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Authors: Ashea S. Goldson

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BOOK: Count It All Joy
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Chapter Seventeen
Joshua
 
Ironically, during church, Pastor Martin talked about keeping secrets and lies. He preached about sins of the mind as well as the flesh. And he talked about renewing the mind so we might overcome the tricks of the enemy. At this point, I was sure the enemy was myself. I found myself sneaking toward the restroom behind Yvonne to ask more questions about her friend. I had even been making secret phone calls to ask the same questions over and over again.
“Are you sure she can help Alex and me, just in case? Are you sure?”
Man, what was I becoming?
When service was over I couldn't wait to get out of church. The guilt was just too much for me. Instead of driving straight home afterward though, where Alex and I had to face each other, I remembered that we still had a basketball in the trunk from the last time I'd played a few weeks ago. So I decided to stop at the basketball court for a little one-on-one. Surprisingly, it was empty. At first, my wife thought I had lost my mind, but after she saw me moving around, flailing my arms around in my suit, she and Lilah jumped out to play too. Since Alex used to play in high school, and I used to play in both high school and college, hitting the courts was good for us. It was the first time in a long time that there was no tension between us. My wife was good on the court, even in boots and a wool dress. No one would ever know my wife had skills by just looking at her. She was definitely a girly girl; soft, curvy, and sweet, but she was fierce with a basketball in her hand. She shot right past me and leaped into the air. I grabbed her and swung her around. Then I lifted Lilah high into the air so she could put the ball into the hoop. “Slam dunk,” I said.
“That's not fair,” Alex said. “You cheated.”
I leaped into the air. “Who says so?”
Alex put her hands on her hips. “I say so.”
“Prove it,” I said, dribbling the ball away from her.
“Never judge a book by its cover.” Alex managed to get the ball away from me and ran to make the shot. Unfortunately, she slipped and fell down.
I ran over to her side. “Are you okay?”
Alex reached up and pulled me down. Lilah jumped on top of us, giggling. They were my family, and I loved them, no matter what it looked like.
Later that evening things weren't as much fun. I was on the Internet reading an article about the dangers of surrogacy just to make sure I had every angle covered when Alex snuck up behind me with a kiss. My heart jumped.
“Woman. Why?” I said.
“Scaredy-cat,” Alex teased.
“Alex, I don't have time for games now.” I turned my back to her. “I'm busy.” I quickly clicked to another tab on my computer screen.
“Oh, I'm sorry.” Alex poked out her bottom lip.
“Just not now, baby. Not now.”
I watched her walk away, looking defeated, but I didn't know what to do about it. I was working on making things better for all of us. She'd soon see.
Chapter Eighteen
Alex
 
I woke up to a bright light shining in my eyes, and it wasn't the sun. Joshua had turned on the ceiling light in order to find his notes. It was early Saturday morning. Needless to say, my sleep was broken, and I was ticked off. Couldn't a sister get any sleep around here anymore?
Did a brother have to turn on the big overhead light at five in the morning? I mean, really.
Joshua looked over at me. “I'm sorry, baby. Did I wake you?”
I wanted to throw something at him. “Yes, you did.”
“I'll hurry and turn off the light,” he said, smiling. “I just found what I was looking for.”
“Great,” I said, dipping back underneath the covers. Luckily, it was the weekend of Missionary's Annual Women's Conference, and this year it was out of town. I was actually glad to be leaving for a couple of days, and the funny thing is, I'd never expected it to be that way so soon. When we were first married, we were inseparable, and I couldn't have imagined it being any other way. But the truth was that Joshua and I, after only a few precious months of marriage, could use the time apart. I wanted to breathe, to have conversations that weren't about babies and body parts. I also wanted to just be me, not the patronizing minister's wife me, but the real me. The one I wasn't sure Joshua was even interested in anymore. It was funny how he changed once I became his wife. Or did he change?
Maybe it was always there, but I missed it, or maybe it was just the pressure-pressure to do the marriage thing and do it right. That meant babies, and money, and submission to one's spouse-pressure.
Since I couldn't get back to sleep, I decided to take advantage of the extra time to get ready. I chose to put on a new pair of flare leg jeans, a candy-red sweater, and my flat red boots. I released my curls from the head scarf I was wearing, grabbed my purse, jacket, and overnight bag. I knew I wouldn't have to worry about makeup because Taylor would bring enough for both of us.
Lilah woke up eventually and came into the bathroom, yawning. “Is it time for your trip yet?”
“No, sweetie. Not yet. I'm still getting ready. Then I have to pick up Auntie Taylor.”
As soon as I said “Auntie Taylor,” I wondered if Lilah really regarded Taylor as her aunt when she didn't even acknowledge me as her mother.
