Backstage Pass: Behind the Music (5 page)

I nodded
in greeting, then stepped around them to call Ainsley back.

“Hey, can we get your autograph?
”

I kept walking, absently looking around for who they were talking to, then realized I was the one they were asking. I stopped and turned around. The
tall one held a pack of cigarettes and a pen. I blinked a few times and then everything I’d learned and done over the tour finally kicked in and I turned on my fan appreciation smile. “Sure thing.” I took the pen and scribbled across the top of the pack, then handed it back.

“You can have a smoke.”

I hesitated, then shook one out. He scrambled for his lighter and, even though I felt a little weird about having a dude light my smoke, I let him, then inhaled and held the smoke deep in my lungs until it burned. I hadn’t smoked since I’d quit for Sasha and this was probably pretty far up on the list of stupid, but I—well, fuck, there was just no explaining stupid, so I stopped trying.

“We heard your last single. It fucking rocked.”

I exhaled and tried not to cough like a giant pussy. “Thanks. It was great to do live. I didn’t think anyone around here knew who I was.”

“Are you kidding?” They looked at each other. “We love your stuff.”

I smiled. “Thanks.”

We stood there awkwardly while I finished my cigarette, then begged off
with the excuse that I needed to make a call. I could tell they didn’t want to leave but didn’t want to be groupies about it either. “I think our next tour starts here, so you guys should keep an eye out for tour dates.”

“That would be awesome. See you around.” They took off down the sidewalk on their
long boards and I smiled. Okay, maybe Scout was right. This was a pretty awesome job.

I had just enough time to shower and put together a sandwich before Miranda showed up. As soon as I heard her knuckles on the door, I yanked it open and pulled her into a hug. “Thank you. Thank you for coming.”

She stepped inside and shut the door behind her.
“What’s going on? Have you talked to Jesse? Are you okay?” Arm in arm, we walked to the couch and she pulled me down to sit beside her. “Have you been crying?”

I shook my head.
“Not for a little bit.”

“
Sasha, you have to tell me what’s going on. I knew something was up when I was here last. What’s going on?”

I shi
fted uncomfortably in my seat, wanting to step away and cross my arms, put some sort of distance between us. Miranda was so much like Jesse, able to read my emotions even when I couldn’t or wouldn’t. Though she’d given me space last time, I could tell there would be no easy way out this time around.

She tightened her hold on my shoulders and wouldn’t stop staring at me.
“I’m pregnant.” It blurted out before I could stop it.

Miranda gasped and held me at arm’s length so she could stare at my still-flat belly. “Are you serious?”

I nodded and she slammed our bodies together in a giant bear hug. “Ohmigod, Sasha, ohmigod.” She peeled us apart, then hugged me again, then repeated the process twice more until I had to stop her.

“I can’t believe I’m going to be at aunt—I mean, uh—”

I smiled and shrugged her hands off my shoulders, pulling them into my lap. “It’s Jesse’s. It’s your little niece or nephew.” Her eyes watered and she tried to smile, but it faltered.

“
Should I be happy for you? Is this a good thing? Are you going to tell him?” Her voice was soft but I heard the worry in it.

“I want
to figure some things out first.”

“
But you’re going to come out right?”

I looked away and press
ed my lips into a tight line. I hadn’t really thought about Miranda pressuring me into telling Jesse. And now that I thought about it, of course she would tell him. Maybe I’d even invited her over on some subconscious level so that he would find out about it and I wouldn’t have to tell.

“He’ll want to know, Sasha.”

“And I have a right not to tell him. He made choices. Choices that impacted our relationship, including this.”

She held up her hands in surrender.
“Sorry. You’re right. I am not trying to tell you whether to tell him or not. I just wonder if this is a decision you should be making on your own.”

I
ran a hand through my hair. “Problem is, I don’t know either. This is a tough decision. But I feel like I can’t shirk my responsibilities and hand out the decision to someone else either.”

“
I get that. I just . . . I just want you guys to work it out.”

I sighed
. “I do too, Miranda. But not for the wrong reasons.”

“
But isn’t the baby the right reason?”

“
Maybe. But if I wasn’t going to stay with him before the baby, then this shouldn’t be enough to change my mind.”

“
I guess.” There was a hint of something in her voice that made me worry that our relationship wasn’t enough to trump what she and Jesse had and I couldn’t risk having her tell him. Not until I was ready.

“Please don’t tell Jesse.” I gripped her fingers until the bones mashed together and she winced. “Please. Promise me. Say it.”

“I can’t keep this secret for you, Sasha. I won’t.”

I squeezed harder. I had to tell her something so she wouldn’t let him know. “Okay. Just give me a month then. Don’t tell him for a month. Let me figure out what I’m going to do.”

She stiffened. “What you’re going to do?” Her voice rose three octaves. “What are your choices? What are you thinking?” Now she was clutching my fingers as tightly as I had hers. We were locked in handcuffs of terror.

I shook my head, quick to quell her fears. “
Nothing stupid. I’m either keeping it or giving it up for adoption. I just don’t know which one yet.”

She sagged in relief. “Okay.”
Her grip lessened. “One month. You have one month to decide and then I’m telling him.”

Shit. I hated having to lie to her, but I had a month to figure it out and to get her to give me more time before she ratted my
condition out to her brother. “Thank you.”

“But I don’t know how you’re going to avoid him, they got back into town yesterday.”

The doorbell rang, making both of us jump.

***

I walked back into the restaurant just as Scout was returning to the table. “Are we all good here?”

