Lighter Shades of Grey (11 page)

“Catfish! Man they’re so great, aren’t they?”

“You know it, pal…”

“Oh hey – this one time, at band-camp, there was this totally great fish – wait for it – it was a salmon!”

“Oh, man, I love salmon! They’re so awesome, aren’t they? Hey, I tell you what fish I really can’t stand, though.”

“Hit me with it, bro.”

“Sunfish. Am I right or am I right?”

“Oh yeah, you’re totally right. Sunfish are for losers…”

Photo: malias [flickr]

Just because you’re paranoid…

What have they been discussing apart from fish? (p244)

Oh, how much they both enjoy inflicting physical and emotional pain on you, I should think, Ana. There’s really no other possibility.

An unusual filter through which to view the world

“Well, any man who likes and knows his fly-fishing is okay with me.” (p246)

Ray, I am beginning to see why your wife left you.

I wonder if Kate knows anything about fly-fishing?

Emotional Abuse 101: a practitioner’s master-class from Mr Christian Grey

Emotional abuse typically takes one of three basic forms, with many abusers employing all three strategies to achieve their ends:

Aggressing
–
Direct
forms can include
name-calling, accusing, blaming, threatening, and ordering.
Indirect
forms (often disguised as “helping”) often include an underlying judgmental view of “I know best”.

Denying
– this includes
Invalidating
(a refusal to acknowledge reality),
Withholding
(refusal to communicate, refusal to listen, emotional withdrawal) and
Countering
(a denial of any viewpoints of feelings which differ from the abuser’s own). This strategy is often known as
Gaslighting
, after the iconic Ingrid Bergman film in which a woman is convinced of her own (non-existent) madness by an emotionally abusive husband.

Minimising
– this less extreme form of denial undermines the victim’s emotional experiences or reactions by suggesting the victim is “too sensitive” or “blowing things out of proportion”. This encourages the victim to believe their own perceptions and emotions are unreliable, and to accept the abuser’s view as the correct one.

Ana shares her knowledge of American wildlife

I head into the kitchen. Nervous, butterflies flooding my stomach, it’s like having a panther or mountain lion all unpredictable and predatory in my living room. (p250)

1. Ana, since butterflies are not made out of liquid, it’s not possible for them to “flood” your stomach.
   

2. In the context of American wildlife, “panther” and “mountain lion” both describe the same species -
   Puma Concolor
   . So you’ve basically just said, “It’s like having a panther or a panther in my living room”.
   

3. Big cats are actually pretty predictable creatures. If they’re hungry, they’ll eat you. If they’re pissed off at you, they’ll attack you. If they’re scared, they’ll run away from you. If they’re bored, they’ll ignore you. I guess you could say they have a limited emotional range.
   

4. Your last sentence is missing a pronoun.
   

5. And might also benefit from either being separated into two sentences, or from the insertion of a semi-colon.
   

Christian gives Ana some advice

“Don’t think, Anastasia. Not about this.” His tone is quiet and serious.

How can I not think? (p251)

Hey Ana, don’t beat yourself up. You’ve done a decent job of it so far.

Strategy one: countering

“[You buying me things] makes me feel cheap,” I murmur.

Christian runs his hand through his hair, exasperated.

“It shouldn’t. You’re over-thinking it, Anastasia. Don’t place some vague moral judgement on yourself based on what others might think.” (p252)

1. Actually, Christian, Ana isn’t “over-thinking” anything. “Over-thinking” means reaching an erroneous conclusion that runs counter to gut instinct. In fact, her gut instinct about you buying her $14,000 first editions of “Tess of the d’Urbervilles” has
   always
   been “Hell, no”.
   

2. Ana isn’t expressing an opinion she thinks other people might hold; she’s expressing a feeling she herself has. The clue to this is in her sentence construction, where she uses the clause “It makes me feel” rather than “Other people might think”.
   

Strategy two: aggressing

[Christian to Ana] “So what are you doing about work in Seattle?”

…“I have interviews for a couple of intern places.”

“You were going to tell me this when?” (p254)

Maybe it would just be easier all round if Ana kept a minute-by-minute log of everything that happened to her during the day, then emailed it to both Ray and Christian shortly before going to sleep.

It is better to give than to receive

“Anal intercourse can be very pleasurable, trust me….”

I blink up at him. How does he know it’s pleasurable?

“Have you done that?” I whisper.

“Yes.” (p256)

1. Christian, as ER nurses everywhere know, men can get pleasure out of sticking their erect penises into pretty much anything, including vacuum hoses, steel benches, milk bottles, narrow-necked vases and electric sanders. This does not automatically mean the vacuum hoses, benches, bottles, vases or sanders are having an equally good time.
   

2. And if by “yes” you mean “yes, I have been on the receiving end of anal sex”, please remember that up your ass is the quickest route to your prostate, and pressure on the prostate can bring many men to orgasm. Sadly this is highly unlikely to work for Ana.
   

3. I’m not saying she won’t enjoy it. I’m just saying that you can’t possibly use your own pleasurable experiences to predict whether or not she’s going to like it.
   

4. Also: Strategies Two (countering) and Three (minimising)
   

Anna, your inner goddess is disgusting

“And…swallowing semen. Well, you get an A in that.”

I flush, and my inner goddess smacks her lips together, glowing with pride. (p256)

Maybe you could get him to save some in a jar so your inner goddess can have it on her toast in the mornings.

Christian Grey, emotional abuser, really gets down to business

“Look, earlier today, you were talking about wanting more…I’m willing to try. Maybe one night a week…[but] I have one condition.”

