Finding Trust (Finding Series, Book 2) (6 page)

Jax focused all his energy on driving Dane to the brink as he sucked him deep and alternated hard sucks and long drags, adding a twisting of his tongue on the sensitive flesh on every upstroke. He pulled his fingers free of Dane’s mouth and pressed the soaked tip between Dane’s ass and quickly found his hole. In one quick thrust he had his finger inside of Dane to the first knuckle.

“Yes, shit, yes!” Dane screamed as he rammed his cock down Jax’s throat. Jax withdrew his finger and then pushed it back in until his whole finger was inside the other man’s tight body. He used his free hand to wrap around his own aching cock and knew it wouldn’t take more than a few strokes to catch up to Dane who was pumping into him relentlessly.

Jax timed his thrusting finger to meet Dane’s rhythm and felt Dane press back harder and harder onto his digit as Dane’s cock slid almost all the way out of his mouth. He managed to look up at Dane who was watching him in earnest, his beautiful eyes glazed over in a haze of lust. Jax gave up control and let Dane fuck into his mouth as hard as he wanted, but was surprised when the man suddenly slowed.

“So beautiful,” Dane whispered as he slid in and out of Jax’s mouth. Jax had given countless blowjobs, but he’d never given one where he actually felt like he was the one getting more pleasure out of it. The fingers in his hair loosened and cradled his head rather than holding it in place. The emotion of it all was threatening to overtake him so Jax sucked in his cheeks hard to increase the pressure on Dane’s dick. He hummed and swallowed as Dane’s pace once again increased and he swirled his finger inside Dane’s ass until he found the spongy spot he was looking for.

“Fuck!” Dane shouted when Jax found it and then liquid heat was shooting down his throat as Dane slammed his hips forward over and over. Pleasure wrenched through his own body as his orgasm claimed him and he pulled free of Dane’s ass so he could grab the back of the man’s thigh for support as Dane continued to pump in and out of him. Dane finally stopped and leaned back against the wall and Jax carefully licked every last drop of come off Dane’s dick before he stood and covered Dane’s mouth with his. He had no idea if Dane was the type of guy who hated tasting his own spunk, but he was willing to risk it because he just wasn’t quite ready to give up their connection just yet. They’d both have to get back to reality soon enough.

Dane took his time getting redressed, mostly to kill time but also because his sated body had yet to find the energy to move any faster after Jax had given him his second mind blowing orgasm in less than twenty minutes. After Jax had taken in every last drop of him, they’d just kissed and touched for what seemed like hours and it wasn’t until the water began to run cold that Jax had released him and left the shower to get dinner started. Dane didn’t give a shit about food – he just wanted more of Jax. But the real world was calling and he needed to remember that his and Jax’s couldn’t be any more different.

Grudgingly, Dane pulled on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and stopped by Emma’s room to check on her. He’d had the baby monitor in the bathroom but doubted he would have heard a thing since he was so lost in Jax. Luckily his daughter was still asleep, though he was tempted to wake her just to have her as a barrier between himself and the sexy man waiting for him downstairs. At least with Emma in his hands, he could keep them off of Jax long enough to explain why what they’d done couldn’t happen again. But Dane had learned early on never to wake his daughter before she was ready so he closed the door and headed downstairs.

Dane found Jax standing over the stove. His wet slacks had been replaced with a pair of jeans and a black T-shirt stretched over his bulging biceps and hugged his rugged frame. He could see a little bit of the tattoo sneaking out from under the sleeve of his shirt and Dane realized he hadn’t had the opportunity to explore all the curves and edges of the intricate design like he’d wanted. In fact, he hadn’t gotten to touch Jax nearly as much as he’d planned to.

“How do you like your steak?” Jax asked as he began seasoning the two huge steaks in front of him.

“Medium,” Dane said, his voice sticking in his throat for a second.

“I’m gonna get these going on the grill.” Jax disappeared with the meat out the back door where Dane kept a small gas grill. Dane used the time to try and get a grip on himself. He put the baby monitor on the kitchen table, then searched out two beers from the fridge. He’d never been much of a drinker but he actually wished he had some of the harder stuff because trying to get through this conversation with Jax was already grating on his nerves. Jax was back within a couple of minutes and Dane’s anxiety notched up another level.

“Let me take a look at your head,” Jax said as he motioned for Dane to sit. The dressings that Jax had abandoned after Dane had kissed him sat untouched on the table. Dane sat in the same chair and he felt his insides twist when Jax dragged his own chair closer so that their knees were touching. Jax carefully peeled away the old bandage and Dane winced when gentle fingers probed the injury.

