Grace Lost (35 page)

I placed one of my hands on hers
to release her grip.  She was so incredibly cold.  I had never
touched a dead person before.  Not even my parents or my sister.  I
had refused to look at their bodies after they died.  I took my hand away
quickly, not expecting the chill that transferred from her skin to my
own.  I took a deep breath and tried again.  Her hands came away
easily.  I laid the pillowcase out beside her, and picked the tiny body of
the baby up using both of my hands.  He couldn’t have weighed more than a
pound, and would have fit in one of my hands.  I knew he was dead, but I
still didn’t want to break him.  He was colder than Louisa had felt. 
His body still felt sticky from birth.  His skin was so thin and purple,
especially where he had rested upon his mother.  I couldn’t help but look
at him, so frail and small.  I turned his limp body over in my hands and
realized that Boggs had crushed his head to end his life as a newly born living
dead.  “
Nooooo
,” I moaned quietly. 
I fought to hold in tears.  I took a shuddering breath and laid the infant
on the white pillowcase.  I wasn’t sure how to swaddle a baby, but did my
best to wrap the cloth around him.  I used the lace edge to hide the top
of his misshapen head.  I laid him to rest in his mother’s arms
again.  I didn’t have the heart to cover them with the sheet.  It was
too final.

I left the room and hurried
downstairs. 

“Zoe?” asked Boggs when he saw
me.  “You ok?”

I shook my head no.  “The
baby’s wrapped.”

“Zo, I didn’t want you going in,”
he sighed heavily.

I nodded.  “I needed to,
Boggs.  Don’t be mad at me.”

“I could never be mad at you, Zoe
Kate.”

Gus and Boggs left the cabin to dig
the grave.  I had searched the area with my mind and promised to stay
alert for danger while they worked.  Needing fresh air, I sat on the porch
and watched them dig.  We left the front door open to air out the
cabin.  Gus had opened the window in the room that housed Louisa and baby
Julio.

The men worked hard at grave
digging.  The ground was cold and hard, making progress slower than it
might have been otherwise.  I watched as a few snowflakes fell.  I
stood and walked to where the men worked, my arms crossed over my chest.

“It’s snowing,” I said. 
“Should we be thinking about getting the supplies from the Explorer?”

The men paused in their work. They
were both sweating and had taken their shirts off.  I tried not to admire
them.

“We should indeed,” said
Gus.  “We’ll look at maybe going tomorrow.  There’s a raft in the
shed, so as long as it inflates and stays that way I think crossing the lake
will be the best option.”

“Fastest, that’s for sure,” added
Boggs as he looked down at the grave they were working on.  “I think we’re
about ready here.”

“I’ll go gather the girls in the
kitchen while you carry them out?”  I looked at the men for confirmation.

“Thanks Zoe,” said Gus. 
“That’d help a lot.”

I kept my arms wrapped around
myself and went back inside.  Susan, Emilie, and I stayed in the kitchen
drinking tea while the men buried Louisa and the baby.  It took about an
hour before they came in to get us.

We all gathered outside to say a
final good-bye.  The snow began falling heavily as we turned to go back
into the cabin.  It was almost as if Heaven itself were crying.

It was a long day after burying
Louisa and her baby.  We were determined to stay busy and did what we
could to take our minds off of recent horrors and tragedies.  Boggs and
Gus carried in the leather chair that had been left in the step van and we
rearranged the living room.  Emilie and I volunteered to clean the third
bedroom where the mess of both birth and death remained.  We rearranged
that room as well, hoping to make it different enough so that it might not
remind Susan of the tragedies that had just occurred there.  The mattress
from Louisa’s bed wasn’t salvageable, so was carried outside and placed behind
the shed along with the box springs and frame.  We set the headboard from
Louisa’s bed against a wall and placed Susan’s twin bed in front of it so that
it resembled a daybed. We exchanged the night stand for one from the room I
shared with Boggs.  The window had been left open while we worked and the sickly
sweet smell was finally gone.  We finished our work sooner than we had
expected, leaving the afternoon free.

Snow had fallen overnight and
covered the cabin and woods in a thin white blanket.  It was decided our
trip across the lake would be best delayed until the snowfall had melted. 
The sun was shining, so we hoped that would be soon.

Susan seemed especially sad so Gus
suggested we all spend time outside. 
Something about
the sunlight giving us energy.
  I hadn’t felt any zombie presences
since the baby had turned, so we ventured out in front of the cabin.  Gus
had asked us girls to walk the perimeter of the cabin to make sure the boards
over the windows hadn’t come loose.  He and Boggs were setting traps for
small animals at the edge of the woods.

“I think Gus just wants to keep us
busy,” said Emilie as she tried to jiggle the board that covered the front
living room window, checking its security.

“I think you’re right,” I
said.  “But I think he knows what he’s doing.  We need to stay
active.”

“I’m hungry,” mumbled
Susan.                     

“We’ll make lunch soon,” I said.

“I want a huge cheeseburger and
fries,” moaned Susan. 
“And a strawberry milkshake.”

“Oh my God that sounds so good,”
moaned Emilie.

“Stop, you guys!” I groaned,
teasing them.  “I’m so sick of canned food.”

“I think you’re losing weight,
Zoe,” said Emilie.  “You need to eat more.”

“Nothing really tastes good,” I
said.

“Maybe Gus and Adam will catch
something,” said Susan.

“Mmm, a cow,” said Em.  “I’d
love a cow!”

“We should plan out a garden for
spring,” I said. 

“Zucchini,” said Emilie with a
smile.

Gus and Boggs joined us on the
porch. 

“What are you girls chattering
about?” asked Gus as he kissed Em on the cheek.

“Food,” mumbled Susan.

“We might give fishing a try
today,” said Boggs. 

