Dancing Naked (17 page)

Dear Peanut,

I haven’t felt you move yet, but I know you’re there and I luv you. It’s so easy for everyone else to tell me I have to give you up – you are not a part of them. But you are as much a part of me as my own heart is. There is no one to talk to anymore. I thought Justin understood. I thought we had the same feelings for each other.

I thought wrong. I’m so stupid.

“Why’d you leave the party early?” Shawna asked. They were
sitting across from one another at a table in the cafeteria.

“Derek showed up.”

“Yeah. So? You go to the same school. You’re gonna run into each other.”

Kia bit into her apple. She considered telling Shawna what had happened between her and Derek, but decided against it. “I wasn’t having much fun.”

“Oh.”

“I’m feeling kinda fat and frumpy.”

Shawna nodded.

Rochelle sat down beside Kia. “Well?” she asked Shawna.

Shawna smiled. “You guess.”

“Did he ask you?”

“Maybe,” Shawna teased.

Kia frowned. Had she missed something here?

“Tell me!” Rochelle demanded

“Why should I?”

“Shawna!”

Before Kia could ask what it was they were talking about, the table began filling up with the others from their group. It was Tuesday, but the conversation was still focused on Jared’s party—who was and wasn’t there, who danced together, who left with who. Kia found she didn’t really care. Her mind drifted off ...

“Are you going, Ki?”

“Huh?” Kia glanced up and was surprised to see Chris, from Youth Group, standing at the end of their table.

“Are you going?” he repeated. He was smiling down at her, his brown eyes soft. “To Tara’s.”

“To Tara’s?”

“Yeah. Her cabin. For the ski weekend.”

“The ski weekend?” Kia shook her head. She couldn’t seem to follow any conversation today.

“Yeah. Although there won’t be much skiing going on!” His eyes shone.

Kia looked puzzled. A hush fell over the table.

“I guess not,” she said quietly. “I wasn’t invited.” She looked around, but nobody would meet her eyes. She shrugged. “I’m not much of a partier these days anyway.” She climbed off the bench, acutely aware of her awkwardness, collected her lunch containers and walked away. She felt Shawna at her side a moment later.

“She just hasn’t got around to asking you.”

Kia kept walking. “Do you really believe that?”

“Yeah. She will.”

“Maybe. Or maybe I make her uncomfortable.”

“What do you mean?”

They had arrived at Kia’s locker. She began to wind the dial on her lock.

“I mean she’s glad it’s me and not her.”

“Huh?”

Kia spun around to confront Shawna. “Tara’s been sleeping around for ages! She’s lucked out, I’d say. She’s never gotten pregnant.”

Shawna picked at one of her nails.

“Okay, maybe she has,” Kia continued, understanding from Shawna’s expression how mistaken she’d been. “But looking at me is a reminder of ... of the abortion, I guess. Or abortions?” she asked.

Shawna didn’t answer.

“I thought you and I told each other everything,” Kia said softly.

“I was sworn to secrecy.” Shawna looked up and pleaded with Kia. “I didn’t know either, until just a few days ago. It came out when everyone was talking about you and...”

“What were they saying?”

Shawna shrugged. “They were just wondering why you hadn’t had an abortion. That’s when Tara told us about hers.”

“Where was I when all this talking was going on?”

Shawna looked down the hall. “It was a sort of impromptu sleepover, at Rochelle’s. After Jared’s party.”

“Sort of impromptu?”

The bell rang, signaling the start of afternoon classes, but neither Kia nor Shawna moved.

“Miss Jaswal warned me about this,” Kia said finally.

“About what?”

“Nothing.” Kia pulled her books out of her locker. “You better get going, Shawn, or you’ll be late.”

Shawna nodded but stayed put. “Maybe you’re right, Kia. Maybe you do make some people feel a little uncomfortable right now. But they’ll get over it once ...”

Kia slammed her locker shut, turned and faced Shawna. “Once what?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah.” Kia began walking to her next class. “They’ll get over it,” she said, glancing back at Shawna. “But will I?”

From:
        Justin <
[email protected]
>
To:
             Kia <
[email protected]
>
Date:
          March 28
Subject:
     T.O.Y.
hi ki & peanut,
i missed going to prenatal class last night! how soon before the 2
^nd
set starts up?
y don’t we get together and go through that binder again? we could make mon. nights our get-together night, even if prenatal is over.
hugs, uncle J

From:
        Justin <
[email protected]
>
To:
             Kia <
[email protected]
>
Date:
          March 29
Subject:
     Still T.O.Y.
hi again kia,
whatcha doing? did you get my last e-mail?

From:
        Justin <
[email protected]
>
To:
             Kia <
[email protected]
>
Date:
          March 30
Subject:
     and STILL T.O.Y.
ok kia, no one skips out of youth group without paying the price! chris says you’ve been at school so I know you didn’t get hit by a truck or anything. if i don’t hear from you soon, i’m going to come over and break your door down!
:-) uncle J.

