Everything I Shouldn't / Everything I Need (36 page)

When we walk into Cori's, the smell of hot dogs, onion rings, and fried dough assaults us. I'm not sure if I want to eat everything or run out of the restaurant. Emmett's sitting at one of the high top tables messing with his phone and when he sees us, a wide grin spreads across his face. Livvie squealing his name gets him out of his chair to come hug her. He's tall and with his long legs he's on us in three strides. Gripping Livvie around the waist he bends her backwards, pressing his lips hard against hers for a quick kiss. Squealing against his mouth, she grips his shirt in one hand to keep from falling while smacking his chest with the other. He brings her back up with a laugh before releasing her and his smile turns a little evil at the glare she's giving him. Being around
all
the display of affection after everything that's happened makes me uncomfortable; seeing my best friend and her boyfriend carrying on just makes me miss
him
more.

"You're such a child," she huffs, but I know she isn't really mad at him. She loves the attention being on her and his little show has everyone here watching them.

Wrapping an arm around her shoulder, he pulls her in to his side before turning his dark brown eyes to me. "Hey SB. How's things?"

"I'm here," I tell him with a shrug. The three of us hung out in high school, but with the way he and Olivia constantly break up, it's hard to really be friends with him since I'm not allowed to speak to him when they're on a "break". Wyatt likes him though, so we spend more time together now than we did back then.

Nodding, he replies, "Cool." Then, changing the subject abruptly, he asks, "Have you talked to Wyatt recently?" while rubbing the stubble on his jaw absentmindedly.

"Not in a few days. Why?" It's really weird that he asked about Wyatt at the same time I was thinking about him, and now I'm worrying that something's happened to him.

Emmett just shrugs. "No reason," he says before glancing back at his phone with a smile and leaving me to wonder what in the world is going on. Is he sick? Did he and Peyton break up?

But before I can ask him any further questions, a pair of hands covers my eyes and I stiffen in surprise. "Guess who," a familiar voice says before he drops his hands to sit beside me.

"Wyatt?!" I'm staring at his smiling face in complete disbelief; I can't believe he's here. "I thought you were going home for the summer. What are you doing here?" Not that I'm upset he's here, I actually couldn't be more happy to see him.

Tugging on my ponytail, he says, "I heard you needed some cheering up, so here I am." His eyes study me intently before he lowers his voice, leaning in to ask, "Are you okay?"

The obvious concern in his voice has my eyes filling with tears; when he sees them, his own widen and his eyebrows shoot up almost to his hairline. Taking my hand, he turns to Livvie and Emmett, telling them, "We'll be back in a few minutes, okay?" Livvie nods, confused, but she doesn't protest as Wyatt leads me out the door to his beat up pickup truck.

As soon as he's sure they can't see us, he comes to an abrupt stop and pulls me into his embrace. The feel of his comforting arms has me collapsing into him, unable to stop the tears from falling freely. "Shhh sweetheart," he murmurs, stroking my back and letting me sob all over his shirt.

When I'm able to finally stem the tears, Wyatt pulls back to look down at me, his brown eyes warm and full of concern. "Wanna tell me what's going on, SarahBeth?" I shake my head; still embarrassed about the situation I've found myself in. He doesn't force me to talk, just frowns slightly and says, "You know I'm here for you right? And you can tell me anything. I won't judge you."

"I know," I whisper, looking away from his intense gaze. I don't want anyone to know about the baby; it's bad enough David and Lyric know. It's contradictory, but I don't want everyone
but
Jeremy to know. It feels wrong to keep it from him but tell everyone else. On the other hand, I really need someone to be there for me, and I can't ask David and Lyric to do that, there's still an awkward space between us. Livvie's busy with her own life, and I know if I tell her, she'll let it slip to Tyler who will tell Jeremy.

Gathering the small bit of courage I still possess, I decide to tell Wyatt. I know I can lean on him and I know he'll respect my privacy. It's still hard to force the words out though; they come out as barely a whisper when I say, "I'm pregnant." I continue to avoid his gaze; I can't handle it if he's as disappointed in me as my brother was when he found out.

