Fighting Control (Bay State Series Book 3) (12 page)

unhinged

Julian

If I go back to my house now I'll most likely end up smashing a bunch of my shit. My safest bet is to head back to the gym and blow off some steam.

I don't get it. We were just fine when I left her tonight. Weren't we? Thousands of questions run wild through my mind as my fists pound the bag. I've done this before because of her. It's not healthy. I barely know her, yet I feel so much. Have so many feelings invested already. Hopefully this shit blows over. I'm normally not a very angry person but this hot and cold shit is getting old.

I can understand what's going on with George and Ashley and I think I can help her through it. If she'd only let me.

                                *****

I wake up before my alarm and remember that coach wants us to meet at the field for some drills. I have a couple new rookies to work with and I'm hopeful they can help me keep my mind off of this bullshit with Tanya. I don't know how long I'm willing to wait for her to come to her senses before I take control of the situation.

Coach runs us hard until late into the afternoon. Powering on my phone I see two new voicemails and several texts from George. He wants to meet with me to talk. Thank fuck somebody wants to. One of his texts even mentions Brent and Sarah's party this weekend and he hopes that I'm still going.

I wouldn't miss it for the world. If Tanya's going to be there then so am I. Saturday is only a few days away and I'm not going to take no for an answer. She will talk to me if I have to use her brothers against her. George has my back. That I have no doubt about. It's Frank that's going to take some persuasion. Texting George back, I ask him to invite Frank to meet with us. 

When I walk into the bar I spot them sitting in the corner having what looks like a heated discussion. Maybe George finally decided to let his brother in on his relationship with Ashley.

“Are you fucking crazy?” I hear Frank asks as I reach their table.

“Can you keep your voice down? Or do you want the whole place to know our business?” George fires back.

They both look over at me as I scrape my chair against the dingy floor. “So I take it you filled him in on your little secret?” I ask George as I take a seat.

“More like a big fucking secret, you mean. I just can't believe you would stoop that low man. She's our little sister's best friend.” Frank shakes his head in disgust and downs the rest of his beer, placing the empty bottle next to other three sitting in front of him on the table.

“It just happened and you know what? I don't regret it. Not one fucking bit. I'm in love with her and I thought she felt the same until Tanya came home. That's when it all went to shit. Can we talk about what we came here for now?” George is pissed. That much I know. I need to find a way to diffuse the situation and fast if I expect to get them to help me. United front and all that shit.

“I agree. We need to focus on Tanya. She's in a really bad place right now and we need to figure out a way to make her see that we're all going to be there for her in any way that she needs.”

“So we all go to the cookout this weekend and do what exactly?” George asks and we spend the next several hours figuring it out.

I don't see how all of us ignoring her is going to solve anything but they said it worked when she was younger to get her to snap out of her stubborn fits. I hope like hell they're right. I don't know how long I can pretend.

As we leave the bar and walk to where we parked our cars, well they took their cars, I rode my bike, I ask them one more time to be sure, “You guys going to be able to pull this off? No giving in?” I raise one of my eyebrows in question.

“We used to do it all the time, piece of cake.” George nods his head at his brother's words. Great, now let’s see if I can pull this off. I'm feeling pretty confident but when it comes to Tanya, all bets are off.

                                *****

“What the fuck do you mean she hasn't been home in two days?” I ask George angrily as I pace in my kitchen. Slamming the cabinet I opened closed and propping my hands on the counter to try and calm myself, I let out a stuttered breath. Is she crazy? “Where did she go?”

“Calm down Julian. My mother said she just called an hour ago and she's safe.”

“Does she know where she is?”

“Yes but she won't tell me. She said Tanya doesn't want to see either of us right now. Tanya told her about me and Ashley and she's furious with me. I tried getting her to tell me where she is but she won't budge. I'm sorry Julian. I'll call around and see if anyone can get their women to talk.”

“Thanks. I'll be waiting.”

If I spend any more time at the gym they're going to kick my ass out. I've been there more often than my house and I have my own personal gym. I can still smell her in the air and it taunts me. My fragile girl. She's trying to be strong but we all see the opposite, she's hiding from her feelings, afraid to get hurt by expressing them.

