Holding On (39 page)

Grabbing the letter opener
off my desk, I give a quick jerk and the drawer comes flying open.
 What I find in here, Jesus Christ where is all that is good?
 I see pictures, several pictures, five in total.  The
woman in them is unrecognizable by face and it takes me a minute to
absorb what exactly I’m looking at.  I don’t know the who or
where of this photo but I can sense this message is loud and clear.
 Someone, namely Switch and his gang, have taken to beating,
raping, and torturing women and this fucking someone wants me to
sit and enjoy a first seat view of it.  

Bile is rising quickly as
I continue to study picture after picture.  One of her hanging
limp from ropes, her hands suspended in midair.  Her body is
dripping, appears to be in its own blood.  Her hair is matted
and stuck to the sides of her beaten and bloody face.  Another
is her same bloodied and unrecognizable face held back, it’s a
close up and some fucking monster has her hair in his hands pulling
it back while his limp dick is nearing her mouth.  Here’s
another, it appears to be a before body shot.  This
photographer is fucking with me because I can’t see her face
clearly in any of these pictures.  Whoever this is, she was a
beautiful woman.  From the angle of this picture, he’s on top
of her in a position to fuck her, maybe he already had. Dear God, I
can only sit here and hope she’s dead and I hope she’s been dead
for a while and didn’t suffer at the hands of these monsters for
long.  

I throw the pictures on my
desk, I cannot look at them anymore.  My mind won’t imagine
how sick some bastard has to be to do this to an innocent woman.
 I was surprised at the harassing attack on my Clubhouse but
compared to these pictures, the attack on my turf was nearly
humane.  Winnie died quick, probably not even knowing what hit
her.  Whoever this beautiful woman is, she saw it coming.
 What the fuck?  Now it appears I have two deaths to
avenge for.

Now that I’m coming back
to my senses it hits me and fucking hits me hard.  Someone was
in my fucking office!  Which means, if there were no opposing
casualties that they got in and out of here without being noticed,
killed, or met any resistance from my men.  

This adds to my fury.  It tells
me now how unprotected my girls were from these pieces of shit.
 Goddammit.  This could have been so much worse, so if
anything else I just got my confirmation that this is a message and
I’ve got it loud and fucking clear.

“
Hey man, Winnie has been
handled.  Mace wants to try to contact whatever family she
has.  Kegs thinks she had a son, about 6 years old or so that
lives with her parents outside Omaha.  She’s going to handle
all that for us, along with her cremation.  If we do find
them, they should have rights to her.  For all they know, she
could have been dead for years.”  Shame keeps his eyes on me,
hasn’t looked to the desk yet.  

“
That’s good.  I
agree, get her somewhere she can rest because I don't think that
woman has had a good life.  Honor working on what I
asked?”

Shame nods while looking at me closely
for the first time since this shit rolled out at our
feet.

“
We need this meet with
Hood, now.  I’m not killing him though, you need to know that.
 I’m bringing him here.”  I’m so calm it even unnerves
me.

“
What changed?  Just
an hour ago you were hell bent on his blood man, what….what the…
Hem, what the fuck are THOSE?  Why do you have those?
 Who the fu...”  He spots these pictures on my desk
now.

“
I don’t know man, but
calm the fuck down.  You go getting all fucking crazy and you
will alert all the goddamn girls that are still here.  They
don’t touch this shit, do you understand?”  Fuck he’s looking
at these pictures in such a rage, he’s unstable.  Now I know
what I must have looked like.  Fuckin’ scary.

“
Hem, Jesus Christ.
 You know who this is don’t you?  It’s... oh my god...
Hem... is it?”  He’s shaking now, grasping at the
pictures.

“
Fuck, I don’t.
 Who?”  Damn, before I thought of it as a person. Looking
at Shame I’m about to become familiar.

