Holding On (31 page)

When Drew became fussy Marienne tried to get him to sleep in his stroller, but he couldn’t seem to get settled.

Marienne picked Drew up. “I’m sorry, I think we’re going to have to head home for nap time.”

“No worries,” Roger said. “I’m delighted you were all able to make it to brunch.” He walked them to their car.

“Would you like to come back to the house with us?” she asked.

“Actually,” Roger said. “I was rather hoping Daniel could stay and chat a while. I could drop you off at home when I head back to Boston.” Roger turned to Daniel, looking hopeful.

“Sure,” Marienne said. “I can take the kids home. You two stay and catch up.” She buckled Drew into his car seat.

Daniel folded the stroller and shoved it in the hatch.
I can’t believe she just did that.
His hands felt unreasonably cold given the temperature of the day.

“See you at home.” Marienne leaned up and kissed Daniel. She squeezed his arm in what he imagined was meant to be a reassuring gesture. It wasn’t, at all.

Roger kissed Marienne’s cheek and she gave him a hug. Daniel shifted uncomfortably.

“I hope we’ll see you again.” Marienne’s gaze drifted between Roger’s and Daniel’s.

“I hope so too,” Roger said.

Daniel watched as the car drove away, leaving him alone on the sidewalk with Roger.

Roger turned to Daniel. “Would you like to get a drink?”

“Aren’t you driving in a little while?”

“I was referring to tea. I see there’s a café on the corner.”

“Fine,” Daniel said. They walked in silence down the street.

They took a seat at the small table by the front window. It was set apart from all the other diners. The waitress came right over.

Daniel ordered Earl grey and Roger said. “Same for me.”

You’ve got to be kidding me.

Daniel fidgeted with his napkin, unable to think of anything to say. When he looked up he found Roger staring at him.

“You have your mother’s eyes, you know. It’s nice to see them again after all these years.”

Daniel hadn’t expected a sentimental comment. The idea of Roger talking about his mother still didn’t sit well with him. “I’m well aware that I have her eyes. I have a lot of her other qualities as well.”

“I’m sure you do. And clearly she raised you well. You’ve got a lovely life, Daniel, a lovely family. Someday I hope you might find it in your heart to consider me a small part of it.”

Daniel’s insides churned. If this were anyone else, his heart would be breaking. Roger seemed like a decent man. He was polite and pleasant and the things he said all appeared to be heartfelt, but all Daniel could see was his mother. The hurt in her eyes when she used to mention his father. The years she spent raising him alone, with no help or support.

Where was this kind-hearted man then?

The waitress brought their tea. Daniel opened the packet and plopped the teabag into the pot to steep. He fiddled with the wrapper, folding it over and over while he debated what to say.

“She never married, you know.”

“Neither did I,” Roger said.

“No, you never remarried. There’s a difference. You were married once. I assume you felt like you were loved. She never had that. The men she did date all managed to treat her poorly. She was always abandoned.”

“Daniel, I didn’t abandon her. I loved her very much.”

“Then why didn’t you fight harder to keep her? To make her see? Because she didn’t. She died believing that you didn’t care about her, and that you wanted nothing to do with me.” The words caught in his throat as he struggled to keep his voice low.

Roger looked pained, his eyes moist. “I’m sorry for that. You’ll never know how sorry. And you’re absolutely right, I should have tried harder. The only excuse I have is that I was young, and I was hurt. She was so adamant that she didn’t want to see me. I didn’t want to force her. I thought she was pushing me away because she didn’t care for me. Had I known she was pregnant, had I had any idea….” His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. “I wish I could go back and do it all over, but I can’t. What I can do is try to make the best of what’s left of my life. It’s all anyone can ever do, really.”

They drank their tea in silence. Roger checked his watch. “I should head back to Boston. I have a flight this evening.” He paused. “I’ll be back in the States a bit over the next few months. May I ring you? I’d like to get to know you better. And your children. They’re beautiful, Daniel. You all are. It would mean so much—”

Daniel cut him off. “Fine. Call. We’ll see.” He knew Marienne would scowl at him for being so curt, but it was all he could manage.

