Always and Forever (58 page)

“I don’t know what to say.”

He’s rendered me absolutely speechless. I should have known
that Jake would feel the same about this baby as he did about his own and
Sarah’s. Jake would make a wonderful father, he’d be an incredible parent but I
just don’t think I’m ready to be one. I’m twenty years old and I’ve always
lived such a sheltered and secluded life up until now. I want my own existence
before having a baby, I want to see the world, experience life and find my own
identity. I have no idea how I can say any of this to Jake, will my decision
break his heart? Sarah’s miscarriage almost destroyed him, am I really going to
do that to him again?

“When did you find out?” He asks.

“This morning, I realised my period was late and knew I had
to find out for sure. I went to the bookstore and borrowed some money from the
till so I could buy a pregnancy test, both of them came back positive. They’re
upstairs; I left them here knowing it would be too risky to get rid of them at
home. I can show you them if you want.” I offer, knowing he might need to see
them with his own eyes to truly believe it.

“I believe you; you don’t have to show me.” He pauses
unexpectedly, his eyes fixating on mine.

“What is it?”

“Were you pregnant the night you met Sarah, the night you
were attacked?” His voice is unsteady, his magnificent eyes swirling with the
violent emotions building up inside him.

“I don’t know. It’s possible I suppose.”

“I can’t bear the thought of you being pregnant when that
bastard put his hands on you.”

We both remain quiet, his forehead touching mine, no sound
to be heard other than the ticking of the clock in the living room. We’re
standing in such close proximity, our breaths mingling together.

“I think I’m still in shock. All I feel is numb.” I tell
him.

“What have you eaten today?” He enquires, studying my face.

“Nothing, I couldn’t face anything.”

“Bethany, you need to eat. It’s more important now than
ever.” He says sternly.

“I know it sounds ridiculous but food was the last thing on
my mind.”

“And you’re trembling, it’s freezing in here. I’m going to
go and run you a hot bath and then I’ll fix you something to eat.” His voice is
gentle and reassuring, there’s no trace of anger in him whatsoever.

 I nod my head in agreement, allowing Jake to pick me
up and carry me up the stairs. He taps my bedroom door open with his foot and
places me on the bed. He tries to move away from me but my hand clings to his
shirt, I don’t want him to leave.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to start your bath, baby. I’ll be back in two
minutes.” He places a delicate kiss on my forehead before leaving the room.

I must have dozed off because the next thing I know Jake is
whispering my name, trying to rouse me from sleep.

“That was fast.” I mumble sleepily, causing him to chuckles
softly.

“You fell asleep, I hate to wake you up but you’re so cold,
you really need to warm up.”

“A bath does sound pretty good.” I smile, starting to peel
off my clothes.

“As much as I’d love to stay and watch, I’m going to go
downstairs and see if your gran has anything in the house to eat.”

“Thank you, Jake. Thanks for taking care of me.”

“That’s my job.” He winks at me, flashing me one of his
magnificent smiles. The boy before me is so different to the one I encountered
earlier; it’s hard to believe they’re the same person.

I can’t help smiling when I see the amount of bubbles
Jake’s put in my bath; it’s safe to say that he went a little overboard. I stay
in there for some time, savouring the peace and quiet, attempting to relax my
body. After I get out, I decide to change into an oversized dressing gown
instead of my own clothes, relishing the feel of the plush carpet underneath my
feet.

I find Jake in the kitchen with his back to me, staring out
the window into the darkness. His hands are resting on the kitchen counter,
supporting the tiredness in his body; he looks so depleted and weary. I can’t
even begin to imagine what my revelation has done to him, the memories he’s
being forced to relive must be excruciating. The last thing I ever wanted was
to hurt him.

 I clear my throat, alerting him to my presence. He
whirls around, plastering a false smile on his face.

“How was your bath?”   

“It was great but I think you may have overdone it with all
the bubbles.” I joke.

“Sorry, I’m just not used to baths, I prefer showers.”

“It’s fine.” I assure him.

 “You can go into the front room if you want; I put
the fire on in there so it should be a bit warmer by now. I’ll be through in a
minute after the kettle has boiled.”

I squeeze his hand gratefully, wondering what I’d do
without him, padding into the sitting room which is much cosier now that gran’s
coal fire has been lit. I move her armchair a little closer towards it and curl
up on it. It doesn’t take long for me to become engrossed in watching the
powerful flames flicker, appreciating the warmth on my face.

My reverie is interrupted by Jake when he walks in with a
steaming mug of hot chocolate in each hand. He places them both on the coffee
table, kneeling down in front of me.

“I’m glad to see you’ve warmed up a bit, you’ve stopped
trembling.” He says playfully.

“I feel much better now, thank you.” I stroke my fingers
through his hair, hoping to convey every ounce of gratitude and affection for
him.

“This is really cute.” He says, tugging the cord around the
waist of my bath robe.

“Its miles too big for me but its really cosy.” I smile,
glancing down at my tiny frame wrapped up in this gargantuan gown.

“I think its kind of sexy.” He whispers, allowing his
fingertips to caress the bare skin on the back my legs. His slow, deliberate
movements cause my skin to tingle and the temperature of my body to increase.

I observe him closely, absorbing the masculine beauty
before me.

“Baby, we have a lot to talk about. There are things we
need to discuss and I need to know what you’re thinking, what you’re feelings
are about this baby.” He says, gazing steadily at me.

