Holding On (32 page)

Marienne could see the pain in his eyes. She reached for his hand. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you.”
That could have been us.
A chill ran up Marienne’s spine.

“No, they didn’t. Star-crossed. Not meant to find our way together. I only wish I’d known she was with child. I’d have tried so much harder. I didn’t realize. I thought she was through with me.”

“It’s so sad.” Marienne felt the tears welling behind her eyes.

“Yes, well. I think she managed to make a good life for her and Daniel. He certainly seems to have fond memories of his childhood. She was obviously an excellent mum. I can’t speak to her mothering skills but she was fiercely protective of Daniel since before he was born. I realize now that the last two times I saw her, she was carrying him. If there were any physical changes to her, I was too distraught to notice. She was tiny, you know. No more than five foot. Around your height.”

Marienne smiled. “I didn’t know that.”

“You’re actually quite a bit like her. It’s no wonder Daniel fell in love with you.”

“That’s interesting, because his first wife was the complete opposite. Tall, blonde, gorgeous, and not a nurturing bone in her body.”

“Well I suppose that explains why he’s no longer with her. And why he’s so completely in love with you.” Roger’s eyes twinkled at her. He set his teacup down again. “You know, I don’t blame Daniel for being so protective of you and the children. He has a wonderful life here with you, and I can understand why he’d want to go to any length to defend that.”

“But you’re not a threat. I wish he could see that.”

“I threaten his memories. If he believes what I say then he has to shelve some of the things he believed as absolutes about his mother. That has to be difficult. Particularly when she’s not here to discuss it all.”

“I know.” Marienne plucked the edge of a throw pillow. “I also know what it’s like to miss a parent. My father passed years ago, and my mother and I don’t speak. I don’t want Daniel to give up on the chance to have a father in his life. And I like having you around.”

A smile spread across Roger’s face, crinkling his eyes. “That’s very kind of you.”

“It’s not kind. It’s selfish. You’re wonderful company.”

“The feeling is mutual.”

Chapter Forty-Five

When Daniel saw Roger’s name in his inbox he almost deleted the email without reading it. Just seeing the message sitting there made him angry.
Why can’t he leave me alone?
Curiosity got the better of him, and he opened it.

He raked his hand through his hair then started to read.

Dear Daniel,

I’m sure the last thing you want right now is a letter from me, but I feel like I have no other means of communicating with you. I understand your hesitance to trust me, but I wish you would give me more of an opportunity to get to know you. You don’t have to like me, I’m not asking that, I just want the chance to get to know you better.

I’ll be heading back to England in a month and I don’t know when I’ll be back in the States again. The past 30 years have been a series of missed opportunities for me. I’d hate for this to be another one. You can reach me by phone at any time, or I’d gladly meet you anywhere you’d like. I don’t want you to feel as though I’m always intruding in your home. Please consider it and let me know.

Best regards,

Roger

Daniel closed his eyes and took a deep breath through his nose.
He doesn’t get it. I’m well aware of the fact that I can call him whenever I’d like. I choose not to. Can’t he take a bloody hint?

He heard Marienne walking down the hall and closed the email screen before she could see who the message was from. He was tired of having her try to convince him to ‘do the right thing.’ This was his decision. If he wanted to talk to Roger, he knew where to find him. He didn’t.

Marienne held out a mug of tea and Daniel took it, feeling guilty that he’d rushed to close the email. She hadn’t even glanced at his computer screen.

She curled up in the cushiony chair next to his desk, cradling her cup in her hands. “Are you writing?” she asked.

“No, checking emails.”

“Anything interesting?”

Does she already know?
“Nothing in particular.”

She squinted at him.

He never could lie to her. He dug his hands through his hair again. “I had a message from Roger.”

“What did it say?” She looked so hopeful.
Why does she care about him so much?

“That he’s heading home soon, and he’d like to talk to me before he goes.”

Marienne opened her mouth then closed it.

“What?” he asked.

“I don’t want to argue.”

“Neither do I.”

She took a deep breath then blew on her tea. He knew she had something to say, and it bugged him that she wasn’t coming out with it.

“What?” he asked, feeling more impatient.

“I really think you should at least sit down with him for an afternoon. That’s all. Get to know him, just a little. Then if you still hate him, fine.”

Daniel rubbed his forehead.

Marienne reached out and put her hand on his knee. “I don’t want you to wind up with regrets.”

“I don’t think I’ll regret not getting to know a man who’s never meant anything to me.”

****

The Roger issue plagued Daniel for the next several days but he had more pressing matters at hand, including another trip to California. He headed home from work hoping to pack and have a moment to relax with Marienne before he left.

He opened the door to his house and froze. There, in the kitchen, stood Bob, plaid covered arms wrapped around Marienne. She was on tiptoe, leaning toward him, her tiny hands white against his shirt. She was hugging him back. Daniel dropped his bag and strode toward them.

“Get off my wife.”

Bob and Marienne jumped apart, looking startled.

“Daniel.” Marienne’s voice sounded shocked but Daniel didn’t look at her.

He couldn’t take his eyes off Bob. “You should go.”

“Look, I’m sorry.” Bob raised his hands.

“Good. You should still go.” Daniel’s heart was beating so loud he could barely concentrate.

Marienne stepped between them and put her hand on Daniel’s arm. “You’re being ridiculous,” she said.

“Am I?’ he asked, staring straight into Bob’s annoyingly pale eyes.

“No,” Bob said. “You’re right. I should go.” He backed up, grabbing his keys off the kitchen counter.

Daniel stalked after him toward the front door, trying to resist the urge to slam him into the wall.

