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Authors: Ashea S. Goldson

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BOOK: Count It All Joy
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Chapter Twenty-four
Alex
 
Cold is not even the word for how bitter it was. The February snow had turned to ice, and after a day of being walked and driven on, it was now a dull gray. In some areas salt was already sprinkled on the ice to prevent slip and fall injuries. As I walked down the sidewalk I was careful not to lose my bearings, though I was wearing my sole-gripping suede boots. The wind whipped my already wild hair, and I threw my hood over my head to protect what decency I had left. I'd tried to call Joshua before I left Dr. Henley's office, but he was in a meeting so I had to wait to share my good news.
In the meanwhile, I did my usual runs to the supermarket and to the dry cleaners to pick up Joshua's suits. As I walked down the aisles squeezing mangoes and tomatoes for ripeness, I couldn't stop thinking about carrying Joshua's child and about how my life would change.
Maybe, just maybe, this baby would end all the tension. It was about two o'clock in the afternoon when I finally pulled into my parking space. I turned off the ignition, hopped out of my car, and continued walking happily toward the elevator.
Once again, I tried to reach Joshua. I was put on hold. A million thoughts ran through my mind as I listened to the classical music that was playing. I managed to get all the way up to our apartment before I actually reached him. So I settled in on the couch, took a deep breath, and waited for my husband to come to the phone. I couldn't wait until he got home from the bank.
“Hi, baby,” Joshua said.
I giggled.” Hi, Daddy of the Year.”
“What did you call me?”
I playfully pretended to cough and muffled my voice. “I called you Daddy of the Year.”
“Okay, why? What's going on?” I could hear the curiosity in my husband's voice.
“I figured you're such a great dad already and since you're going to be a dad for the second time that—”
“A second time?”
“Yep, a second time,” I smiled.
“What are you saying?”
“We're going to have a baby, Mr. Benning.”
“Yes!” Joshua let out a big breath. “Oh, I'm so happy, Mrs. Benning.”
“I'm happy too, Mr. Benning.”
“Wow. God is so awesome,” Joshua said.
I paused to think about the truth of his statement. “Yes, He is.”
“How ... I mean, when?”
“I just saw Dr. Henley, and I couldn't wait to tell you.”
Joshua whispered, “Thank you, Lord.” Then he was silent for a minute.
“Are you okay?”
“I'm better than okay, baby,” Joshua said, chuckling.
“Good.” I was so happy I could deliver this news to my husband. We had survived all these months of trying, praying, and confessing. I was so grateful that we didn't even have to do in vitro fertilization, which was the next step on our list. We were actually scheduled for that procedure two weeks from now.
“This is the best news I've had since you agreed to be my wife.”
I could hear the relief in his voice. “For me too.” I was so full of emotion I could hardly speak. Mostly, I just held the phone and let the reality sink in while Joshua talked, and laughed, and planned.
Needless to say, he was ecstatic. This was what we had been praying for since the first week we were married. I was just so grateful to have gotten to that point by God's grace.
My second call was to my sister, who was very excited about becoming an aunt, and we planned to meet for lunch soon. My next round of calls were to Dad, Aunt Dorothy, and Marisol.
Then I went across the hall and knocked on Ms. Johnson's door to get Lilah.
Once back at home, I made us two huge bowls of cherry chocolate ice cream.
After all, I was eating for two now, and we had a lot to celebrate. We had decided to wait until Joshua came home so we could tell her together, but judging by the look on Lilah's face, I was sure she knew something was up.
There was so much to do. I went over to the desktop computer and started researching maternity clothes and supplies on line. Before I knew it, hours had gone by. I hoped the joy I felt during this time would never end.
Two days later, Taylor took me out shopping to celebrate. I picked her up at her apartment building. She came outside with her leg braces and propped herself in the front seat of my car.
Although she was still a little wobbly, this was progress, and I hoped she recognized it as such.
One day she'd walk again. I was sure about that, but in the meantime, would all of us still be able to stand her sometimes bad attitude? That was the real question.
She turned off the soft praise music I was playing and popped in her own gospel rap CD.
“This is a new group. Keith introduced me to them, and they're hot.”
“Yeah, this sounds all right.”
“All right? This is hype. What are you sayin'?”
“You're right, it's hype.” I started to bop my head to the beat. “If you love Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.”
The words were catchy, and the tune was cute, so we danced in the car like we were teenagers, giggling and enjoying the music. Their style was kind of Kirk Franklin—like which,
I thought was cool. When it came to music, Taylor really had good taste. I made up my mind that I'd have to borrow this CD from her later.
We drove down to Macys on Thirty-fourth Street, although we had to park a few blocks over.
“Let's go down to the maternity department first, 'cause you can't roll with me for the next few months with that tacky wardrobe of yours.” Taylor shook her head and put her hand in my face.
I slapped her hand away. “Oh, come on. Let's go.” When we searched the racks, I looked for comfort and affordability while Taylor looked for style and designer. It was definitely a battle of the minds, but I managed to select a few outfits that we could agree upon. I chose one simple pair of denim stretch pants, a pair of black dress slacks, two pretty blouses, one in green and one in pink, and a lovely black party dress.
After we paid for these items, along with nursing bras, support pantyhose, and comfortable cotton underwear, we were ready to go to the children's department.
Excited about getting started on the nursery, Joshua and I had already decided to paint the small room yellow. Of course, we really planned to move to a bigger place by then so we would have more than enough room for our growing family, including Kiano. Yet, for now, he or she would have to bunk with Lilah because we only had two bedrooms. When the time was right, we'd have to move, hopefully, into a house with a backyard.
In the meantime, I browsed the clothing section for Carters and Disney's Winnie the Pooh Collection. I listened to Taylor rave about Baby Gap before I purchased several packs of plain white gender infant one-sies, a yellow duck towel set, a colorful infant gym, a yellow tub, and several neutral gender infant toys. This was the most happiness I'd experienced in a long time. I just hoped it would last.
Chapter Twenty-five
Alex
 
