Innocence (11 page)

“I have nothing to be proud off.”

“Are you taking now?”

Kacey lifted her head to give him a dirty look. “No.”   

Just then, the food arrived. Ross gazed at her rubbing his face, frowning guessing he was thinking of her situation.

Kacey already believed she’d told them far too much information and now feared they both were judging her. She could tell, just by the manner of the men and how well-dressed and groomed they were, they lived well, happy and no doubt, didn’t suffer with financial difficulties.

While munching on their food, she could see Ross staring at her no doubt passing verdict and she was as guilty as hell for all her crimes. No way was she going to mention the harrowing things she had to do, stealing, burglary, and even slept with a man to pay off Rob’s debt. How her body had been used and abused and she’d never noticed before, until now, while thinking back. Bile filled her throat, her heart stopped beating, how could she have been so stupid, and all under the influence of substances that could have killed her. However, her body and mind hadn’t been hers, no excuse, but at the time that was the reality of her life.   

They ate their meal with idle chat. She tried hard to join in and smiled when possible. She could tell Ross appeared to be miles away at times and Calvin appeared nervous. She wondered if he resented what he heard and now feared he was in too deep or who he was getting involved with. It was clear she a bad past and trouble behind her. Kacey would not blame him for running, just as everyone else had in her life.

“And your parents are out of the equation totally?” Ross asked, wiping the corner of his mouth with the napkin.

Kacey waited to answer him having her mouth full of her tuna sandwich filled with salad, tasting amazing. “Sorry.”

Ross smiled.

“No, my mum slammed the door in my face earlier. I’m at a loss with her,” she explained.

“I will get in touch with a few associates and see what we can arrange or sort out for you,” Ross said kindly.

Still she had no idea why he was now giving her the time, but time she appreciated from the bottom of her heart.

“Thank you, I would sincerely appreciate that.”

Ross grinned. She wondered whether he’d prefer to walk away, but having Calvin as his best friend he felt obliged to help out.

They all finished their lunch.

“Right, Kacey, we will make tracks and be in touch with any developments on trying to get you help. Would you like to see a counsellor?” Ross asked while they made the short walk to the car.

“No,” she announced sharp.

“It’s just…”

“I’m fine. I had a bad moment yesterday. A relapse. A moment where I was in pure despair,” she announced to him as Calvin caught them up after he’d paid the bill.

“If you change your mind…”

Kacey stared at Calvin seeing him grinning, and maybe trying to work out what Ross had said to her this time.

“I’m fine, honest!”

Calvin and Ross left her outside the cottage as they went to Calvin’s parents’ house, unsure exactly where they lived, but sensed it wasn’t a great distance from the village.

She wandered back into the cottage and inhaled a sharp breath, allowing all the tensions she suffered to leave. She sat down on the couch to gather a few thoughts, knowing the two men wouldn’t be approving, or approve of what she’d done in the past and she couldn’t agree more. The fact remained, there was nothing she could do to turn the clock back and live it all again, if she could there were many things she would avoid, the mistakes, heartache, and pumping her body full of nasty substances, would certainly be wiped off the list.

She headed to bed to try and rest. She pressed her hand firmly against her tummy wondering why she had not felt the baby move since during the night. Kacey was close to breaking down, not knowing what on earth she should be concentrating on. It all felt like history repeating itself.

Why was her life always such a frigging mess?

* * * *

Calvin was annoyed about how up-front Ross had been with Kacey. He wished he’d gone easier on her, but then he knew Ross had local contacts and could get her the help and support she needed. He lived miles away and only visited York when having long weekends or visiting for a family event.

Sober, he felt more human. Ross had left and went back to the city, to make a start on proceedings for Kacey. His mind crucified and shocked by what Ross had managed to get Kacey to say, her past and the foul substances she’d pumped into her body, but as she said, ‘to take away the pain and guilt’.
What pain and guilt? I need to find this information out!
He needed to get to the bottom of these things and see if he could somehow help her, but first…he had something else he needed to take care off.  

He drove his car back to the village to double check on Kacey, aware that in a few days he would be heading back down south. He pulled his car up in the car park and wondered whether Kacey would talk to him, due to him talking to Ross about her. He hoped she wasn’t offended, but the reality was, he lived in London and would be out of the picture very soon. Ross, he trusted with his own life and knew she would be safe and get all the help he could find her.

He walked to the door of the cottage, knocking gently. Calvin waited. Slowly he turned around gazing at the surrounding areas, seeing the trees budding and the birds singing. He sighed and scrunched up his nose. He knocked again. Then he heard the door being opened and saw Kacey appear wiping her eyes, looking half-asleep.

“I am so sorry, have I woken you?”

“It’s fine, just resting while she is quiet.”

He watched her turn around to slay her feet back into the cottage. He followed her in.

“How are you feeling?”

“Fine.”

Calvin already felt the tension wondering if it had anything to do with him opening his mouth to Ross.

He closed the door behind him and walked into the kitchen to put the kettle on.

“Have you driven here?” Kacey asked him.

He curved his upper body to see her yawning and stretching her arms in the air.

“Yes, I have sobered up now.”

Slowly he moved closer to Kacey seeing her glorious bump, as his T-shirt rose showing the stunning curves.

“I guess the clothes are okay? I will take you tomorrow to get a new outfit,” he said when Kacey sat down and released a loud sigh. He needed to ask, “Are you cross with me?”