Roger seemed content with the response. “Good then. I will.”

Chapter Forty-Four

For Marienne, sitting on the park bench with Roger was the perfect way to spend a spring day. She was grateful he’d kept in touch over the past few months, in spite of Daniel’s reluctance to speak with him. When he’d called to say he would be in Vermont for a show, she was delighted. She enjoyed his company and liked that Drew and Ella were getting to know their grandfather. She and Roger had pushed Ella and Drew on the swings together for almost an hour.

Drew was worn out and had fallen asleep in his stroller, and Ella had started playing in the sand box.

Marienne looked over at Roger. The kindness in his eyes as he watched Drew sleep was both endearing and heartbreaking. “You’re wonderful with them, you know.”

He looked surprised. “Thank you. I don’t really know the first thing about being around children.”

“You’re a natural. Just like Daniel.”

Roger gave her a wistful smile. “You’re very kind. Daniel certainly does seem to have a way with kids. I imagine he’s an excellent teacher as well.”

“He is. He’s kind and patient and charming.” She looked down. “With everyone except you.”

“I do seem to bring out the worst in him, don’t I?” Roger shook his head. “I understand. He had a lifetime to learn to hate me. I’m lucky he’s even tolerating me at all.”

“He’ll come around.” Marienne wished she was as certain as she made herself sound. “And he doesn’t hate you.”

Roger’s eyebrows rose.

“He doesn’t. He’s just having a hard time letting go of what he thought were facts. You’re very likeable.”

A smile tugged at Roger’s lips. “He’s so lucky he found you.”

Marienne swallowed the lump in her throat. Other than her chats with Ruth, she hadn’t had this type of conversation with an older adult since her father had passed. Roger was so warm and sincere. It broke her heart how hard he was trying to make headway with Daniel. He really wanted a chance to be a part of their family.

The jingling of the ice cream truck sounded and Ella raced over to Marienne.

Roger’s eyes twinkled as he looked at her. “May I treat us to a round of ice cream?”

****

Marienne invited Roger to join them for dinner, but he begged off, saying he should get back to Burlington as he had early meetings the next morning. She made him promise to call when he was driving back to Boston. She hoped she could get Daniel to agree to have him stop by then.

Daniel’s car was already in the garage when she pulled into the driveway. The smoky scent of charcoal wafted into the car.

“Is Daddy home?” Ella asked.

“Yes, and it smells like we’re grilling tonight.”

Ella scrambled out of the car and ran around to the back yard. Marienne worked on getting Drew out of his car seat. “Dadadadadada,” he said, waving his teething ring in her face.

“Yes, Daddy’s home. Daddy’s making dinner. He’s usually a very reasonable man.”

Drew giggled.

She carried him into the house and found Daniel in the kitchen rummaging through the fridge. “Where’s Ella?” she asked, strapping Drew into his high chair.

“On the swings.” He stood up, holding a package of hotdogs and a tray of steak. He leaned forward and kissed Marienne.

She stroked the side of his face with her fingers.

“Seems perhaps I should come home and start dinner more often.” He pulled her closer, his lips working their way down her neck.

“You know I’ve always had a weakness for men holding meat.”

Daniel chuckled and set the food down on the counter. “Ella said you went to the park?”

“Uh-huh. We spent the afternoon there. With Roger.”

Daniel’s face fell. “How did that happen?”

“He’s in Burlington, for an antique show, for the next two days. I asked him if he wanted to spend the afternoon with us.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t bring him home for dinner.”

Marienne sprinkled Cheerios on Drew’s tray. “I asked, but he didn’t think you’d like the idea so he politely declined. I was hoping you’d say we can have him over. He’ll be driving right by our house on his way back to Boston.”

“How did you even know he was going to be in Burlington? Is he calling you now?”

