Broken (Broken #1) (42 page)

I should feel guilty that on
Christmas night I fell asleep with a man other than the one I claim
to love so profoundly, but I don’t. If anything I’m just happy that
even though Caleb’s gone, there’s a good man looking after me in
his stead who wants to hold me tightly throughout the night.

I’m selfish, it’s true, but I
can’t bring myself to end this… whatever this is… between Nathan
and I.

New year’s eve passes
uneventfully, we didn’t bother with fireworks because they scare
the crap out of me and I told Nathan to go out and have fun but he
insisted that he’d rather be at home reading. He stayed at home
with me but he did no reading. There was a lot of eating and baking
though. He can now make scones successfully which is actually
harder than it looks.

I’m now only eight days from my
due date and I’m scared out of my mind.

The snow is thick on the
ground, when I go outside I have to wear wellies as it comes to my
ankles in some places. I want to build a snowman but Nathan won’t
help me. He hates the snow and has avoided leaving the house whilst
it lays on the ground in one huge, white blanket of doom, as he
dramatically calls it.

Spoil sport.

Fingers crossed it melts by
tomorrow. My stomach has been twinging slightly all day and I’m
concerned I’ll go into labour during this stupid weather. Although
the weather forecast says it’ll stop snowing by tonight, it’s now
one in the afternoon and although it has stopped I don’t trust the
forecast. They’ve lied to me too many times before.

As it is, I don’t tell Nathan
that I’ve been getting twinges, the last time I did that he took me
to the hospital and it turned out to be gas. It was humiliating and
he still laughs about it from time to time. Mostly because the
woman leaned over me, her fingers grasping at my inner channel in
an attempt to see if I’m dilated or not, she must have pushed the
wrong button because I farted and it didn’t stop for about seven
seconds.

The room went
silent and still, save for my loud and squeaky, endless fart. Then
Nathan burst out with laughter so hard, tears streamed from his
eyes and he turned red from not being able to breathe. What’s worse
is, it stank really,
really
bad. This only made him laugh harder. I thought I
was going to die of embarrassment.

He laughed all the way home too
and all day the next day. Even now sometimes he’ll look at me and
his body will start shaking as he tries to contain it.

My twinges seem to stop by the
time I’m ready for bed which I’m severely grateful for. I climb
under the covers without a care in the world, Nathan climbs in
behind me and holds me tight like he does every night.

I don’t feel lonely. I feel
good, not great, but good.

My smile remains on my face as
I fall asleep, eager to see what this year will bring.

I’m not sure what time it is
when I wake up from an awful pain in my stomach that rivals that of
a strong period pain. An arm around my waist stops me from sitting
up with it. I rub my lower stomach. It’s probably just petrol like
last time, which would be embarrassing due to Nathan sleeping next
to me. What time is it?

It’s only ten fifty at night.
I’ve been asleep an hour or so.

I lie back, my neck on top of
Nathan’s outstretched arm, his breath fans across my cheek. Another
pain rumbles in my lower stomach, making all of my limbs want to
curl. I bring my knees up as high as I can get them and roll onto
my side. My breath leaves me as the pain leaves my body. Nothing
but a dull ache remains.

What the hell’s going on?

Oh… shit.

Nah, it’s just false
labour.

I need to pee.

“
Nathan,” I
mumble and prod him in the chest.

He stirs and blinks his eyes
open, he looks tired. “What’s wrong?”

“
It hurts,” I
moan and roll onto my back.

Nathan looks panicked, “What
does?”

“
My back and
my stomach,” I sit up, he follows suit. “I need the
toilet.”

“
Okay,” he
shakes himself out of his stupor and climbs from the bed. His hands
grip me under the arms and help me up. “Are you okay?”

“
Yeah,” I lie
because I’m not; I’m terrified.

Another pain grows within,
starting in my lower stomach and radiating through my back. My body
lurches forward and my hand grips Nathan’s bicep. The skin all over
my stomach tightens and I feel a horrible pressure down below.

“
Oh god,”
Nathan mutters and rubs my back soothingly. “You’re in labour. I
need to call the doctor.”