When I was done getting myself ready, I went into the kitchen to make Cream of Wheat, scrambled eggs, and toast. The three of us had our last meal together for the weekend, and I was on my way.
“I left a fresh pair of pajamas for tonight, a church dress, and a play outfit for tomorrow afternoon. Her snacks are all labeled in the fridge. Oh, and don't forget to give her a vitamin in the morning.”
“Okay, okay. Thanks, Supermom.”
“Joshua, are you going to remember all of this or should you be writing this down?”
“Babe, don't worry. We'll survive,” Joshua said. “I've got this.”
“All right. I know you're used to doing things your way, but things are different now.”
“Not that you're the woman of the house?”
I put one hand on my hip. “You know it.”
“I promise to do everything just like you would've done it,” he laughed.
“Thanks.” I smiled because I liked what he was saying. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Joshua pulled me to his chest. “Are you sure you don't want me to do
something for you?”
“Just take care of Miss Lilah for me,” I said.
“We'll take care of each other, right?” Joshua ruffled Lilah's already unkempt hair.
“Yes sir, Daddy.” Lilah skipped around the living room.
I pulled Lilah into my arms and squeezed, praying that she would feel my love one day. Then I reached for my husband and gave him a gentle kiss on the lips. I wanted it to be special, but because I was already so burned out, I didn't have much left in me. Joshua hugged me like he didn't want to let me go, and that was comforting, but I had to get out of there.
Suddenly, the situation was suffocating me.
Once I brought the car around front from the parking lot, Joshua and Lilah waved good-bye to me from the window. I waved back until I turned the corner. Then I hit the gas.
Taylor was ready when I arrived. I helped her come downstairs with her two bags filled to the brim with clothes and accessories.
I laughed. “Where in the world are you going with all of this stuff?”
“Girl, you know how I roll.” Taylor snapped her fingers and rolled her neck.
And indeed I did. Ever since we were little girls, Taylor had been the diva of the two of us. People expected me to be the same way because we were twins, but I'd always been more of a plain-Jane. Fashion, however, was my sister's unofficial MO. Shopping, shopping, and more shopping was the game. She read
Vogue,
and she knew all the designers by name as well as style before she was sixteen years old. Whether it was a party dress, business suit, or her daily workout gear, Taylor just liked to look good, no matter what. Always had.
I smiled as I loaded her bags into the trunk of my car. In the process of rearranging, by the time I fit her bags in, there was hardly room for mine. So I shook my head and placed mine in the backseat, along with Taylor's leg braces and walker. Thank goodness both of her walking aids folded neatly for carrying. Then off we drove, and we were at Missionary within minutes, where we loaded on to a charter bus for our trip to Maryland.
Taylor's bags were so stuffed I was barely able to squeeze them in the overhead. “This is so embarrassing.”
“Oh, get over it,” Taylor said, smacking her gum.
We settled into seats on the sixth row, which was just close enough to reach the front door in case we needed to get off quickly, but not too far away from the restroom in case the sodas I was about to consume wouldn't wait until we arrived. We were sitting right behind my aunt Dorothy and Sister Trudy. They had been friends for years since they were both widows, and both a part of the hospitality ministry. Behind them First Lady Martin and Sister Lakesha Swanson sat together. Sister Lakesha was married to Brother Jacob, and was one of the lead singers in the choir. Her voice was so fierce, the entire congregation rejoiced when she sang. A few rows back sat miserable Sister Winifred and Yvonne. They were the only two I didn't care for sitting so close to. Sister Winifred was a busybody and her niece was a man stealer. Not a good combination at all.
The seats were nice and plush with thick comfortable armrests and a huge flat-screen television with a DVD player upfront. We even had a female bus driver, a heavyset woman named Miss Cathy who told us that since God was the real driver and she was just His assistant, that we would have to pray if we expected to get there safely and on time. Now
she
was an interesting character.
After the bus driver made a few brief announcements and First Lady Martin had taken the roll for the trip, we were on our way. Everyone started talking and laughing, excited about the conference. A short while later, Tyler Perry's movie,
Diary of a Mad Black Woman,
came on the big-screen television, and everyone became quiet. Throughout key scenes in the movie, laughter erupted throughout the bus as we enjoyed both each other's company and the comedic genius of Tyler Perry. We stopped twice for a quick restroom break, but other than that, it was a straight ride to Maryland. It was a pleasant ride, and one that reminded Taylor and me of the bus trips we took as children growing up at Missionary. Yes, Missionary used to be famous for its bus trips, but we hadn't taken one in a while.
Between the movie and texting Joshua, I was totally occupied the entire time. At one point during the ride, Yvonne squeezed by to give something to Sister Trudy. I closed my eyes and tried to block her out. We were never friends, but ever since she tried to pull that stunt with Joshua last year, she was definitely off limits. I'd smile and be polite, but I was always watching her. Never could trust her as far as I could see her.