“I’m frightened. I’m really, really scared and I’m feeling
incredibly stupid and naive. You warned me after the first time we had sex that
this could happen and I didn’t take your concern seriously at all. I thought
you were being melodramatic and absurd but you were right, Jake. I should have
listened to you. Why did I think this would never happen to me?” I mutter,
humiliated by my lack of common sense and rationality. I’ve been the biggest
fool.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself; I’m the one to blame. I
should have insisted we use protection from the start but I didn’t. I should
have learned my lesson with Sarah but it’s almost like I couldn’t help myself,
I wanted you so badly and my pitiable male ego refused to see beyond the fact
that you wanted me too. The idea of there being nothing between us was just too
tempting for me to resist.”

He’s still kneeling before me and I’m finding it incredibly
difficult to keep my hands to myself. My body is screaming out for me to touch
him, he exudes sexual attraction and seduction. I doubt there’s a single woman
in the world who could deny him.

“The only thing I don’t understand is how you could think
that I’d cheat on you with Callum. I told you I wouldn’t contact him and now I
feel like you don’t trust me.”

 “Sweetheart, I do trust you. I know that’s probably a
little hard to believe after everything I said but it is the truth. I’m
disgusted with myself and my behaviour, I don’t know came over me.”

He sighs, lowering his head with shame and guilt. When he
eventually stands up, he holds his arms out towards me so we stand and switch places
on the chair. As he sits himself down, I join him on his lap and snuggle up
against him.

“I just need to know that you believe in me, I could never
betray you, Jake.” I whisper, continuing on with out conversation.

“I make no excuses for myself, I wasn’t thinking straight.
You looked so worried when you told me you had something to tell me, my mind
instantly thought of the worst case scenario. I remembered the night when you
taunted me with the idea of contacting Callum and I realise you didn’t mean it
but I guess it’s stayed in my mind since then.”

I’m utterly ashamed of what I said to him that night; it
was cruel and malicious. Even though it’s impossible for me to erase my actions
from that night it doesn’t stop me wanting to ease some of the remaining damage
my thoughtless comments might have caused him. Without thought or concern, I
lovingly bestow an open-mouthed kiss against the warm skin on Jake’s neck. My
desire is to translate all of my love and adoration for him in on simple touch.
I’ve come to realise that words aren’t always enough and sometimes it takes
more than words.

 Jake inhales sharply, taking my small hand in his and
interlaces our fingers together.

“You said you had to take some money from the bookstore?
I’ll replace that right away, I don’t want you to risk getting caught, even if
he’s away right now.” Jake assures me, instantly alleviating the burden of
stealing my father’s money.

“Thank you.” I say gratefully.

He exhales slowly, leaning forward to rest his elbows on
his knees and I’m forced to change my position on his lap so I can accommodate
his sudden movement. Jake turns his head to look at me, studying every single
aspect of my face. His eyes drop to my parted lips and a surge of excitement
courses through me. Observing Jake’s arousal for me has always been my greatest
weakness. I’m also aware of the powerful affect I have over him and can’t deny
the fact that I want to witness his desire for me.

Softly grazing my teeth along my bottom lip, I watch Jake’s
eyes darken with an indescribable passion for me. I’m about to make the first
move when he beats me to it, his hand tangles in my hair, drawing me towards
him whilst his tongue delves into my mouth, forcing me to open up for him. I
gently nibble along the length of his bottom lip, an action which elicits a
deep groan from Jake.

There’s something so ardent and desperate between us, it’s
as though we’re trying to fix everything that’s gone wrong between us. Our
passionate need for one another is all-consuming, so forceful it has the
strength to numb us both.

I move closer towards him, pressing my body against his. A
moan escapes my lips when I feel his other hand slide up my thigh, venturing
underneath the dressing gown I’m still wearing. He firmly grabs hold of my ass,
forcing me to straddle him and taking complete ownership over my body. My legs
widen, craving the feel of Jake’s arousal as badly as I need oxygen. He growls
in appreciation, thrusting the evidence of his need for me against my body,
grinding my hips against his.

I moan loudly when Jake’s tongue invades my mouth again,
swirling around my tongue as his fingers wrap around my hair, tugging on it
lightly. His eyes bore into mine, the connection between us sparkles, crackling
and igniting in its strength. It’s as though he can see all the way inside of
me, right into my soul.

The heated moment is broken by the sound of my stomach
rumbling, demanding that I feed it. I haven’t eaten anything for twenty-four
hours; I’m not surprised it’s yelling at me.

“Bethany, you’re starving. When was the last time you ate?”
Jake demands, breaking away from me, leaving me breathless and flushed

 “I can’t remember exactly.”  I lie.

“Bethany, tell me.”

“It was yesterday, ok? I told you I couldn’t face anything
today.” I snap, unable to stop the defensive tone creeping into my voice.

“You’re telling me you haven’t eaten a single thing since
yesterday? For God’s sake, Bethany! You have to take care of yourself now; you can’t
go a whole day without food.” He scolds me, jumping up from his seat.

“Jake, you have to stop worrying, I’m fine. I’ll eat
something when I get home.” I assure him.

He ignores me, marching into the kitchen before I can say
another word. I can hear him opening and closing the kitchen cupboards,
rummaging around for food. I overhear him swearing under his breath and
slamming the doors closed when he can’t seem to find anything.