Innocence (18 page)

She wagged her brows at him. “Yeah, why not.”

“Great,” he smiled at her.

Sophie was sure she was losing herself in him, good thing or bad. She bit her lower lip and wondered if he felt the same way as she?    

Chapter Eight

They walked briskly down the side of the hall seeing the garages. They continued down the drive lit with old fashioned lanterns not making it easy to see where they were, but the hall thankfully was lit up like a Christmas tree.

“You must really love living here?” she asked him.

“Yeah, it’s okay, but girls always appear to get the wrong idea, and think I’m a bank,” he mocked.

Sophie scoffed. “Of course, they would see the house and think, money and the son is gorgeous and loaded, splash his cash on me and take me for expensive treats.” She giggled when it dawned on her what she exactly said ‘
son is gorgeous’
.

“Yep, that’s the one. Only problem, my parents own the bank not me.” He laughed.

They walked silently she hoped he hadn’t heard her second comment about him when she said
son is gorgeous
. Sophie scrunched up her nose, her heart raced in her chest, unsure they were going or what they were doing, or even if she was safe with him. She found him very attractive and with her being in pursuit to find a guy, her mind appeared confused about him and whether to move forward. She really longed to try a man, boy, whichever, to experience and lay her curious side to rest.

“You think I’m gorgeous,” Calvin suddenly said.

“Uh,” she said, not wishing to look at him, even if it was dark and he would not be able to see her glowing cheeks.

“You said ‘
the son is gorgeous
,’” he repeated.

Sophie could feel her heart pounding in her chest adding hard swallows. She had no idea how to respond. Her heart wanted to say
yes, yes I did and the other no…you heard wrong.

“I did say that,” she replied, scared how he was going to react.

“I see, well I think you’re beautiful,” he said.

Sophie turned her head to the left to look at him smiling proud.

Not a word left their lips. Her mind and body muddled, afraid about being so close to a man who thought she was beautiful. Why he thought she was beautiful she had no idea. There was nothing pretty about her! Compared to the girls at school, she was dull.

They walked further down the driveway until meeting a second gate with a barn to the left. “Do you have cameras watching the house?” she asked curiously.

“No, but I bet Mum and Dad were keen to,” he scoffed.

“I bet.”

“And the fire brigade are on standby.” He chuckled. “Are your parents boring?”

She turned around to face him and started walking backwards.

“They sure are, but then my parents’ line of work isn’t one to be fooled with.”

“No, I bet not. Being a barrister is pretty hard going, gathering all the evidence together for the case and getting the defence—my friend Ross wants to do law and be a barrister in the future,” he added.

“Wow, he must be dedicated, takes up most of your social life. But, my dad he never talks about work. In fact, neither of them do. And in all honesty, I don’t care. Yes, I live in a nice house and appreciate the fact they have worked darn hard to achieve what they have in life. But sometimes, God, they are so dull. My dad can preach too much about the law and how criminals work. I guess when you’re brought up with it, it becomes boring,” she told him, continuing to walk backwards.

“I guess so. My parents hardly mention work, or the land, sometimes I wonder if they even own such a place,” he scoffed.

“I bet are you going to follow in your dad’s footsteps?”

“Yes, I would like to. I have followed him around for years. I loved it when he used to take me to work. I have always looked up to him.” He winked at her.

“That is so cool. I am not interested in following my parents,” she said when the barn came within sight again. “Is the barn open?” she asked curiously, seeing the timber built structure.

“Not sure, we could have a look if you wish.” He approached her, hitching his brows.

Sophie trailed behind him through the barn gates, which he’d unhooked. He led her around to the back where it was dark, she tried to look around, but the only light there was what reflected from the moon. She saw Calvin unbolt the barn door and lift the large wooden bolt. The door sounded and opened.

She stood watching him. Her nerves were a bag of rattles, still unsure if what was happening was right, or whether she wished to do anything, but then…no harm would come of them talking and seeing where it led. Her stomach swirled with the thought of being intimate and the possibility of losing her virginity.

The interior of the barn was pitch black, and she was unable to see Calvin, but could hear him shuffling around and then the light came on, lighting the entire area up.

“Here you go,” he said, as he popped his head around a support post and made her jump, “gosh, I am sorry,” he said.

Sophie held her hand across her chest, eager to calm her heart down.

She waited a few seconds and saw Calvin walking slowly deeper into the barn. Her eyes glued to him, admiring him. He spun around and she quickly twisted her head to the side, not wishing to make him think she was ogling him.

Sophie moved into the barn, seeing stacks of hay, tools, and a loft with ladders. She moved farther in, finding the perfect spot to sit down on a bale of hay. Sophie kicked her pumps off, swinging her feet up in the air and down.

“This is so cute. I bet it’s lovely without the noise in the background.”

“Honestly, I hardly come in here, not my thing,” he said while sitting down alongside her. His aroma whooshed over in her direction, making her feel slightly hypnotised.

“You attend an all-girls school don’t you?” he asked.

She gazed around the barn, longing to distract herself from the fine creature sitting alongside her. He moved closer to her so their bodies touched, his jeans rubbing against her thigh. She froze, longing to turn on him and taste his lips.

“I do.” She turned her head to look at him.

“Is that not odd, being at school without boys?”

Sophie hitched her brows. “I have no idea. I have never attended a school where there were boys, so I wouldn’t know.”

“Has it not bothered you?”

“No, not really.”

“I guess not.”

“The other girls attend parties all the time and get pissed, but they live in York and me, well, I live out in a village on my tod. So, I miss out on loads of fun.”

