Finding Peace (Finding Series Book 1) (45 page)

“I promise to try, Grandma. But he should have told me.”

“You were too young and then things got crazy afterwards. I don’t know his reasons honey, but he says if he had told you it would have hurt you worse.”

“Like I said, I’ll try Grandma. Blake and I are going to go and let you rest.”

I have to get out of here so that I can let all of this sink in. My life has once again been turned upside down. This is the story of my life. Blake brought me balance, but even with him by my side now, this is a lot to take in.

“Please come back soon, sweetheart.” Grandma pleads.

“I will, Grandma.”

Leaning down I kiss her forehead and kiss my grandpa on the cheek.

“You don’t have to walk us out. Do you want us to bring lunch or supper back for you?”

“No, Rose. The church ladies have been bringing food by. We have plenty to eat.”

‘Okay. I love you both. Thank you for giving me the truth. I know that couldn’t have been easy.”

“You needed to know.” Grandpa says with a small smile.

Blake leans down and kisses grandma on the cheek.

“Bye, pretty lady.” He says.

“Oh, such a flatterer this one is. Take care of our Rose, Blake. She will need you.”

“She’s in good hands, Elle.”

She winks at him causing me to smile and shake my head.

“I know she is. She’ll take good care of you too. I taught her well. Plus, it’s in the genes.”

Blake laughs. “I can see that.” He says.

He reaches over and takes Grandpa’s hand and shakes it.

“Goodbye, Leo.”

“Good to see you again, Blake. Don’t be a stranger.”

“No, Sir. I won’t.”

Once we are sitting in the truck, Blake looks over at me.

“Are you okay? That was a lot to take in.”

“Surprisingly, I’m okay.”

And I was, I actually felt better. I’m not even sure that I need to speak to my dad, I know what happened. Well, most of what happened. Do I really need to keep digging for answers? Can I go on from here with my life and not look back? Then my grandma’s words haunt me.
Promise me that you will make things right with him.
Can I do that? He has hurt me so much. How do I forgive that?

Chapter 42

Blake

Leaving her late Monday night was even harder this time. Although she says she’s fine, I know she isn’t. She’s quieter than normal and not as excited about graduation this week as she was last week.

Knowing that she has Tessa and that she has made peace with her grandparents makes me feel somewhat better. Missing more days of work wasn’t an option for me. Aside from needing my paycheck, there is still so much work to be done on the house and I can’t do that if I’m not here.

Hoping I can get the flooring and sheetrock finished up this week I have enlisted the help of my buddy Max. We have also been working on an outside surprise for Kayla that I know she will love.

Kayla and I decided to stop writing letters to each other. We need to hear each other’s voice more now than ever. We’ve been making our twice weekly calls after nine o’clock at night when the long distance rates are cheaper.

Graduation is this Saturday, then Kayla will be moving here. We will be staying with my parents, in separate bedrooms, until our house is finished and we are married. Wasting money on an apartment just doesn’t make sense. We will need that money to finish the house.

It’s already Thursday and I’ll be leaving tomorrow after work to head back for Kayla’s graduation. Being pretty sure that her dad is going to show up, I’ve tried my best to prepare her for that possibility. She hasn’t returned any of his calls and she refuses to see him. Knowing Kayla the way I do, I know she won’t get past this until she faces it. But just like with her grandparents, this is going to have to be her decision.

After finishing another grueling day on the job site, I’m headed to work a little on the house. Max picked up my surprise for Kayla and is going to meet me at the house with it.

Pulling into the long driveway, I see his truck pulled up close to the group of trees where I told him I wanted everything to be set up.

He jumps out of his truck just as I do.

“Hey man. I’m happy to help, but I’m not so sure about being used as cheap labor all the time.”

“Cheap labor? Man, I’m not paying you.” I say with a laugh.

“See ya!” He says, turning back to his truck.

“How about I buy you a meal for tonight’s work? Come on man, it’s for Kayla.”

He turns back toward me.

“You’re lucky I like that girl so much. How on earth did you ever get her to agree to marry you anyway?”

“You know man, I ask myself that every day. God is good is all I can come up with.”

“You know, I’m kidding right? I don’t expect you to pay me.”

“I know, but you’ve helped a lot this week and used your gas to run errands for me. I owe you at least a few meals and some gas money.”

“Sure man, if you insist. You can buy me dinner, but don’t think you’re getting a Goodnight kiss from me.” He says laughing

“You’re sick man.” We both laugh.

“I’m just letting you know up front.”

I just shake my head at him. Always the funny man.

“The shovels are in the back of my truck. We need to dig the hole here.” I point to the spot I’ve marked a few feet out from the trees. “I also have some landscaping rock and stones that we will need out of the truck too.”

“Alright, lets get to work.”

We work until it's so dark that we have to turn the outside lights on and shine our headlights on the project. Finally, we decide we are going to pass out if we don’t stop and get some food. I’m determined to have this completed before Kayla moves here.

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Friday drags by for me. Ready to see my girl and make sure she is really okay, I keep making careless mistakes. Once I get her moved here life will become much easier on both of us.

Finally, it's time to leave for the weekend. No time to shower, I just head straight to see Kayla.

Driving back and forth to the Brook’s home so much, I can almost do it in my sleep now. Zoning out for almost all of the drive my mind is all over the place. There’s so much to do before the wedding. Graduation, moving her stuff, planning the wedding/honeymoon, finishing the house, and hopefully helping her come to terms with her past and her father.

