Artist's Dream (17 page)

“Lisa, you don’t understand. I was completely alone. I didn’t have anyone to turn to, except Cass
ie.
”

“And I wasn’t a lot of help,” Cassie added.

“It seemed the logical thing to do. I mean, all my life I’d been told I was going to get married and have kids. There was never any mention of falling in love with a woman.” Kim reached for the wine and refilled everyone’s glass, emptying the bottle.

“I was scared,” Kim continued. “I went after the first guy I could find, just to prove I wasn’t queer.”

“More than one, if I recall,” Cassie reminded her.

“Poor Richard. I practically roped him into the marriage, then made us both miserable for the next six months.”

“Did he know about Jennifer?” Lisa asked.

“No. And I wish I hadn’t told him at the end. We were both so young, and it wasn’t his fault, but I’m sure it left a scar.”

“No doubt,” Cassie said. It was her turn to squeeze Kim’s hand. “But he was a—”

“A jerk,” Kim finished for her. “I know. But what do you expect when you’re twenty-one years old and you find out your wife’s a lesbian?”

“But you and Jennifer didn’t last long,” Lisa reminded them both.

“No. Once I found out what was out there, I was like a kid in a candy store,” Kim said with a laugh. Then she turned to Cassie with a grin. “And you’re too old to act like that. But just rememŹber, Luke’s not the only fish in the sea. I mean, you’ll meet lots of people. Don’t assume that just because she’s the one to make you accept this, that she’s the only one, you know?”

“But you like her?” Lisa asked gently.

“Yes. I really like her.”

Cassie swallowed the last of her wine, and Lisa got up to open another bottle.

“You know, I really think you should call her.”

Cassie smiled at them, wondering if they knew how they conŹtradicted each other. Kim was overprotective, wanting her to find someone safe. Lisa was the romantic, pushing her to Luke because she could see the attraction.

“I don’t think Kim likes her,” Cassie said to Lisa. “She thinks Luke’s too much for me.”

“Honey, I just don’t want her to take advantage of you,” Kim said. “You’re so innocent,” she said quietly. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Cassie nodded, accepting the new glass of wine from Lisa. Innocent, yes. But that didn’t mean she didn’t know what she wanted. And she wanted Luke in the worst way.

“I’ve been afraid to see her,” Cassie admitted. “That’s why I haven’t called her.”

“You’re afraid to be alone with her?” Lisa guessed.

“Terrified,” Cassie whispered.

It was nearly midnight, but Cassie was afraid if she waited until morning, she would lose her nerve again.

The phone was answered on the third ring.

“It’s me.”

There was a long pause.

“Are you okay?”

Luke’s voice was heavy with sleep, and Cassie bit her bottom lip, wishing she had waited until morning.

“I’m sorry it’s so late,” she said. “I just … why don’t I call tomorrow?”

“No, it’s okay. I’m glad you called.”

Cassie heard Luke turning in her bed, heard the rustling of covers. She imagined Luke was sitting up, perhaps leaning back against her pillow. The sheet would have slipped to her waist…

Cassie cleared her throat, words spilling out before she could stop them.

“Luke? What do you sleep in?”

A low chuckle sent shivers across her body. She covered her eyes with her free hand, wondering if she could be any more sugŹgestive.

“I sleep in a bed,” came the quiet response. “You?”

“Funny. A sense of humor, even at midnight.”

Luke laughed, and Cassie’s embarrassment eased somewhat, although she still didn’t have an answer to her question. Did she need an answer?

“I was wondering if you had plans tomorrow. I thought maybe we could get together for lunch or something,” Cassie offered.

“Can’t tomorrow. I was up late finishing some designs. I’ve got to meet a client in Sacramento.”

“Oh.” Cassie tried not to sound disappointed. It was her own choice to wait four days to call. Luke had her own life, her own work and deadlines to meet. Did Cassie really think she had been sitting at home by the phone, waiting for Cassie to call?

“Why don’t you come with me?” Luke suggested.

Cassie hesitated. She had work to do. She was already far behind her usual pace on the small carvings, the ones she would take to the Christmas fair. And if she ever wanted to call Weldon Arnold, she would need at least three more eagles to show.