I think it's time to talk to coach about this. If I can reassure her on one thing the rest is sure to follow, right?

“Julian? Is everything okay? You never call my cell,” The noise in the background suddenly gets quieter and I realize that he must have left whatever room he was in for some privacy.

“Of course Coach. I need some advice and I didn't know who else to ask and well if anyone would have an opinion that matters about what I'm going to ask, you would be him.” I brace myself for the conversation looming but I have no other choice but to get on with it.

There's silence on the other end of the phone as he waits for me to continue and I guess he's growing impatient when he lets out heavy breath. “Whatever you have to say can't be that bad. Can it? You didn't do anything to get yourself in trouble I hope. You know what that would mean?”

“Oh no Coach, nothing like that. Well at least I hope it doesn't. I mean it shouldn't.” Now I'm stumbling over my words like an idiot. “Okay here it goes. I've been kinda seeing a sports journalist.”

I pause to let it sink in and I have to admit the next words out of his mouth catch me by surprise. “And, why is that a problem? Did she sleep with you for a story? Did you sleep with her to get out of a story?”

“No, we had no idea what the other did for a living when we met. It was instant attraction and now she's running scared because she thinks it will ruin our careers.”

“Are you going to let it ruin your careers?”

“What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I just said.” He has a point but I still want him to tell me flat out that he has no problem with us having a relationship. I have feelings for her but I would never want to jeopardize football over it. It's my life.

“So you don't see anything wrong at all with us continuing to see each other? Can I have it in writing?” He laughs at me and I can picture him now with a smile on his face that anyone that isn't close to him rarely sees.

“Absolutely not, as long as she doesn't do anything to tarnish the other players or this organization, I don’t see anything wrong, you can't help how you feel son.”

“Thank you. You've made what I have to do so much easier now.”

“And what's that?” He asks amused.

“Convincing my girl that what we have is worth it. My only thought against us was if you would have had an objection. Everything else she throws at me now is an easy shut down.”

“Good luck Julian. Maybe once she sees things your way we can invite you two over and share our torturous story. I think Samantha loves the story a little too much and won't mind sharing it with you two young love birds.” I thank him again and end the call. There has to be something that I can do to keep myself from going crazy.

I wonder if it's too soon to text Frank or George to see if they've heard anything. How stubborn can she possibly be? It's been three days already and Brent's party is tomorrow. Not really sure how welcome I'll be without Tanya.

I guess I'll just watch some TV or at least try to until I fall asleep, if I can. Hopefully someone can talk some sense into her. I settle on the discovery channel and zone out to some nature show that I have absolutely no interest in. That does the trick. I get so bored that I pass out on the couch and wake up several hours later in the same position to a black screen.

Looking at my phone I see that it's two in the morning. I have a couple missed texts from George telling me that Sarah cracked or I should say Brent cracked. Tanya's been at their house this whole time. So she will be there tomorrow. Maybe she's counting on me bowing out if I think she's not going. Well that’s not going to happen sweetheart. Hope she's in for a surprise. I'm not one to back down. I would have thought she had figured that out by now.

I take a quick shower, throw on a pair of boxers and crawl into my bed alone. I've never been lonely in my bed before but somehow it seems so empty without a certain blonde beauty laying next to me. This girl has me so fucked up, I don't even know myself anymore.

Flat on my back, I stare at the ceiling for what feels like hours before dozing off again. I'm not gonna lie, I'm dreading her reaction to seeing me. Maybe she'll have actually missed me. I sure as hell hope so.

I've missed the fuck out of her.

                                *****

I wake up to my phone chirping on my nightstand. Reluctantly I roll over and grab it. My eyes are still sleepy and it takes me a minute of rubbing to clear them enough to see the words Frank sent me.

{ Meet George at our parents house. You're riding with us. }

I send him a simple reply.

{ OK what time? }

His answer is short.

{ Noon }

Someone's not a morning person. Either that or it's a man thing. I never understood a female's need to go into specific detail in a text. It was meant for a simple means of communication. Wasn't it?

“Shit.” It's already after ten. I can't believe I've actually slept this late. I never do. It must be from my restless sleep. My dreams come back to me in perfect clarity.