I walk up close to Shame
as he holds the picture of her dangling by the ropes.  Trying
not to get sidetracked in anger, I grab it from him to concentrate
on her body.  This would be the only way he could recognize
her.  Then, son of a bitch!  I see it now, all familiar.
 I see the two small berries and the green stem just under her
right breast.  It’s Cherry.  Any brother who has fucked
her, to include Shame and I both, knows those cherry tattoos on
that body.

I drop the pictures to the ground and
step back, my hands go to my knees trying to breathe.  God,
putting a name with this face, it’s too much.  Shame sees
something else.  He reaches down for the pictures and gathers
them.  

“
There’s a message here.
Writing on the back of each one, did you see this already?” He’s
frantic.

“
No brother, just found
them right before you walked in here.”

“
Here, put them in order!
 Hurry the fuck up.”  My brother is scrambling, half
crazed.

I rise from my knees now and with my
arms I toss everything off my desk in a loud crash onto the floor.
 Shame begins to flip each photo over and lay them out.
 When he is done he looks sick.  He’s caught on before I
have.  He stares at them vacantly and he’s pale.  I’ve
seen this from him before, right before he put the final
self-protective bullet into his dad while he laid next to a
bloodied and beaten dead woman, Shames mom.

He is eerily calm as he begins to put
them in order for me.  I’ve been distracted watching him but
soon I glance back to my desk as he finishes.

SADEY OR MACE WILL DIE - Five
pictures, five words.

Once he arranges them for me, he
doesn’t takes his eyes off the desk.  Next thing I hear is
Shame turning to vomit.  It takes a hell of a lot for a man of
his past, size, and resilience to be physically sick.  He just
imagined Mace in Cherry’s position in those photos.  I know
this because I am doing the same with both my girls.  Jesus
Christ help me now. Help me find this disturbed son of a
bitch.

“
HONOR.  ACE.
 RAIDER.  In my office, NOW!”  I’m resolved to end
this shit right now, today.

*****

All the boys, including Ace, have been
briefed.  They have been advised that these pictures remain
confidential.  We don’t know that it wasn’t one of our own
that put them there during the outbreak.  

Honor has set up the meeting already
with Hood.  According to him, Hood wasn’t hard to find and he
was almost eager for the meet.  He said he has a gift for us.
 I bet he does, but I have one for him as well and it won’t be
opened quickly.  Fuck that, he’s going to suffer just like
these girls suffered.  I have no intentions of sending any
cryptic message back to Switch, fuck no. He will hear me loud and
clear, no guessing, words, or photographs for him. Nope, he’s
getting the live version. Son of a bitch is getting all of me, and
I’m bringing the wrath of hell along for the ride.

Honor has also handpicked
the four other boys that will be going on this ride with us
tonight.  This kid is sharp and I’ve never seen anyone as
quick with a weapon whether that be knife, gun, or a damn baseball
bat.  So there is no doubt that those he has chosen share his
skill sets.  I’m more than confident he fulfilled my request
just as I would have done it.

I didn’t want to involve
Ace, but after seeing these pictures fuck if I know I need him
right now.  He’s loyal to Sadey.  As much as that fuckin
pisses me off right, I have to let it go.  There probably
isn’t any other person I trust right now to guard her with his life
then Shame and he’s with me on this ride. Before involving Ace, I
did think about leaving Shame behind. I just can’t let my ego get
in the way of the safety of these men. I need Shame out there with
me, if only to keep me level headed.

Ace is clear though, Sadey and Mace do
NOT leave his sight.  When I said this to him I was literally
explaining that they are to sit in a fucking room with him and not
leave it, for anything.  Period.  Nothing touches my
girls. He understood, I don’t think I needed to be so verbatim but
it made me feel better at least.

We have just one hour before we head
out into darkness to avenge this horror.  Raider has already
been to the warehouse where he has brought back all we need for
tonight.  No big automatic weapons, this is personal and when
I rip these bastards apart it will be slow and painful which is why
he’s brought my favorite hunting knife.  

“
You need to calm down
before we head out or you’re not going.” Shame snarls from behind
me, catching up with me while I’m scanning the load Raider just
brought back.

“
Excuse me? What the fuck
you sayin?”

