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Authors: Ashea S. Goldson

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BOOK: Count It All Joy
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Chapter Twenty-two
Joshua
 
It sure wasn't a good time for Alex and me to be fighting, not with my father having another relapse and fighting for his life. His red cell count was very low. He had lost an extreme amount of weight, was very lethargic, and his doctors feared the worst. Thankfully, I knew a healing God. It was bad enough that he had the most common form of cancer in American men, but why did it have to be my father? He was such a good man. He had raised me up to love God.
He had built up the church, and he had dealt long and hard with my mother. And for that alone he deserved a medal.
We sat across from each other in the waiting room with angry stares all around. Mine, Alex's, and Mother's. What did a brother do to deserve this? Two women against one man, and both of them looked like they were enjoying torturing me.
Mother walked around the room glaring at me from the corner of her eyes, huffing and puffing as if she wanted to pick a fight.
“Mother, if you keep this up, you're going to give yourself a stroke.” I tried to smile to break the tension.
“And you would get great satisfaction from that, wouldn't you?” she snapped.
Joshua frowned up his face. “Why would you say something so mean?”
She walked right up to me. “Well, since ignoring sick parents seems to be your thing, if I do have a stroke, then you'll be two for two, won't you?”
Joshua shook his head. “Oh, you're a real gem, Mother.”
“I try to be,” she said.
Then I saw the hurt in her eyes. “It will be okay. Dad will be okay.”
“And how did you decide that?”
“I just know it in my spirit.” I reached out to touch her hand.
She withdrew her hand from my grasp. “Oh, I see. Young minister out of school less than a year and you have a prophetic word?”
“Yes, Mother, I do. ‘Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm.'” I walked out of there. I'd had enough of her badgering. I had to leave before I said something I'd be sorry for.
Alex came out after me and put her hand on my shoulder. I could feel her warmth and it brought me back to my right state of mine.
“Joshua, don't let her get to you,” Alex said.
“I don't want my father to die while everything is in such a mess.”
“But your father's life is not in a mess. Ours may be, but his is not.” Alex ran her fingers over my back. “Try to take some comfort in that.”
I closed my eyes tightly without turning around. I didn't want my wife to see how vulnerable I was. So I stood up straight, cleared my throat, and deepened my voice to answer her.
“I appreciate that.” That was all I could get out without stirring myself up too much. I was a man, and I had to be strong for everyone—my wife, my father, and most especially for my mother. I knew she needed me more than ever even if she was too stubborn to admit it.
I turned around to grab Alex's hand. She prayed for me, which gave me the strength I needed to go back inside and face my mother.
Another long night at the hospital drifted into another long day. The doctors spoke of hormonal manipulation with medication and an alternate treatment called proton therapy instead of the usual radiation in order to insure a better quality of life. My parents and I listened carefully, not fully understanding all the implications of changing treatments. My mother, being a very smart woman, said, “Thank you, Doctor. We'll consider it in prayer.” I smiled because that was the mother I knew and loved.
Chapter Twenty-three
Alex
 
