Bachelor Number Five (The Bachelor Series, Volume 1) (22 page)

“So what are you so desperate to say to me?” Amanda pressed him, eager to get it over with.

“Do I seem desperate?”

“A little bit.”

“Huh.”  Peter was surprised.  “Maybe you’re right.”  He pressed his hands together as if in prayer.  “Do we have to get into that right away?  Can’t we have a little bit of small talk first?”

At this Amanda couldn’t help but laugh.  “You dragged me out of the house and all the way down here for some small talk?”  She could tell that this was hard on him, and to Amanda
that
was a surprise.

“Ok, look…” he held his hands out to either side.  “I’ve already told you how much I like you.  I was being honest about that.  I really do.  A lot.”

Amanda waited for the other shoe to drop.  “But?” she said.

“But nothing.”

“So you dragged me down here to tell me
that
?”

“I know what you think of me; that I’m just a womanizing son-of-a-bitch who is never going to settle down and get serious.  That sleeping with me was a terrible mistake.  That I just used you…”

“It’s not like I didn’t want it, too.  I think that was fairly obvious.”

Peter seemed a little bit relieved.  “So why are you avoiding me?”

“I told you, I’m not avoiding you!”

“I’ve seen you peeking out the window.  You won’t even come out of the apartment if I’m around.”

Amanda went a little bit pale.  “Just because we haven’t crossed paths this week…” she tried again.

“Look, forget it.  What I really wanted to say is that I’m sorry about my reaction the other morning.”

“What reaction?”

“Come on, Amanda, you know what I’m talking about.”

Amanda bit her lower lip.  “Maybe.”

“You wouldn’t have gone running out of there like that otherwise.”

“So what are you going to do about that now?  Tell me we can still be friends?  You think that’s going to make me feel better?”

“That’s not what I brought you here to tell you.”

“What then?”

At that moment, Grace stepped up to the table with a drink in each hand.  “Vanilla latte?” she said.

“Yes.  Thank you,” said Amanda.

“And a mocha.”  Grace put the drinks on the table in front of each of them.  “Enjoy!”

“Thank you, Grace,” said Peter.

“No problem.  Just make sure you bring her back here with that guitar!”  Grace moved away across the room and took her place behind the counter.

Amanda picked up her drink.  “So you don’t want to be friends?  Is that it?!”  Her eyes narrowed as she considered the alternatives.  “Are you planning to tell me you want to make that a regular thing?  No-strings-attached with the waitress next door?  Is that it?!”

“Would you please just let me talk?!”

“I’m waiting.”

Peter picked up his mocha and blew across the top, giving himself time to consider his words.  He spun his cup back and forth in his hands, staring hypnotically into the creamy froth.  “I didn’t mean to hurt you like that.  You have to understand, this isn’t easy for me either.” 

Amanda swallowed hard.  “Maybe I had no right to expect anything from you.  Of course I should have known better, but I thought we were creating something.  I’ll admit it.  Then I saw that look on your face…”

“I got scared.  I panicked.  I’m sorry.”

“Ok, I get it.  You’re not the committed type.  That one look said it all, Peter, loud and clear.”

“But it didn’t!  That’s what I’m trying to tell you!  Amanda, I’ve hardly slept in a week.  I lay awake at night thinking about you.  I sit at my desk at work all day, thinking about you.  I think about your smile and about your modesty.  How you have no idea just how beautiful you are.  I think about your kindness and your honesty.  About your incredible singing voice and the joy that shows on your face when you get up there and perform.”  Peter laughed quietly to himself.  “I think about you wearing a funeral dress to a Hollywood club, and how you have no idea what kind of drink to order.”

“Hey, that’s not my fault, I only just moved here!”

“Amanda, you’re missing my point.”  Peter made eye contact, refusing to look away.

To Amanda it felt like the whole world was narrowing down and they were the only two people in it.  She’d wanted to hear words like these for such a long time.  Hearing them now should have made her deliriously happy.  One some level it did.  The problem was, she couldn’t quite bring herself to trust him.  “What are you really saying, Peter?  That you want to start a relationship?”

“Is that so hard to believe?”

“Yes.  I’m sorry, but it is.” 

“Why?”

Amanda tasted her latte and then licked a bit of foam from her upper lip.  “Because I know your history.  Getting involved in a relationship with you is a dangerous proposition.”

“What do you want me to say, Amanda?  I’m lonely.  There, I said it.  Maybe it doesn’t look that way from the outside, but the truth is that I’m not happy and I haven’t been in a while.  I need someone in my life and…” his voice trailed off.

“Yes?” Amanda pressed him.

“I think you’re that someone.”

Amanda wanted to buy it.  The idea that the two of them could end up being deliriously happy together was nearly irresistible, yet Amanda remembered what the pain of a failed relationship really felt like.  That was something she couldn’t bring herself to face again, and with Peter it seemed all too likely.  “How many girls have you given this spiel to?” she said.

“It’s not a spiel.  It’s the truth.  I’m not looking for a one-night stand.  I don’t want the vapid girl in the fishnet stockings.  I want you.”

Amanda played that last sentence over in her mind. 
I want you. 
It was almost too good to be true.  Almost.  “How do I know you’re not going to change your mind a couple of months down the road?”

“There are no guarantees in life Amanda.  I’m not going to try to offer you one.  All I can tell you at this moment is that I’ve never been so certain about anything in my life.  That doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy.  The fear you saw in my eyes the other morning was real.  It comes from knowing that relationships are never easy.  You might believe that two people can instantly fall in love, that they can go on some television show and win some sort of lifelong bliss as a grand prize.  I think it takes a lot more work, but I’d like to give it a try.  I’m hoping you’ll find it in your heart to give me that chance.”

