Backstage Pass: Behind the Music (7 page)

While we were basking in the afterglow of our sex marathon the doorbell rang, then someone knocked, then Kerri’s voice yelled, “Are you two decent?”

“No!” Jesse hollered back. “Go away.”

“Not a chance!” That was Miranda’s voice and it was getting closer. I squeaked and yanked the covers up to my chin. She might know I was sleeping with her brother in theory, but having her catch us in the act was a little more bonding than I wanted to do with her.

“Miranda!” he yelled. “If you step foot in this room, I will not hesitate to dunk you in the toilet—clothes or no clothes.”

“Eep.” I heard her hands hit both sides of the hall and a collision of bodies that was probably Kerri running right into the back of her.

“Come on, guys,” Kerri pleaded. “We just wan
t the scoop.”

“We’re naked and in bed!” Jesse shouted. “Isn’t that clear enough?”

Much whispering ensued in the hallway like they were negotiating a hostage situation. “No. No it’s not. We want to talk to Sasha.”

“Make me breakfast and you can have her.”

I jerked my head toward him. “That’s it?” I whispered. “Some eggs and bacon and you’re going to throw me out there?”

He slapped my butt and climbed out of bed, taking the sheet with him and wrapping it around his waist.
“The sooner I can get fed, the sooner we can get back to this.”

I wagged my eyebrows at him a
nd looked around for my clothes while he ushered the girls away from the bedroom and into the kitchen with silly stern commands that had all of us laughing by the time he got in the shower. I dressed quickly and raced out to see Kerri and Miranda. They spun around, eager for info.

“What happened?” Kerri asked.

“Before I tell you, I’m going to beat you both.” I slapped them playfully on the arm. “What the hell, sabotaging me like that? You just toss him in here and run?”

They looked at each other, then at me. “Worked, didn’t it?” Miranda said with a shrug.

I crossed my arms and tried my best to be stern. “Yes.”

They laughed and hugged me. “
We knew you guys just needed some time.”

“So...” Kerri glanced down the hall toward the bathroom. “Did you guys figure everything out?”

I didn’t want to talk about it without Jesse, so I just smiled and nodded. “There are still a bunch of details to iron out, but we’re back together and ready to do whatever it takes.”

They hugged me tightly again.

“What’s going on out here?”

We peeled apart as Jesse walked around the corner
, hair wet from the shower and t-shirt clinging to his damp shoulders.

Miranda squealed and hugged him and he hugged her back, lifting an eyebrow in question as he looked at me.

I just smiled. “They’re super happy that they let you in last night without my permission,” I teased.

He hugged Miranda back. “Me too! Me too.”

She let go and stepped away.

“But what I want to know,” Jesse said, folding his arms over his chest
, “is how long I’m going to have to wait for my breakfast.”

I rolled my eyes and kissed him, then went to take a shower while the girls fed him and grilled him for
more info.

***

I watched Sasha go, then raced after her when she reached the bathroom. My hands grabbed her waist and I swung her around, then pressed her into the wall and kissed her until we were both breathless. Her fingers rested against my spine and I suddenly wanted to be alone with her again so I could make love with her right here in the hallway.

My hand curled around her hip and down
her back, then lifted and curled her thigh against my waist. She moaned and pressed into me and I fitted us together. Christ she was so fucking sexy. And the mother of my baby. It was almost too much for my heart to handle. Getting her back had nearly sent me over the edge, but getting her back with a plus one was more than I ever could have wished for.

It was impossible to be a part of my family and not want something like that for myself. But I’d shoved it off my radar years ago because I knew that
a family couldn’t be forced. My family wasn’t immune to issues, but it was the width of Mom and Dad’s foundation that kept us steady and rooted through the shit storms. And I understood, too, that Mom and Dad were partners in the parenting—Mom may have been the one to lay down the laws, but there was no going around her for a different answer out of Dad. I wanted that same kind of partnership and I felt like Sasha could be my other half when it came to a family, even though her experience was a little different than mine had been.

My tongue tangled with hers and I tasted the sweetness that was only Sasha. God, I loved her so much. So much more than anything that had existed for me before.

I knew we were on the road to the future but I had so much making up to do that I didn’t want to waste a minute. Kerri and Miranda were great, but they could get info out of Sasha when we weren’t together.