After a couple of weeks Joshua and I were on fairly good terms again. He promised that he would slow down his efforts to impregnate me by any means necessary, that we wouldn't keep secrets from each other, and most especially, that he would leave the “Sister in everybody's business Yvonne” alone. Period. Now that was a biggie because I'd had quite enough of her antics for a lifetime.
“So you mean you just let him off the hook just like that?” Taylor rolled her mascara-covered eyes. “No, it couldn't be me.”
“What did you expect me to do, kill him?”
“Now
there's
an idea,” Taylor said.
“Taylor.”
“I'm just sayin'. A brother was trippin' with that one, but hey, if you're okay with it ...”
“You know I'm not okay with it. That was one of the most embarrassing things that has ever happened to me. Imagine having to confront my husband in front of Yvonne while she basically laughs at me under her breath because she knows what's going on the whole time.”
“Right, and I'm sure she loved it too.”
“She did. I could see it on her face. But just the thought of how I made a fool of myself because of Joshua's nonsense makes me mad all over again,” I growled.
“Girl, I know. I can't say what I would have done if it had been me.”
“Oh, trust me, I was upset. It took the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost to hold me back.”
Taylor fell over with laughter. “I know that's right.”
My sister would always help me bring humor into a situation and see the silly side of things even when she wasn't trying to. I guess that was the dynamic of our relationship. I'd rescue her with reason, and she'd rescue me with straight sista girl advice, which always made me laugh.
Meanwhile, as my life seemed to be getting back to normal, Michelle Harris, Minister Harris's daughter, just showed up at my job one day. Perky little Michelle, the teenager I had helped to rescue from making an irreversible mistake last year, walked into my cubicle during the afternoon. She had baby Elijah with her, and she immediately put him in my arms. All of my hormones stirred as I smelled his fresh baby skin.
“How are you?” I hugged her, while holding her son tightly.
“I'm good. I'm here to register for a faith class.”
“Oh, I see. That's great.” I couldn't stop being emotional as I remembered all we had gone through together last year.
Michelle pushed her medium-length weave braids out of her face. “I'm taking college classes too while I work, of course.”
“Right. I'm so proud of you.” I motioned for her to sit down.
I could see a little fatigue in her face, but I also saw joy in her eyes. Then I remembered that the joy of the Lord was our strength. Michelle had been away from the church for a while, despite Pastor Martin's rebuke of the church concerning their judgmental behavior. Since the big scandal over her pregnancy last year, her parents, Minister and Sister Harris, thought it was best that they all took an indefinite leave of absence. I hadn't seen them since.
“Anyway, we're back to stay now.” Michelle pulled up a chair and sat down in front of my desk. “My family and I went to stay with my grandmother up in Vermont for a while.”
“Oh,” I said.
“It was kind of nice, a small farm town. Lots of land and fresh air for me and Elijah.
My dad says he was able to hear a word from God up there.”
“And Sister Harris?”
“My mom just rested 'cause it was real peaceful,” Michelle said.
“What about your siblings? Weren't they in school?”
Michelle stretched out her legs and leaned back in her chair. “Nah. My mom started homeschooling them so ...”
“I see. Well, it's really good to see you and to know that you're back.” I paused.
“Michelle ...”
“Yes, Sister Alex?”
“No one should've ever pushed you away from the church in the first place. It wasn't fair.” I shook my head.
She tried to smile. “I know.”
“You repented of the fornication, and there is no sin in carrying and mothering a child.” I stood up, reached across the desk, grabbed her hand, and squeezed it.
“I know,” she said.
I let go of her hand and sat back down. “I just hate that things went down like they did.”
“It's okay. Believe it or not, I think we just needed time away to recuperate after everything happened.”
“I can certainly understand that.”
Michelle gave me a thumbs-up. “Yeah, that's old news.”
“It still bothers me that people in the church treat that particular sin differently than all the others. That's why I continue to work on the Giving Life Ministry.”
“Thank God for people like you, Sister Alex.” Michelle took her son. “It's all right, though. We're okay now.”
“Good,” I said. “We'll be meeting at The Push It Fitness Center in a couple of months.”
“Really?”
“Yes, with the official grand opening. My sister is busy renovating the building now.”
“Oh, okay.” Michelle nodded. “Cool.”
“Stop by and join us sometime,” I said.
Michelle stood up. “I will.”
I hugged her and hoped all the love I had inside would spill over to her. People say that misery loves company, but in my case, misery feeds off other people's joy because seeing Michelle made me happier than I'd been in weeks. And that happiness carried over into that evening when I saw my husband and shared that happiness with him.
Needless to say, Joshua was excited that I still loved him.
A few weeks later, I was eating a bowl of homemade tapioca pudding with Lilah, just enjoying life, when, without any warning, I began to feel nauseated. After throwing up on the bathroom floor twice, I decided to schedule an appointment to see my doctor.
Even though I had been through this time and time again, that didn't stop me from having the jitters that morning when I walked into Dr. Henley's office. I hadn't even told Joshua where I was going that day because I didn't need additional pressure. I just waited until his schedule was good and full, and then slipped away without hardly being noticed. Lilah was spending time with her grandparents so that made this task a little easier.
Here I was sitting in the waiting room, hoping this wasn't a false alarm like the last time.
I didn't know how long I could stay on that roller-coaster ride, which was my life.
“Mrs. Benning,” the nurse said.
I stood up and smiled. “That's me.”
“How are you?” The nurse smiled at me and continued walking.
“Very well, thanks.”
Enough of the small talk,
I thought to myself. I was in no mood for pleasantries. I had to know what was going on with my future.
I followed the nurse into Dr. Henley's office as I had so many times before. It was a midsized room with pastel blue furniture. I remembered from psychology class in college that blue was a soothing color, yet
calm
was the last word I'd use to describe how I felt. When the doctor entered the room, I immediately stiffened up as if I were about to endure a pap smear or something. Realizing this, I quietly summoned my body to loosen up as the doctor took a blood sample.
“All right, Mrs. Benning, we'll have the lab results in just a few minutes.”
He was in and out just like that, yet, I was left shivering on the table. I wasn't cold. I was just anxious to know those results. I needed to know those results for Joshua's sake, and for the sake of our already shaky marriage.
Maybe this time, Lord
.
Soon, Dr. Henley returned. I held my breath when I heard his deep voice. “Mrs. Benning, He did it again.”
My heart beat faster. “Pardon me?”
“God did it again,” he said.
I took a deep breath. “I'm sorry. I don't understand.”
Dr. Henley laughed heartily. “Another conception. God did it again. You're pregnant.”
I put my hand over my mouth, and then the tears came. “Oh my goodness. Thank you, Dr. Henley.”
“Don't thank me. You know who to thank.” Dr. Henley nodded his head and smiled.
“Oh, thank you, Lord. And thank you for all your encouragement.”
“Congratulations. Go home and celebrate with your family, and I'll see you in my office for your first examination in a week.”
The moment I reached my car, I dropped my head down and prayed. “Thank you, Jesus,” I shouted.
Beyond my greatest longings came this second chance from God. Over the years, I'd heard these horror stories about poorly done abortions causing sterility and other malfunctions.
I'd been able to bury that fear up until I started dating Joshua—the only man I ever truly wanted to have children with. Then the doubts started coming up again, the doubts that I could actually conceive a child without complications—or at all. Now that I was able to give Joshua a child, he could fulfill the Benning legacy, and I could fulfill my destiny as a mother.
BOOK: Count It All Joy
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