"Oh sweetheart," Wyatt says in a low voice as he pulls me against him tightly once more. "How are you handling things? Have you told Jeremy? What did he say?" His questions are all coming too quickly for me to answer, but his voice has no censure, no disappointment, and no anger. I can tell he's worried about me, but he's not lecturing me or making me feel lousy about being a twenty-one year old unwed mother.

Pulling back, away from his comforting arms, I wipe the tears from my cheeks and try to answer his questions. "I'm not handling things very well at all. I'm barely twenty-one, Wyatt! I'm way too immature to be a mother. How on earth am I ever going to do this?" He doesn't answer me right away, so with a sigh, I answer the other questions he asked. "No, I haven't told him." His eyes narrow on me, but before he can yell at me for not telling Jeremy, I quickly explain, "Not because I didn't want to. I actually went to his office to tell him. Jeremy ended it before I could say anything." Looking up at him, trying to keep the tears from falling once more, I say quietly, "He doesn't want me."

"I'm sure that's not true..." Wyatt starts, but his words are cut off when I glare up at him.

Jabbing a finger in his chest, I say, "You weren't there Wyatt. You don't know what he said." Ugh. I go from happy, to sobbing, to angry in about two point five seconds. If I'm this moody this early on, what am I going to be like by delivery? No one is going to be able to stand me by that point.

"You're right SB, I wasn't there. Why don't you tell me exactly what he said so I can tell you how wrong you are." Wyatt's voice is confident, he's so sure he's right, and that Jeremy didn't
actually
say he didn't want me. Maybe he didn't say the words 'I don't want you', but he did say that he didn't want to be with me, that we'd caused too much pain by being together, and that's pretty much the same thing. When I tell Wyatt that though, he disagrees. "It sounds like he's trying to protect either you or himself. I don't think he meant he doesn't want you...he just doesn't want to keep hurting people." 

His eyes narrow on me as he says, "You can't deny that the things you guys did were wrong SarahBeth." I start to protest, but he covers my mouth with one hand, shaking his head before he continues. "No, don't even try to make excuses. You know what you did wasn't right, and he shouldn't have let you get away with it all. Even if he doesn't want a relationship anymore, and I don't believe that he could go from loving you to being indifferent so quickly, he still deserves to know he's going to be a father. Please tell me you've learned from your mistakes," he implores, but when I don't immediately agree, he sighs. "Just think about it, okay? That's all I'm asking."

I nod in acceptance, hoping he'll drop the subject. Thankfully he does, choosing instead to say, "And about the other? Yeah, you're young, but you'll be a great mom, SarahBeth. You just need some time to adjust to things. My mom was barely sixteen when she got pregnant with me, and I turned out okay. So did my sister. You
can
do this, and you're lucky; you have your brother, Livvie, me...and I know you'll have Jeremy once you tell him. Hey, just say the word and I'll take you to my house. You can meet my mom and she can tell you what it's like having a baby so young." Wyatt smiles down at me, releasing me from his embrace to take my hand in his. "Now, come on. I've heard this place has amazing hot dogs, and I'm hungry! Look at me! I'm wasting away."

I can't help but laugh at his words, just telling someone I know won't judge me has me feeling a thousand times better. He leads me back into the restaurant to study the menu, he has a hard time choosing which hot dog he wants before he finally settles on three.

By the time we return to the table, Livvie and Emmett are wrapped in each other's arms and ignoring the food that's sitting in front of them. Trying to ignore the smell of cooling hot dogs and fried pickles, I take the seat closest to the aisle while Wyatt leans back against the window and grins at our friends, his arm lying casually across the back of my chair.

Neither notices our arrival until Wyatt clears his throat and says sarcastically, "Much as I'm enjoying the PDA, could we spend a little time actually eating our food?" I toss my head back and laugh softly; Wyatt turns to face me with a big smile. "I definitely prefer laughing to tears, sweetheart." My heart melts at the expression on his face and I wish, not for the first time, that I'd been able to feel something other than a sibling-like affection for him. He's an awesome guy, and his girlfriend Peyton is really lucky to have him.