Amanda licked another bit of foam from the tip of her thumb as she thought about his comments.  “I’ve had my heart broken before.  I can’t go through that kind of thing again.  I can’t get involved with someone that I’m not 100 percent sure of.  I’m not looking to just
give it a try
.”

“There’s no such thing as 100 percent.  If you want anything worthwhile in life you have to be willing to take some chances.”

Amanda shook her head.   “Not when it comes to love.”

“Especially when it comes to love.  What I can promise you is that I’ll do my best to always be honest.  I’ll tell you how I feel.  No surprises.”

Amanda put a hand on either side of her face and leaned on her elbows.  She didn’t have it in her to say no, though she couldn’t quite bring herself to say yes either.

“We can start slowly,” Peter went on.  “Maybe I could take you out to dinner?  We could call it a first date.”

Amanda’s thoughts turned to Lauren and everybody else in the complex who seemed so enthralled with their situation.  “I’ll probably have to move out of my apartment if we actually start dating.”

“Is it that bad between you two?”

“Yeah.  It’s bad.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t blame you.”

Peter seemed to take heart in the comment.  “Does that mean we’re actually going to try this thing?”

Amanda nodded slowly as she looked him in the eye.  “It does.  I just hope I don’t live to regret it.”

“You won’t.”

For the first time in a week, Amanda began to let her guard down.  It seemed that Peter was right.  This was a chance worth taking.  She smiled at him across the table and then lifted her vanilla latte for another sip.  Just like that, her future looked a whole lot brighter.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Amanda was getting ready for work when the picture caught her eye; Grant Hutchinson gazing back with that dopey grin.  She pulled on her black skirt and zipped it up, then put on her white blouse.  When all of the buttons were fastened she walked to the bulletin board.  Amanda pulled out the pin with one hand and held the photo with the other.  After replacing the pin in the board, she took a step back without taking her eye off that smiling face.  It was what had drawn her to Los Angeles in the first place.  It was the representation of a dream.  What dream exactly?  The dream of love.  The dream of spending a lifetime with someone.  The dream of happiness.  Maybe Grant Hutchinson didn’t have to be the embodiment of that dream anymore.  She could fall in love with someone else.  It was possible.  Maybe it was time to let go of Bachelor Number Five.  Amanda held the photo over her wastepaper basket and then released it from her fingers, letting it fall into the bin below.

Moving on into the bathroom, Amanda applied her makeup and then brushed her hair.  When she was done she gave herself a last look in the mirror.  The face she saw staring back did not look like a happy one.  This fact was puzzling.  Ever since her split with Adam two years earlier Amanda had strived to find a new and better boyfriend.  She’d wanted a man who was handsome, kind and driven.  Someone who was crazy about her.  Someone with whom, once they met, they couldn’t stand to be apart.  Peter should have satisfied all of those requirements.  He was certainly handsome.  Amanda found it hard not to lose herself in his baby blues.  He was kind.  He was driven and successful.  None of that quelled her apprehensions.  What if she let herself become involved in a relationship with him for a year, or two, or even longer, only to realize that it was doomed in the end?  That would mean all that time was wasted.  It would mean that she may be otherwise occupied during the best years of her life; the years when she was most likely to meet
the one
, whoever that might be.  If Amanda let herself fall for Peter now, she could end up paying a very steep price in the end.  It was a risk that she was going to take, she realized, but not without some hesitation.  She couldn’t allow herself to forget that it was a risk after all.  It might end up being the best thing that ever happened to her, but Amanda had to be mentally prepared just in case the whole thing fell apart.  She couldn’t allow herself to forget what that felt like.

Back in her room, Amanda walked straight to the wastebasket.  She reached in and pulled out the picture of Grant.  Maybe she wasn’t quite ready to forgo that dream just yet.  Instead she would put it on hold.  Amanda opened the top drawer of her desk and dropped the photo inside before sliding the drawer back shut.  She would give Peter a chance, starting with their first official date that night at a fancy restaurant in Beverly Hills, but if things didn’t work out, the photo of Bachelor Number Five could always go back up.

The lunch rush was in full swing at The Hamburger Hut, but Amanda was used to it by this time.  She’d been on the job long enough to have learned the ins and outs of the place.  She was even getting to know some of the regular customers, including Bridget Peterson and Warren August, who were sitting in her section once again.  She stopped by with a pitcher of iced tea to refill their glasses.  “How is everything?” Amanda asked.

“Wonderful,” said Bridget.  “Thanks!”

“We must like the place, we come here enough,” said Warren.

“This neighborhood is his old stomping grounds,” Bridget explained.

“Oh?” Amanda asked.  “Did you used to live around here?”

“He was homeless, actually, but he spent a lot of nights at the shelter a few blocks from here,” said Bridget.

“I never ate in this place back then.  It was too expensive for me.”

“I took you to Mel’s Drive-In once, remember?”

“How could I forget?  It was our first date!”

“I’m not sure it was a date.”

“I kissed you, didn’t I?”

“Um, I believe that I was the one who kissed
you
!”

Warren rolled his eyes.  “Ok, well we kissed anyway, so it must have been a date.”

Watching this couple interact reminded Amanda of the joy and romance that she strived for herself.  They were obviously crazy about each other.  Amanda was heartened that this was possible in the world.  “If you have such a history at Mel’s, why don’t you guys eat lunch over there?” she asked.

“What, are you trying to get rid of us?” said Warren.

“Of course not!  Just wondering.”

“I like the atmosphere here better,” said Bridget.  “Plus I’m shooting a movie at Paramount, so it’s convenient.”

“Convenient for you!” said Warren.  “I have to drive halfway across town!”