Keeping Your Cool…When Your Anger Is Hot!: Practical Steps to Temper Fiery Emotions (9 page)

Read Keeping Your Cool…When Your Anger Is Hot!: Practical Steps to Temper Fiery Emotions Online

Authors: June Hunt

BOOK: Keeping Your Cool…When Your Anger Is Hot!: Practical Steps to Temper Fiery Emotions
12.08Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
2. Anger Destroys Harmony at Work
Many people are unhappy these days and often take it out on others.
A study by Erickson and Williams-Evans (2000) revealed that 82 percent of emergency room nurses surveyed had been assaulted during their careers, and that many assaults go unreported. Only 3.6 percent of nurses surveyed felt safe from the possibility of patient assault at work.
3
Anger and aggression in the workplace are increasing, making colleagues anything but congenial
.
This issue makes the evening news only when anger turns to horrible violence—which, sadly, is becoming increasingly commonplace.
But for many people, low-level frustration at work—anger they feel themselves or must deal with in others—is a daily way of life that drains the workplace of the joy and satisfaction that a good day’s work should bring. In fact, American companies spend billions of dollars on legal fees, medical expenses, lost employee time, and related expenses every year dealing with the consequences of workplace anger that turns violent.
4
Yet even without physical aggression, unresolved anger among employees diminishes productivity, inhibits creativity, and limits personal success. Left unchecked, it usually costs the angry person both a good job and good references, not to mention the loss of potentially meaningful work relationships. Managers and corporate bosses certainly don’t want their company to be the next to make headlines because they allowed a conflict to turn ugly.
Dave is a good example. This retired military man—now in his second career—became a project manager at a prominent software design company. His job was to oversee the development of a new program that would help streamline accounting tasks for small businesses. He had a staff of 20 programmers working around the clock, but as the project deadline approached, it became increasingly clear something was wrong. The software failed every important test run, and each attempted correction only made things worse.
When senior managers decided it was time to take a closer look, it didn’t take long to identify the trouble: Staff communication and trust had been completely broken. The troubleshooting process of pinpointing problems and solving them as a team had ceased to function. The programmers were afraid to report glitches and failures—a necessary part of testing and improving the product.
It turned out that when they did speak up, Dave often exploded in a terrible rage. By shouting put-downs and slamming doors, he made it clear he would not tolerate bad news. So his employees stopped giving it to him…with disastrous results.
Dave was a smart, competent man. But he was used to giving orders to soldiers and pushing for the results he wanted, no matter what. The corporate model of consensus and team-building didn’t make sense to him. As a result, he mistakenly saw every problem as a breakdown of “discipline” that needed to be quashed.
The more Dave’s management style failed, the more angry he became. The angrier he became, the more his management style failed. It was a downward spiral that repeated itself again and again when anger gained the upper hand. Eventually, the company had no choice but to replace Dave with someone more skilled in communication and problem-solving…and less likely to erupt in anger.
Dave’s story brings to mind a therapeutic camping program for troubled youth, where a close friend of mine worked. Three counselors would take ten teens camping in the wilderness for twenty-six days at a stretch. The goal: to teach them how to talk their problems out rather than fight them out or run away from them.
Needless to say, problems were easy to come by in the hot, dry Chihuahuan Desert of southwest Texas. And there was definitely no place to run away to. Before leaving Dallas, by prior agreement with all ten teens, when tempers flared, everything came to a screeching halt. No one could fix a meal, hike to water, go to sleep—not until the problem was resolved.
Immediately the group would circle together (called a “huddle up”) to clarify the problem and come up with a workable solution—agreeable not only to the parties involved, but to the
entire group
. Then it was back to the challenge of climbing mountains and surviving in the desert. It’s amazing how quickly hot tempers cool down when the stakes are high enough—such as eating!
Your health is powerfully affected by what you think and feel.
Dave’s story might have had a different ending if his team had chosen to come around him, identify the problem caused by his management style, and then talk it through with him to an agreeable end. Instead, he chose to keep silent and to sabotage an important company project.
Let’s face it: Work can be very stressful. Many people feel pressured by deadlines, bullied by bosses, frustrated by missed promotions, and impatient with underachieving co-workers or demanding clients. But allowing anger to boil over into intimidating outbursts not only makes things worse, but offers no help to everyone involved.
As in Dave’s case, excessive anger can result in unemployment—then you can add
unemployment
to the list of reasons to be angry. Who can afford that kind of costly anger?
And what society can long survive such self-destructive behavior? That’s why God’s Word says, “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. For evil men will be cut off.”
5
3. Anger Destroys Our Health
One of the most important ideas to emerge in medical science is also the most often ignored. In its simplest form: Your health is powerfully affected by what you think and feel. This fact is presented throughout the Bible, now those in the field of science finally “get it.”
The traditional model held that good health depends only on external factors such as rest, nutrition, and exercise. Yet when it comes to health, intangible influences are powerfully at work as well. Researchers have discovered that our thoughts directly affect the creation of real biochemical compounds—such as adrenaline and endorphins—which have a significant impact on how our bodies function.
Here’s a simple demonstration: Imagine you’ve just come home from the grocery store with a carton full of ripe, plump strawberries (or your favorite fruit). You can’t wait to take a bite and slowly savor its sweetness on your taste buds. You wish you could hold on to that succulent flavor forever.
If you are like me, your mouth is watering in anticipation as you read these words. Why? The beautiful, delectable fruit exists only in your mind as a thought, but your body reacts nonetheless with a very real physical response. This happens frequently, whether you are aware of it or not. Many thoughts and emotions have a tangible effect on our bodies, and anger is one of the most potent.