I suck
led her lip slowly and withdrew even though I really didn’t want to stop.

She blinked and licked her lips. “What was that for?”

I leaned my forehead against hers. “I love you.”

She pressed her fingertips into my back. “I love you, too.”

I kissed her nose and peeled my hands off her waist and set them on the wall above her head. “Can I get rid of them while you’re in there?”

She laughed. “No, let them stay—but only for breakfast. Then you can kick them out. We at least owe them a few minutes since they kind of helped this along.”

I sighed. “Fine.”

She kissed me and sauntered into the bathroom, pausing as the door was almost closed. “Be good.”

I rolled my eyes and went back to the kitchen, settling on a barstool and watching them fix scrambled eggs, pancakes, and bacon. “I saw Axel yesterday.”

Kerri looked up from whipping the eggs, a blush tinting her cheeks. “Ah, yeah, he mentioned that.”

I lifted an eyebrow. “Oh yeah, what else did he mention?”

She glanced at Miranda
, then back at me. “Just that he was pretty sure you were totally still in love with Sasha and if I saw a chance to force the two of you together that I should take it.”

I tilted my head back and laughed.
“He’s pretty smart, that guy.”

Her blush deepened. “Yeah. I think I’m pretty into him.”

“I think he’s nice,” Miranda added.

They got caught up in a discussion about all
of Axel’s attributes while I listened with half an ear and felt like half of my own body was on the other side of the door. I’d never felt like this before, not even during any point during our relationship. Something really had happened—whether it was the pregnancy or the scare of losing her forever, something had widened and deepened our relationship to a level that I was having a tough time getting a grip on. I wasn’t sure I needed to understand it, but it was an elusive itch that needed scratching.

Sasha came back out and the four of us ate while the girls teased Sasha about eating for two.

I laughed. “My ass. She’s always eaten for two.”

She playfully shoved my shoulder and I popped ano
ther slice of bacon in my mouth and carried my plate to the sink.

Miranda defended her. “I say if she can eat whatever she wants, she should.”

“Thanks.” Sasha piled two more pancakes and a ridiculous amount of syrup onto her plate.

I
rinsed my plate and stuck it in the dishwasher, then glanced at the clock. I hadn’t heard from Tate or Scout since yesterday’s incident, but if I wanted to keep this music gig I did need to do some work today. I stepped behind Miranda and rested my hands on her shoulders. She jumped like she’d been waiting for an attack.

Sasha stuck a forkful of gooey, syrupy pancake in her mouth and glanced up at me. “Do you have to go?”

I rocked Miranda back and forth. “Yeah, I better. Will you girls keep an eye on her for a couple hours while I meet the guys?”

They nodded. “Of course.”

Sasha’s eyes were soft and I couldn’t find a single trace of anger or disappointment or any of the things that should probably be there since I was abandoning her to go do music stuff. She smiled sweetly. “Will I see you tonight?”

I let go of Miranda and strode quickly around to Sasha’s side of the breakfast bar.
One hand slid so perfectly behind the nape of her neck, and the other found its hold at her waist as I leaned her back. “Tonight.” I kissed her. “And every other.”

As I leaned in for another smacker of a kiss, Miranda and Kerri made a ridiculous number of oohs and aahs but they faded to nothing as my lips met Sasha’s
.

What a whirlwind morning. After the girls helped me clean up—and they’d gotten the requisite amount of dirt out of me—I sat alone on the couch and thought about the crazy of the last twelve hours.

I was so freaking in love with that man I could hardly stand it. I felt all dopey-faced and gooey, just sitting on the couch daydreaming about all the awesome we were going
to make.

Which left me with one more person to tell.

And I wasn’t entirely sure how Mom was going to take it. Rocker Dad had been bad enough with the unsolicited advice. I loved Mom to death, but this was a subject we’d steered clear of on purpose. Even that last conversation had been unbelievably uncomfortable and I wasn’t sure how much further she was going to let me take it. But she was already going to be upset that I hadn’t called her first. The more people who found out before her, the worse it was going to be. I wanted her to listen and be supportive, even if she didn’t approve.