“Please?” Luke’s voice, still husky with sleep, whispered in her ear.

“Are you sure I won’t be in the way?”

“Positive.”

“Okay,” Cassie agreed. She didn’t know why she was hesitating anyway.

“Thanks. I’ll pick you up about eight. Or is that too early?”

“No. But I better get to bed.”

“Yes, you better do that.”

Luke’s low voice sent another shiver through her, and Cassie’s mind raced, wishing she were crawling in beside Luke instead of her cold, lonely bed.

It was only then that she realized she had never slept with

anyone—a lover—overnight. On the two occasions she had attempted to find solace with a man, the one time in college, then right before she moved here, she had fled quickly afterward, wantŹing nothing more than to be alone. She had been too humiliated and disheartened the first time to even consider staying the night. The second time, with a man named Stephen, she simply could not stand his touch upon her and wanted to get as far away as posŹsible.

It was after that night that she started wondering if it was only her father’s words haunting her or if there was another reason she didn’t want the touch of a man.

She had no doubt now, knowing she would be perfectly content to sleep snuggled in Luke’s arms, safe and warm. She closed her eyes, wondering if the next time she and Luke were together, would she be able to make her stop. Would she want to make her stop?

“You look very nice,” Cassie said. She had debated over what to wear, finally settling on a newer pair of jeans and a long sleeved shirt. Luke, on the other hand, had shed her usual baggy jeans for a pair of neatly pressed black slacks and a deep maroon sweater.

“Thank you. My version of dressing up,” Luke explained.

“Should I have…?”

“No, no, you’re fine. It’s just that I’m meeting him at his office. He’s an attorney, and there’ll be suits and ties and all.”

They were quiet as they drove through town on their way to Santa Rosa and the interstate. Finally Cassie reached over and squeezed Luke’s arm.

“I’m sorry I waited so long to call.”

“I understand,” Luke said and smiled. “Are you okay about the other night? I was afraid that it was too much, that you wouldn’t want to see me for awhile.”

“I told Kim,” Cassie stated.

“You did? And how did she take it?”

Cassie laughed. “She wasn’t really surprised. I mean, she’s been telling me for years to look in the mirror. But she was worried about you. That you were forcing me into this, I think.”

Luke nodded, then met Cassie’s eyes for a moment.

“Is that what you think?”

“No! Of course not. It’s just that, for so many years, I’ve denied this, at least to her. But I couldn’t lie to myself any longer.”

“Is it going to be hard to face people, friends? I mean to have professed to be straight and then suddenly show up with me?”

Cassie stared at the road for a long moment before answering.

“I don’t really have a lot of close friends. I know them, of course, but only because of Kim and Lisa. I wouldn’t exactly call them good friends of mine. And no, I really could care less what they think.”

“You know, I find that so hard to believe. You’re a very likable person, Cass
ie.
Why haven’t you let anyone get close?”

“I guess it was just easier to keep my distance.” Cassie shrugged. “I never really had a lot of friends anyway. You know, my father and all.”

Luke reached over and captured Cassie’s hand and pulled it into her lap, holding it there as she drove. Cassie relaxed, giving into the gende pressure as Luke’s warm hand closed over hers.

“I’m glad you let me in,” Luke said quietly. “You could have just as easily run from this, too.”

“No. I couldn’t. Believe me, I tried.”

Luke brought Cassie’s hand to her lips and kissed it gently before tucking it again in her lap.

“Actually, I tried, too.”

“What do you mean?”

Luke smiled. “After the last time, I swore I would never get involved with anyone again. I didn’t want to care about anyone like that again. I’ve had a handful of lovers over the years, but it was nothing more than casual, really. But with you, I don’t want it to be casual. I very much want to get to know you better. And that scares me a little,” Luke admitted. “I almost didn’t recover from the last time.”

Cassie squeezed Luke’s hand before speaking.

“I can’t promise I won’t hurt you, Luke. This is just all so new, I’m…”

“Scared. I know.”