Dr. Redford Williams, director of the Behavioral Medicine Research Center at Duke University, has spent much of his career studying the effects of sustained hostility on the human body. He says:
There is some evidence that the immune system may be weaker in hostile people. According to a study of more than 1,000 people at a Western Electric factory in Chicago over a 25-year period, those with high hostility scores were at a high risk of dying not only from coronary disease but from cancer as well.
6
In other words, living in a constant state of angry frustration is physically harmful. In fact,
it can kill you.
Here are some findings from similar studies:
• According to the American College of Cardiology, sudden cardiac death accounts for 400,000 deaths each year in the United States.
• In 2009 a group from Yale University studied 62 patients with heart disease and implantable defibrillators that detect dangerous heart arrhythmias and deliver an electrical shock to restore a normal heart beat. The subjects were put through an exercise in which the patient recounted a recent angry episode while the electrical activity of the heart was measured. The study found that
anger increased electrical instability
of these patients. The study followed these patients for three years and suggests that anger impacts the heart’s electrical system
in ways that can lead to sudden death
.
7
• A study of men found those “generally hostile and contemptuous of other people” are
30 percent more likely to develop a heart condition
called atrial fibrillation—a “flutter” that signals an
increased risk of stroke
.
8
• Increased heart rate and blood pressure when a person is angry cause “micro-tears” in the lining of the arteries, making it
easier for blockages to form
.
9
• A study begun in 1983 concluded that medical students with high “hostility” levels while in school were
seven times more likely to die before age 50
—of any cause—than their calmer peers.
10
• People who already suffer from heart disease nearly
triple their risk of a heart attack
when they become extremely angry. The increased vulnerability lasts for at least two hours.
11
• A survey of nearly 2,500 emergency room patients who had been injured in some way found that “people who described themselves as feeling irritable have a 30% increased risk for getting injured, while those who are feeling hostile
double their risk of injury
.”
12
Researchers acknowledge there are many factors that contribute to ill health. And it is increasingly clear an angry disposition is one of them. Psychologist Ernest Johnson put it this way: “In the end, for many people who have problems really expressing and dealing with their feelings, there’s early mortality—dropping dead from a stroke or a heart attack, kidney disease or breast cancer.”
13
It’s hard to get more blunt than that. No wonder God tells us to guard our hearts (minds) and give careful thought to our ways. And no wonder He warns us regarding anger and angry people.
The Bible says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
14
4. Anger Causes Irrational Thinking
When people get angry, their problem-solving ability plummets. Consider the case of my normally even-keeled assistant, Elizabeth, who recently shared this story with those attending at our monthly Hope Biblical Counseling Institute.
“Many years ago, I was driving to a corporate planning conference, where I was to serve as a presenter for the opening session. Hoping to arrive early, I instead became ensnarled in a terrible traffic jam. With each passing minute, I became more frantic.
“My hands gripped the steering wheel…my jaw tightened…I could hardly take my eyes off the clock on the car dashboard. My heart raced as I scanned the horizon looking for a way—any way—to escape the gridlock. I began tailgating. Soon I was eyeing the median, wondering if I could somehow sail across it in the family minivan and find another route.”
As her anxiety mounted, Elizabeth had no way of knowing that important chemical changes were also taking place inside her body. Here’s what happens when circumstances stress us:
• Epinephrine (adrenaline) is released by the adrenal glands,
15
immediately preparing the body for a fight-or-flight response. However, if fight or flight does not occur, the highly energized body has difficulty calming down. (This is why angry people experience a racing heart, shaking hands, and fast breathing.)
• The angry person’s hormones then travel from the brain to the adrenal glands, signaling the need for tension reduction by the release of cortisol. However, cortisol raises blood pressure above the norm, which makes
rational thinking more difficult.
Elizabeth continued her story:
“As I sat there stewing, the thought crossed my mind that I had done everything but pray and give thanks to God in my situation. I realized the Bible says, ‘Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, wth thanksgiving, present your requests to God.’
16
However, I was so anxious I could barely comprehend the thought. But still it persisted. So in a very sarcastic, very loud voice, I blurted out, ‘Okay, God,
thank You
! Sitting in this traffic jam…being late for the big conference…is
just great
! I mean I’m
really thankful
, God. In fact, if I were any more thankful, I just don’t know what I’d do!’
“Just hearing myself be so irreverent, angry, and sarcastic with my wonderful, loving, patient heavenly Father jolted me. I felt convicted and saddened by my disprespectful attitude. After a minute or two, my heart began to soften and I began, again, to talk to God: ‘Lord, I’m sorry I have such a terrible attitude…that I’m so impatient and angry. I commit this drive and this day to You. Thank You for waking me up this morning…for giving me a car to drive and a job to drive it to. Thank You for taking such good care of me. Thank You that I’m not the one involved in the accident that’s slowing us down this morning. Please help those involved in the crash. I trust this drive to You and ask You to get me to the conference in Your perfect time. I love You, Lord! Amen.’
“Unexplainable peace seemed to envelop every square inch of my car. It’s like I was driving a joy bubble. Instead of feeling anxious and angry, I felt calm and at perfect ease. I relaxed, sat back, and drove safely. I even begin to sing. The traffic began to open up, and I arrived at the meeting in time to start my presentation on time.”
It’s as though Elizabeth took her bowl full of anger and tilted it outside the car window, its contents fluttering away in the wind—and in turn, she experienced a welcome return of her equilibrium. This should come as no suprise to us because after we do what the Bible says—sincerely pray about our problems with thanksgiving—then we receive what is desribed in the very next verse: “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
17

Other books

Empire Of The Undead by Ahimsa Kerp
The Ted Dreams by Fay Weldon
Trouble in Paradise by Robin Lee Hatcher
Invisible! by Robert Swindells
The Last September by Elizabeth Bowen
Motion for Malice by Kelly Rey
Unbreakable by Amie Nichols
Second Best Wife by Isobel Chace