Jessie (32 page)

When the store was busy, Seth and Jessie were rarely in the same place at the same time, but this Thursday things were a bit quiet. Jessie said she was behind on her orders and spent most of her time at the table in the storeroom poring over catalogs. Seth was not very busy out front, which led him to the storeroom off and on all day. It was for this reason that he knew the exact moment something was wrong. He heard a gasp and then a shuffle and went toward the table.

“Jessie?” Seth said, finding her kneeling on the worktable.

“I think there was a mouse,” she whispered, her eyes on the spot.

“Where?” Seth asked, having been through this many years before. His remarkably independent, confident wife was afraid of mice.

“Right there by the rice sacks.”

Seth went that way and began to dislodge things. Not only did he not find a mouse, he found no signs of one. He knew it was still too warm for them to be indoors but didn't mention that. He moved and checked everything in the area, Jessie watching him all the while.

“Nothing, Jess,” Seth said, going back to her. In the past he might have teased her a little, but not today.

“You're sure?”

“I checked,” he stated calmly, his eyes watching her.

It took Jessie a moment to become convinced, and when she looked away from the spot, she found Seth's eyes on hers. It took some seconds to read his look, and then Jessie remembered with him. He used to sit on this table, effectively dropping the difference in their heights, and hold her in his arms and kiss her. It was in the early days, before fights and before Hannah, and the memory was sweet.

Seth made himself look away from Jessie, but much to his chagrin he spotted a box of women's undergarments. His mind didn't need much prompting. His gaze swung back to his wife.

“Do you still wear camisoles?” he asked quietly.

“Yes,” Jessie whispered.

“With ribbons?”

Jessie could only nod, and Seth's eyes closed. He took a moment to compose himself and then spoke without looking at her.

“Are you all right about mice now?”

“Yes,” Jessie said, even going so far as to get off the table and sit down again, watching her husband all the while. This was the reason she knew he did little more than nod before taking himself back out front to the store.

“What's that?” Clancy asked that evening when she found Seth in the living room with the letter. Hannah had been invited to Deena Rathman's house, and she was still not home.

“This is a letter from my brother.”

“You have a brother?”

“Yes. His name is Eliot. He lives in Texas.”

Jessie, who had just claimed one of the living room chairs, was all ears, but Seth didn't look at her.

“What does he say?”

“Shall I read it to you?” Seth offered.

Clancy nodded and Seth began.

    
Dear Seth,

I thought of you today and knew it was time to write. I think of you most days, but as you know, I rarely put ink to paper. Nate and I were talking today, and he was trying to figure out how God could be forever. Do you remember our discussions about that when we were still in Heywood? I remember how amazed you were. Your mind couldn't take it in. Nate was the same way today, and for the first time I felt the same thing. It was special. I'm glad it hadn't happened before now. Knowing what I know about the cross and forgiveness makes it even more amazing.

How are you doing? Have you seen your wife and daughters? Cassy and I would like to meet them.

“Eliot knows about Clancy?” Jessie cut in softly.

“I wrote to him after I arrived.”

“Before or after we talked?”

“Before.”

“When you didn't even know if you could stay?”

“Yes. I told him I would write even if I was coming right back on the train.”

“Who is Nate?” Clancy asked.

“My brother's son. He would be your cousin.”

Clancy looked at her mother, who nodded, her face inscrutable. The little girl looked back to her father, and Seth had to force his eyes away from Jessie.

“Did you want to hear the rest of the letter?”

“Um hm,” Clancy said, coming close to look with him as he continued in the same paragraph.

How are you doing? Have you seen your wife and daughters? Cassy and I would like to meet them. Have you needed to find work, or are you back at the mercantile? As you can see, I have many questions. Write soon and let me know. Most importantly, did the pastor you wrote about turn out to be a true man of God? Is he helping you?

If this does not find you well in your new faith, you know you are welcome here with us as we walk this journey. The church family here is working hard. We are learning to have no regrets and no more wasted years. I hope you can sense my love and prayers for you across the miles.

Eliot
          

“Eliot prays too?” Clancy asked the moment Seth put the letter down.

“Yes, he does.”

These words were no more out of Seth's mouth when they all heard the banging.

“Clancy, please run down and let Hannah in,” Jessie said, and then added, “and don't forget to lock the door.”

As soon as Clancy exited the apartment, Seth addressed his wife.

“What are we going to do with the fact that I pray and you don't?”

“Do you think it matters all that much?” Jessie asked, not seeing a problem.

“Our believing completely different things is going to eventually be an issue. Maybe not for a long time, but eventually.”

“I guess we'll handle it when it happens,” Jessie said, her mind still on the letter itself. She knew why Seth read it in the living room. He wasn't trying to hide things, and she found that she appreciated his efforts.

“You're different,” Jessie said, even as she heard the girls on the stairs.

“Good different or bad different?”

“Good.”