Cassie nodded silently, wondering why she was scared. Physical intimacy was one thing, but after the other night, she knew once she was in Luke’s arms, she would lose any inhibitions she may have. She suddenly blushed, remembering the way she had pulled Luke to her breast, shivering as she recalled the feel of Luke’s warm mouth as it settled over her. No, that wasn’t die problem.

The problem was her father. She could never tell him, she knew. That would be the end of any relationship they may have. But was she prepared to hide this? To blatantly lie to him? For all she knew, he thought she was still seeing Paul, the last name she had mentioned to him.

“Let’s don’t worry about it now,” Luke said. “We’ll have a good day. After my meeting, I’ll take you to lunch. Then there are a couple of houses I want to show you.”

“Ones that you designed?”

“Yes. One was years ago when I still worked for the company in San Francisco. The other was done just last year. There’s a vast difŹference.”

“Good. I’ve been curious as to what your designs are like. I mean, I love your house, but it’s so unique. I imagine that’s one of a kind.”

“Definitely. It took me forever to design. I must have changed it ten times before I was satisfied. I originally had the office area enclosed. It was the only area with walls, but I just didn’t want to be closed in.”

“Why don’t you have a spare bedroom? Are you never expectŹing company?”

Luke grinned. “Well, there is a spare room, an apartment really. It’s above my workout room.”

Cassie punched her playfully on the arm.

“And I got the sofa?”

“Actually, I just wanted you in the house with me,” Luke said shyly.

“Really?”

“Well, I thought it was a bit soon to ask you to share my bed, especially since you had just told me you weren’t gay.”

They both laughed, and Cassie was secretly pleased that even then, Luke was feeling the attraction between them, too.

“I think I would have attempted to swim home if you’d sugŹgested that.”

“Yes, I know.”

Cassie quickly leaned over between the seats and kissed Luke lightly on the cheek.

“I’m so glad you came into my life,” she said quietly.

“I’m happy to be here.”

Their conversation turned to lighter matters, and Cassie relaxed, glancing occasionally at their hands that remained entwined. In no time at all, they were crossing the Sacramento River and into the downtown area. Luke stopped at an office building within walking distance of the state capitol and paused before parking.

“You’re welcome to come in with me or you can take the Lexus and explore a bit,” Luke offered.

“Actually, I think I might wander over to the capitol and look around. But I can walk from here.”

“Okay. If you want, we can go to an art museum later. The Crocker is one of the best in the state.”

“You don’t have to entertain me, you know,” Cassie said. “I just wanted to be with you today.”

The warmth in Luke’s smile touched Cassie’s heart, and she was surprised when Luke leaned over and kissed her on the mouth.

“Thank you. After lunch we can decide.”

Cassie nodded, having to restrain herself from wrapping her arms around Luke’s shoulder and pulling her back for another kiss.

“Do you want me to come find you when I’m through?” Luke asked.

“Or I can come back here. How long do you think you’ll be?”

“Not more than an hour, I hope.” Luke glanced at her watch

before guiding Cassie out of the parking garage with a light touch on her back. “There is a nice picnic area outside the capitol. Let’s meet there. Then we can walk down Capitol Avenue. There’s a really great Italian restaurant I think you would like.”

Cassie agreed and watched Luke walk off, admiring her confiŹdent stride. She finally turned when she realized she was staring, and she walked off, alone with her thoughts. And they were simply filled with Luke.

She walked, unseeing, through the halls of the capitol, her shoes silent on the marble floors, staring absently at the paintings hung there. She couldn’t seem to concentrate on anything, her thoughts continuously jumping back to Luke and the casual way she had kissed her. Suddenly her eyes widened.

“Oh my God,” Cassie whispered. She put a hand to her chest and rubbed the spot over her heart slowly. She squeezed her eyes shut. “I think I’m in love with her,” she whispered again.

She looked around quickly, realizing she had spoken the words out loud. Panic set in, and she found the nearest bench, sinking slowly down, wondering how on earth this could have happened. No, she told herself, I’m not in love with her. We barely know each other. She bent her head, grabbing the bridge of her nose with her fingers and squeezing. Not in love.

She sat for a few minutes, taking deep breaths as she tried to calm herself. It was just all so new, she told herself. That was all. They would get to know each other, take things slowly and then see what happened. Yes. That was all.