A Healing Heart (25 page)

“
Have fun!, I’ll stay here and man the door.”

Eileen walked us to the front door and outside. Dusk was settling over the neighborhood and small children with parents in tow were beginning to flood the sidewalks. Ghosts, princesses, scary monsters, cartoon characters were all out seeking candy and excitement. Eileen waved as we walked to the neighbor’s house. Riley animatedly chattered nonstop as we progressed through the neighborhood. Several streets later and with a near overflowing pumpkin, my little pirate was starting to tire out.

“
My feet hurt. I’m tired."

“
Okay, little guy, let’s head back. I think you’ve got plenty of candy.”

I took the heavy pumpkin from Riley, and we started walking slowly back to the house. A few streets from the house Riley abruptly stopped, pulling me to a halt beside him, his big brown eyes staring up at me.

“
Baiwey, carry me. Pwease?”

Chuckling, I agreed. There was no way I could resist his plea and sweet little face.

“
Let’s go.”

I reached down and picked him up, carrying him the rest of the way home. His arms wrapped around my neck, his head nestled against my shoulder. The love I felt for this little boy was overwhelming, and I knew I was blessed that he was a part of my life. Though it didn’t erase the pain from losing Collin, it did help ease it.

Reaching the house, we went inside to sort through the goods. Pouring out the pumpkin on the table Riley proceeded to sort the candy by type, creating lines of all the different candies. It amazed me how his little brain worked, always organizing and sorting things.

Riley’s bedtime was approaching, and I stayed to help Eileen get him ready for bed. Upstairs he played in the bath with his boats and bubbles. After drying him off and getting his pajamas on, I snuggled with him on his toddler bed and read his favorite stories. Leaning over I kissed his forehead.

“’
Night, Riley.”

Riley reached up and put his hands on my cheeks. “Baiwey, you love me!” Not a question, just a completely honest statement.

“
Yes, Riley, I love you!” I never failed to be surprised by what came out of his mouth, but it always made me smile. I wished that he would always be so honest and up front with his feelings as he grew older, but knew that the innocence would vanish as the years passed. I was glad I had the chance to enjoy him now.

Getting up from the low bed, I turned on his lullaby music, shut the light off, and quietly left his room. Downstairs Eileen was in the kitchen putting away dishes.

“
Riley’s in bed.”

“
Thanks, Bailey, I really appreciate the help.”

“
You’ve got a very special little boy there. Do you know what he said to me when I was tucking him in?”

“
No, what?”

“
He said ‘Bailey, you love me.’ Not I love you, Bailey, or asking me if I loved him—just a straight fact, point blank. To top it off, he said it after putting both hands on my cheeks to make sure he had my full attention.”

Eileen started laughing. “That’s Riley for you. I fear I’m going to have my hands full as he gets older.”

“
No doubt! He’s already a heartbreaker.”

I climbed up on one of the kitchen stools at the bar counter as Eileen finished putting away the last few dishes.

“
Yes, he is. How are you doing, by the way?”

“
I’m okay, I guess. It is getting a little easier, like you said it would.”

“
I’m sorry things had to turn out like they did. I really liked Collin. I really believe that things happen for reasons. While we’re going through it, we don’t know why, but somewhere down the road we’ll understand. Each experience in life teaches us something; it helps us grow and be a better person.”

“
I know. Collin was the first person that helped me realize that I shouldn’t feel guilty that I survived the accident when the rest of my family didn’t. He also pointed out that if the accident hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t be living here and would never have met you or Riley. That maybe there was a force pulling me here. That maybe you and Riley needed me.”

Eileen turned from the sink, tears glistening in her eyes. “We did need you. You have been so important to me and so good for Riley. I have often thought the same thing. Losing Tucker was horrible, and I never want to go through such agony again, but that event brought me back here as well. I believe that you and Collin were meant to be as well. There was a connection and bond between you that is rare. So don’t lose all hope—you just never know what might happen down the road.”

“
I’m not holding my breath. Lacey and Savannah are his life right now, he made that perfectly clear. It’s hard though; so many little things make me think of him. I miss him so much.”

“
It’s only natural that you miss him. I miss Tucker every day. You’ve become a stronger person, though. Maybe you don’t see it or feel it, but I can see it in you. You blossomed with Collin in your life, but you still held on to your fears, like you couldn’t shake them. Recently, you are more confident, more self-assured. You do deserve to find happiness in your life, and it will happen.”

“
I know. You’re right. I’ve been sleeping a little better the last few nights, and it is easier to think of Collin without bursting into tears. It’s bittersweet, though.”

“
I understand. It’s still difficult for me to go through photo albums. To roll over at night and not have Tucker by my side is hard. He often teased me unmercifully and I would get so angry, but now what I wouldn’t give for him to tease me. I long for him to leave the toilet seat up, or to squish the toothpaste from the center instead of rolling it up the bottom. Those little things that bugged me so badly then are now precious memories. I realize that getting upset over such trivial things was such a waste. It’s the little quirky things that I think about so much, and it’s all those little things that I can’t get back. To look at Riley and see so much of his father in him, and know that he’ll never have the chance to know his dad, is really hard.”

“
I can’t even imagine how you have survived.”

“
I had to for Riley’s sake. There were times I just wanted to crawl in my bed, yank the covers up over me, and never come out. I would grab one of Tucker’s old shirts that I hadn’t washed, where I could still smell his cologne, and hug it tightly against me and cry until the tears wouldn’t come anymore. So many of those times Riley would come creeping in, like he knew I needed him. He’d hug me, and I knew that I was lucky. I still had a piece of Tucker with me in Riley. I would always hold the memories of Tucker in my heart, and no one could ever take those away from me. So I continued to get up and moved forward. One day leads to the next, and before long, you realize that weeks have passed and you’re still moving forward, and then months have slipped by. The pain starts to lighten, and you realize that life does go on.”

