Bittersweet Hope (7 page)

“That’s not true. You have us.” Simple was probably my best line of defense right now. Because to be honest, I wasn’t exactly sure what I was fighting. Just in the few minutes I’d seen her I could tell Sadie seemed slightly different.
But it wasn’t a good different, like Sierra. She was more defensive, more determined. Warning signals blared in my head.

“Not really. You guys aren’t there. Tori is.”

My breath caught in my throat and I straightened.

“We’re here now.” Sierra said.

Sadie shrugged. “Yeah, but not all the time. I’ll get to see you guys for a few minutes at school during the week.” She shook her head. “Look, it’s not a big deal, alright? Just don’t be mean to her. She’s my friend, and if you guys don’t like her I really don’t care.”

“Sadie—“

“That’s enough. Seriously.” She turned on her heel and headed into the office. Sierra followed, raising her eyebrows at me as she walked by and twirling her finger in a circle beside her ear. I sighed. Sadie was not crazy. But something was off.

A dark haired woman sat behind a big glass counter, and my sisters stopped in front of her. I caught the side of the wooden door in my hand and watched
the two of them for a second.. Sadie looked back at me, but didn’t smile.

At least the thud of the closing door behind me covered up the sound of my shattering heart.

Chapter Eight

I chewed on the inside of my mouth, ignoring the stinging feeling as the phone rang in my ear. The dull sound seemed to echo throughout my brain. I couldn’t calm my restless fingers. I played with the hem of my skirt, then scratched at my arms even though they didn’t itch. Finally, someone picked up on the other end of the line.

“Rocky Creek Police Department, can I help you please?” Her voice had a distinct southern drawl to it, thick and syrupy.

“Uh…yes, I mean yes ma’am. Is Officer Cane or Officer Wilder available?”

I didn’t really want to speak to Officer Wilder. He wouldn’t be any help, judging by his lack of ability to speak when giving the news about Mama. But if Officer Cane couldn’t come to the phone, he would have to do. I prayed they were there. It wasn’t like Rocky Creek had a high crime rate—except the murder of my mother, of course.

“Sure, honey, hold on just a minute.” Crackling noises popped in my ear, and I knew she had covered the phone with her hand. A few muffled words and the sound of the receiver passing hands later, the voice of an older man came on the line.

“This is Officer Cane. Can I help ya?”
He had a friendly, genuine voice, and instantly made me feel slightly better. Only slightly, though.

My voice failed me for a second. I opened my mouth, but no words would come out. I just stood, there with my face stuffed into my locker hoping nobody would see me or wonder who I was talking to. In my mind, invisibility cloaked me.

“Hello?” Officer Cane asked again.

“Hi. This is. I mean, I’m—this is Audrey Emerson. I wanted to check and see how things were going about…about my mama.”

I hadn’t really thought about trying to find out anything before Caleb had asked about Mama’s murder. I’d wondered if I would eventually know, but after he said something Friday night, it had been in the forefront of my mind.

Officer Cane cleared his throat on the other end of the line. I pictured him holding the phone to his ear in his burly, wrinkled hands, rocking back on his heel the way he had when he’d come to the apartment just a few days ago.

“I remember you, Miss Emerson. How are you?”

How was I?
Okay I guessed, but I didn’t want him to ask me how I was. I wanted him to give me some answers.

“Good. Have you found out what happened yet? I mean, have you found out who killed her?”

Saying the words left a sickening feeling in my mouth. The taste of acid burned my throat, but I scrunched my eyes closed, willing it away. One deep breath, two deep breaths…finally it felt like I could open my eyes and the world wouldn’t be spinning.

There was a pause on the other end. “I’m afraid we don’t have any answers for you right now. I wish I could tell you different.”

Needing air, I pulled my head from my locker and looked at the floor, ignoring the sounds of the people walking and talking behind me. They would never find him. I didn’t know why I thought Officer Cane would be able to tell me anything. It could be so many different people, and they could be so many different places by now. The proverbial needle in the haystack.

“Miss Emerson?” Officer
Cane spoke up, his voice deeper.

“Yes?”
Hopefully he wouldn’t pick up on the strained sound of my voice. I cleared my throat, then rolled my eyes at myself.
Way to get him not to notice, Audrey.

“How are you holding up? I spoke with Mrs. Anderson and she told me she placed you with a foster family.”