“
No, all
this isn’t just about you now Hem.  This isn’t Doc okay?
 They went after the girls, threatening
our
girls
, fuck if you look at those
pictures they have killed not one but two of ‘em already, man.
 Calm the fuck down, get yourself together brother.  This
is big and I need you clear headed and thinking, not wired and
trigger happy.” I know he’s right. I do, but my emotions are
high.

“
I’m going to see Mace
before I leave.  Would suggest you go see your girl.
 Clear your mind my friend.”  He walks away to go say
goodbye to my sister.  If this goes bad and I lose Shame, if
Mace loses Shame, I would never forgive myself.

Taking his advice I inform the boys of
the plan and head out to find my girl.

*****

“
Sugar, whaddya doin in
here?”  She’s in the laundry room at the sink.  I can see
the steam as it comes up from in front of her but she doesn’t turn
around to look at me.  “Baby?  You alright?”

I see her shoulders move up and down
in a quick motion nearly a hiccup, so I’m guessing the events of
tonight are catching up and she’s finally had a chance to breathe
and think. Sadey doesn’t keep her shit together well on a normal
day, and today was catastrophic. She’s been acting so out of
character since she was put in the hospital, her blood pressure
scare may have frightened her more than I originally thought.
Christ, I should have been paying closer attention to her before
this.

I walk towards her making
enough noise so she can hear me in my path to her and won’t be
frightened.  Putting my hands on her shoulders I bury my head
in her neck and give her a few kisses along her shoulder.
 She’s washing the blood out of my clothes I was wearing when
we had returned from the ride and entered the chaos.  I had
changed and left them in my room, she must have found them and
thought I would ever want to wear them again.  This is what it
has done to her. My woman is consumed with cleaning blood off an
old and torn shirt.

“
Sugar,
put the shirt down.”  She continues scrubbing and hasn’t
looked at me yet. I reach from behind her put my hand on hers in
the water, fuck the water is so fucking hot I have to jerk my hand
from the water but her hands are immersed in it. “I said put the
shirt
down
.” Fuck me, she’s not doing well.

She hasn’t said a word.  I jerk
both her hands out of the water and in a quick second she turns to
me and starts thrashing my chest, shouting at me.  

“
Don’t you fucking leave
me Patrick Collins!  Do not do it.  You are not going
anywhere tonight, do you understand?   If you love me,
you will not leave me!”  She is fucking hysterical and I’ve
not even told her about leaving tonight. Someone did, dammit Ace
I’m going to kill you.

Roughly I grab her hands
and put them behind her back and my arms wrapped around her body in
a tight hold.  “Shhh Sadey girl, shhh.  I’m alright
honey, that blood isn’t mine baby.  I’m coming back tonight
right after the meet, come on baby, shhh.”

She calms, only slightly. “No, you
won’t.  I just got you Hem, we just fucking started, and I
have more time before… before I tell you... I have more time.”
 

“
Tell me what Sugar, I’m
here. I’m right here. Tell me what?”

She’s struggling out of my hold and I
can see she’s calming more now.  She’s talking complete
fucking nonsense though, I can hear some things she’s saying but
damn, she’s breaking me.  I need to calm her.  It is the
effect we have on each other, always.  

“
Sadey girl, I’m right
here.  Stop fighting me for a few minutes please.”  She
stills, already she’s worn herself out.  I shut off the water
and put my hands to her face.  God this woman knows how to
cry.  She can make a slobbering baby look tame.
 

As I wipe her tears, I
kiss each cheek then her eyes and temple then her mouth.  When
she feels my touch to her lips, she grabs me from the behind the
head and pulls me to her.   She’s kissing me in fury,
she’s so frightened.  My heart is breaking with each movement
she’s making on me. This is what I was afraid of all along. Exactly
what I fuckin’ told Mace all that time ago dammit. I’ve done this
to her, my lifestyle choices are causing her to be fear like this.
God, what I have done to that sweet kid she once was? She was so
innocent, loving, and free. She gave me her good and look what I
have done with it.