“
I need to
get to the hospital,” I say calmly and stand once the pain fades.
“I’m going to the toilet, you call what’s his name.”

“
You
shouldn’t go alone,” Nathan says softly and helps me to the
bathroom. “I’ll give you privacy but leave the door
open.”

Eye roll, “I’m not leaving the
door open.”

“
What if
you…”

“
Nathan, it’s
labour. I’ll be… bloody hell,” my body doubles over again, Nathan
holds me up as an awful pain twists my insides. “Okay, I’ll,” pant,
“Leave the,” breathe, “Door open.”

He waits for me to finish
peeing, I take this moment to quickly wash my face and brush my
teeth. “Lie down here. I’m going to put your overnight bag in the
car and call the doctor,” he says softly and guides me to the bed.
Pulling back the blanket, he lowers me onto the mattress with one
arm. “Don’t move.”

“
Okay,” like
I’m stupid enough to try moving right now. Holy shit that
hurts.

“
Will you be
okay?” He rubs my lower back after I roll onto my side.

“
Go.” My hand
waves at him a little frantically. “Can you get me a drink too
please?” My mouth is dryer than sand right now.

“
Sure,” he
kisses my forehead and races from the room.

I time my contractions, using
my phone to log them. This hurts so bad but I doubt I’m too far
along in labour yet. They’re every four minutes but they aren’t too
bad.

I’m so uncomfortable.

I sit up after placing pillows
behind my back, then bring my legs to my chest. It aches, my back
hurts and I feel a little bit sick. I’m also starving.

Where is Nathan? He’s been gone
twenty five minutes.

It’s another five minutes
before he returns, looking flushed and slightly panicked. “Are we
going to the hospital now?” I ask, noticing that he’s on the
phone.

He shakes his head, “How far
apart are your contractions?”

“
Four minutes
or so.”

He repeats my answer to whoever
is on the other side of his call.

“
And on a
scale of one to ten, how painful?”

Good question. “About a
six.”

He leaves the room again which
irritates me. Can’t he see I need him to stay with me right now? I
pick up my phone ready to text: my mum, Sasha and Tommy to let them
know that it’s time. Nathan chooses this moment to swoop in, take
my phone and hand me a drink. “I’ll deal with that, you rest. Try
and get some sleep, the doctor said we should wait a while. He’s on
his way.”

“
Can I get a
pain killer?” I rub my belly and roll onto my side again. “And my
ball.”

“
Sure,” he
rubs my back absentmindedly with one hand whilst tapping away on my
phone with the other. “Do you want me to turn on the
TV?”

I shake my head and sip my
water, breathing deeply to help with the pain, “No thank you. Be
quick, I don’t want to be on my own.”

He is quick, I’m glad when he
brings my laptop and plugs it into the TV on the wall so we can
watch a movie. Although my thoughts aren’t on the movie, they’re on
the ever increasing pain in my stomach. Nathan is being great, his
back rubs are helping and his calm façade is soothing. If he starts
panicking I think I’ll lose it and start blubbering.

I’m terrified, I just want this
labour over with.

“
Hurts,” I
moan and lay my head on Nathan’s lap. I should be embarrassed that
my arse is sticking in the air but this seems to be the only
comfortable position right now.

“
I bet it
does,” he rubs my back with one hand, still texting with his
other.

“
I think we
need to go to the hospital now,” a long moan rips from my throat as
the clenching in my stomach persists with a vengeance. The pressure
is getting worse and the contractions are closer together and
killing me. Another one follows almost immediately after the last.
I cry out loudly from the pain, I can’t help it. It hurts so
badly.

Nathan slides out from beneath
me and stands behind me, his thumbs press into my back. Why aren’t
we going anywhere? I ask him this and hear him sigh. “We’re sort
of… damn it.” Pause. “We’re snowed in.”

“
That’s real
funny, but totally not appropriate to make jokes right now.” I snap
burying my face in the pillows. “Can we just go
already?”