I stalled and poured myself another cup of coffee. My first prenatal appointment wasn’t for another couple of weeks. I wondered if maybe she’d want to come with me.
I suppressed the thought that I could wait and tell her then, but it did make me smile. Maybe surprising her with something like this wasn’t the best idea. It’d be one thing if Jesse and I were married and we’d done this in the “proper” order and when I wasn’t in the middle of school, but life happened and she knew that better than anyone.

I took the coffee and my phone outside and
dialed her up.

“Hey sweetie.”

“Hey Mom. You want to come visit?”

She laughed. “Of course. I haven’t seen you for a while. What’s new?”

“Um.”

“Sasha! Are you pregnant?”

“Oh my gosh, Mom! That’s the first thing you ask?”

“Well, you never call me
. How am I supposed to know what’s going on with you? How’s Jesse?”

I wrinkled up my nose. “Good. We had a bumpy patch. I
, um, yeah, we’re totally preggers.”

Silence hung heavily on the line.
“Sash . . .” She drew my name out like she did that time that I’d come home to find my bunny had been killed by the neighborhood dog. But this wasn’t like that.

“It’s okay M
om. It’s more than okay. We’re good.”

“
Were you in the bumpy patch when you found out you were pregnant?”

“Yes, but—
”

“Oh, honey.” There was so much pity in her voice that I couldn
’t hardly stand it. Now I was glad I didn’t have to see the disappointment on her face.

I sighed and wished I hadn’t called her. This wasn’t what I needed today. I needed her to be happy for me. “Never
mind, I’ll just talk to you about that later. How’s Dad doing?”

“Sasha, I’m sorry.
I just—”

I filled in the blank with a thousand things while she hesitated. This wasn’t about me or my issue
, this was still about her and Rocker Dad, and I needed to remember that when we talked about this. I cleared my throat and tried to get over the hurt and disappointment. I thought this was something we could have in common.

“He’s fine. They have to run more tests on him.”

Silence hung thick and humid in the air between us. I didn’t know what else to say to her and it sounded like she was in the same place. “I’m sorry Sasha, I just can’t lie to you about how I feel. Is that what you want?”

No, what I wanted was for her t
o be happy for me. “It’s fine, Mom.”

“
What about a wedding?”

“
He didn’t propose.”

She sighed heavily and might as well have called me a moron for all that I heard in that one sound. She wasn’t even trying to be happy for me. At least
Rocker Dad had been kind of happy, if not cautious.

“
This isn’t you and Dad.”

“
No, but the ending will be the same.”

I gasped in utter shock and disbelief. She’d met Jesse, she knew what a great guy he was. I couldn’t believe that my being pregnant was enough for her to lose her shit over this and project her own failed marriage onto mine, especially when she’d found an awesome guy and knew that good marriages were out there.
“Why can’t you just be happy?”

“
Because you’re being a fool about this and I know that you’re going to regret it.”

“Do you regret me, M
om?”

***

Sasha’s phone went to voicemail again. I’d been trying for an hour and I was really hoping she was taking a nap since we hadn’t gotten much sleep last night but an uneasiness was starting to creep into my worry.

We hadn’t really talked about emergencies, or the pregnancy. I didn’t even know if she had
a doctor she saw for that kind of thing. We were going to have to get a serious protocol in place before I left the house again. For all I knew she’d fallen and knocked her head on the counter and was lying in a pool of blood.

“Jesse!”

I jerked and looked up to see Tate scowling at me.

“What the hell, man?”

“Sorry.” I shook my head. “Wasn’t listening.”

“Yeah, got that part. You okay?”

I checked my phone one last time, then shoved it in my pocket. “Yeah. What else?”

Tate ran through the rest of the details
we needed to get knocked out, and most of them were pretty simple. We had a couple signings at local record stores, three interviews on the radio, and a few appearances at night club openings and one bizarre one that Scout had set up at his cousin’s tire store. But other than that, we’d tackled a good portion of Ainsley’s housekeeping stuff.

“Is that it?”
I asked as my phone vibrated in my pocket.

As Tate started to answer,
I held up my hand and fumbled for my phone, relieved to see Sasha’s number. I stepped away from the guys and answered. “Hey babe.”

Nothing but sobbing came from Sasha’s end.
Worry flooded me and I gripped the phone tighter. “Sasha? Sasha! What’s wrong?”

