Finding Peace (Finding Series Book 1) (47 page)

“Come and sit honey. I just have to find what she told me to give to you. That woman is still telling me what to do even from Heaven.”

He then looks up and smiles at me.

“I’m not going crazy, sweetheart. I promise. Elle and I had come to terms with the fact that she would be leaving first. She’s saving me a spot.”

“You really need to start locking that door, Leo.”

“Nah, I’m okay. It’s a good neighborhood and I knew you were on your way. You’d never say you were coming and then not show up. Ah, here it is.”

He hands me an envelope with my name on it.

“Take your time. She wanted to say these things in person, but she had to leave before she could. She made me promise that you’d read it. I really am glad you are here.”

Reaching out, I touch his hand.

“Me too, Leo. Thank you.”

He exits the room. Closing my eyes, I take in a few breaths and let them out, trying to brace myself for what I’m about to read. Knowing I can’t sit here all day, I carefully turn the envelope over and break the seal on the back. Unfolding the letter, I straighten it out and begin to read the words written to me by one of the best women I’ve ever known.

Dearest Paige,

If you’re reading this, I wasn’t able to make it long enough to tell you all of this in person. I hate that you are having to read it instead of hearing it straight from me. I’m no great writer, but I can at least tell you what I think you should have heard all those years ago, had I had the opportunity to tell you.

First, I’m sorry my son hurt you. I won’t make excuses for him or his behavior. He knows the huge mistakes that he made. He knows what he lost. When he lost you, he lost himself and Kayla. Andrew shut himself off from everyone after you disappeared. He’s still not the same even after all these years.

I want you to know that what we did we did for Andrew and for you. Yes, you. You wanted a child so badly and not being able to conceive a child of your own had consumed you. When Andrew came to us saying he had gotten a young girl pregnant, I knew it would kill you. I knew that him having a child with another woman would be the final straw for you. We couldn’t let that happen. We loved you. You were our daughter and we would have done anything to protect you. Believe me, Andrew, Leo, and I went over every possible solution that we could think of. After Kayla Rose was born and then her mother passed, I had an idea that I thought would help everyone. If we could get you to agree to adopt Kayla then you and Andrew could raise her as your own. We would still have Kayla in our lives and you would finally have a child to love.

It was me, Paige. God forgive me. It was me. It was all my idea and I’ve had to live with that everyday of my life. I wonder what would have happened if we had just told you the truth from the beginning. But we didn’t and I don’t regret trying to make sure that you and Andrew had the life you always wanted. He loved you beyond belief and I’m pretty sure he still does to this day.

Please forgive an old woman for making a decision that changed everyone’s life. I truly thought we were doing the right thing. I love you, Paige and I’m sorry you ended up getting hurt anyway. That was never our intention.

When you found out and made Andrew leave he came to us begging us to help him in some way. Like we could fix it for him. I have to tell you as a mother there was nothing harder than seeing him live through that heart break. But even worse was telling him that, that was something we couldn’t fix for him.

When we took custody of Kayla and you didn’t fight us I knew you did that because you knew it was best for her. That’s what a real mother does. They make sacrifices for their child. I have never been more proud of anyone than I was of you in that moment. You proved that you were Kayla’s mother because you wanted the best for her and you knew that you couldn’t be that then. Never think badly of yourself for what you did because we don’t and we never did. We love you, sweet girl. I only hope that one day you can find it in your heart to forgive us and that you will finally let go of all of the hurt and pain. Until we meet again, my daughter, I’ll be waiting by those pearly gates.

Love,

Elle

Tears are rolling down my face and I feel like I can’t breathe.
Why didn’t I ever talk to her?
Being so young and foolish, I let my pride get in the way, even after I was better emotionally. “Elle I’m sorry. It wasn’t your fault alone. We all made terrible mistakes. God, I wish I could go back.”

“Me too.”

Wiping my eyes, I see Andrew standing in the door way. All the years of hurt and pain are pouring out of me. Shaking my head, I try to catch my breath. He walks closer to me and my breathing quickens. Trying to make myself tell him not to come any closer, but the words get stuck in my throat. He’s sitting down beside me before I even realize it. Wrapping his arms around me, that familiar scent that is uniquely him, fills my senses. Clutching his shirt in my fist, I cling to him and cry for all the years of hurt, years I ached for him to hold me just like this, years I beat myself up for being a horrible mother. For all the dreams we had that vanished in an instant.
Why did I ever have to find those papers?
I’ve wished over and over that I could have unseen them, but it happened and it couldn’t be undone then and it can’t be undone now.

“I’m so sorry, Paige.”  Andrew whispers in my hair.

“I need to leave.”

“Stay and talk to me, Paige. Please.”

Shaking my head no.

“I can’t. I have to go.”

“Let me at least try to explain. Just give me a few minutes please.”

His breathing has increased and I can tell by the tremble in his voice that he is crying. This is not a good situation to be in for either of us. Being in the arms of my ex-husband is not where I need to be. Pushing back from him, I release his shirt and stand up. Seeing tears streaming down his face breaks my heart even more. Not loving him no matter how hard I tried wasn’t possible. He will always be the love of my life, but we both were hurt and have moved on. Some times love isn’t enough to erase all of the hurt.

“You need to work on your relationship with your daughter. There’s nothing for us to talk about. Take care of Leo and go home to your wife. I’m going to Kayla’s graduation.”

“I still love you, Paige.”

