Broken (15 page)

He showed up exactly
twenty minutes later. He was acting very nervous and distant. I was
now convinced I was getting dumped. I just wanted to get the night
over with. I asked him “Where are you taking me?”

“
You’ll see when we get
there,” he said. “We will be there in a few minutes.”

We pulled into Wales Park
and as we passed “our” spot I said, “Ummmm . . . I think you just
passed it.”

“
No, I didn’t,” he said,
very distracted.

We drove about a quarter
of a mile down the road and pulled into a dirt drive. He parked the
car and turned it off. “Come on.”

“
It’s pitch black out
there!” I said in horror.

He got out of the car and
started walking. I was panicked. Do I stay in the car and get
killed by an ax murder or do I go with him and let him break my
heart?

Finally, I jumped out of
the car and walked quickly after him. “What the hell, Garrett, wait
for me!” I yelled to him.

“
Let’s go slow poke!” He
said turning his head towards me.

I heard a strange noise in
the darkness and started running towards him. I caught up and
grabbed his hand. He looked down at me and gave me a
smirk.

Suddenly, he yelled,
“Now!”

A bunch of car headlights
shone directly at us and about fifteen people yelled,
“Surprise!”

I nearly had a heart
attack. Garrett was laughing hysterically.

“
Happy Birthday,
Babe.”

I smiled while staring at the
picture.

He walked up behind me wrapping his
arms around me. “See, I told you I never forgot you.”

Chapter
1
2

We arrived at my Mother’s a few
minutes early. Garrett had a look of concern on his
face.

I touched the top of his hand. “Don’t
worry. It’s going to be fine,” I said in a calm and reassuring
tone.

I honestly had no clue how things were
going to go, but I was a grown woman, and my mother would have to
understand that I could make my own choices.

As soon as we walked in through the
front door the aroma of turkey and apple pie filled my nostrils. My
stomach started to growl. Garrett gripped my hand and squeezed it
tight.

I looked up at him and smiled while
squeezing his hand back. “Don’t be nervous, it’s not like you have
never met my mother before.”

“
Mom! We’re here,” I
yelled.

“
I’m in the kitchen,
Honey!”

We walked hand in hand into the
kitchen. My mom spun around happily throwing her arms out to hug
me. “Happy . . . .”

The look on her face said it all. I
was really hoping deep down inside she wouldn’t judge the situation
before she’d heard me out. Obviously, this was not going to be the
case.

“
Leila. . . You didn’t
tell me you were bringing . . . A guest,” she said stunned,
nervously shooting a glance Garrett’s way.

“
Sorry, it was kind of a
last minute thing. I didn’t think I would have to, since we always
have enough to feed an army,” I replied defensively.

“
No, it’s fine we have
plenty of food,” she said while she fidgeted with the salt and
pepper shakers that sat on the counter.

“
Come on grab the turkey
platter and let’s eat,” she said without saying hello to Garrett.
 

We headed into the dining room. My
mother had the place decorated like it should have been on the
cover of a Pottery Barn catalogue.

“
The place looks beautiful
Mrs. C,” Garrett said nervously.

“
Thanks,” she said
shortly.

Things were definitely very awkward. I
squeezed his hand hard trying to let him know it would be
ok.

As soon as we sat down my mother laid
into us. “So, exactly how long have you two been back
together?

“
Mom, please. Not now.
Can’t we just enjoy our dinner?” I pleaded.

“
Well, I am wondering just
how long you have been keeping this secret from me, Leila. Three
weeks ago, you had locked yourself in a bathroom stall crying over
him and now he's here. So, please excuse me for being a bit
confused,” she snapped glancing over at Garrett with a dirty look
on her face.

“
Well, if you really want
to know, Mother, he showed up at Danny’s last night looking for me.
Would you like to know all the gritty details?” I snapped at
her.

“
Spare me,” she said
putting her hand up in the air. “But I am curious how long it is
going to take for you to be crying and close to a nervous breakdown
again,” she said not taking her eyes off Garrett.

She now directed herself to him. “You
do realize it almost killed her when you left? She locked herself
in her room for nearly three months. I actually had to bring food
up to her room to eat.”

He was very flushed and looked angry.
“She wasn’t the only one hurting. We both lost
something.”

“I’m not sure how you figure you lost
something. You are the one who broke her heart and took off to God
knows where,” her voice was in an icy tone.

“You never told her?” He turned to me
with a stunned expression on his face.

Fuck my life. What the hell was I
thinking by bringing him here? I should have warned my
mother.

“Answer me,” Garrett said
angrily.

“No.” My eyes were welling up with
tears.

He stood up. “Jesus Christ! So
everyone thinks I am a cold hearted bastard who just dumped his
girlfriend and took off!” He yelled.

“Garrett, please!” I cried.

“See what I mean, Leila, you are with
him one day and you’re already in tears. He is not good for you,”
my mother pleaded.

That was the straw that broke the
camel’s back. Garrett was out the front door in the blink of an
eye.

“
Jesus Christ, Mom!” I
screamed at her as I ran out the front door after him.

He was already in his car with the
engine running.

“
Garrett,
wait!”

I jumped into the passenger’s seat. He
wouldn’t look at me, he was breathing heavily as he gripped the
steering wheel. He peeled out of my Mother’s driveway and took
off.

We sat in silence for about five
minutes as he sped down the road. I was trying to find the
words.

“
I’m sorry, I should have
told her. I just never found the right time to,” I
cried.

He slammed on his breaks. “I can’t
fucking believe you!"

I put my head in my hands. “I know I’m
so sorry. . .”

His anger reminded me of the night I
told him what I had done.

