Always and Forever (50 page)

“I just want to forget, I want to put this whole night
behind me.” I mumble into his shirt, burying my face against his chest.

“Shh, it’s ok. You’re safe and I’m here. I promise you no
one will ever hurt you again.” He whispers, crushing my body against his.

I breathe a sigh of relief, embracing him tightly. It is
then I make a solemn promise to myself, I will keep what happened to me a
secret from Jake. He can never know what that animal did to me. I can’t bring
myself to think about the consequences if Jake found out. It would break his
heart and I’m not going to do it to him.

I take a look at my reflection in the mirror on the wall
behind me. Oh, God. I’m hideous. My eyes are red and swollen; my hair is a
complete mess, it still has the remnants of Sarah’s beverage in it and I have
small scratches covering my face from her long nails when she grabbed me. All
of it is a painful reminder of the earlier part of my hellish evening.

“You still think I’m beautiful?” I say humourlessly,
staring at Jake’s sorrowful reflection.

“Yes.” He says with certainty. “You’re more beautiful now
than ever before.”

He stands behind me, resting his chin on my shoulder.

“Is it ok for me to go upstairs?” Jake asks, nuzzling
against my neck.

“Sure, you can use the en suite in my room.”

Whilst Jake’s upstairs I decide to call my mum. Its getting
really late and I don’t want her to be worrying about me. I quickly phone her
and tell her that I’ll be staying at Amy’s for a while longer but her dad will
bring me home around midnight. She’s slightly dubious but eventually agrees and
I reassure her I’ll be home soon. I seem to be making a habit out of lying to
the people I love the most.

I make my way into the kitchen and put the kettle on. I
wonder if Jake might want some and then realise I don’t even know what he likes
to drink. There’s still so much we don’t know about one another. I take a seat
in gran’s old armchair and start to drink my coffee, contemplating everything
that took place tonight. Jake and I only met up here a few hours ago but when I
think of it now it feels like a lifetime ago.

As soon as I hear the shower turning on upstairs, my
decision has been made. I climb up the stairs and make my way into my bedroom.
I silently open the door to my tiny en suite to find Jake standing underneath
the water. He has his back to me and his eyes are closed, his face directly
beneath the shower head. The water is quietly cascading down his body and I
hastily start to remove my own clothing whilst I observe him. He’s so
beautiful, everything about him is breathtaking and being able to watch him like
this is exquisite.

 He’s still unaware of my presence and I watch him as
he leans his head back against the wall. He looks tired and weary, devastated
and alone. I’m aching for him, I long to take away his pain and ease his
suffering. I just hope that he will let me.

I slide open the shower door and step inside. He only
startles when I wrap my arms around his waist, pressing my cheek against his
strong chest.

“Hey.” He says softly, reciprocating my embrace.

“Hi.” I mumble.

“Thank God you’re safe, baby. I don’t know what I would
have done if anything had happened to you.” He removes the wet strands of hair
from my face, gazing at me with so much reverence and warmth.

“I’m ok. I’m safe and that’s all down to you.”

“You must have been terrified; I can’t even imagine what
must have been going through your head.” He whispers desolately, lowering his
head.

 I’m desperate for him to rid himself of his guilt,
he’s not to blame for any of this and he needs to understand that.

“How did you find me?” I ask him, curious to find out how
he knew where to look.

“I didn’t know what to do when you ran off. I couldn’t find
you and I had no idea where you were. I tried calling you but you didn’t
answer, I thought you were ignoring me but I wasn’t going to let that stop me finding
out if you were alright. I decided to keep on searching for you and if I had no
luck I would have gone straight to your house in the hopes that I would have
found you there. It was then that I heard raised voices, I could make out a
girl shouting and I decided to check it out and make sure she was ok. I was
still trying to call you when I heard a phone ringing, it didn’t take me long
to figure out that it was yours and that’s when I saw you. I was quite far away
but I saw someone was on top of you and I swear… I’ve never felt such fury; the
severity of my own rage frightens me and the fact that I really was prepared to
kill that guy. You’re the only reason I stopped, Bethany. What does that make
me?”

“But you did stop, Jake. That’s all that matters. You have
no idea how relieved I was when I saw you. I had somehow resigned myself to
what was about to happen and then I heard your voice calling my name, I thought
I was hallucinating at first.”

He tenses at my words and holds me at arms length away from
him. 

“What did you just say?”

I can already hear the uncontrollable anger in his voice
and wish I could erase everything I just said. I’ve just made things a hundred
times worse.

“Jake…”

 He touches my chin, forcing me to look at him.

“Did you just say you came to terms with what was about to
happen to you?”

“I had to! I had to deal with whatever was going to happen
to me and find a way through it. I was alone and absolutely petrified, I had to
find an escape anyway I could. That’s why the thought of you brought me such
comfort. It was one of the worst experiences of my life but you somehow managed
to be there for me, even before you showed up. You were there Jake, you were my
strength and you saved me long before you dragged that guy away from me.”

 He stares at me with his penetrating gaze, as though
he can see right into my soul.

“I’m speechless; I don’t even know what to say. I never
would have been able to forgive myself if he actually…”

He doesn’t finish his sentence and that’s when I know for
certain that I’ve made the right decision, keeping the truth from Jake is the
only choice I had.

“Jake, I need you to help me forget.” I say softly, taking
hold of his hands.