Tanya in my arms; moaning as I run my hands over her silky smooth skin. Lying twisted in my sheets with me, our bodies connected in every possible way. I can hear the mattress groaning under our movement. Feel her grip me as I enter her from behind, her nipples swollen under my fingertips.

The vivid details of my dream turn my cock hard instantly. My hand makes its way inside of my boxers and I take my length in a strong grip and stroke. The little bit of wetness that's leaked from its tip creating a nice lubrication. My hand moves faster as her moans grow louder in my mind.

I explode with her name on my lips and it's going to take everything in me not to drag her from the party and back to my house. It's a good thing I got some release before I see her or it would probably be a lot worse and it would definitely happen.

She might not know it yet but I won't take no for an answer. It's past time to take control of this situation.

 
Betrayal

Tanya

How could she?

How could he?

What the actual fuck?

How long have they been sleeping together?

I really don't want to know the answer to that. Wait. Yes I do. No really, I don't.

I'm so confused. Never in a million years would I have thought George would sleep with my best friend. Sure now that we're older the seven year age gap isn't so weird but we all grew up together. He was practically an adult when we were ten.

I have to stop thinking about it or I'll go insane. I'll just pretend that I hadn't become privy to that tidbit of information. Ha! Like that's even possible.

Knock, knock. “Hey, it's Sarah. Can I come in?” she asks through the bathroom door.

“Sure,” I sniff out my reply. I've been in their bathroom for over an hour having myself what I was hoping to be a good cry to relax myself. Nope, it didn't work. I'm more shaken up over my decision to walk away from Julian. He hasn't been anything but supportive of me. I really need to stop pushing the people that care about me away. Staying with Sarah and Brent seemed like a safe bet until I witnessed how much they love each other. I want that in life, don't I?

“Are you okay?”

“I don't know. I think I made a huge mistake pushing Julian away. What if he wants nothing to do with me after this? What if he thinks I'm childish and decides to quit wasting his time on me? I fucked up bad Sarah,” I tell her honestly. I've messed up royally.

I haven't said anything to them about George and Ashley. It's not my place and I'm sure it will come out eventually. Were they hiding it because I'm home now and they didn't want me to know? Now that I know are they going to be all over each other like a couple of horn dogs? The picture in my mind makes me sick, my brother and my best friend. Fuck! There I go again thinking about them. I wish I could rinse my brain out with bleach. Erase the thoughts staining it.

“You did what you thought you had to do and now you're having second thoughts. It is a human thing to do you know? No one will think any less of you for it. Maybe you just need to talk it out with him; explain your concerns. I very highly doubt you've lost him for good. If he's been talking to your brothers, I'm sure they've filled him in on how you get sometimes and that's a good thing.”

“Really?” I ask, “How is that a good thing?”

She blows out a breath while pushing her hair back through her fingers and it looks like she's hiding a shit eating grin. “Put it this way.... your brothers are preparing him for your little bitch fits. I've seen them and I've only known you for a short time. They've grown up with you, helped raise you. If anyone can give him insight on your moods it's them.”

“I guess you're right but why would he want to put up with my shit when he can literally have any girl he wants.”

“That's simple,” she says as if it answers my question. I raise an eyebrow, letting her know that I think she's full of shit and she continues, “he’ll put up with it because he wants you Tanya, no one else. We see it. Why can't you?”

That's a really good question. Why don't I see it? Is it because I won't let myself? I think in order to fix this mess; I need to take a good hard, long look in the mirror.

“You do know that there's a pretty good chance he'll be here tomorrow. I overheard Brent talking to someone on the phone. Whoever it was knows you're here.” Her words flow through my veins like slow venom. Why would he betray me?

“What?” I ask. “Why would he do that Sarah? I trusted him to keep quiet about me being here.” I've started to pace the short length of the narrow room. Who was on the other end of that call? Does it really matter? If he's been talking to my brothers he'll know either way. Fuck! Now I don't even want to be here tomorrow. Or do I? Shit! I'm so confused.

“Listen, I'm going to go make some lunch. Do you want me to heat up some of the dinner I made the other night? I need to use it up so it doesn't go bad.”