Bob stepped onto the deck. “Katie, come on. Time to go.”

Katie ran over to their car. “Daddy, can I stay longer?”

“No, honey, we need to get going. Say goodbye to Ella.” Bob looked at Daniel. “I’m sorry.” He walked down the porch steps and climbed into his car.

Ella waved and continued drawing on the driveway. “Do I have to come in yet?”

“No,” Daniel said. “Just stay on the driveway. Don’t go near the street.”

“Okay, Daddy.” She went back to her chalk while Bob’s car pulled out and drove away.

Daniel turned to find Marienne glaring at him, arms crossed in front of her, hip defiantly jutting to one side. “What is wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me?”
I can’t believe this.
“I come home and find you standing in my kitchen hugging bloody fucking Bob, and you’re asking what’s wrong with me?” His nostrils flared with indignation. He was wishing he had punched Bob when he’d had the chance. He turned and stormed up the stairs.

Marienne scurried up the staircase after him, following him into their bedroom.

He stopped and whirled around to face her. She almost crashed into him. Her mouth was still set in defiance.

“Why don’t you see it?” he asked.

“See what?” Her brow furrowed atop her narrowed eyes.

“The way he is with you. The way he looks at you. He’s in bloody love with you.” The words hurt as they came out.
What if she does see it? What if she likes it?

“That’s crazy. He’s not in love with me. He’s a friend.”

“I think I know Bob a bit better than you in this regard. He’s wanted you since you first met him. Trust me. I know what that feels like.” It stung to admit that, to remember what it had felt like to be in love with Marienne when she belonged to someone else.
He’s a friend. Well I used to be just a friend too
. Anger and fear boiled up inside him, rising in his throat.

“You’re wrong.” Marienne shook her head.

“I’m not. He’s been waiting for ages to make his move. I guess I’m lucky I came home when I did.”

“Oh, thank you. That shows a lot about how much faith you have in me. What do you think? That if you hadn’t walked in and done your Neanderthal routine I’d have let him have his way with me?” Her eyes were so round they looked cartoonish.

She’s actually mad. At me. Unreal.

“Would you?” He knew he shouldn’t have said it, but it came out anyway.

She let out a frustrated scream. “No, you idiot. I wouldn’t. How can you even ask me that?” This time she turned and stormed out of the room. She spun around when she reached the top of the stairs. “And for your information the reason I was hugging Bob is that his mother had a heart attack this morning. I’m sure your tantrum was just the perfect end to his day.”

Daniel sucked in his breath and closed his eyes. He listened to her angry footsteps as she stomped down the stairs. He slumped onto the bed feeling completely deflated.
Bloody fucking hell.

****

Anger percolated in Marienne’s veins. She opened the front door and yelled out to Ella. “Get inside.” She slammed the front door, feeling guilty that she’d yelled at Ella when it was Daniel who was making her furious.

She was amazed that Drew had slept through everything that had happened.
The Wiggles
DVD still played on the TV—they must have drowned out all the arguing. She went into the kitchen and started to prepare dinner. Cooking was the last thing she felt like doing. She wanted to go back upstairs and shake Daniel.
What is he thinking?
She slammed a frying pan down onto the stovetop much harder than she’d intended. Drew began to cry.

“Dammit.” She closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe. She walked into the family room and picked him up. He looked up at her with big weepy eyes.
Daniel’s eyes
. All the anger drained out of her. She held Drew close and kissed his sleep-scented head. “It’s okay, sweetie. Everything’s okay.” He wrapped his pudgy arm around her as if he knew she needed to be hugged back. “You hungry?”

Drew nodded, his silky hair rubbing up and down against her neck.

“You can have some cheerios while Mommy makes dinner.” She heard Ella come in through the garage door as she set Drew down in his high chair. “Shoes off, sweetie.”

Marienne put a pot of water up to boil and made a quick marinara sauce.

“Aren’t you and Daddy going to eat?” Ella asked, slurping spaghetti into her mouth.

“We’ll eat later, sweetie. Daddy’s got a headache right now.” She bet he actually did. He’d been so tense lately she imagined he had a headache more often than he didn’t.
That still doesn’t excuse his behavior today.
She replayed his homecoming in her mind. She’d never seen him so angry, his eyes blazing. His shoulders so tense he looked like he might snap in two. She’d thought for sure he was going to attack Bob.

Why can’t you see it?
His words echoed in her head.
See what? Could he be right? Is Bob playing me?
Clearly Daniel was mistaken about today. Bob was legitimately upset about his mom—that hug had been for condolence, nothing more.
But what about other times
? She’d been so glad to have a friend she hadn’t really been on the lookout for signs that he might think of her as more than that. She did catch him watching her at times. And he did hold her a second longer than he should when they’d hug goodbye.

Oh God. I’m such a fool
.

She kept listening for the sound of Daniel’s footsteps on the stairs but they didn’t come. Ella and Drew finished eating and Marienne cleaned up.
I can’t believe he hasn’t come down yet. Is he that mad? Well I’m mad too. He’s the one who acted like a jerk. He’s jealous over nothing. I’ve never thought of Bob that way.

Marienne got the kids settled in with a movie and decided to go upstairs. She was ready to forgive Daniel. And to apologize. She wanted to tell him he had nothing to worry about, that Bob could never be a threat to him, that she loved him.

She walked into their room with all those thoughts in her head. Then she saw him packing a suitcase. She felt the blood drain out of her face.

Oh my God. He’s leaving me.

Chapter Forty-Six

Daniel zipped his suitcase shut, wishing he didn’t have to go. He was about to speak but Marienne beat him to it.