“Yeah, there are disadvantages to living out here, but in saying that we don’t get polluted lungs and suffer with our chests.”

“You went to school in York and attended a university?”

“Still attending university, got a few more years to go yet, and then I’ll be going further,” he replied.

“Sounds like fun. I know what students get up to,” she mocked.

“Yep, a bad bunch,” he scoffed.

“I bet you have been around loads of beautiful girls?” She felt the urge to ask feeling a tad jealous. Sophie could only imagine what it would be like to hang out with him, and share some laughter, he was not only gorgeous but charming.

“A few.” He turned to look at her. “And a few I wish I hadn’t.” He chuckled.

“Oh,” she replied, not being sure what the last comment meant.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound awful, but I’m sure you know what I mean, when some are amazing, others you just wished you hadn’t bothered.”

Sophie frowned at him. “No, no I don’t. The girls at school go on about boys and how a few had a great time and others they wished they hadn’t bothered, but me personally, I have no idea,” she said, being a virgin.

“Oh right…” he said puzzled. “Have you had a boyfriend?”

Sophie gulped and felt her heart pound inside her chest.
God, do I really have to answer that question, he’s going to think I’m nuts. Should I lie or tell him the truth?
Her head was all over the place.

“No, no I haven’t had a boyfriend,” she admitted, lowering her head to stare at the floor.

“Oh.”

“Have you had girlfriends?” she asked curiously.

“Yeah, but not many.”

She felt him taking hold of her hand on her thigh and gently rubbed it. Her heart stopped beating.

He held an expression, puzzlement and unfathomable. He went silent for a few seconds, all she could hear was the sound of her heart beating in her ears.

“Are you…you know?”

She forced the bile down her throat and turned her head to glance at him, his head cocked to the side. She had no idea what he was trying to ask her, well guessed but feared to answer.

“You know…have you ever…”

“Ever what?” she said feeling a complete fool.

“You know…had sex?”

She watched his cheeks turn rosy.

Oh boy, do I be honest and tell him the truth or lie? Grrrrr what do I do?
She looked intently into his eyes whilst he profoundly looked into her eyes. Sophie tried her hardest to keep a neutral expression, not wishing to tell him the truth, however, how could she lie? The fact remained no matter whether Calvin took the piss she was a virgin.

“No, no I haven’t.”

“Oh…you have never done a guy?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

“I am not that kind of girl,” she spluttered in her defence.

“I didn’t mean it that way,” he said, unclasping his hand from hers to shuffle his bottom away from her. She watched the look of horror on his face, distressed to her outburst.

“Sorry.” Sophie said to glance down to the ground, feeling terrible for getting it wrong, at least she hoped so. How she hated these particular situations. “I’m a virgin and the girls at school intend to take the piss out of me. They talk all the time about…” She tilted her head, needing to be rescued, the subject was all too embarrassing. “You know men’s…”

He stared bewildered at her. She struggled to say the word, being rude and disgusting, a word her mum would make her wash her mouth out with a bar of soap. The whole subject of sex was banished. When she had tried to talk to her mum about boys, she dismissed her. The only time she had learned about sexual development and men was school, books, internet and her friends.

“Cocks?”

“What?”

“Are you referring to cocks, the man’s penis?

She gulped, shocked for him to say the genital without redemption, even the word sounded arousing. “Yes, that,” she said, not sure she should be having this conversation with him. Although, anxious about him sitting so close to her, and then there had been the dancing in the hall. She loved every second of having him that close, sharing the same air to breath, stamping on one another’s feet and laughing, laughing like she had never laughed before.

“Oh, well trust me, I’m sure it’s all talk, coming from my prospective of course. I mean.” He coughed clearing his throat. “I know what it’s like from my viewpoint, but not a girl’s.” He chuckled, when moving closer to her and nudging her.

Sophie was unsure if he was trying to lighten the mood and was indecisive to have him that close to her, but yet, in the pit of her stomach a fire flared and she ached for him to touch her more. Passion rose deep in the pit of her stomach.

“I can tell you are thinking hard,” Calvin said, waking her up from her thoughts.

“I am!”

“About?”

“Promise not to take the piss?” she said, turning her head to stare at him. He wagged his brows and added a sumptuous grin, enhancing his gorgeous facial features. Her heart skipped a beat and a large lump dominated her throat. Sophie coughed to clear her throat, nervous, hooding her eyes ashamed. “I was just wondering whether it hurt.”

His eyes gazed at her.             

“I think the first time it hurts for girls and guys it just feels weird.”

“Oh.”

“Only a little bit, I believe. I mean, well I have heard most girls are disappointed about the first time and have higher expectations.”

“Like what?” she had to ask.

He shrugged his shoulders and frowned. “Well, the guy disappoints with either size or wasn’t good enough, or it wasn’t what they expected…I think referring to the way they sexually arouse her, or even the length of time they last. That kind of thing,” he answered.

Seeing his cheeks turning rosy, she got the impression he was embarrassed, but not as much as she was to be having the conversation

“Oh but, surely, if it hurts, you would wish it to stop,” she blurted out, not thinking.

“I guess you are right, but until you try I guess you don’t know. Everyone is different.”

She scratched her head baffled. Then she stood, needing a few minutes to think about the situation. Sophie walked to the other side of the barn, thinking about sex and whether she dare try it or not, yes she had seen images of the act, but to actually do it herself, looked painful.

“Will it hurt?” she said out.

“I don’t know,” Calvin replied in the distance behind.