“We email, mostly. He doesn’t know anyone here, Daniel. And he’s incredibly lonely. I checked in with him yesterday, and he mentioned that he had the show in Vermont.”

Daniel busied himself putting the steaks on a plate and digging through the kitchen drawer. “Where are the bloody tongs?”

Marienne reached into the drawer and handed them to him. She inched closer to him, her fingers massaged the base of his neck. She felt him start to relax. “Are you mad at me?”

Daniel’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t understand why you’re spending so much time with him, that’s all.”

“He’s really very nice. You’d know that if you gave him even half a chance. Aren’t you tired of this routine yet?”

“What routine?”

She felt the muscles in his neck tighten again. “The tough guy act you put on whenever Roger’s name is mentioned. Can’t you just give him a break?”

“Why are you so bloody fond of him?”

“Because he reminds me of you.”

****

Marienne handed Roger a cup of tea and curled up on the couch, facing him. She couldn’t get past how much he looked like Daniel. His long, nimble fingers, his high cheekbones, his aristocratic nose.

Roger caught her staring and his brow furrowed. “Something wrong?”

“Not at all.” She hesitated, unsure how to say what she wanted. “Do you mind if I ask you a question? It’s personal.”

Roger paused, teacup at his lips. “By all means. Ask whatever you’d like.”

“What was Daniel’s mother like?”

A melancholy mood washed over Roger’s features, his eyes glazed with a faraway look, as though he were actually seeing her. Marienne waited. She’d heard Daniel talk about his mother and she’d seen a few photos, but she wanted to know more. Roger clearly knew a part of Elizabeth’s life that Daniel hadn’t been privy to—a part that had shaped who she was.

Roger set his teacup down on the coffee table and shifted to face Marienne. “She was a spitfire when I first met her. Didn’t seem to need anything from anyone. But as we got to know each other I realized that was all an act. She was gentle and tender. Almost fragile. And incredibly talented. Bright, artistic, an uncanny eye for detail. She was probably the warmest, most generous person I’ve ever met. She had this way about her. When she listened it made you feel like you were the only person on the planet, like you had her complete attention.” Roger’s face clouded and Marienne could tell he was picturing her again. “And she was unspeakably beautiful, though she never seemed to think so. Her hair was long and dark, with auburn highlights, like antique mahogany. And she had the most amazing green eyes. Daniel’s eyes. I see it every time I look at him. The same disdain, as well.” Roger returned his attention to his teacup, reaching for it with a shaky hand.

“I’m sorry. Is this too difficult? I don’t mean to pry.”

“No, don’t be silly. I’m the one who’s insinuated himself into your family, you’ve every right to question me to your heart’s content. What else would you like to know?”

“I don’t know. I just know she was such a huge part of Daniel’s life, and he still carries her loss with him. I want to know anything you can tell me.”

Roger paused, as if he were sorting through his memories, trying to find the right ones to share. “She used to write these amazing letters. I’d have to travel a lot of the time, for work, and I’d arrive at the hotel and find a letter already waiting for me. She’d tell these fanciful stories, or she’d describe her day to me, or include a drawing. I’d settle into my room and read them and it was like she was right there with me. They were magical.”

“That sounds lovely. And quite romantic.”

“It was. I always wrote her back. Though I fear my attempts at romance likely paled in comparison. When we’d see each other again, nothing mattered. We only wanted to be together. I imagine that sounds horrible, given that I was married at the time.”

Marienne shook her head. “Actually, it sounds rather easy to relate to. I know what it’s like to be married to the wrong person. I take it your marriage wasn’t very good?”

“Dreadful. We married far too young and had absolutely nothing in common. By the time I met Elizabeth it was already long over, but Claudia didn’t want to hear it. She was too busy with her ladies luncheons to be bothered with getting a divorce. Elizabeth was really the only woman I’ve ever been in love with. She was everything to me. Apparently I never made that clear enough to her, and for that I’ll always have regret.”