I slipped off the bar stool and walked the few steps to where Eileen stood and gave her a big hug.

“
Thanks. I can’t tell you how much your help and support have meant to me.”

Eileen’s arms wrapped around me tightly, and then she stepped back. “Thank you, Bailey. It goes both ways. I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience so much heartache in your short life, but things will get better.”

“
I’ll survive, right?” I attempted a slight smile.

Eileen reached over and squeezed me one last time.

She smiled at me. “Yes, you will, and in the end you’ll be stronger.”

~ Collin ~

It was another day at work. I glanced over at the clock for the hundredth time and wasn’t surprised that it had barely moved from the last time I’d looked at it. The days dragged on without Bailey. So many times I had picked up my phone to call her but then stopped myself. I knew that I had to leave her alone. I couldn’t be the cause of any more pain for her; she’d been through too much as it was. She was strong, and I knew she’d get through this and eventually find someone else to love, someone who could give her more than I could. But she would always hold a special place in my heart, and I doubted anyone else would ever be able to claim it like she had.

It was almost Thanksgiving, and this year I wasn’t looking forward to the holidays. Over the past few months, I had kept in contact with Quinn. I tried to be as casual as possible asking questions about Bailey and finding out how she was doing. So far, Quinn had said that she wasn’t dating anyone, and on the one hand, that at least comforted me somewhat. But on the other hand, I wouldn’t blame her if she was seeing someone else. After all, I was the one that pushed her away; I wanted her to be happy and move on.

Lacey asked about Bailey often, always wondering when Bailey was going to be coming to see her again and wanting a play date with Riley. It was hard to find answers that Lacey would accept. I had tried to explain the truth to her, but she seemed to conveniently misunderstand and not accept what I told her. I guess that was the privilege of being five: you could create your own world. I couldn’t blame her. Life could be cruel, and she would learn that soon enough, so there was no need to push the issue with her now. Maybe I’d at least be able to find a way to arrange for her to see Riley again.

Over the past few months, Savannah had been a constant companion. I knew she wanted more than friendship from me. I had been very blunt with her, letting her know I wasn’t looking for anything more than friendship. She seemed to have accepted that and we had found a comfortable truce between us, so now I was able to enjoy her company. I cared about Savannah. I probably always would in some fashion; she had been a part of my life for too long.

During the past couple of weeks, I’d even kissed her a couple times, but it had felt like I was kissing my sister—there was no spark between us. That alone solidified in my mind that nothing more could ever come out of the relationship. Each time that line had been crossed, all it had done was make me long for Bailey even more. The connection that Bailey and I had was unique. The energy that would pulse through me whenever we had been together was like nothing I had ever felt before with a girl.

Trying to focus back on the line of customers I had in front of me, I caught the smell of Bailey’s perfume in the air. My heart started pounding, and I quickly glanced around, searching the faces in the store for any glimpse of the love of my life. Could she really be here? It was then I realized that it wasn’t Bailey; it was a young lady in her early twenties who was next in line. When she stepped forward to put her items on the counter, the fragrance of her perfume was almost overwhelmingly intense. My heart fell, and I chided myself; did I really expect Bailey to be here? No, I knew better. I smiled at the lady and proceeded to ring up her items. I was really beginning to question my sanity though and wondered if I would ever get over Bailey. Turning back to my register, I finished helping those in my line.

Finally, much to my relief, my shift was over. After clocking out, I left the store and walked outside. The sun was setting in the distance and the weather was starting to turn cold. For all the extreme heat in the summer, Las Vegas could get pretty cold during the winter. As I was sliding into the Camaro’s driver’s seat, a text from Quinn came through.

Bailey’s in the hospital. They think it’s her appendix, she’s going into surgery. Just thought u might want to know

It was as if the life and air had been sucked from me. She had to be okay. People had their appendixes removed all the time, but this was Bailey and the thought of her going into surgery sent a stab of fear through my stomach.

is she ok? what happened?

Natasha and Bailey had gone to lunch yesterday. She was home sick today, thought it was food poisoning. Pains got worse, her aunt took her to the Dr. & they ended up in the ER

keep me posted, when’s surgery?

they r prepping her now

ok, thanks Quinn

no problem, I’ll let u know when I hear anything else

ok

The pain in my chest increased. I knew she’d be all right; but I ached to be there to make sure with my own eyes that she was okay. Starting my car, I left the parking lot and drove home, my thoughts flying in a million different directions. Before I reached home, I had made my mind up. I knew that I had to go see Bailey, to make sure she was okay, that I wouldn’t be able to rest without seeing her myself.

After reaching the house, I ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time. Finding an overnight bag buried in my closet, I began throwing items in. I called my manager and asked for the next couple of days off; luckily it had been slow, and they would be able to cover my shifts. Grabbing my bag off the bed, I went downstairs to let dad know where I was going and was on the road in less than thirty minutes.

~ Bailey ~

Lying in the hospital bed, I felt like my stomach was on fire and that a thousand knives were being shoved into it. My aunt sat at my side holding my hand. I hated the hospital, and being in here brought back too many bad memories. I curled into a ball, but nothing helped. The pain radiated everywhere; it was almost as bad as my broken ribs had been.

“
It’s going to be okay. Just a little while longer. You’re going to be fine,” my aunt tried to soothe me.

“
It hurts, bad.”