“Will we use the raft?” I asked.

“What raft?” asked Emilie and
Susan at the same time as one another.

“There’s an inflatable raft in the
shed,” answered Gus.  “We’re hoping to use it to cross the lake and fetch
the supplies from the Explorer.  We need to inspect it first,
though.  Make sure it holds air, camouflage it.”

“Why camouflage?” asked Emilie.

“Bright orange is just too visible
for my taste,” answered Gus.

We all looked to the sky at the
same time.  It had been weeks since we had heard a helicopter, but the
sound was unmistakable.  I started to walk down the porch steps and
shielded my eyes from the sun as the chopper came into view above the tree
line.  Someone pulled me back forcefully, causing my breath to catch in my
chest.

“No, darlin,” said Gus
firmly. 

He gently pushed me back against
the cabin where the others joined me.  The sound from the helicopter was
deafening and I covered my ears in protest.  Gus stood in front of us with
his arms outstretched to make sure we all stayed back and out of sight.  I
had learned to trust him with my life, and trusted him now to know what he was
doing.  Slowly, Gus crept to the edge of the porch and peered up at the
sky.  The chopper sounded like it was flying away from us now.  The
quiet soon returned.

“It was military,” said Gus.

“Why didn’t we flag it down?” I
asked.  My system was flooded with adrenaline.

“I don’t trust the government,”
said Gus.  “I don’t trust anyone now, except for the four of you.”

“He’s right,” said Boggs. 
“That’s the first sign of civilization we’ve seen and we don’t know what other
kinds of wackos and hellish creatures might be out there.”

“Let’s get inside,” said
Gus.  “Take a break.”

We made instant oatmeal for a late
lunch and ate it in the living room.  It was one of the first things I’d
eaten in days that actually tasted good.  We lit the fire and tried to
relax.  We decided to take turns talking about some of our favorite
memories.  I was surprised when Boggs described how our two families had
gone to a U-cut Christmas tree farm when he was nine and I was six.  I
hadn’t thought about that day in a long time.  His dad had arranged for a
company to come to their house while we were gone for the day to install a tree
house.  We had gotten so excited when we saw it for the first time. 

“Talking about all this stuff
makes me sad,” I said.  I was sitting beside Boggs and leaned into him.

“Maybe we should talk about the
future instead?” suggested Emilie.

“That’ll just be depressing,” said
Susan.

“Let’s go catch some fish,” I said
and stood.  “How many poles do we have?”

I held a hand out to Boggs, who
reached up and took it in his.  He stood slowly and looked at me like he
wanted to ravage me.

“Three,” he said with a smile.

“Why don’t you two go on and catch
us some dinner,” said Gus.  “Keep your guns ready and Zoe, keep your mind
focused.”  He looked at me very seriously. 

“Maybe we should all go?” I asked.

“No, go have some quality alone
time.  We’ll get a frying pan ready and set the table,” the cowboy
answered.  “Just stay quiet and out of sight incase Big Brother does
another fly-over.”

“Thanks, Gus,” said Boggs as we
walked by, giving the other man a light thump on the back.  He still held
my hand in his, and pulled me along with him.  “C’mon, Zo, let’s get the
gear ready.”

“Will you bait my hook?” I asked
as we walked to the kitchen where he had organized the gear in a tall cabinet.

“If you hold my pole in your
hand,” he joked.

“Funny, Boggs.”  I swatted
his arm playfully.

I went into one of the large
kitchen drawers and fetched a Tupperware container in which to carry the
smaller gear.  There wasn’t much to haul but I thought keeping it
organized would be wise.

“Do we have bait?” I asked.

“Ya, a jar of
salmon eggs.
  If that doesn’t work
we’ll dig up some worms or catch some bugs.  Zoe, do you have your
revolver?”

“
Ya,
and
it’s even loaded,” I answered.

“Don’t talk to me about loaded
guns, Zo.  You have no idea how much I need you right now.”

I felt my face flush.

“Ok, ready?” he asked.

“Ya.”

“Grab a blanket and I’ll carry the
gear and poles.”   He paused. 
“Oh, a
pillowcase too.”

I looked at him funny. 
“Why?” 

“To carry the
bounty of fish home.”
  He winked
at me.

It was mid afternoon when we began
our walk through the woods to the lake’s edge.  We took the same short
path we had used to return on foot from the Explorer after returning from the
bed and breakfast.  I was glad the lake was close.  I didn’t want to
be too far from the cabin.  Boggs picked out a flat sandy spot that was
bordered by rocks large enough to sit upon.  I spread one of the two
blankets I had brought with out on top of the damp sand.  The snow had
melted this close to the water.  Boggs sat beside me and began rigging the
lines.  He had brought all three poles, knowing it would increase our
chances of catching something.  He insisted that I watch him rig the first
two and return demonstrate on the third.    I agreed and studied
carefully, knowing it was a skill that may help keep us all alive. 

Once the bobbers were attached to
the lines and the hooks were baited, we cast them out into the still water of
Lake Arrow.  Casting was one skill I had retained from outings as a
child.  Gray clouds were rolling in but the day was proving to be warmer
than recent temperatures had reached. 

“Think we’ll catch anything?” I
asked. 

“I hope so.  There should be
trout, at least.”

We sat quietly looking out at the
lake.  Boggs reached over and took my hand. 

“It’s been a rough couple of days,
Zo.  Are you doing ok?”

I sighed, still watching the
lake.  “I suppose so,” I said quietly.  “I suppose we all have to
hang in there.”

“Zoe, look at me.”

I looked over.  I studied the
lines of his face, the way his dark hair always had a stray curl near his
forehead.  His beard stubble was growing.  His bright blue eyes
studied me in return.  He held an arm out, and I scooted closer to him.

“We’ll get through this, Zo.”