Surprisingly, a few days after Mother Benning found out about my condition, she invited herself over. Bishop Benning was still in the hospital so he wouldn't be there to referee. Joshua and I were on our own. I made sure that everything in the apartment smelled and looked fresh and clean. I dusted every corner, every crack, and every crevice. I rewashed every dish, and every eating utensil. I deodorized the entire living room, dining area, and kitchen. I swept and mopped, scrubbed windows, and cooked. Then I even changed into a cute, long black dress so I'd look smaller. By the time she arrived, I was done.
“Hello, dear.” Mother Benning hugged me, and I was taken aback.
“Hello, Mother Benning.” I led her inside and took her jacket.
She looked at Joshua. “Hello, son.”
“Hello, Mother.” Joshua gave his mother a peck on the cheek.
Lilah ran into the room and landed in her grandmother's arms. “Big Mommy.”
Mother Benning smiled. “Big Mommy's little sweetheart, how are you?”
“I'm fine. I missed you,” Lilah said, pouting.
“Awww. Big Mommy's poor baby,” she said in a soft, sweet tone while smoothing Lilah's hair. “I missed you too.”
When Mother Benning was talking to Lilah it was almost like she was another person.
Joshua and I just stood back and watched in awe as she let her gentler side shine through. She was never harsh with Lilah, and I'm sure Joshua wondered why she couldn't be that way with him. Or us. She kept interacting with her granddaughter, uninterrupted, for about ten whole minutes before she acknowledged either of us again.
I hoped I didn't still smell like floor polish when we sat down at the dinner table. Joshua helped me to serve his mother so that everything would go quicker. We had a mildly amicable chicken dinner before she settled in for the kill.
“Well, thank God there is one more Benning to carry on the Benning legacy.”
I was so tired of hearing that. Legacy of hatefulness, I wanted to say, at least if Mother Benning had anything to do with it. How dare that woman go on and on like the sun rose and set on her family only. Like legacies were more important than human beings. I was disgusted with the whole premise, but I kept my mouth closed and listened while my mother-in-law snapped her jaws back and forth. She rattled on and on about honor and heritage.
“Now, Joshua. You see, this is even more of a reason for you to do what you need to do, because now, you've got another child depending on you,” Mother Benning said.
I could see Joshua's jaw tightening.
“I'm already doing what I have to do,” he said.
“Not quite, son.”
“How is that, Mother?”
“You know what you should be doing for your family, Joshua. You know what is expected of you.” Sister Benning cut her eyes at me. “You used to not have a problem with that.”
I didn't dare say a word. I just excused myself from the table and started clearing away the dinner dishes.
“No, that's before I knew what God wanted me to do with my life specifically,” Joshua replied.
“So, are you saying God wants you to break your parents' hearts?”
“No, just that He doesn't want me to pastor Kingdom House.” He picked up his Bible from the center table.
Mother Benning remained calm. “But you're a minister, so is that so far-fetched?”
As usual Joshua held his own. “It's far-fetched for me because I haven't been given those instructions.”
“So God wants you to be a pauper all your life, disappoint your entire family, and bring ridicule to the Benning name?” Mother Benning stood up, walked over to the leather sectional, took a tissue out of her pocket, wiped off the seat, and then sat down. I mumbled to myself about her nerve.
Joshua shook his head. “Mother, why must we continue down this path? You know I've been told to build a new church, to build a different kind of ministry.”
“Right. A different kind of ministry, one so different it's right off the pages of the Bible.”
Mother Benning pursed her lips.
I didn't know how Joshua was going to handle that one. Her mouth, like the Word, was sharper than any two-edged sword.
“Now you know that's not true,” Joshua said.
“All I know is that every day I have to look at your poor, weak father and know he can't rest because his only son, who is a minister, refuses to help out.”
Joshua almost looked defeated, with his head held low and his bottom lip even lower. “I never refused to help out.”
Mother Benning was not moved by his countenance. “Well, there is a gap in the system somewhere, son, because we still need help.”
“You've got an interim pastor at the church now, and I'll always help out just as long as you and Dad both know any ministering thing I do at Kingdom House of Prayer is just temporary.”
Mother Benning rolled her eyes. “God's work is
not
temporary.”
“But me working at Kingdom House is.” Joshua raised his voice slightly to emphasize his point.
“You're stubborn, just like your father.” She grabbed her coat from the coatrack.
Joshua looked up to the ceiling. “Oh, so I'm stubborn like my father?”
Mother Benning walked toward the door without looking back. “Are you implying that
I'm
the one that's stubborn?”
“Listen, can't we just have a truce?” Joshua held up both hands. “I don't want to fight with you. I just know what I have to do.”
“Well, let me know when you change your mind.” She turned to face us.
Joshua didn't blink. “Change my mind?”
Mother Benning tilted her head slightly. “I serve a powerful God, and my prayers are worth a million.”
“Then I need you on my team,” he smiled and kissed his mother's cheek.
Mother Benning seemed to soften a little. “I guess this baby may just bring us all together.” She lightly touched my stomach before she headed through the door.
I smiled at the possibility that we might be a family after all.
BOOK: Count It All Joy
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