Awakening (3 page)

After that night, Mark and his friends enveloped my friends and I into their group. We spent a lot of time together going to high school events and hanging out on the weekends. He never tried to take our relationship any further, but he always hinted, with words and lingering touches, that it's what he wanted. I thought he was a great friend, but my heart was still hung up on Luke.

After Mark graduated from high school, we spent the entire summer together. The last day before he left for college he picked me up so we could take a drive to the beach.

"Hey sweet girl," Mark said as I opened the door for him.

"Hey babe," I said smiling, and leaned into him. My head only came up to his shoulder so I had to rise up on my tip toes to bring my lips to his, and his strong arm came around my waist to hold me up.

Kissing Mark was warm and nice. His lips were firm
but soft, and when they parted, his tongue slipped slowly against mine. It was pleasant, but nothing like the kisses I read about in my romance novels. Sometimes I wondered if that was all just made up nonsense.

"You ready to head to the beach?"

"Yes, just let me grab my bag," I ran through
the house to the kitchen, grabbing my purse, and yelling to my mother that I'd be back later.

Over those
last two months we had taken many walks on the beach, held hands, planted some rose bushes in my parents back yard, snuggled on the couch watching movies, partied with our friends, had make out sessions, and talked about everything we wanted to do with our lives.

I had grown to love having him around, and as the summer drew to a close, I knew he would be leaving for college. I had no idea what I was going to do for the entire next year
without him or Luke while I finished high school.

Mar
k parked his truck at the beach and held my hand as we walked over the dunes to the flat sand where he laid out a blanket for us to sit on. We continued to hold hands and watched the waves as we willed the minutes to stop passing so quickly.

"I'll come home as often as I can," he assured me, pulling my back to his chest so I was cradled between his legs. "And you can come visit me too."

I knew my parents would most likely not allow me to go to Athens without a chaperone. They were old school like that, and I was only seventeen. Luckily they were Bulldog fans, so I figured worst case scenario I could accompany them to a few football games.

"I'll miss you," I said, tears welling in my eyes. He had become my best friend, my love,
someone I could see myself spending my life with.

"Caroline, do you know how much I love you?" He asked, leaning in to whisper in my ear.

He hadn't mentioned loving me since that day at Maria's, but I already knew. It was evident in every look he gave me, in every touch.

I looked up at him.

"I love you to the moon and back," he said as his lips met mine.

In that moment I knew what I wanted. Mark was
perfect. I loved him and I wanted to be his in every way possible. We made love on the beach that night. My hands fisted into his hair as he drove deep inside of me. I was overwhelmed by the feeling of fullness as he continued to move against me. It was as close to him as I could possibly get, which is exactly where I wanted to be, and I cried afterward, knowing that I wouldn't be able to see him every day.

The feeling of loss I felt that afternoon before Mark left for college was nothing compared to what I was feeling now. I was helpless and hopeless, waiting for someone to give me information on his condition. The hair on my arms rose and
I whirled around as I heard my name.

"Caroline!"

Luke was barreling towards me through the hospital doors. He crashed into me, drawing me into his arms, and we clung to each other trying to draw strength from one another. The minutes had passed like hours as I waited.

"Thank God you're here," I said to Luke. "They won't tell us anything since we aren't family! I feel like I'm going to explode," I sobbed.

"I got here as fast as I could. Let's go talk to them together."

After Luke showed his ID to the front desk, they sent for the doctor.

When we saw him walking towards us with a grim look on his face we could tell that it wasn't good news and clenched our hands together. I started shaking my head before he even reached us.

"Mr. Johnson?" He asked.

"That's me," Luke said from his place at my side.

"
Mark was involved in an car wreck where he suffered injuries to his head and spinal cord. He's in the ICU for the moment. We had to drill a hole in his skull to relieve the pressure on his brain and unfortunately we won't know the extent of his injuries until the swelling goes down," the doctor said. "We're keeping him unconscious for the time being, but you can see him if you like. No more than two visitors at a time please."