Speaking of Peyton, I have to ask him, "Where's your girlfriend? Is she at home for the summer?"

"Yeah, she's at home for a couple more weeks." He grins wolfishly at me, then says, "But, she's coming to stay with me after the fourth. I think my mom is more excited about her coming to stay than she was about me coming home for the summer." Wyatt shakes his head, the smile still on his face before turning back to his food.

The four of us eat in silence, but I'm mainly picking at my food; the plain hot dog Wyatt ordered for me isn't sitting well in my stomach, and combined with the smells of everyone else's food - especially Emmett's sauerkraut - my tummy is beginning to churn. The longer I sit and think about it, the worse it gets until with a panicked look at Wyatt, I run for the bathroom, a hand over my mouth, desperately trying not to embarrass myself further.

When it's over and I can stand on my trembling legs, Livvie is standing just outside the stall, her eyes narrowed on me in concern. It's not much different than the look on Lyric's face when I walked out of the bathroom just a few days ago. She doesn't say anything, just moves aside so I can make my way to the sink to wash my hands and rinse my mouth. Standing at the sink, I try to draw out the inevitable, knowing that she's going to have questions and that she's going to worry. Even though Livvie is self-involved, she's still my friend and she knows this isn't like me. Her hand appears in front of me, holding a breath mint in her palm and I take it gratefully, finally looking up to meet her eyes in the mirror.

"Were you
ever
going to tell me?" Her voice is soft, her eyes full of hurt as she waits for me to answer.

Trying desperately to deflect, I ask, "I'm not sure what you mean...the hot dog just didn't agree with my stomach. There's nothing to tell you."

"Riiiight," she says sarcastically, crossing her arms back over her chest. "I know we haven't talked much lately, which I'll remind you is
your
fault not mine...I'm not the one who's been lying to everyone and keeping secrets...but I thought we were still friends. Are you really going to keep more secrets from me? That didn't work out so well the last time." Olivia is trying to sound angry, but the hurt in her voice is obvious and it makes me feel like a jerk.

Deflating slightly, I sigh. "How did you know?" If it's that easy to tell, I have no hope of keeping this from anyone, which means Jeremy will find out before I can try to fix things and then I'll never know.

"Please," Livvie scoffs. "I'm not an idiot, ya' know. You and Lyric are suddenly buddy-buddy, Wyatt is watching you like he's afraid you're going to shatter, and you're even more pale than normal. Combine that with the plain hot dog when I know your favorite is a chilidog with coleslaw and the mad dash to the bathroom after you turned a weird shade of green and it's pretty easy to figure out. Have you told
you-know-who
yet?"

Why does everyone ask me that? It's the first question on everyone's minds...have you told him? Will you tell him? When are you going to tell him? Ugh. "No, Livvie, I haven't told him yet." Knowing she won't tell Jeremy, but she
will
almost certainly tell Tyler, I rush to say, "You can't tell Tyler. Please Liv, promise me?" I hate the pleading sound in my voice, but with the things Livvie's told me about Tyler's parents, how his mom never told his dad about him and he didn't find out until his mom died that he even had a kid, he'll tell Jeremy for sure.

"Jeez SB! Calm down. I won't tell anyone; in fact, I'm kinda pissed that you think I'd betray you that way." Her pinched lips and angry eyes give away her every emotion and I immediately feel bad for thinking she'd say something. On the other hand though, she tells Emmett and Tyler
everything
. Well, almost everything...I know she's able to keep a secret. Taking a deep breath, she links her arm with mine and meets my worried gaze. "Come on. If we stay in here any longer Emmett's going to start asking questions neither of us wants to answer." I know she's right, so I let her lead me back out to the table where she curls back up against Emmett, kissing him to halt any questions he might want to ask.