“I’m fine.” I managed to say.

“Are they nice?”

Yes. They were nice. Even though I hadn’t wanted them to be at first, I was glad they were. They’d accepted me without question, especially Anna, and made me feel like part of them in only a couple of days. That had to count for something.

“Yes.”
I said, my voice barely a whisper.

“That’s good. You know…you’ve been through quite a lot, I imagine, you and your sisters. Maybe it will be good for you to have someone accountable in your life. I’d think you might need a friend right about now. Maybe somebody in your foster family could be that kind of person for you. It could help a great deal.”

I thought about Caleb. He had been really nice to me. But friends? I didn’t know if we would be close, or if I would even feel comfortable talking to him. I could talk to Anna, I supposed, but it would be so much harder with an adult. She would be more likely to just feel sorry for me, and that was the last thing I wanted, or needed for that matter. I knew she wouldn’t ever mean for it to come across that way, but adults can’t help it.

Office Cane was right though. I’d been holding everything in for such a long time, without feeling like I had anyone to turn to. Seeing my sisters in a new light just that morning had really made me think of how many times I could have gone to them, could have confided in them, and maybe had a bit of a healthier disposition if I had.

“Thanks, Officer Cane.” I finally said. “If you find out anything, will you—will you please let me know?”

“I certainly will, young lady.” He answered. I thanked him again and gave him the number to the cell Anna had given me. Then we hung up, and I wondered if this new life I had been thrown int
o could be the chance I needed.

Chapter Nine

Lunch time. The part of the day I’d been dreading the most. I could blend in well enough in my classes, but sitting alone at a lunch table was like, my nightmare. I didn’t mind eating in by myself. It was the picture it painted. Friendless. Unimportant. Black hole of lonely. Take your pick.

Sierra and Sadie were nowhere to be found as I scanned the crowded cafeteria, and my hands were staring to go numb from holding onto my tray so tightly as I searched, desperately, for one of them. I really did not want to sit all alone and be dub
bed a loser immediately.

In the far corner, Caleb sat with a big group. There were a few guys in Thorne County baseball t-shirts and a girl in preppy, bright col
ored clothes. As my gaze drifted from table to table and I evaluated the crowd in the lunchroom, I realized they were probably the popular kids. For a second I toyed with the idea of going over and saying hi to Caleb, so at least I would look like I knew somebody, but it didn’t take long to nix that idea. No way was I stepping into that lion’s den, because then he’d have to explain my foster kid status. Not fun.

My eyes kept involuntarily darting over to them as I searched for a place to sit. The girl was pretty. She didn’t seem to be paying much attention to Caleb, so I didn’t really think she could be his girlfriend. It didn’t really matter though. Who cared if he had a girlfriend? Not me.

There was an empty table all the way across the room from where Caleb sat, so I chose it to have my solitary lunch. He’d probably been too busy hamming it up with all his friends to even notice me come in.

I mean, come on, the boy chewed tobacco. Gross. He was nice to look at, but he could definitely be a pain, too.  Besides.
We weren’t even friends. One party didn’t make him my new bff or something.

I’d just picked up my crappy plastic fork and tried to cut into the cardboard like pizza that was supposed to somehow be edible, when someone flopped down in the seat across from me.

I looked up in surprise, only to find Sierra staring at her plate, a grimace firm on her face.

“We’re actually supposed to eat this stuff?” She drug her fork through the meager salad on her tray.

“Hey!”

I almost squealed I was so happy to see my sister. And I never squealed. Ever. I swept the room one more time. The lunch lines were thinning out, but sti
ll no sign of Sadie. My heart thumped for a second, when I realized that if she wasn’t in this lunch wave, she would be the one out of the three of us that would be stuck eating alone. I looked around some more. It didn’t seem like Tori was in here, either. Even though I frowned at the thought of Sadie spending any more time than necessary with that fruit cake, at least she wouldn’t be by herself.

My mind transported back to my old high school. I didn’t have many friends, okay, make that zero friends, but at least Sierra and Sadie and I always sat together at lunch. And Zach had sat with us a couple of times…

Zach. As if he had materialized at the mere thought of him, he was in front of me. He stood in the doorway of the cafeteria, his leather jacket bunched up on his muscular shoulders, his stance cocky and uncaring as he surveyed the room. My heart skipped a beat. No, wait. It didn’t skip. It dropped. Dropped into my stomach, surrounded in a ball of nerves. I wondered if he was pissed that I’d gone off the grid.