Scout glared at me.
“Have you talked to Sasha yet?”

“
Not that that’s any of your business, but no. Why?”

“
I don’t think we need the distraction of Sasha while you’re home. It was bad enough while we were on the road.”

“
You mean interfering with your ability to get laid?”

“
No. I mean interfering with your ability to do your job.”

Ta
te jumped up from the table and spread his arms between our chests. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, now. I think we’ve had too much to drink and not enough sleep.”

I pushed
Tate’s hand aside. “It’s fine. Let him at me.” I glared at Scout. “If you got something to say, say it now.”

“You’re too blind to see what she’s doing to you.”

I laughed. “Oh, you think so?”

“I’ve tried to keep her away from you.”

Slippery memories from the tour focused sharply and I lunged forward. “Did you purposefully fuck it up the last time she came to see me?”

“I won’t
have her fucking this up for us!” Scout screamed so loud that we were starting to draw attention from the other patrons.

Tate grabbed Scout’s arm. “What the fuck, Scout?”

I got up in his face. “If I find out you were behind this, we’re done.”

“You’re the only fucking idiot who would bring a
sandwich to a buffet.”

“This gig isn’t just about getting pussy. And if you think it is, I don’t want you to be a part of it.”

“You can’t get rid of me.” Scout pushed against Tate’s arm while he tried to keep us apart. My skin was nearly melting off, I was so overheated about what Scout had done to my relationship with Sasha. I hadn’t even considered his involvement, and his betrayal cut deep. If I didn’t get out of here fast, I was going to end up doing something that we would all regret.

Tat
e saw it too and pulled Scout a step further away.

I spun on my heel and marched out, slamming my palms hard against the doors as I went.

At the edge of the parking lot, I heard Tate calling my name. I didn’t stop, but he caught me anyway. “We’ll figure it out, man. Scout needs this. This is a ticket out for him, and he’s going to do whatever it takes.”

I spun, fists clenched.
“Including fucking up my life?”

“He’s never been real smart, you know that.
” Tate held up his hands and I relaxed a fraction. “But don’t let him get to you. We’ll figure it out.” He gripped my shoulder. “We’ll figure it out. Okay?”

I nodded. “Yeah, man. I need some time, though.”

“Take whatever you need. We got this.”

I wasn’t sure that leaving too much up to them was a great idea but I couldn’t do everything, either.
For now, I was going to have to trust that they wouldn’t fuck things up. And in truth, I wasn’t positive that I was running at one hundred percent until I got my relationship with Sasha back on track, anyway. We were all a fucking mess. “Let’s just take the day off, regroup tomorrow.”

“Good plan. I’ll take Scout out and get him to blow off some steam.”

“Thanks, man.”

***

Miranda and I stared at each other while my heart pounded in my throat. I didn’t know they were already back in town and there was no way I could avoid him. We were magnets that wouldn’t be denied and I bit my lip and stared at Miranda, then the door.

She dropped my hands and turned me toward the door. My feet wouldn
’t move any closer. Not a single inch. I put my hands on my belly and thought about bolting to my bedroom and locking myself in.

A gentle shove in the
middle of my back propelled me forward.

With my hand on the knob I took a deep breath and eased it open.

Kerri pushed through, pulling up short when she saw Miranda. She looked at me, then Miranda, her mouth opening and closing. “Sorry. I—uh, um.”

I leaned out the open door and scanned the street twice, but it was empty.
I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or disappointed that Jesse wasn’t running toward the house. I closed the door softly and turned around. “Miranda, this is my friend, Kerri. Kerri, Miranda is Jesse’s sister.”

“Oh.” Kerri looked from Miranda to me. “Oh! So did you—”

“I just barely told her, but he still doesn’t know.”

Miranda crossed her arms. “I agreed to keep it a secret for a month.”

Kerri nodded. “I think she should tell him too, but I’m okay with her figuring out options.”

I stood next to them. “I can hear you.”

Kerri waved off my comment and went into the kitchen, opening the fridge and digging out a soda. “I made some calls.”

I paused on my way to the couch. “What did you find out?”

Miranda checked her phone and looked awkwardly at the floor and I realized she had no idea what we were talking about so I filled her in about Kerri’s cousin and the adoptive family she’d found. They’d treated her really well, and they still had an open line of communication even though Kerri’s cousin didn’t tap into it very often after the baby’s birth.

Kerri brought her can around and sat on one of the barstools. “They’re open to doing another one, but you have to let them know in the next couple of weeks. I guess they’re on their way overseas for a couple months to check out a new orphanage over in China or something.”

I bit my lip and twisted my fingers. I wasn’t sure I could make a decision that fast. “Okay. Will you text me all their info?”

She nodded and took a drink.

Miranda slid her hands to her knees. “I guess I should be going.”

“No.” Kerri stood. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. I could have just called but,” she glanced away. “But I didn’t want you to be alone.”

I smiled. “You girls are the best. How about if we all hang out together and watch a movie or something. I can order a pizza.”

Miranda and Kerri looked at each other, then Kerri shrugged. “Sounds good to me.”

“Me too.”

We ordered pizza and
flipped through the channels until we found a suitable chick flick to watch, then I excused myself to change into a pair of sweats. While I was in the bathroom, the doorbell rang. “There’s money in my purse on the counter!” I shouted through the door while wrestling a sweatshirt over my head.

Changed and comfy, I strolled back into the living room, then came to a dead stop.

The girls were gone. The TV was off. And Jesse was standing in the middle of my house, pizza box in one hand, flowers in the other.