That about brings me to my knees. Putting my hand over my mouth, I feel like I’m going to get sick. Turning away from him is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Running straight past Leo, I run out to my car. When I look up Andrew is standing on the porch looking at me.
Don’t do this to me, Andrew. Please don’t do this to me.
Starting the car, I look into his green eyes filled with tears. Wiping my own eyes, I grit my teeth and put the car into reverse. Seeing him again after this will be even harder, but I’ll do what I have to do for Kayla.

Kayla

We’ve been running around like crazy all morning. Missing practice yesterday, I had to go to school this morning to see what I need to do. Now, I’m standing in this line with my fellow classmates waiting to march into the auditorium. Looking around the stands, I try to find Blake and Mama so that I know where they are. Finally spotting them, I breathe a little easier.

The whole group is together. It warms my heart to see all of them. My family none of them by blood, though, and that does make me a little sad. Looking at the crowd, I see another person I wasn’t expecting, Anne, my step-mom and Nick, my step-brother. Anne has been out of town, I had no idea she was back. Dad isn’t here so I assumed none of them would be here. This could be uncomfortable having her meet Mama. At least everyone will be around, so maybe that will help the awkwardness.

Grandma’s funeral will be Monday and then Mama will go back to Florida after the service. Just another day of having everyone together. I’m sure we can get through this. Music starts to play and we begin our march. Taking my seat, my mind isn’t here I’m going through the motions, but I have so much going on in my head I haven’t heard a word anyone has said. The girl beside me shoves me because our row is moving toward the stage. Standing there waiting, my mind begins to wander again.

How am I ever going to be able to sit down with my dad and hear all he has to say to me? What if even after I hear everything I can’t forgive him?

I get pushed again. Really girl, get a grip.

“They called your name. Go!”

Oh.
I start up the steps and make my walk across the stage. Once up there, Principal Jackson hands me my diploma and congratulates me. Hearing some clapping and cheering, I look out and wave to my family who wave back. Making my way back to my seat I sit through the rest of the names. Please let this be over with already. After some time everyone stands and I follow. We turn our tassels as we are declared graduates.

The cheers are deafening, caps flying into the air, when all of the sudden someone grabs me from behind and spins me around lifting me off of the ground. Smelling him before I see him, my protective man. He promised me that he would be the first one to congratulate me and to make sure no other guys got their hands on me. Laughing, I slap his hand.

“Ouch, baby. Now was that really necessary?”

“Yes, caveman, it was. You could have at least waited until I got out of this crowd.”

“Not a chance. Do you see how these guys are looking at you? You are mine and I’m making sure everyone knows it.”

“Blake, I’m pretty sure this rock you put on my finger lets people know that on its own.”

He brings my hand up and kisses it. He then raises his eyebrows.

“I did do pretty well, didn’t I?”

Rolling my eyes, at him I introduce him to some of my classmates. The girls are drooling and the guys are sizing him up. Blake does his best at controlling his need to drag me away. He is nice and polite to everyone, even the guys who hug me. Although, he never let go of my hand the whole time. The crowd starts to thin and we make our way to Mama, Troy, and Lisa.

“Congratulations, honey. I’m so proud of you.” Mama says hugging me.

“Thanks, Mama.”

Everyone is hugging and congratulating each other when I hear Anne call my name. Looking up, I see her and Nick walking to where we are.
God, please let this go smoothly.
She walks over and hugs me.

“Your dad is so sorry he couldn’t make it, but he didn’t want to leave your Grandpa. Nick and I told him we would come to represent the family.”

“Thank you.” I tell her.

Mama has a fake smile on her face and she looks like she is going to be sick.
What is going on with her?

“Anne, this is Troy, Lisa, and my Mama, Paige.”

Anne looks shocked like she wasn’t expecting that. She looks my mom up and down before finally smiling a sickening sweet smile. Okay, so you can cut the tension with a knife. Blake walks up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. The man can always tell when I need his reassurance.

Anne reaches her hand out to Mama.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Paige.”

“Likewise.” Mama says.

“Okay, so we should probably go grab a bite to eat and pick up some food to take to Leo’s.” Blake interrupts.

“Oh, Baby. That’s a great idea. Yes, let’s do that. Mama you want to go with me and Blake?”

“No, I drove, but I will follow you wherever you decide to go eat.”

“Okay. What about everyone else?”

“We’re going to go, honey. We just wanted to make sure we were here for you.” Anne says.

“Yeah, congratulations, sis.” Nick says hugging me. Then whispers in my ear. “Gotta get Mom out of here before the claws come out.”

I roll my eyes and smirk at him. He laughs as he backs away and reaches out to shake Blake’s hand.

“Take good care of her man. She means a lot to a lot of people.”

“You don’t have to worry, Nick. I’ll take very good care of her.”

“Good, then I won’t have to come and hunt you down. Don’t let these pretty boy looks fool you. I’m an excellent shot. Andrew, taught me well.”

Blake laughs. “You’re not that pretty man.”

Nick laughs back. “I really like this one, Kayla.”

Smiling at Anne, I hug her goodbye.

“Thank you both for coming.”

“You’re welcome sweetie. We’ll see you later. Bye everyone.”

Anne is pleasant as she walks away. Looking at Mama, I see her watching Anne leave. It’s probably a good idea for me to have a talk with her. She’s been acting strange today.

We enjoy some good food and conversation. Laughing and remembering things that Tessa and I have done together through the years. The trouble we have gotten into and the times that Troy threatened to lock us up and throw away the key. It felt good to laugh and be with my family, but I have family across town that needs me. Blake must see the look on my face because he leans over and kisses me on the forehead.

“Are you ready to go, baby?”