“Sierra.” I whispered.

“What?” She stared at me. I didn’t answer, so she asked again. “Audrey. What is it?” Finally noticing how wide my eyes were, she followed them. When she saw Zach her mouth dropped open.

“Oh, crap
. Do you think he’s here for you?”

“Why else would he be here?” My voice was still a whisper, but it didn’t matter. He’d spotted us. As he sauntered toward us, goose bumps went up and down my arms. He was hot. But he was dangerous. Now that I’d had a few days to reflect on it I wasn’t even sure why I’d wanted to go out with him to begin with. Zach wasn’t someone you messed around with. You didn’t lead a guy like that on—you would probably end up regretting it if you did.

“Hey Audrey.” He said, his broad, tan face breaking into a smile as he sat next to Sierra. “How ya doin?”

I opened my mouth, then closed it again. What
would I say to him? I looked at Sierra for some sort of guidance, but she just stared, slack jawed. Her nose had wrinkled up when she sat down. I knew why—Zach smelled like he had bathed in cheap cologne. He reeked.

“Uh, Zach…what are you doing here?” The words finally found a way out of my mouth.

He shrugged, his brown eyes flat. “I heard you guys got moved to this school. Too bad about your Ma.” He looked around the room, licking his full lips.

“Yeah…too bad.” If I could see the inside of my head at that moment, it seemed like there would be giant red lights going off and the sounds of sirens blaring, all at the same time as tiny men
ran around banging on random things with sledge hammers.

“How ya doin? Sierra, right?” He picked up Sierra’s tea cup and took a swig out of it. She narrowed her eyes and just nodded.

His attention turned back to me. “I remembered you didn’t have my number or anything, so you wouldn’t be able to get in touch with me about getting together. When do ya wanna go?”

I almost spit my own tea out when he asked. “What?” He could not be serious. He comes to my new school, sits down for point three seconds and asks me about going on a date? Un-freaking-believable.

“You know. A movie or something, or maybe we could go to that new bar-b-que joint. When do you want to go?”

Sierra looked at me. I looked at Zach. The throngs of kids in the cafeteria seemed to disappear. He thought I still wanted to go out? My mother just died! I was in foster care now, having to get used to a new school, not to mention a new flipping family, and he thought I still wanted to go out?

“I…uh…I don’t think I can go out, Zach.”

He stared. Then h
is face twisted, changing in an instant from open and curious to angry. “What?”

“I just don’t think now is really that great of a time…”Words failed me. My freaking heart almost failed me.

“How is it any different?”

“My mother just died. You know that.”

“Yeah, but wouldn’t it do you some good to get out of the house or somethin’?”

Why did he not get this? I couldn’t comprehend how he could really need this much explanation. I didn’t want to go out. That answer should have been enough. Still, I tried to make him understand.

“I don’t know, I just got placed with this new foster family. They’re really nice, and I don’t know if I want to rock the boat or anything right now.” I hoped he would buy that.

“What, you think you’re too good for me now? Is that it?”

I’d never seen anyone get so mad so quickly. I didn’t think I was too good, I just didn’t know if I could stomach the look on Anna’s face if a guy like Zach showed up on her front porch.             

“So that’s how it’s gonna be, huh?” He pushed himself up from his seat. “You probably wouldn’t have been worth my time anyway.”

I didn’t say a word. I stared as he turned and walked out of the cafeteria.

“Well.
What a pleasant conversation.” Sierra said, her eyebrows raised.

“Wow.” In like two minutes he’d gone from hap
py to downright pissed. Who did that?

“I can’t believe he came out here! He has to be skipping class, too.”

“Sierra. Does that really surprise you?”’

“Guess not.”

I stole a quick glance in the direction of Caleb’s table. Nobody seemed to have even noticed Zach’s little visit. “I’m glad Caleb didn’t notice him.” I murmured. I didn’t really know why I cared if Caleb saw Zach. But I did.

“Who?” Sierra’s eyebrows were knitted together.

“Huh?” What in the heck was she babbling about now?

“Caleb. Who’s Caleb?”

Crap
.

“He’s Anna’s son.”

“Anna, your foster mother?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Cute son?”

I laughed. “That’s the first thing that pops into your head?”

“Duh.”