“Yeah, that sounds fine. I'm just going to grab a shower. I'll meet you in the kitchen as soon as I'm done.” She starts to open the door and I stop her. “Hey, aren't you supposed to be at work today?”

She stops short with her hand on the knob and turns to me. “I called out. I figured you could use a girl's day. We have a date with the spa in a couple of hours for a mani, pedi so hurry your little ass up. I don't want us to be late.” She blows me a kiss and chuckles to herself as she closes the door behind her. Great, all I want to do is crawl back in bed and cry myself to sleep.

Now my friends are conspiring against me. Maybe I have made a bad decision. She gave me a lot to think about. And I do just that while I take my shower. I really need to stop pushing people away and let things play out.

When we get to the spa Ilyanna is sitting with Rachel and another girl that I don't know on one of the soft plush sofas. I guess it is a girls’ day after all. They all look gorgeous and I think about my frumpy self. I look positively homeless next the four of them. Sarah introduces me to Latasha, the dark-skinned beauty sitting with us as her best friend.

“So, how are you holding up?” Ilyanna asks.

“Oh, you know; second guessing myself as usual. I fucked up bad, didn't I?”

The girls share a knowing look and I know they're all thinking the same thing. Poor Tanya; poor delirious Tanya; running away from problems.

“I used to do that all the time,” Latasha pipes in from the couch across from me. “It got really old though. I was never happy and I mean never. Any time I would come close, I would run in the other direction. Sarah really helped me get my shit straight though. I almost broke up with my boyfriend Trevor when we started to get too serious and she stopped me. Now we're engaged and getting married next spring.” She's grinning ear to ear and I can't help but smile with her.

“Congratulations, that's awesome,” I tell her just as we're interrupted by our names being called. We all stand to follow the voluptuous brunette to our pedicure chairs in the back.

I have to admit; I feel a hell of a lot better having talked to the girls today and getting their input on my situation. Now all I have to do is figure out how to get Julian alone tomorrow to apologize. That is if he even makes an appearance. I wouldn't blame him if he wants nothing to do with me.

I turn my phone on when we get back to Sarah's car and see that I have a missed call from my mom. I hit the button to call her back and get her voicemail. “Hi mom, I saw that you called but didn't leave a message. Give me a call back when you get a chance. Thanks, bye.” My phone starts to beep with an incoming call before I hit end and I answer. “Oh hey mom; I was just leaving you a message.”

“Tanya, the sheriff just delivered your subpoena. It's for the tenth of next month.” Great this is just what I needed today. I was finally starting to feel better and now this.

“Thanks mom. I'll be home tomorrow night. Can you just leave it on my dresser for me?”

“Sure thing sweetie. Are you okay Tanya? Your father and I are worried about you.”

“I'm not sure mom but I will be, I promise. Tell daddy I love him.”

“Will do. I love you.”

“Love you too mom. Listen I have to go. I'm with Sarah and we're about to go into the grocery store.”

“Okay baby girl. See you tomorrow.”

As we pull into Sarah and Brent's driveway I feel a little guilty for lying to her but I'm just not in the mood to talk. Sarah's giving me an all too knowing look and I shake my head, letting her know that I don't want to talk about it.

“Do you need any help with dinner?” I ask while getting out of the car. I really need a distraction.

“Sure do you want to start chopping veggies for the salad?”

“Yeah, I need to make myself useful for intruding on you.”

“Oh would you stop. You've been no trouble at all.”

“Don't tell her that,” Brent joins our conversation as he enters the room, scaring the shit out of me; making me drop the pepper in my hand. “She's been nothing but a pain in my ass.” I know that he's not serious when he starts to laugh and I throw the pepper at him before adding it to the strainer in the sink and rinsing everything off.

“Thanks; I'm not too fond of you either. I'm just here to steal your woman from you.” I send him a wicked smirk and wrap my arms around Sarah from behind.

“Hey now, that's not funny. You'll hurt my ego.” He grabs Sarah and drags her to him, giving her a passionate kiss.

I turn my head, not wanting to watch the show of affection and start chopping the veggies for the salad.