I could feel
Luke's arms around me, squeezing me tight as I swayed on my feet. Together we followed the doctor down the hallway and quietly slipped inside Mark's room. I rushed to one side of his bed, and Luke to the other. I let out a gut wrenching sob at the sight of Mark's swollen and bruised face.

My heart clenched at the sight of my beautiful man, broken and battered with his head bandaged and pinned into a traction device.

"Mark? It's me baby. It's Caroline. Can you hear me?" I gingerly lifted his unbroken hand to my lips, placing kisses on his bruised and swollen knuckles.

The beeping of the monitors was the only noise in the room. The only thing I could do to keep myself sane was continue talking. Maybe he would hear my voice and come back to us.

"Baby, Luke is here too. We love you so much. Please come back to us."

Luke looked at me and then reached across Mark's lap to hold my other hand.

A moment later the heart monitor in the room started sounding an alarm and I was pulled back as nurses and the doctor rushed into the room, screaming orders and calling for a crash cart.

"What's happening!? Mark! Mark! Please God, don't leave me!" I screamed.

An arm was around my waist holding me back as I cried and fought to get back to Mark's side. After several minutes of chaos I finally heard Luke say the most unimaginable words.

"Caroline, he'
s gone. He's gone!" Luke yelled, shaking me.

I stopped struggling and slid to the floor.

"Oh God, no!" I sobbed, grabbing my waist and rocking back and forth.

I must have drifted off at some point, waking an hour or so later, laying on a bench back in the waiting room. My eyes were swollen and heavy from my tears, and my head was pounding.

I saw my parents with Carson, talking to each other in hushed voices, and Emily and the Johnson's had finally arrived and were talking quietly as well. Then my eyes landed on Luke, seated by himself, shoulders slumped, with his head in his hands. He must have felt my eyes on him because he turned his tear stained face towards me and then rose, walking over to me as I struggled to sit up. He knelt down beside me, taking my hand.

"Caroline," he said, choking on a sob. "I am so fucking sorry."

My eyes welled up again at the emotion in his voice. Our conversation from that morning seemed so long ago. He pulled a clear plastic bag from under his arm, opening it and reaching inside.

I saw Mark's
familiar leather wallet, worn from spending all it's time in his back pocket, some loose change and a small black box. Luke pulled the box out of the bag.

The reality of the situation hit me that moment when I saw Mark's things. I would never again hear his voice tell me he loved me. I would never feel his breath on my face, or his lips against mine. I would never touch his warm golden skin, or feel his heart beating under my cheek. I started sobbing again.

"This was going to be yours," Luke said quietly, placing the box in my hand. "I heard him ask my father for it at Christmas. That's why I came to see you today. But, after all this.... I'm so sorry."

As Luke walked away from me I slowly lifted the lid on the box to find Granny Sara's di
amond ring inside. I clutched it to my chest and closed my eyes as the tears slid down my cheeks.

I stand on the front porch of the house again, thinking about how familiar it feels. I try to look around and get my bearings, but something draws me through the front door, my heart pounding in my chest.

The back door opens and I am out on the deck. There he is, broad shoulders and thick dark hair.

I am standing behind him raising my hand to touch his shoulder. The sun breaks through the trees, blinding me. The wall of his chest is so close, his chiseled jaw and his heart stopping smile. His hand cups the back of my neck and the other wraps around my waist, drawing me in. I can feel his warm breath on my lips and I anxiously await his kiss.

I woke with a start
. That dream again. Slowly I closed my eyes willing it to continue, but I was too alert, and it just wouldn't come.

The first
time I'd had it was on the day Mark died, but now it came all the time. It was like the universe had decided to give me  something else to hang on to, a way to see Mark again even though he wasn't there with me.

“Caroline,
did you hear me?” My mother called. “Are you up there?”

From the window seat in my childhood bedroom, I called back to her. “Yes!”

“Could you please come down?”