“See for yourself.” I nodded toward the other end of the cafeteria. “He’s over there. Red and blue plaid shirt, blonde hair.”

Sierra whipped around in her seat.

“Make it obvious why don’t you.”

I tried to be invisible as she turned back toward me. “Audrey. That guy is seriously hot.”

I shrugged as my eyes cut in Caleb’s direction. He
laughed with the other guys at his table, high fives going all around.

“Eh. I haven’t really noticed.”

My sister raised her eyebrows. “Liar.” Sierra laughed as she tried to cut the same piece of pizza three times. “Your face is blood red right now.”

“Shut up, it is not.” I pulled my hair around my face, trying my best to hide.

Sierra looked like she might say something else, but the bell rang then, signaling the end of lunch. She snickered and stood up, her tray in her hand.

“Try not to turn into mush around this guy, okay? You used to do that all the time, before you stopped having time to like boys. Other than grease monkey, I mean.”

The mention of Zach again made me a little uneasy. He was the type to hang around the parking lot and wait on me this afternoon. Thank God I would be with Caleb. I wanted to kick myself for ever getting into that mess.

My sister walked her tray to the big industrial sized trash cans and put it in the dish window once she’d emptied it. She turned back and waved before going out the big double glass doors, and I was alone. Again.

...

I glanced down at my watch. Three forty: five. Fifteen minutes past the time Caleb told me before school. A part of me wished I had the keys so I could leave him behind. Not to mention I was still jumpy about Zach. I didn’t see his car anywhere around, but every time I heard an engine cran
k up I found myself fidgeting, nervous it was him.

Finally, Caleb came into sight, strolling toward the truck as if he wasn’t late at all, a wad of tobacco already in his bottom lip. Boys could be so gross.

I tapped my foot on the pavement as he strode toward me.

“I thought you said three-thirty on the dot?” My tone was more biting than I had intended it to be.

He shrugged and opened the truck door. “I had to talk to somebody.”

I shifted my jaw line to keep from biting his head off, even though I knew I shouldn’t be too annoyed with him. He didn’t have to give me a ride, afte
r all, he could have told me to take the bus. I was just so on edge, it was coming across as being pissy.

Using the same maneuver as earlier in the day, I got into the truck and buckled my seat belt. My eyes stayed trained on the window.

Caleb turned the key in the ignition and the engine roared to life. I leaned on my elbow on the door, resting my head in my hands and closing my eyes. A second later, my body felt as if it caught on fire.

I jumped. Caleb had reached across me to grab a worn ball cap out of the glove compartment, his arm rubbing against the top of my bare knee for only a moment. My face felt flushed as lightning bugs did a line dance in my stomach. I looked at h
im, my eyes meeting his intense, icy blue ones. It must have been a millisecond in real time, but for what felt like years our eyes stayed connected. Finally, I turned my head.

Caleb cleared his throat. I didn’t dare look toward him again. He could probably hear my heart beating against my chest, pounding so hard it
made my toes vibrate. It felt odd to go from having Zach making my skin crawl only a few hours ago, to Caleb lighting it on fire now.

The ride home must have taken an hour, or at least, it felt that way in my head. I held my hands together in my lap and focused on the trees passing by the window until we were back in front of the yellow house that had been very slowly becoming home. Now, it looked slightly intimidating. When we parked, I hesitated, not knowing if I should say anything. I wanted to…but I couldn’t.

I threw open the door and hopped out, not caring if I did it in a lady like fashion or not. Going into the house, I zoomed toward the staircase. Just behind me, the door slammed shut in the living room, so I ran up the stairs and into my room. Closing the door and leaning against it, I gasped for breath.

Caleb’s heavy footsteps thundered up t
he steps, pausing at the threshold to his room. My chest started burning and I realized I had sucked in my breath, holding in until he closed his door.

Whoa. I walked over to flop on my bed. There were still goose bumps floating along the skin on my arm. But not the nervous kind, like from Zach. The good kind. The Oh-My-God-I-Am-Going-To-Die kind. My mind went back to ten minutes ago, when his warm skin had touched mine and enough electricity to light New York City had exploded inside the cab of his truck. Just the thought of it made my face burn and my toes curl.

A voice inside my head screamed at me not to go there. He wasn’t going to be into me. Besides, there were bigger things to worry about, like who killed my mother. And Sadie and her little oompa loompa friend. I had no time for a guy. Just like always.