“So what did your mom have to say?” Sarah asks once she's able to detach her lips from Brent's.

“She wanted to tell me that my subpoena was delivered today. Eric's court date is next month.” I really wish she wouldn't have asked. Our friendly banter had it all but forgotten for now.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh. I'd rather not talk about it if that's okay.”

“No problem. Can you grab me a box of pasta from the cabinet?” She points behind me and I turn around.

“This one?” I ask opening the door.

“Yeah, there are a few different kinds in there. You can pick your favorite.” I see rotini, spaghetti and ziti. I reach for the latter; ziti's always been my favorite. “Have you thought at all about what you're going to say to him if you see him tomorrow?”

“Who?”

“Don't play coy with me. You know exactly who I'm talking about.”

“Speaking of 'him', thanks for outing me Brent. That was a really shitty thing to do.” I lift my knife and point it in his direction on the other side of the kitchen. He's sitting at the table, watching football highlights by the sound of it.

He looks up after being called out and shrugs his shoulders. “Sorry Tanya; your brothers are worried about you and I wanted to give them some reassurance that you're still breathing. You can't shut everyone out forever.”

“Thanks, I guess. I'm beginning to think my actions were a little stupid. I've had a lot of time to think about it and I think you're right.” I go back to chopping and Brent goes back to watching his videos.

“So?” Sarah's stopped stirring the pasta and turned to me, waiting patiently for me to answer her question. Damn, I thought I had successfully evaded her.

“Yes I have. I need to figure out a way to get him alone.”

“Why don't you leave that up to me. I'll think of something. Now, who's ready to eat?”

We sit quietly at the table while we eat. I'm happy that neither have mentioned Julian again or my brothers for that matter. I really need to figure out how I'm going to get through tomorrow and what exactly that I'm going to say him. 

                                *****

My nerves are on edge as I watch the clock tick down the seconds until I have to face Julian. It's quarter of one now and the cookout starts in a little over a hour. Will he show up? Does he even want to? Oh my God; what if he wants nothing to do with me? I really need to stop watching the time before I make myself sick with worry.

“Don't look so nervous. This is the first time we've had everyone over since we bought this place. I'm worried people are going to think it's a shack compared to Braydon and Ilyanna's house.” Sarah's voice breaks through the fog taking up residence in my thoughts.

“Are you crazy? Your house is gorgeous,” I tell her because it's the truth. It might not be as big as theirs but it's beautiful all the same. The backyard alone makes me drool and I briefly entertain the idea of just jumping in the pool before everyone gets here to take my mind off of things.

“I know, I know, come help me in the kitchen. I think I'm soaking in the vibes you're throwing off and they're getting to me.” She starts to laugh and I can't help joining in. I have to admit that it's relaxing.

“Okay, what are we doing in the kitchen?”

“Making brownies.”

“I have to warn you; I'm no Betty Crocker. I hope they don't turn out tasting like rubber soles.”

“They'll be fine. You're in luck; I have plenty of experience reading a box.”

“Lead the way,” I tell her and follow as she makes her way from the patio back into the house.

We gather all of the ingredients the box lists out of the cabinets and fridge and I grease the pan while she cracks the eggs into a large metal mixing bowl.

The doorbell rings right as the timer for the brownies goes off and I take it upon myself to take them out of the oven as Sarah heads for the door to see who's here early. I grab a potholder from the hook next to the stove and reach in to grab the pan. When I lift the brownies out my wrist gives and I grab the pan with my other hand on instinct. “Ow, shit, fuck,” I yell. Stupid me, I had forgotten that my other hand wasn't covered.

I hear a commotion of shoes hitting the floor at a rapid pace behind me and I'm suddenly encased by strong arms holding me steady and an all too familiar voice at my ear. “Are you okay? What happened?” The concern I hear is genuine and it takes everything in me not to turn around and be comforted by the person it belongs to.

I pull away and run to sink, trying to get away as soon as possible. I'm not ready for this. I thought I had more time. I run the cold water and let it wash over my burnt, swelling fingers. “I'm fine really. It's just a small burn,” I lie smoothly. It fuckin' hurts like hell.