We had gone out to dinner
at the Olive Garden, my favorite restaurant. He was so happy. He
couldn’t stop talking about “us and our family.” I didn’t say much
during dinner and barely ate a thing.
I
had a pain in the pit of my stomach and felt like
vomiting.

I hadn’t had the courage
to tell him what I had done a week earlier. I had lied to him, told
him I was sick with the flu. He wanted to come over and bring me
chicken soup. I had told him it was a stomach virus, I didn’t want
him to catch it and miss work.

After dinner we went to
Wales Park to take a walk. I could barely look at him. I was ridden
with guilt. I knew how much he had wanted this.

When we came across a
bench, I asked him to sit. I really needed to talk to
him.

“
You feeling ok, Babe, you
don’t look so good. Is it your stomach? Are you feeling queasy
again?” He looked so worried.

He took one of my hands in
his and put his other hand on my stomach and had me sit down next
to him. I felt a huge lump in my throat. My saliva became thick in
my mouth. I felt as if I could throw-up. I broke out in cold sweats
and started to see spots.

“
I don’t know how to tell
you this. . .” I said.

I could see the look of
fear in his eyes. “Did you lose the baby?” He asked
frantically.

My head dropped to the
ground as I sat there silently trying to find the right words, not
knowing how to tell him. I quickly glanced up at him. The look on
his face was breaking my heart. What had I done?

“
Leila . . . Please talk
to me. What is going on? Is everything ok with the baby?” His voice
began to crack, and I could see the tears welling in his
eyes.

I began to blink back my
own tears. I never imagined it would be so hard to tell
him.

“
Leila! Please, you’re
scaring me.”

“
Garrett. . .” It came out
as only a whisper. I quickly stared back down at the ground. I
couldn’t bring myself to look at him. It was killing me inside to
confess to him what I had done.

As I looked back up at him
he was running his hands through his hair. “Christ. . . Leila, what
did you?”

I looked back down at the
ground shaking my head.

“
Look at me!” He yelled as
he stood up.

I glanced at him
nervously, and he began to pace back and forth.

“
God Damn it, Leila! Tell
me what you did! Don’t just sit there.”
“I don’t know how to say it,” I cried. I stood up and took a step
towards him.

He ran his hands through
his hair again. “Oh God! Please tell me you didn’t!”

I stood there in silence.
The words couldn’t leave my mouth.

He put his hand on my
shoulders and shook me. “Tell me! I need to hear you say it!” He
shouted.

I pushed his hands off me
and took a step backwards away from him. He was beginning to scare
me. “Alright! You want to hear me say it! I had an abortion last
week,” I yelled cringing at my words.

“
What the fuck, Leila! You
told me we would talk about this before you went and did anything!
How could you do this? It was my baby too!” He was now pacing like
a caged animal.

I dropped to my knees
pleading. “Garrett, please. . . Don’t yell at me. I feel guilty
enough. I don’t need you making things worse,” I sobbed. “I’m only
seventeen. I want to go to college. I can’t do that with a
baby.”

He put his head into his
hands. “I told you I would take care of you and the baby. I am
working full-time. I know I don’t make the best money, but we could
get by.” He was now crying. “I can’t believe you’ve been lying to
me for an entire week. You went behind my fucking back! Jesus
Christ, don’t you think I would’ve supported your decision? I
could’ve taken you.”

“
I couldn’t break your
heart like that. I know how excited you were. It killed me to do
it, but it was the right thing to do for me. We are both so young.
You don’t need to be worrying about me and a baby,” I said, trying
to console him. I walked over to him reaching for his
hand.

He pushed my hand away.
“Don’t touch me.”

I tried to follow him.
“Leila, stay away from me, before I do something I will regret!” He
said with hatred in his voice.

He touched my arm and I jumped.
“Leila? Where did you go?” He said worried.
“Sorry, I was just remembering that night.”

“
I’m sorry, I shouldn’t
have reacted that way back there,” he said. “I just didn’t expect
your mother not to know. I thought you would have told
her.”

“
Garrett, please don’t
hate me. I must’ve tried to tell her a million times. After a while
it just got easier not to tell her than to actually confess what I
did. I don’t think I can go through this again. I just got you
back,” I pleaded as my stomach began to do somersaults.

“
I don’t hate you, I never
hated you.” He touched my arm. “I was just so hurt that you
couldn’t come to me and tell me how you were feeling. I hate that
you felt the only way out was to go behind my back. I know I
handled things horribly and if I could take it all back I
would.”

“
Garrett, I regret how I
handled things too, but I don’t regret my decision.” I could tell
my words hurt him. “I know deep down in my heart that if we would
have kept the baby, it would have destroyed us. I was not ready for
a baby and neither were you.”

He pulled me into him and gave me a
tight squeeze. “Let me take you home.”

I looked up at him. “You aren’t going
to stay?” I said, disappointed.

“
I’m not sure if that is
such a good idea. We had a very intense last twenty-four hours.” He
leaned over my head and kissed the top of it.

We sat in silence for most of the drive
back to my apartment. I gripped his hand as if my life depended on
it, I didn’t want to let him go. We pulled up in front of Danny’s.
I tried to convince him to stay with me. He promised he would call
me when he got home and first thing the next morning. I reluctantly
let him go.

I went up to my apartment and crashed
on my bed. Molly jumped up after me. “Hi Molly, it is just me and
you girl. . .”

A few weeks after the
abortion, things between Garrett and I were still very strained. He
was trying to support me and my decision, but I could tell he was
still hurt by the choice I made. I called him and asked him if he
wanted to go to the mall and walk around. I thought it would be
good for us to get out. We had been held up in each other’s room
for the past few weeks.