I notice him wince and I remember his injured knuckles. The
skin there is all scraped and bloody, instantly making me feel guilty for
forgetting the pain that he must be in.

“They look really sore, are you ok?”

“I’m fine. They’ll heal in no time. ” He says, giving me a
weak smile.

I raise his hands up to my lips and gently start to kiss
along his knuckles. His breath hitches as he watches me intently and I watch
his expression change from concern and sensitivity into a smouldering desire.
The steam from the water and the close proximity between us only increases the
arousal building up inside of me.

He abruptly forces me backwards until I’m pushed up against
the shower wall. He grabs hold of my thigh, wrapping it around his waist and
presses his own arousal against me, eliciting a loud moan from my mouth. I part
my lips for him, encouraging his tongue to enter my mouth. I smile when he
doesn’t even hesitate to give me what I want. My fingers tug on his hair,
demanding that he give me so much more. I will always want more when it comes
to Jake.

“Wait. We should stop. This isn’t right.” He groans,
reluctantly tearing himself away from me.

“What’s wrong?” I ask him breathlessly.

“This. This is wrong. After what you’ve been through
tonight, I should be comforting you and making sure you feel. I shouldn’t be…”

He lowers his head, putting some distance between us. It’s
like he’s punishing himself for wanting me, for desiring me after everything.

“That’s exactly what you were doing, Jake. Please make me
forget, you’re the only one who can make this better.”

He needs to know that I want this just as badly as he does,
he needs to know that he’s not doing anything wrong in choosing to love me.

“Bethany, you don’t have to say that. We don’t have to do
this, not tonight.” He insists.

“I need you,
only
you. Please don’t make me beg.”

I purposefully bite down on my lower lip, enjoying the
conflicted groan he emits when his eyes drop to my mouth.

“You don’t have to beg me but I have to confess, I do love
to hear it.” He whispers flirtatiously.

“Please, Jake.” I wet my lips, slowly gyrating my hips in
the hopes of enticing him.

It seems to work. Jake effortlessly lifts me up and I lock
my legs tightly around his waist, crushing our mouths together in a frantic
attempt to bring us even closer.

“Tell me what you need.” He says huskily, causing me to
tremble when I feel his breath against my damp skin.

“I need you inside me. Now.”

 I have an undeniable need for Jake to be buried
inside of me, I ache for him and I don’t want to prolong this moment any
longer. I’m confident that as soon as we make love, everything bad will be
erased. It’s a naive fantasy but one that I’m determined to cling onto.

The water continues to cascade over the two of us and I cry
out in ecstasy when Jake tastes the droplets that have fallen onto my breasts.
I try moving my hips against him, hoping to encourage him. I want him; I need
him to take me and help me to forget.

“My girl is really impatient tonight.” He says playfully,
infuriating me even further.

 How does he do this? He’s always one step ahead of me
and I’m always the one who falls to pieced. Why does he have to be the one who
manages to stay in control?

I gasp when I feel Jake’s tongue run along the length of my
bottom lip. He moans in appreciation when I part his lips with my own and slide
my tongue inside. His hand grabs a hold of my hair, coercing me into
submission. I actually amaze myself when I squeeze my own breasts together,
partly for my own pleasure and also to see what reaction it will elicit from
Jake. His eyes are ablaze with an undeniable hunger for me as he watches me
touch myself so intimately.

“
Fuck
.” He curses under his breath, taking me by
surprise when he roughly plunges all the way inside of me.

He stills for a moment, allowing me to reacquaint myself
with the immense, intoxicating sensation of being filled by him. I saw the
excitement on his face when he was observing me a moment ago and I decide to
experiment some more with this newfound exhilaration.

“You know, sometimes when I’m alone… I just can’t help
myself. I think about you and I can’t help it, I’m moaning your name and making
myself come whilst I think of you.”

Jake’s mouth falls open and his eyes widen in astonishment.
I can’t believe I just said that. I’ve never spoken like this before and I can
feel myself turning crimson.

“Tell me.” He growls, trailing small kisses up the length
of my jaw.

 His strong hands squeeze my thighs; his touch firm
and forceful, reminding me how possessive he can be when claiming my body.

“I fantasise about what I want you to do to me.” I tremble,
drunk on the heady excitement this sudden role-reversal is giving me.

“And what do you imagine?” He prompts, latching onto the
skin on my neck.

 I hope he’s not trying to give me hickey, I’ve never
liked those things and I’ve always thought they look tacky and tasteless. If he
only stopped making it feel so damn good.

“I imagine this. You and me together, you taking what you
want from me and giving me what I need.”

Jake’s attention lands on my face, absorbing every single
detail.

“You have no idea what that image does to me. The thought
of you… God, I need to see you. One day you have to promise me you’ll let me
watch you make yourself come. I just know it will be the sexiest thing I’ll
ever see.”

The thought of Jake watching me pleasure myself is too
much, I imagine his smouldering eyes on me whilst I give myself my first orgasm
and it only elevates my desire for him. I used to envy the girls at college who
would talk so openly about their sex lives and their experiences. I had hardly
any knowledge of what they were talking about but I still envied their maturity
and wisdom when it came to sex. I never thought I would have the courage to
speak like them, I suppose I had to wait and meet the right person before that
sensual part of me was brought to light. The part only Jake knows.