One day at a time, I have to keep reminding myself this. If I think about it all at once I’ll stress myself out. I’m a natural born problem solver. I see a problem and I have to fix it. Aren’t most men like that though? Seeing Kayla hurt puts me in a protective mode and ready to jump in with a solution to help her. But some things I can’t fix for her. This is a concept that I’m still learning and I’m sure I will continue to struggle with my whole life. All I want to do is make her happy.

Pulling up to the Brook’s house, I see Kayla walking down toward the dock. Something is wrong with her I can tell. Quickly I throw the truck into park and take off after her.

“Kayla! Kayla!”

I yell down the hill at her. She doesn’t turn around. I take off running to catch her, yelling her name the whole way. She eventually turns and I see the mascara streaked down her face. She’s been crying.

“What’s wrong?”

She throws her arms around me, squeezing me like she never wants to let go. Her body shakes uncontrollably.

“Kayla, what is it? You’re scaring me baby.”

“She’s gone, Blake. She’s gone. How can she be gone?”

In my state of shock seeing her like this, my mind frantically searches for understanding. What is she talking about?

“Grandma.”

I let out a long breath. That never entered my mind. Her grandmother passed away and I wasn’t here for her. Where is Tessa? Why is she alone right now?

“When, baby?”

“I got the call just a few minutes ago.”

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you.”

“But you are here. I just got the call.”

As she continues to cry, I hold her, letting her get it all out. After some time, I start to guide her to the dock so that we can sit. By the time we get there, she has calmed down some and the crying has slowed. I’m not even sure how much time has passed, but it’s getting dark now. Sitting down, I pull her down onto my lap and cradle her head to my chest.

“I’ve been going to see her every day after school. I even went today and she was good. She was really, really good, smiling, laughing, picking on Grandpa. She asked about you and told me she was proud of me. We talked about the wedding, she gave me something old to carry down the aisle with me. She said she wanted to be there even if she couldn’t be there in person. I went over there at one o’clock today because we only had a half day of school. I stayed for a couple of hours. I’d been home, maybe three hours when I got the call, which was right before you pulled up. I don’t understand. I actually had hope after today's visit that she was going to be fine.”

“That happens sometimes. I’ve heard my parents talk about it. It seems like people get a burst of energy or have a few really good days right before they pass. My parents always said it’s a way for them to be able to say goodbye to their family before they leave. It’s like the body’s last fight before they go.”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. What do I do now? Am I supposed to go over there? I know my dad will be there and I don’t know if I can handle seeing him right now.”

It’s hard to understand her through her sobs. It breaks my heart to see her this way.

“Kayla, we will do whatever you want to do. You just let me know. Where’s Tessa?”

“I don’t think anyone is home yet. I borrowed her car, she’s with Asher. They had some errands to run for graduation tomorrow. Oh no, graduation. How in the world am I supposed to get through graduation now?”

Why does everything bad have to happen just when this girl is supposed to be celebrating her life? Prom night, her dad lays on her that her grandmother is sick. And then the day after that she finds out the secret they have been keeping from her. Now, the night before graduation, her grandmother passes away. It’s like some kind of cruel joke. I’m so angry and I don’t have anyone to be angry at, it’s just life and her life has been a mess for a while now.

“One thing I know for sure is that Elle would have wanted you to celebrate your graduation. When you are ready, we will ride over to see Leo and see if there is anything we can do for him. Then you’re going to come home to get some sleep and we’ll go back over there in the morning to help any way we can. After that we will come back here and get you ready for graduation. Okay?”

There’s a time to stand back and let her make her decisions and there are times like this when she needs me to step up and help her decide what to do. She’s not going to handle this well and I need to make sure she rest, eats and isn’t stressed by unnecessary things. This is when my management skills and overpowering need to fix things comes in handy.

“Okay.”

Once everyone shows up at the house, they all shower Kayla with love and their condolences. It’s terrible to think that when the call came in she was all alone. Her dad has called several times, but she won’t take his calls. I learned from Troy that he’s been calling every day, but she won’t speak to him. That worries me, she needs to put all of that behind her.

Looking across the room, I watch her as she sits with Tessa and Lisa on the couch. She is an amazingly strong woman, but she doesn’t see herself that way. Not many people would still be functioning as well as she is with all that she has been through. Kayla is still going to the Christian therapist that Troy and Lisa set her up with and I have to say I’ve seen a tremendous difference in how she handles situations. She hasn’t had a panic attack in a very long time. However, she still carries her Xanax with her just in case she needs it, but I don’t think she has taken one since the time she went home after spending spring break with me. I’m so proud of her. Hopefully, she has discussed everything with her therapist, letting her know what she has leaned about her dad. If she has I’m pretty sure her therapist wouldn’t agree with her avoiding him indefinitely.

Kayla stands and makes her way over to me.

“Hey, baby. How are you doing?” I ask pushing a piece of her hair out of her eyes.

“Okay, I guess. I’m ready to go see my Grandpa.”

“Okay, we can do that, but you should eat something first. You completely skipped dinner.”

“Blake, I know you have this thing about making sure I eat, but honestly thinking about food right now makes me sick to my stomach.”

I pull her into me, rubbing my hand up and down her back.

“Okay, baby, you don’t have to eat right now. But you do need to try to eat something later. Even if it’s just a bite or two.”

“I’ll try.”

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