I sighed. It had been two years since
Mark's death, but I still missed him like crazy and dreamt about him all the time. I hadn't seen or heard from Luke since then either, which to me, was almost as if dealing with the pain of losing them both.

In the time since
Mark's death I had become somewhat numb, or maybe I hadn't given myself a chance to feel anything because I rarely left the house to do anything other than work or go to the gym. Some days I thought I needed a mindless, no strings, one night stand to get me out of my funk. Of course, that would mean leaving the house to actually meet someone, and then dealing with the guilt of tarnishing Mark's memory like that. Maybe I'd just buy stock in Energizer. That way I could keep my battery operated boyfriend in top performance.

I really should get out more.

I threw back the blanket I was curled up under, noticing the glint from the ring on my left hand. I liked to wear it sometimes so I could feel closer to Mark, although my mother thought it was incredibly unhealthy. I pulled it off, slipped it safely back inside it's box and went to see what she needed. I walked down the stairs into the kitchen, grabbed a water from the fridge and sat down across from her at the breakfast table.

“So, what’s up?” I asked
, taking a sip of my water.

She looked
a mess and her brow was furrowed causing her wrinkles to be more pronounced. “Your grandmother died.”

My mother hadn't mentioned my grandmother in years.
The last time we visited her there was some sort of fall out between her and my mother, but my mother had never shared, and I never pressed the issue. I had never been close to my grandmother, I really thought she didn't like kids. She wasn't warm and friendly, and I tried to stay out of her way as much as I could whenever we were at her house, choosing to spend all my time at the Johnson's or outside with Mark and Luke.

“Okay,” I paused. "Are you alright?"

“I just find it hard to believe.”

“Why is that hard to believe? People die all the time."

The admission struck close to home, stinging.

"I know, but my mother.... well... I just always thought that I'd get a chance to see her again. That we would reconcile."

"Mother it's been years and years. You've wasted all this time and now that she's gone you're regretting your decision to stay away. Is there going to be a service?"

My heart plummeted when I realized we may have to attend a funeral. I loathed them. I preferred to remember how people were in life, rather than see them for the last time in death.
I couldn't even attend Mark's, and since his accident, I'd grown comfortably numb to any type of loss.

“No.
She wanted to be cremated. It should be handled today. She wasn't a religious woman, and certainly wouldn't have wanted a burial."

"I'm sorry Mom, I don't know what to say," I said, reaching out my hand to pat hers.

She gave me a thin smile and wiped away a few stray tears that slipped down her cheeks.

"I do need your help though, honey. I am
going to have to go clean out the house and hopefully sell some things to pay for the cremation. I imagine the place is cluttered full of junk and hasn't been cleaned in years. I'll have to clean it all out of there and then have the house condemned or demolished. Best case scenario, it's in good shape, and maybe we can sell it. I'll have to call a structural engineer to come out and take a look.”

"Did you call Dad or Carson yet?" I asked. Carson had just graduated from Georgia, and would be moving back home to work for my dad as soon as he got done celebrating with his buddies.

"I did. Carson still has another week in Athens, but will be home to help after that. Your dad has to work, but will be in on Friday evening."

“Mom, I
'll do whatever I can to help, but I am supposed to be starting a new position at the company on Monday."

“Well, I'm sure your father won't mind if you take a week to hel
p with this before starting your new position. He is the boss after all. And why don’t you invite Anne Marie and Eva to come and help us? We sure could use the extra hands.”

“Are you sure?”

I knew my friends had heard plenty of stories about my grandmother's house over the years, and most of them bordered on the strange and supernatural. In all the time I had spent there as a kid it was mostly uneventful, but somehow the stories still persisted. I might need someone to explore with. Plus, I hadn't seen my two best friends much over the last two years and I felt in serious need of some girl time.

“
Yes, I'm sure. Go call and invite them.” She got up from the table and walked toward the living room before stopping in the doorway and turning to look at me. "Call your father first. If nothing else, you should be able to commute to the office," she said before walking out of the kitchen.

