Finally Heaven (Room 103 Book 4) (14 page)

I hated the tears that slid down my face. I hated the despair that mirrored my own in his eyes. But mostly, I hated myself because I couldn’t set the past free, I couldn’t move on and trust.

“You say you love me, but if you did, you would never have hurt me like you did. And that’s the truth. You just think you love me because you’re scared of the finality of me moving to Miami. But you couldn’t love me before and you don’t love me now. You’re in love with Nick, I can see it in you. It’s real. Yes, that hurts me as much as it probably does you, but we need to be honest now. If you destroy me this time, what happens to Jakob? Who will take care of him while I turn in on myself and refuse to live, just like every other time you hurt me?”

He reached up and slid his thumbs across my face, wiping at the torrent of tears. “You’re wrong.” I gulped when he shook his head at me. “I do love you, I have always loved you. And it was because I loved you that I never gave you anything to hold onto. Because I knew I would hurt you, Zoe. I knew that my life, not just my sexuality but the whole celebrity shit, would grind you down. Take from you what it’s taken from me. And I never want to see any part of you break. Yet, in my attempt to protect you, I killed you.”

He grabbed my face, making me look at him when I tried to turn away. “You have no idea how much it hurt to stare at your name on my phone screen and force myself not to answer, or the times I stood behind the door, my palm pressed to it because I knew you were that close to me on the other side.”

My eyes widened, stunned at his confession.

“You never saw my tears every time I walked away from you. You never witnessed me self-destruct every time I knew I had hurt you. The times the guys had to pick me up and force me to keep going because without you it felt like I had nothing.”

He stared at me, waiting for me to say something. I could feel Nick watching us and my heart broke for him. He was so obviously in love with Daniel and hearing that must have broken him.

I swallowed and pulled my shoulders straight. “Nick needs to talk to you.”

Daniel’s mouth dropped open, a twitch appearing in his right cheekbone with my brush off. But I was far from ignorant. I just didn’t want to hurt Nick.

“
We
need to talk to him, Zoe,” Nick cut in.

“I can’t, I have to fetch Jakob from Adam’s.” I turned back to Daniel. “But we’ll talk soon.”

“You promise.”

“Yes.” It was simple but honest. “But please listen to him, Daniel. He’s trying to help you, not hurt you.”

His eyes flicked to Nick for a second but he nodded to me. “I’ll take your word for it.”

I smiled. “There seems to be a lot of firsts today.”

His eyes lit up, his smile widening. “Only this once, don’t expect it frequently. You know I’m always right.”

I pulled the door open and stepped through, closing it behind me. “Not always.”

“SHE LOVES YOU.”

I lifted my eyes to Nick. He was stood making us coffee but I hadn’t realised he’d paused and was staring at me.

I shrugged and sighed, ignoring the way his curiosity infiltrated me. I wasn’t sure what it was about him, but he seemed to have the ability to ask things without asking them. I knew that didn’t make sense, no matter how I tried to decipher it in my own head. Maybe it had something to do with him being a journalist, how he could pull information from you without you even realising he had asked a question. “It’s complicated.” I answered vaguely, knowing he wanted more.

He nodded, continuing to make the drinks but I could sense his tension. “It always is.”

Something shifted inside me as I watched him, his strong back to me, the movement of his muscles under his shirt holding my eyes. His thighs were thick, the denim of his jeans hugging his muscles and backside. My dick was obviously delighted at the sight when it twitched excitedly. “You sound like you say that from experience.”

He flicked his eyes my way but didn’t enlighten me. Sitting on an opposite chair at the large wooden table he finally looked at me. “I’m so sorry about the shit in the paper – my paper.” He took a sip of his drink, his eyes watching me, the deep green intensity of them penetrating me as he tried to get a read on my thoughts. “If it’s any consolation I quit, after breaking the reporters nose. That shouldn’t have been published and I told my editor that I’ll watch the bastard sink for it.”

I could see the guilt in his face, his expression hard but worried. I trusted Zoe, she had obviously spoken to Nick about what had happened. And it seemed unlikely that he would actually put himself out there with pictures of himself in that situation. I shook my head. “Nah, it’s out now. Nothing will take it back and to be honest, other than the reaction from my parent’s and Ink, fuck the rest of them.”

“Have you heard from your family?”

I waved my phone at him, “Sixteen calls, all of which I have refused.”

He looked sad for a moment. “Why?”

“Let me just say they’re the type who will not be… understanding about it.” My stomach had turned every time I had seen my Dad’s number flash up. What the hell did I say to them? It made it worse that they’d had to find out like that. I should have told them a long time ago and there was only myself I could blame for the shit.

“And your manager?” he asked with a tight grimace.

“Oh, Brent will get over it. He loves all the trouble we give him, keeps him away from his Missus.”

He chuckled, nodding his head. “I bet you give the poor guy hell.”

“Once or twice. 103 aren’t exactly known for their quiet lifestyles.”

Silence descended for a while, both of us staring at each other, both of us unsure what to say. But Nick finally broke it with a question that he’d been dying to ask for the duration of my time there. “Did you mean what you told Zoe, about loving her? About wanting to be with her?”

“Yes.” He flinched at my bluntness and I stiffened for so obviously hurting him. “Is it true what Zoe said about you?” He shook his head, not understanding my meaning. “About being in love with me.”