“I’m glad you could meet me here, Kia,” Sadie said. They were walking along a trail in a park near Kia’s house. “There was such a crowd at our first meeting that we couldn’t really talk. But I sensed you’re not overly excited
about placing your baby for adoption.”

“You got that right.”

“Your mom and dad don’t think you have any other choice, though, right?”

“Right again.”

They walked in silence for a few minutes. Finally Sadie spoke again. “Have you spent much time with babies, Kia?”

“I was seven when my little sister was born. And,” she added, “I play with the babies at her daycare.” Although, she thought, the experience of hearing them all cry the other day had been a bit of a shock, but she wasn’t going to tell Sadie that.

“Having a little sister and seeing babies at a daycare are quite different experiences than having your own baby,” Sadie said. “It’s not my job to try to talk you out of keeping it, but I’m wondering if you’re willing to try an experiment. It’s kind of a game, really.”

“What is it?”

“I brought a baby for you to take care of for a week.”

Kia glanced at Sadie, puzzled.

“Really, I did. Why don’t you wait on that bench over there, by the pond? I’ll go back to my car and get her.”

“You left a baby in the car?”

Sadie smiled. “You’ll see. I’ll be right back.”

Kia sat down and watched Sadie walk away. The reflection of the sunlight on the pond was dazzling, and Kia closed her eyes, enjoying the first truly spring-like day of the season. For a moment she forgot about Justin’s rejection, adoptive parents and fair-weather friends ...

“Honk.”

Kia’s eyes blinked open. A Canada goose was standing a
few feet away, its head tilted, jet-black eyes studying her.

“Sorry, bud, I didn’t bring any food today.”

They stared at each other until Kia spotted Sadie walking back through the park. She did appear to be carrying a baby. It was wrapped in a blanket and Sadie was staring down at it, smiling. Had she really left a baby in her car?

“Congratulations, Kia,” Sadie said, standing in front of her, still cradling the baby. “I’d like you to meet your little bundle of joy.” There was a playful look in her eyes as she held it out to Kia.

Kia took the bundle and looked at it. “What is this?” She pulled the blanket away and found she was holding a bag of dog food. The goose craned its long neck forward to take a closer look.

“This is your newborn baby, Kia. It’s a big one at ten pounds.”

“This is stupid.” Kia shoved the blanket and dog food at Sadie. The goose took a fluttering step back.

Sadie carefully rewrapped the bag in the blanket. “I know it seems stupid, Kia, but humor me. There’s no real way of understanding the responsibilities of being a parent unless you’ve actually been one. All I want you to do is try it for one week. That’s nothing, considering a real child will be with you for about twenty years.”

Kia sighed. “What do I have to do?”

Sadie began to rock the bag of dog food. “She’s crying, Kia.”

Kia rolled her eyes.

Sadie heaved the package up to her shoulder and began to pat it. “Maybe she’s hungry. Or she could have a wet diaper.”

“Are you serious?”

“I am. I want you to choose a name for her. You need to borrow some baby clothes and also get a couple of baby bottles, soothers and some toys. You’ll also need to buy enough disposable diapers to last you through the week. That will be about fifty-six.”

“Fifty-six diapers?”

“Oh, yeah. You can expect to change a newborn baby at least eight times a day. And you’ll need to feed it about every three hours. Each time will take about twenty minutes. So every three hours you’ll need to stop whatever you’re doing and feed your baby, even at night. So set your alarm to wake yourself up.”

Kia shook her head. “Never mind. I get your point; babies are time-consuming. You can keep your dumb dog food. Or feed it to that goose.”

“Babies are more than that, Kia,” Sadie said, glancing briefly at the huge bird. “And it’s one thing to know they’re a big responsibility, it’s another thing to actually be responsible.” Sadie leaned over and gently passed the blanket-wrapped bag of dog food back to Kia. Kia took it, but she held it away from her body. “It’s still crying, Kia. Try walking it.”

Kia rolled her eyes again but stood up and rocked from side to side. She was aware of the goose watching her. She felt incredibly stupid.

“Your baby must always be left with a responsible adult, Kia. You can’t ever leave it alone. If you go out, you must find a babysitter for it.”

Kia nodded, resigned.

“And your baby will cry a few times every hour for
no apparent reason, like right now. You must hold it and rock it.”

Kia began to rock a little harder, glad, at least, that this baby’s nose didn’t run.

“Play with your baby, Kia. Talk to it and carry it with you most of the time.”

Kia nodded.

“I’ll give you a ride home,” Sadie said. “And don’t worry. I brought a car seat for the baby. I’ll lend it to you for the week.”

Kia sat back down on the bench and wrapped the blanket firmly around the dog food. She didn’t want anyone to get a glimpse of what she was really carrying.

“Sorry, goose,” she said to the curious bird as she got up and began to follow Sadie back to the car. “I tried. I really did.”

“Kia!” Angie called up the stairs.

“Yeah?” She turned the TV down.

“Someone here to see you.”