to do anything. It was a feeling that I had known all too well. Jared wasn’t gone long, and I was surprised when, after only a few minutes, he was back in the waiting room.

“
I didn’t want to use up all his visiting time. I know you’ve been here for a while, so go back and spend the rest of the time with him.”

“
Thank you!”

I grabbed my purse and hurried down the corridor that would lead me to Collin. His room was still fairly dark; a small light glowed just over his bed. With his window not facing east, it was still in shadow this early in the morning. He looked the same as yesterday, except I noticed his face now had dark stubble over it, giving him a more rugged appearance. I approached his bed after setting my purse on the counter and took his right hand again in my own. I leaned over, gently brushing my lips against his warm forehead. He felt a bit flushed, like he might be running a slight temperature.

I sat in silence, watching his rhythmic breathing and the dripping of the IV as it flowed to his arm, hearing the constant beeping of the machines, and begged him to open his eyes, to come back to me. Too soon, the nurse came in and ushered me out, promising to let me return. Giving Collin one last longing look, I picked up my purse where I had left it and returned to the waiting room. This waiting, the unknown—it was driving me to madness.

Arriving back at the waiting room, I was greeted by both Mia and Natasha. They were the best friends anyone could ever hope for. Natasha held a cup of Starbucks coffee for me, which just increased my appreciation for them tenfold.

“
You guys really didn’t need to come this morning.”

“
Yeah, right. We’re not leaving you here alone,” Mia replied.

“
Here, we picked this up for you, knowing you probably wouldn’t do it yourself and that you’d need it.”

“
Thanks! I can’t tell you how bad I was craving that earlier.” I accepted the warm cup from Natasha and drank my favorite blend.

“
Any change?” Mia asked

“
No, not yet. Still the same.”

“
Well, that’s not bad news.”

“
I know, it’s just I’m impatient. I want him to wake up. This waiting around is driving me crazy.”

“
And if I know Collin, I’m sure it’s driving him crazy too. You know, they say that even though a person is unconscious they can still hear people talking to them.”

“
I know, and I hope he can hear me.”

“
I’m sure he can, and when his body is ready, he’ll wake up.”

The three of us sat there in comfortable silence. The routine of the day was established: I would go back when the nurse would let me. My friends would drag me off to get something to eat when needed. Jared came and went; Quinn stopped by and stayed for a while, refusing, though, to go back into Collin’s room.

Before I realized how late it had gotten, the sun was setting and there was a pink glow cast through the waiting room windows. I’d always enjoyed the setting of the sun more than the sunrise. Maybe because I’d always been more of an evening/nighttime kind of person and I didn’t enjoy the early morning hours as much.

I walked back into Collin’s room for what would probably be the last time today. My aunt had already called me to let me know in no uncertain terms that I needed to come home soon, or she would come to the hospital and drag me out of here herself. I had no doubt that she would do just that. Finals were just around the corner, and I had to get ready for them. I wondered what the school would do for Collin, since his graduation day was so close.