“Looks like there’s still some swelling,” Jax murmured, his deep voice drawing Dane’s attention to the lush mouth that was just inches from his. He forced himself to remain still while Jax changed the dressing. When he was done, Dane tried to stand, but Jax grabbed his hand.

“Jax,” he began.

“How did this happen?” Jax asked as he turned Dane’s hand over. Dane stiffened when he realized Jax was examining the injury Dane had caused to himself when he’d slammed his hand into the bathroom mirror out at the CB Bar Ranch the day before.

“I told you it was a nail,” Dane stammered.

“I didn’t believe you then and I don’t believe you now,” Jax said simply, his hard eyes pinning Dane’s. “Tell me the truth.”

Dane snatched his hand away and stood. “You know, I’m not really hungry. I think I’m just going to go lay down.” He turned to leave but stopped at Jax’s next words.

“We can do this here or we can this in your room, Dane. But I guarantee if we do it in your room it will be after I’ve fucked you into that nice, soft mattress of yours.”

Dane bristled at the threat but he had no doubt Jax would follow through on it. But he’d also spent most of his life being walked on by others and he wasn’t about to let that happen again. It had been too heavy a price to pay.

“You think shit like that works on me, Jax? I’m not some random guy you picked up in a bar who will put up with your alpha male bullshit in the hopes he’ll get laid. I don’t owe you a goddamn thing!” He managed to make it to the stairs before Jax was on him.

Jax shoved him against the wall at the base of the stairs and snarled, “Stop assuming I’m like all the other piece of shit men in your life.”

At Dane’s look of surprise, Jax said, “Yeah, I can tell that someone or a lot of someones did a number on you. I’m not trying to control you or bring you down.” Even in his anger Jax kept his voice low, probably so he wouldn’t wake Emma up since her room was right at the top of the stairs. “What do I have to do to prove you can trust me?” he asked Dane softly, his grip loosening on Dane’s shoulders.

“You can start by not asking me about my hand,” Dane said stubbornly. It was unnerving how well Jax could read him and he needed to try and get back on equal footing with this man.

“And what happened upstairs was a one-time thing.” Dane knew he was being an ass but he was feeling vulnerable and exposed, something he’d promised himself he wouldn’t feel after what had happened between him and Isaac.

“Fine,” Jax said as he released him. Jax disappeared back into the kitchen and Dane heard the screen door leading out back slam closed. Dane went into the kitchen and began pulling a couple of plates from the cabinets. Jax reappeared with the steaks and wordlessly put them on the table before going to the oven and pulling out a couple of baked potatoes. The silence continued until they were well into the meal.

“We need to talk about what happened today,” Jax said. Dane looked at him sharply and Jax put his hand up. “I meant this morning at the garage.”

Dane swallowed his food and put his silverware down. He studied Jax for a long moment and then finally said, “You don’t think it was just an attempted carjacking, do you?”

Jax also stopped eating and leaned back in his chair. “The same guy that attacked you was following you the day before. He was behind you on the sidewalk when you left the garage to come ask me for a ride. He took off when he saw me.”

A chill went through Dane. It was one thing to be the victim of a random act of violence, but to be targeted? Jesus, what if Jax hadn’t been there yesterday? A stunning realization hit him as he remembered Jax asking him about the people in town knowing he was gay. “You think it was someone from town?”

“Maybe. I heard you made quite a big show of coming out at the hardware store a couple weeks ago.”

Dane swallowed hard. “How did you hear about that?”

“One of the guys at the barn raising told me. He said the clerk was giving Rhys and Finn a hard time and you stepped in.”

Dane nodded.

“Gutsy,” Jax observed.

Dane shook his head. “It wasn’t right what they’d been doing to Finn. What they were going to do to Rhys. I just wanted to even the playing field so maybe they’d start realizing things needed to change. I’ve never hid from being who I was and I don’t plan to now, either.”

He lifted his eyes to watch Jax watching him intently. The man seemed to realize what he was doing because he seemed to shake himself loose of whatever thought was going through him and said, “Well, might be that you’re on their radar now and not everyone’s going to be as accepting as you hoped.”

Dane hadn’t even considered that when he’d spoken up. Not that it would have changed anything necessarily, though he did need to think of Emma. Looking over his shoulder wasn’t appealing, but it wasn’t something entirely new to him either. “I guess I’ll just have to get better at keeping my eyes open.”

“I wish it were that simple,” Jax commented.

“What do you mean?”

“Did you ever find the phone bill that went missing?”

Dane tensed. He hadn’t even given it much thought after that first night. He glanced at the desk and started to rise.