She tearfully recounted most of
the conversation she’d just had with her mom but I could only understand bits and pieces through the hysterical crying. I was a little surprised that her mom hadn’t been a better support, but I’d only thought about how my mom was probably going to react. Right now, I just wanted to make things better for Sasha. “What can I do? Do I need to come home right now?”

“No.”
I almost thought she’d pulled herself together and then she started sobbing again.

“
I’m on my way.”

She sniffled and took a shaky breath.
“No. I’ll be fine. I shouldn’t have called, I was just so overwhelmed that she of all people couldn’t just be happy for me.” She drew another deep breath. “Take care of your stuff and then just come home when you’re done. I’m fine, really.”

“You don’t sound fine.”
We didn’t have much left to do today, and nothing that couldn’t be done without me. And even if there was, I could tackle it in the morning, or tonight after I got Sasha calmed down and we figured out a way to talk to her mom—and mine. “I’ll hurry.”

“Okay.”

We hung up and I felt a huge lump form in my stomach. I needed to go and be with her.

Tate
came over and chucked me on the shoulder. “Everything okay?”

“No. Sasha’s a mess. I gotta go.”

“Cool.”

“Not cool,” Scout yelled from across the room.
“This is what I was talking about. She’s going to fuck up everything.”

“Stop right there, Scout,
” I said, tensing for the argument that had been brewing since we’d gotten home. “You don’t know anything about what’s going on.”

“I don’t need to.”

“The hell you don’t.” My shoulders tensed, instantly defensive. “You have no idea what’s going on with us.”

“Not exactly a mystery.”

Tate laid a hand on my shoulder but I shrugged it off. “Let it go, man.”

I
glared at Tate. “No. I’m done putting up with his bullshit.” I turned to Scout. “This isn’t all about you. And you’d better get that straight real fucking fast.”

“Or what.”

“You really want me to answer that?”

Scout lunged up off
his chair. “Yeah, I do. Or what?”

“Or you
’re done. I don’t have time for your fucking drama on every road trip, and I sure as fuck don’t have time for it while we’re home.”

“Then go be with your bitch.”

“Fuck.” Tate lunged to stop me the moment Scout said the words, but he was too late. By the time he scrambled across the room, I already had Scout in a headlock and he was tapping out.

I shoved his head deeper into the carpet. “Don’t make me fucking fight you!”

“Get—the fuck off me!”

I leaned on him harder, feeling the strain of his shoulder muscles where I had his arm wrapped around his head. “You can’t say shi
t like that about Sasha, get it?”

“Fuck! No.”

Tate tried to wrestle me off, but I punched him in the kneecap. He fell on the floor. “Fuck you, Scout. You’re on your own.” Tate rolled to his side, clutching his knee. “Fucking apologize before he snaps your head off.”

I pushed hard and fast, grinding his face at an angle.
“I’m serious, Scout.” My teeth ached from clenching them so hard. “You better back the fuck off my relationship with Sasha. And if I find out that you had anything to do with the last tour, I’m going to pulverize your face.”

“You need me.”

I leaned close to his face so he wouldn’t miss a word. “I don’t need anyone. Got that? I need Sasha. And if you’re not going to be okay with that, then you can find your way out.”

“Ainsley will never go for that if I leave.”

I pinned him to the floor and dug my phone out. “Really? Let’s call her.”

“Jesse,
” Tate warned in a low voice. I didn’t look at him. He could fuck off too. No one was coming between me and Sasha. I’d built this band and I could build another one.

Scout struggled and tried to kick out at me but I settled my knee into the small of his back. “How many brothers do I have, Scout?”

“Fuck, I don’t know, a million?”

“Right. And guess how many of them can get out of this hold?”

“I hate you.”

“Good.
Should I call Ainsley.”

He didn’t say anything, but the fury burning in his eyes was enough
recognition that this was still my show, no matter where Sasha ended up on the priority list.

“I didn’t work my fucking ass o
ff with you guys so we could get here and implode.” I slapped the top of Scout’s head. “Got that?”

He ground his teeth together.
“I fucking hate you.”

I let go of him and shoved him. “Good. Go write a song about it.”

Tate jumped up, ready to get between us again.

Scout was too smart to come at me again. His MO had always been back-stabbing and I’d never been on the wrong side of him.

Not until now.