Nathan falls silent and his
words sink into my pain fogged brain. Oh no. No, no, no, no, no.
“I’ve called an ambulance but it’s having trouble getting here.
We’re up a cliff, the snow around this area is about a foot deeper
than everywhere else. Possibly two.”

“
Oh my god,”
I whine, my body now running on panic alone. “What about the
doctor? Doesn’t he have skis or something?”

“
He’s… stuck
in the city.” Where the closest hospital is.

“
Then find me
another one!” I shout and I don’t feel guilty for it at all.
Tensions are high and I need release.

I roll over and slide from the
bed onto my exercise ball. “We’ll figure this out,” Nathan whispers
softly after crouching beside me. His hand continues to rub circles
on my back. “We have time.”

There’s an odd popping feeling
inside as I roll my hips on the ball and bounce a little. My
trousers feel wet. “No we don’t.”

“
We
do…”

“
Nathan,” I
grab his shirt beneath his chin and pull him to me. “My water just
broke. You
need
to get me a doctor.”

His face pales and his thumb
taps frantically at his phone screen. He calls numerous people, the
hospital, nine, nine, nine. He tries everyone but nobody can get to
us.

“
Jeanine has
had kids.”

He nods and calls her. I don’t
listen to their conversation, I’m in too much pain and I’ll never
forgive the snow for this.

The reality of the situation
sinks in, “Oh my god. I’m going to be…” Another pain rips through
me, I cry and tense, my teeth gritting in an attempt to help it
pass. “One of those women who has a baby on the living room
floor!”

“
We need to
get you downstairs,” he blurts. “If… I mean…”

I suddenly airborne, which is a
good thing because there’s no way I can walk right now. But a bad
thing because my trousers are soaked and I know Nathan must be
freaking out about that. Fortunately he doesn’t seem to notice and
I don’t point it out.

“
I have no
idea what to do,” Nathan’s panicking.

“
Don’t you
dare,” I shout at him as he places me on the couch. “Don’t start
freaking out now. I need you to stop me from freaking… fucking hell
this hurts so badly.” I drop to my knees and roll onto my back,
placing my legs on the couch so they’re elevated. It brings little
to no relief. “Please get me some clean trousers.”

Nathan does as he’s told, I use
this moment of privacy to cry. I could still be in labour for
hours, my water breaking doesn’t mean a thing. Something tells me
I’m going to be unlucky and this baby is going to come soon whether
I like it or not.

I turn the TV on and flick
straight to the news. The weather forecast comes on after a few
minutes. Worst snow they’ve seen in England in four years. Great.
Fucking great.

I’m only slightly aware of
Nathan kneeling beside me and peeling my trousers off. I’m in too
much pain to care. I feel drunk.

“
You don’t
need to push do you?” He asks me, after I stop screaming through
another brutal contraction, whilst pulling a loose pair of shorts
up my legs.

I shake my head, “I don’t think
so.” But the pressure is there. “Is anybody coming?”

“
They’re all
trying,” his hand works at my back but it’s just annoying me now. I
bat it away and push him onto the couch.

With my arse on the exercise
ball I cross my arms on his knees and try to relax as his fingers
rub the back of my neck and along my spine. “It hurts. I don’t want
to do this anymore.”

“
You’re doing
great,” he reassures me and runs his fingers through my hair.
“Honestly, you’re being so brave right now. I’m sorry we’re stuck
here.”

“
Not your
fault.” My hands squeeze his thighs as it builds and builds before
peaking and finally unleashing. “I’m scared. What if…”

Nathan paces a hand over my
mouth, “Don’t. I’m barely holding it together here. Please don’t
put things in my mind that aren’t there right now. We’ll get
through this.”

“
But I don’t
want you to deliver my baby,” Tears flow from my eyes, my tired
body sags onto his lap.

“
It’s not on
my bucket list either,” he jokes and wipes at my tears with his
thumbs. “It’s going to be okay.”

“
AH!” I
scream and clench my fingers around his thighs. “We should prepare,
if it’s…” Holy fuck.

“
Good idea,”
Nathan nods and lifts me from him, replacing my head and arms on
the couch moments later. “I’ll be a second.”