“Don’t bother, I already checked behind the desk. It’s not there. I checked all the drawers too as well as your desk in the study.”

Dane knew that should bother him but he was too anxious to care at the moment. “They were in my house,” he whispered as the ramifications set in. What if they’d been here when he and Emma had gotten home and had only taken off when they realized he wasn’t alone? “Oh God,” he muttered.

“I’d like to have a friend run a check on your phone to see if anyone tapped into it. Chances are they just wanted the number so they could harass you with hang up calls, but it would be good to check. After that you should probably change your number.”

“What friend?” Dane asked numbly.

“Someone who works for a security firm out in Seattle. I started working there a couple months ago – they’ve got a lot of resources we can tap into if we need to. But let’s start with the phone and see where that leads.”

Dane nodded, too overwhelmed to do anything else.

“I think I should hang out with you guys for a few more days till this is cleared up. Sheriff Granger is checking with business owners in town to see if any of them saw any strangers in the past few days. I got enough of a look at the car that he can start a check on similar makes and models in the area.”

“You want to stay here?” Dane asked. How the hell could he have the man he was struggling to resist even in this moment staying under the same roof?

“Look Dane, you’ve made it pretty clear how you feel about me and I have zero interest in pursuing someone who thinks I’m no better than the shit he scrapes off the bottom of his shoe.” Jax grabbed his half-finished plate and dumped the remaining food in the garbage.

“My job is to protect people and whether you like it or not, you and Emma need me. So unless you want to risk leaving your kid without a father, you’ll get over yourself and accept that this is how it has to be.” Jax dropped the plate into the sink so hard, Dane was stunned it didn’t shatter. “I’m going to go check the perimeter.”

Dane watched him grab one of the guns from the shoulder holster that was looped over the coat hook and then he reached for Dane’s keys off the key holder by the door. “Lock up behind me. I’ll let myself back in.” And with that he was gone.

***

Jax let himself back into the quiet house and locked the door behind him. He’d been outside for nearly an hour though it had taken him only a few minutes to check the surrounding area. He’d spent the rest of the time trying to repair the damage Dane had somehow managed to inflict on his emotions. Their encounter in the shower had been too much for him and he’d tried to use the time he spent preparing dinner to get his feelings back in order. But one look at Dane when he’d walked into the kitchen had robbed him of his resolve and touching the man, even just to check his injury, had put him right back to where he’d been when he walked out of that shower – wishing like hell he could just wrap himself around Dane while the outside world faded away. And then one comment about Dane’s injured hand and everything had been undone. It was a cruel reminder that a couple of orgasms wouldn’t change Dane’s low opinion of him.

Jax went to the living room towards the dreaded couch but stopped when he saw Dane sitting on the bottom step of the stairs. He couldn’t make out his features since there were no lights on except for the tiny night light plugged in just below the bannister.

“There’s an extra room upstairs.”

“Couch is fine,” Jax muttered.

“I heard it’s uncomfortable.”

Hearing Dane’s attempt at humor did nothing but piss Jax off further and he moved past the man and headed for the couch, pulling his gun free of his pants and placing it on the coffee table.

“I slammed my hand into the mirror at Callan’s ranch. I did it on purpose.”

Jax stiffened but didn’t turn around. Dane’s voice was closer so he assumed the man was just a few feet behind him now.

“None of my business,” Jax responded, proud of how even his voice sounded.

“I couldn’t stand the sight of myself after Rhys told me what really happened during the shooting.” Dane’s voice sounded broken again – like it had that day. Even now, Jax wanted to take that pain away.

“It doesn’t matter, Dane. It’s done.”

But Dane continued like he hadn’t even spoken.

“My father used to call me a pussy, among other things. But pussy was his favorite. I was small and skinny and terrible at sports and I didn’t have a lot of friends. I thought maybe if I just tried harder then maybe I’d be good enough. So I did. I worked out, studied more, joined the football team. But it still wasn’t enough. He said JV Varsity wasn’t as good as Varsity so I made Varsity. Then Varsity wasn’t as good as getting scouted by a top pick school. Being president of the student council didn’t really count if the only other guy running was even more of a loser than me and graduating with honors didn’t matter if I wasn’t Valedictorian.”

Jax clenched his fists but he forced himself to remain quiet.

“I left after I graduated but I guess the damage had already been done because no matter how many things I succeeded at, all I could see when I looked in the mirror was everything he said I was – weak, pathetic, worthless-”

“You are none of those things,” Jax finally said as he turned around. Dane had moved closer to him but he’d maneuvered himself behind an arm chair as if needing to keep a buffer zone between them.