“Girl, don't even worry about her,” Taylor said.
“Believe me, I'm not,” I replied.
It was funny how twins could always sense each other's pain. It was as if we were each living through the other, knowing what was in each other's hearts, and reading each other's minds. Even when we were little, Taylor would know what I was thinking even when that didn't necessarily benefit me. And sometimes she'd use it to her advantage, without me knowing it, until I found out later. Sometimes it was good, and sometimes it was not so good, but we always felt each other's pain. Even though we didn't always agree with each another, we always, always had each other's back.
Once we arrived at the Sheraton Inner Harbor Hotel and checked in as a group, we had only an hour before the first service of the conference, which was being held right at The Baltimore Convention Center adjacent to the hotel.
“Okay, Taylor, we've only got an hour so ...” I started.
Taylor tilted her head to the side. “Are you trying to say I'm slow?”
“No, just thorough.”
“Thorough? Uh-huh.” Taylor smiled. “All right, I guess I can accept that.”
“Didn't expect that one, did you?”
“Nope.”
Taylor started throwing clothes all around the room, sitting in front of the mirror, adjusting weave, putting on eyeliner and eyelashes. By the time she was done, I hardly recognized her. All I did was freshened up, combed my hair, and changed into a blue and black pantsuit with navy blue pumps. I hoped my ankles wouldn't get cold because I didn't bring my boots. Afterward, we still had a little time so we went to grab something to eat before the first session. Nestled in the heart of downtown, the convention center seemed to be walking distance from nearly everything. Since Taylor had the walker, we took a cab to The Nest on Pratt Street. There, I gobbled down a burger, fries, and a Coke while Taylor had a salad and water.
“You make me sick,” I told her. She was always showing out with her healthy eating habits.
“Gotta stay healthy. And you gotta start taking better care of yourself,” she said as she bit into her crisp garden salad with Ranch dressing. “This body is the only one I have.”
“Tell me about it,” I said. “I wish I had a new one right about now.”
Taylor twirled her lettuce around on her fork. “One of these days you're gonna have to stop eating so heavy.”
“Yes, one day, girl, but not today,” I said as I swallowed the last of my soda.
Once we were at the conference the staff greeted us with a warm welcome, door prizes, gift bags, and a purple and white conference T-shirt. There was a whole committee of Missionary's women. They had been in Baltimore since yesterday, and were working the floor. I was glad that for once, I wasn't serving, and was able to sit back, relax, and enjoy the Word.
The guest speaker, Dr. Elizabeth Durrant, was a ministry powerhouse, known all over the world for empowering women through God's Word. She was a pastor, a gospel singer, a spoken Word artist, a prolific speaker, and a liturgical dancer. I had read a couple of her books before, but I absolutely loved to hear her speak. I mean, when God was handing out gifts, she must've gotten double doses.
She was a woman of medium stature in height and width. She wore a simple light gray and white dancer's costume with white and gold dance shoes. She wore her hair in a small curly Afro, had dark, even skin, and she wore very little makeup at all, yet she was gorgeous. Her understated gold hoop earrings and matching gold beads accentuated her beauty. There was something in her eyes, in her movement, in her entire demeanor, that mesmerized me. She was the essence of woman, and she carried that persona out into the spotlight.
She started off by gliding across the stage like lightning, swirling and bending to my favorite praise song, “Yes.”
Would your heart and soul say yes?
It was as if the woman floated on air, she was so graceful
.
After a beautiful dance routine, she wiped her face and took her place in the pulpit, waiting for Sister Martin to introduce her. Then the crowds applauded and cheered.
My soul says yes
. My heart began to beat faster. I realized I was already touched before the woman even opened her mouth. The song had opened the gateways to my heart. It always did.
Then Pastor Martin gave her the microphone, stepped aside, and let her take center stage.
“I want to talk to you today about the superwoman syndrome that a lot of us overachieving women have. We've got to be careful not to overload ourselves with the cares of the world. We're out there trying to do one hundred things at once. We've got our families and many of us are neglecting them. Yes, neglecting them because we've got our careers, our hobbies, and sometimes even our ministries. But like the Proverbs 31 woman, we've got to submit them all to God. We've got to have our house in order, and by house, I not only mean the one our family lives in, but I also mean our body, which houses our spirit. Some of us are out there trying to rule the world, judging the world, and yet we're not even submitted to our own husbands. That's right; if you're not submitted to your spouse, then you're not really submitted to God. Ephesians 5:22 says, ‘Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.' So even though he's got a commandment to love you and be right, so do you likewise have a commandment to reverence him and be right.
BOOK: Count It All Joy
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