Kacey turned her head at him narrowing her eyes. “I am not happy you’re going around telling people about my private things, when I trusted you.”

“I’m sorry, but Ross has contacts, and I know he can help you. I only have a few days left here, and then I need to head back to London. He is a good man and knows the system. I only told him to help you. I apologize if you took offense, but with your parents not wishing to help I saw no other option,” he explained, not wishing to cause a conflict and hoped she’d somehow understand.

He watched her think for a few seconds and rolled his tongue over her teeth as he waited.

“No it’s fine. I just don’t understand why anyone is wishing to help me. I really appreciate any support. I was angry, well shocked at the time, but I am aware you’re not local and well, thank you. Will he be able to help me? Or has he already written me off with my evil past?” she asked, her gaze fixed to his.

“I am certain he can. He has contacts you wouldn’t believe, and no, he hasn’t written you off, and we both believe you just need a little guidance.”

“No counsellor,” she added.

He widened his eyes, surprised, but then with Ross, nothing should surprise him. Ross said things that only Calvin would think about. “He suggested that to you?”

“Yes, I told him no. I know I was nuts when you found me, but I wasn’t myself and—”

“Don’t worry about it. He’s only trying to give you the options. We’re cool, right?”

He waited anxiously for her reaction, suffering with severe tension within him.

“I guess so. Times have been hard on me, Calvin.”

“I know…I understand.”

“I desperately want to get my life back on track.”

“I can help where I can, but when I leave for London, Ross will be in charge. I will keep in contact with you to make sure he’s not being abrupt, but I think even Ross knows not to mess with a hormonal expectant mother.” He chuckled lightening the mood.

She smiled at him. “That is true!”

Calvin heard the kettle boil, “Would you like a cuppa?”

“Yes please.”

He walked off to make the drinks, pleased with her reaction. After all, she could have easily taken offence for him telling her problems to another, Ross being as blunt as he was. However, he delighted she was looking at the scenario positively and he hadn’t made a mistake.

Once the drinks were made he sat down on the opposite sofa, noticing her rubbing her bump.

“I haven’t felt her move,” she said in a low voice.

“Do you need to see a professional?” he said concerned.

“No. I’m sure she is fine. She tends to have a few hours without moving, she picks up on my vibes, knows when I’m happy or sad.”

“Gosh yes, and tension has been high. If you like, tomorrow we could buy her a few bits when I take you shopping,” he suggested, excited in his gut.

“You don’t need to do that?” she said blown-away by his suggestions.

“Look…I know this is none of my business, and you don’t have to answer me, but I wondered what happened when you were younger to make your parents disown you the way they have.”

“It was a number of things, adolescent back-chat, swearing. I was a bugger to be honest, and I don’t blame them, but when I really needed my mum and yes, she helped but never considered my emotions or how I felt. She forced me to do something I didn’t wish to do. I then took it upon myself to leave home. I could not stay in the same house with that woman and my father…well he worked hard at the time, and I often wonder if today he really knows why I left. He did try contacting me, but I refused to answer the phone. Then my phone ran out of battery life and well that was it.”

“But surely they would have contacted the police and filed a missing persons report.”

“No, well I don’t know whether he did or didn’t,” she said.

He gaped at her.

“I bet my mum came up with some lame reason to why I was no longer home, and he would have accepted whatever she said. My mum is a fiery woman. I guess, as time moved on it got harder, not just for my parents but for me. I could not go back to them and beg them to take me back. Then I knew my mum wouldn’t accept me. I broke down no end of times, wishing I had handled it all differently I was young, naïve, and been shut away from the opposite sex. I was a typical kid and you remember what we were like, we know everything, parents were simply full of shit.”

“Well, you have a fair point there,” he said, thinking back to all those years ago, and yet…he remembered his parents saying their friend’s daughter had left home, and their friends didn’t appear all too concerned, no names mentioned. Only problem was around the same time a girl Calvin fancied had also left the village to start a new life in York, he’d been gutted at the time.

“I think us kids try to know the world and yet, what the heck did we know? If I knew now what I did back then…I swear things would have turned out different.”

“Aren’t you pleased with your life?”

“Oh yeah, but I would have paid more attention in school than what I did, messing around and acting a fool, I had to re-sit a few exams, pathetic now when I think about it. I just expected my parents to wave their magic wand. I loved living up here, but then my father franchised in London and I now run the main company,” he said unsure to be telling her such information.

“Wow, that is pretty amazing,” she said, smiling at him.

“Hard work, very hard work, thankfully I have a good team behind me and I try and not to be too bossy, or Dad will come down, and if I threaten him to the staff, they all rush round making sure the job in hand is dealt with immediately.”

“Is your dad fiery?”

“Can be, especially when its work related. He knows the business inside out and therefore wouldn’t have anyone contradicting him. Thankfully, I think there is only me who argues with him.” He laughed. “Even today, but generally why I bother I have no idea, he always wins.”

“Wow, that is so nice.”

He noticed her smiling, looking so radiant and there was a special look to her, glowing even!

“Yes, but you told me you are good in bridal, surely that is a good start for you to start your life again. Once the baby is born.”

“Yes, that is a good point, but I need an address, bank.”

“Ross, will sort it all out for you. Stop worrying and concentrate on bringing your daughter safely into the world. Just make me one promise.”

Kacey glanced at him.

“Depends what it is?”

“No more, thinking about jumping off the bridge.” He smiled.

“I won’t, I hate water,” she snorted.