“Mom?” I called to her. She came back to the doorway and looked at me. “Are you sure you're alright? I know you weren’t close to her, but she was still your mother.”

She smiled at me, looking a little teary eyed and said, “I’ll be fine... Now, go make your calls and start packing. We need to leave tomorrow afternoon.”

~~~~

I was sitting on Anne Marie’s bed watching her and Eva pack their stuff for our trip. “You guys, really, it’s not like any of those crazy stories are true. They are probably all made up by kids that went out there and freaked themselves out. I never saw anything weird in all the times I visited.”

“Yeah, but what if they aren’t
made up?” Anne Marie asked. “What if the stories are true and the house really is haunted? Wouldn't that be insane?"

Anne Marie had always been a dreamer. She was certain that ghosts, and goblins, and even fairies and unicorns existed. She knew that someday she would meet a handsome prince who would ride a white horse and only have eyes for her, and she would be treated like a princess for the rest of her life. She had a positive outlook and was always optimistic.

“Oh, come on Marie. That’s just ridiculous.” This was from Eva, she was always the level headed one, although she had a temper, and red hair, if that tells you anything. She believed there was a logical explanation for everything. Ghosts, to her, were simply cool drafts in creaky old houses. The two of them really were a good combination. I had always thought that Eva's down to Earth attitude helped ground Anne Marie, and that Anne Marie's optimism helped Eva see past the end of her nose.

“Well, we’ll see won’t we?” Anne Marie said, flipping her long dark hair over her shoulder in a huff.

“What time are we leaving tomorrow?” Eva asked, rolling her deep blue eyes at Anne Marie.

“I think right after lunch,” I told them. “Mom wants to get there before dark so we have time to get settled in. She doesn’t know what kind of shape the house is going to be i
n. She said that my grandmother was some sort of pack rat.”

“I bet we are going to find some cool stuff! Do you think your mom will let us bring some of it back?” Anne Marie asked.

“I guess so, if it’s not important or worth anything. She said we were going to have to sell most of it.”

“Great! Maybe we can refurbish some old things or repurpose them for our new store Eva!”
Anne Marie said, focusing her deep green eyes on Eva.

“
We'll see,” Eva said, shrugging.

Eva and Anne Marie had decided to go to college together at Mercer University. They had roomed together all four years and then stayed in Ma
con for two years after college trying to get their business idea up and running. Their venture,
Trash to Treasure
, had a loyal following, but, unfortunately, Macon is not a huge city, and there just wasn't a whole lot of demand for the items they were trying to sell. They had recently leased space in a rehabbed old building in downtown Savannah, and were planning to open the new store in a few months. Now they were both staying at Anne Marie's parents’ house while they waited for their new apartment to be ready.

As I
looked off to the side of the room Anne Marie grabbed my wrist.

"How are you doing Caroline?"

I knew she was talking about my grandmother so I put on a smile for her and told her what she wanted to hear.

"I'm fine
, really. We weren't close."

Although I wasn't affected much by my
grandmother's passing it still opened old wounds. Death was not something I handled well and Mark's presence still haunted me, reminding me every day of how much I'd lost.

"Are you thinking about Mark?" She pried.

I looked down at my hands. "Always."

As much as I knew I needed to move on, I found it hard not to compare everyone to him. He was the light in my life for a long time and it was really hard to wrap my mind around living a life that didn't include him. On top of that, an overwhelming sense of guilt ate at me every time I even entertained the idea.

"We all loved Mark you know. Not the same way you did, but he was our friend too. We all miss him. You need to get out some, staying cooped up in the house every weekend is no way to live."

I nodded as Anne Marie hugged me, she was trying to help, but I feared my heart wasn't ready to move on, especially when I was still having dreams of Mark.

"Anne Marie, I have the best idea!" Eva screamed. "As soon as we get back from this little detour, we're going to find a new hangout and try to get Caroline laid. That'll get you back in the saddle, girl."

I couldn't help but laugh
at her. I was so happy to have my best friends back home.