His face paled, his body tensing slightly. “I don’t think…” He didn’t finish his sentence but stood up and walked to the window, turning his back to me and facing out to the garden. “We hardly know each other.”

“What I find strange,” I continued, ignoring him, “is how you’re supposed to be in love with me, yet you’re all over my girl.”

He spun round, his face tight with anger as he glared at me. “Yet you’re telling Zoe how much in love with her you are… and you have slept with me twice this week.”

I shifted uncomfortably, his honesty making my clench my teeth. “Touché.”

A wide smile suddenly erupted on his face, taking away the stern glare and completely lifting his features into something quite stunning. “Although I can’t say I’m surprised you find me irresistible. It’s my pure good looks and my smile…”

“And your cock.”

His eyes widened at my quip but he shrugged and nodded, giving me a wide smile. “And that.”

I returned his smile, thankful we were back on safer ground with each other. Grimacing after taking a sip of his coffee, I placed my cup back on the table and scowled at him, “You make shit coffee.”

He looked shocked for a moment, then laughed loudly. “I know but surprisingly you’re the only one who’s dared to tell me that.”

“Seriously?”

“Yep, they all know I have a temper.” He smirked. “You wanna get out of here, go grab a beer?”

“Sure, although after making me suffer your sludge, I’d say the first is on you.”

Giving me a confident smile, he snatched his jacket from the back of one of the kitchen chairs. “And hopefully the last round is me on top of you.”

My jaw dropped and I swallowed at the way my dick fired with life, my balls already preparing themselves in excitement. Everything felt conflicted, the way my body reacted to him but my heart craved Zoe. My head was warning me that this would ruin everything with Zoe, yet my cock denied that belief.

Nick frowned at me when I winced with the thoughts racing through my head, but I forced a smile. “C’mon, I’m gagging.”

“I know you are,” he whispered as he slid past me and held open the front door, inviting me through it with a sweep of his arm. “So am I.”

ROMEO GROANED BESIDE me where we were hiding from the public in a booth at the rear of the pub. He’d brought me here because the landlord always reserved this concealed table for the 103 guy’s and any other pub we’d have gone to would have brought loads of attention from other revellers.

“Romeo!” Boss shouted as he walked around the long piece of frosted glass that hid us. His face broke into a huge grin as he plonked himself into the booth, opposite to me. He took a sip of his beer and held out his hand, “Boss.”

“Nick Sharpe.”

Bulk appeared next with a glass of orange, pulling up a chair and placed it at the end of the booth. He glanced at Romeo and grinned, “Sorry, we intruding?” His gaze slid to me as Romeo shook his head, his eyes raking over me, studying me. I had a feeling he was getting the lowdown on me, testing whether I was good enough for his friend.

“So,” Boss stated after taking a sip of his beer, wiping the froth from around his mouth with the back of his hand. “Zoe out now?” He lifted a questioning brow at Romeo.

My body tensed. Romeo stiffened beside me, the heated glare he gave his friend sucking the atmosphere around us. “What the fuck, Boss?”

He shrugged. “Sorry, you know me, say it like it is. Zoe is Jen’s best friend, that makes her my concern, and I worry ‘bout her. She’s a single mom, and life is shit for her at the mo.”

Jax slid into the bench next to Boss, eyeing me as well. I kept my chin up, allowing each of them to figure me out. He didn’t say anything, yet his stare said lots. He worried for Romeo, he didn’t quite know what to make of me, but he understood my need.

“Why is life shit for her?” Romeo asked suspiciously. My body tensed further. I felt uncomfortable talking about someone who obviously meant a lot to the band, like she was one of them. I shouldn’t be jealous but yet I couldn’t shift away from the emotion.

“Doesn’t matter, if she needs to tell you, she will.”

“Boss?”

“Leave it,” Boss mumbled. “Try fucking asking her instead of thinking about yourself once in a while.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Romeo spat. “You’ve never gotten involved in mine and Zoe’s relationship in three years, why now?”

Boss tipped his head, his eyes narrowing on Romeo. “Because for one, I care about you. You and Zoe are made for each other.” He shifted his eyes to me, “No offence, mate.”

“None taken.”

He nodded then turned back to Romeo. “She’s leaving, Romeo. Leaving for good. Do you understand that? She’s a single mother, finally taken enough from the shit life has thrown at her. She’s lost her husband and she never got the one person she really loved.”

I swallowed back the need to butt in, this was Boss and Romeo’s argument, but the constriction of air around us was tightening my chest.

“The twat of an ex needs to find his own six foot hole, she’s struggling to make ends meet. She’s debating whether to shut down the shop. And then she gets the chance at a new life. What the fuck would you do?”

He was angry, his knuckles turning white around the pint glass in his hand.

“Why does the ex need burying?” They all turned to me, but I kept my eyes on Boss, my body vibrating in anger when I caught his words.

His eyes slowly slid to me, like everyone else’s did. “Boss?”

He shook his head slightly. “Not for me to say.”

“Boss? Clue us in.” Jax was now tense, anger radiating from him. I smiled inwardly at all their affection for Zoe. I had a feeling she thought she was on her own, but it was evident she wasn’t. I didn’t think she knew that though.

“It’s sorted,” was all Boss divulged.

Romeo was out of his chair as fast as me, both of us out of the door at the same time.