Seth heard the girls as well and had to work not to be frustrated. This was the very thing he wanted to talk to her about, but in a moment they would not be alone. There was nothing slow about Jessie, but Seth wondered about her blindness on some issues. She could see that he had changed but not that their different beliefs were an issue to be addressed now and not later.

“Hey, you,” Jessie was saying to Hannah, who came in with a hug for both her parents.

In the next ten minutes, they heard all about her time at the Rathman home. Clancy pouted from time to time until Seth noticed and told her to be done with that. The younger girl responded fairly well, and as before, Jessie did not seem to mind.

“I think it's late enough that you two should wash up for bed,” their mother told them.

This was met with loud protests that Seth didn't remember hearing before. He wasn't going to put up with it.

“Girls,” he said quietly. He hadn't been sharp or loud, but they both stopped and looked at him. “I want you to obey your mother without arguing.”

The faces they made were almost as bad, but they went off without a word. Seth got ready for battle with Jessie, and he was even willing to start. The girls had left the bedroom door open, so he kept his voice low.

“Why do you allow me to do that? Why are you not getting angry at me for stepping in?”

“I've been thinking about that, and I think it's because of Rylan and Bri.”

“In what way?”

“Rylan always steps in with Danny, and that little boy is the most obedient toddler I've ever known.”

Seth was so surprised by this that for a few moments he couldn't say a word. Was she saying that she wanted him to help? Was she saying she saw value in a father being involved?

“What happened to us, Jessie?” Seth had to ask, his heart aching. “Why did we go from loving each other to fighting all the time?”

“I don't know. You made me so angry.”

“What did I do?”

“You wanted to change everything.”

“Would that have been so bad?” Seth asked.

“Not from here—not from this side of things—but at the time I couldn't cope with it.”

Seth nodded, and for a few moments silence fell between them.

“Are you coming to kiss us?” Hannah called from the bedroom.

Both Seth and Jessie laughed a little but did as they'd done for the past few nights and went to the bedroom to kiss their daughters. It was never a drawn-out affair. Both girls were usually tired, and tonight it was just as fast.

When Jessie shut the door on the girls, Seth stayed on his feet with a question.

“Do you need me to go for a walk tonight?”

“No, but I don't feel very talkative.”

Seth nodded and sat as far down the sofa as he could, reaching for the newspaper. He had just started on an article when Jessie spoke.

“Were there many women?”

Seth looked her square in the eye and said, “Yes.”

“Right away?” Jessie whispered.

“No, not for a long time.”

“But then a lot?”

“One other is too many, Jessie, but I did get involved with other women over the years.”

“But not the woman you took?”

“I'm thankful to say she wouldn't let me touch her.”

“And then you went to jail,” Jessie checked.

“Yes.”

“So it's been a long time for you too.” It was a statement, not a question.

“Yes.” Seth was quiet a moment and then found he had to know as well. “Did you have others?”

“A few times I wanted to, but I could never do that to the girls. I never left them in the evening, and I never wanted anyone enough to bring him up here.”

“I'm sorry you've been alone all this time. It's not the way it should have been.”

Jessie nodded, not looking angry or upset. As he watched, she turned away from him in her seat. Seth knew that she was
now
done talking.

“A cousin?” Hannah whispered from her pillow when the door was shut.

“That's what Seth said. He told me, and Mama was there.”

“What's his name?”

“Nate. And Seth's brother is Ellie.”

“Ellie is a girl's name.”

“That's what he said!”

“Shh,” Hannah shushed her. “You're going to get us in trouble.”

“That's what he said,” she repeated in a softer tone, and both girls heard footsteps. They lay very still with their eyes closed in case their mother opened the door. She didn't, however, and the girls were able to get in a few more words.

“Seth had a letter. I saw it, and Ellie prays like Seth does.”

“To God?”

“I think so.”

Hannah had to think about this. Clancy was saying something else, but Hannah was still thinking about Seth and his brother praying. She wished Clancy would stop talking so she could think, and then she didn't hear her anymore. All was quiet. The day was catching up to Hannah, and sleep claimed her.

Chapter Sixteen

“A
RE YOU FEELING BETTER,
Hannah?” Jeb asked her on Friday evening, as this was the first time he'd seen her.

That little girl nodded, and Jeb smiled at the smile she gave him. There wasn't much to either of the girls, so Jeb was glad to see Hannah back on her feet.

“How are
you
feeling?” Jessie asked her cousin.

“Pretty good. I'm moving around some. The cane helps.”

“Are you able to work at all?”

“Some. Mostly sanding, which I can sometimes do without having to stand.”

“When does school start?” Patience asked the girls and received the normal response. They talked all over each other in their excitement, and none of the adults had the heart to stop them.

“My dress is blue,” Hannah got in finally.

“And mine is green,” Clancy said. “It has a piyna-fore.”

“Pinafore,” Jessie corrected patiently, not sure her youngest would ever get it right.