He’s bought me a damned car, brand-new by the looks of it. Jeez…I’ve had enough trouble with the books…the overriding emotion is anger. (p260 – 261)

The Christian Grey translator:

“To make you do what I want, I will offer you a brief pretence at emotional closeness. However, I don’t want to actually have to deliver on this. So I’ll start by saying it might not work, which gives me an excuse to stop trying almost immediately. And in return, you have to compromise on something you’ve already expressed a profound unhappiness about.”

Seriously. This is textbook stuff

“Anastasia, that Beetle of yours is old and frankly dangerous. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you when it’s so easy for me to make it right.” (p261)

“I can see you’re going to be difficult, so I will disguise my basic motivation (to control all aspects of your life) as anxiety to protect you.”

Every trick in the book

“I mentioned it to your stepfather. He was all for it.” (p261)

“Let’s invoke an authority-figure to persuade you that I’m right and you’re wrong. Did I speak to Ray? Doesn’t matter; I’ll still say I did, and you probably won’t check.”

This could be, like, a teaching text or something

“It’s a gift, Anastasia. Can’t you just say thank you?” (p262)

“I’ll now imply you’re being rude and ungrateful, making you feel as though you’re in the wrong.”

Someone please buy Ana a copy of “Why does he do that?” by Shirley Golden

“But you know it’s too much.”

“Not to me it isn’t, not for my peace of mind.” (p262)

“Let’s pile on some more pressure. How dare you be so thoughtless towards
my
feelings, making
me
worry about you when all you have to do to make
me
happy is to sacrifice a deeply-felt principle?”

And it just keeps coming

“It’s taking all my self-control not to fuck you on the hood of this car right now, just to show you that you are mine, and if I want to buy you a fucking car, I’ll buy you a fucking car,” he growls. “Now, let’s get you inside and naked.” (p262)

“Now I’m going to conflate anger with sex, thus setting up in your mind a sinister association between ‘he’s getting violent’ with ‘because he really cares’.”

Anyone else feeling a little bit sick?

Boy, he’s angry. He grabs my hand and leads me back into the apartment and straight into my bedroom…no passing go…

“Please don’t be angry with me,” I whisper…”I’m sorry about the car and the books.” I trail off. He remains silent and brooding. “You scare me when you’re angry,” I breathe, staring at him. (p262)

“I’ve now got exactly what I want. Ana has gone from righteous anger to terrified appeasement. She’s scared of me. Excellent. I’ve learned exactly which buttons to push to get her to do whatever I want, and Ana’s learned that bad things will happen to her if she argues with me.”

The Finale…

He closes his eyes and shakes his head. When he opens them, his expression has softened fractionally. He takes a deep breath and swallows.

“Turn around,” he whispers. “I want to get you out of that dress.”

Another mercurical mood swing; it’s so hard to keep up. (p263)

“Having shown Ana how I react when she’s assertive, articulate and strong, I’ll now show her how I react when she’s meek, abject and pleading. I won’t show remorse, because I never feel it. Instead I’ll suggest that she’s been graciously forgiven for being out of line. Hopefully next time, she’ll just do what I say in the first place and stop being so fucking independent all the time.”

…and the Coda

“Why don’t you like to be touched?” I whisper.

“I had a very tough introduction to life. I don’t want to burden you with the details.” (p269)

“And just so she doesn’t get any ideas about me needing to improve my behaviour, I’ll engage her sympathies. I had a rotten childhood, so I get to be as awful as I want. Feel sorry for me. Or I’ll hit you.”

Let’s be serious for a moment. If any of this rings a terrifying bell for you, please get in touch with your local Women’s Aid organisation for advice. The numbers are usually programmed not to show up on your phone bill, so he’ll never know you called.

There’s a way out of relationships like this. Always.

That was awful, wasn’t it? Let’s get back to the funny

You know, lots of people just collect stamps

“You’ve had six orgasms so far, and all of them belong to me,” he boasts. (p270)

Tell me, Christian. How, exactly, do Ana’s orgasms belong to you? Do you find them on the bed after you’ve finished? Do you wrap them up in your handkerchief? Do you keep them in a drawer? Are you going to make cufflinks out of them? Do you show them to your
mother
?

Well, at least he’s honest

[Ana to Christian] “You’d kidnap me?”

“Oh yes.” He grins. (p272)

Oh, Ana, you loser, he
already
kidnapped you, back at the end of Chapter Four! Keep up.

A serial killer in the making

“So it’s not the pain you’re putting me through [that you enjoy]?”

“A bit, to see if you can take it, but that’s not the whole reason. It’s the fact that you are mine to do with as I see fit – ultimate control over someone else. And it turns me on. Big time.” (p288)

Next time you’re round at Christian’s place, Ana, will you do me a favour and check his cupboards? And if you find some Fava beans and a nice Chianti, make your excuses and leave quietly.

Things that are not dreams (5)

The candle-flame is too hot. It flickers and dances in the over-warm breeze, a breeze that brings no respite from the heat. Soft gossamer wings flutter to and fro in the dark, sprinkling dusty scales in the circle of light. I’m struggling to resist, but I’m drawn. And then it’s so bright, and I am flying too close to the sun, dazzled by the light, fried and melting from the heat, weary in my endeavours to stay airborne. I am so warm. The heat…it’s stifling, overpowering. It wakes me. (p290)

So it’s bright, and hot, and bright, and bright, and hot, and hot, and dark even though there’s a candle, and bright, and bright, and bright, and bright, and hot, and hot, and hot, and you’re tired, and hot, and hot, and hot, and hot. And then you woke up.

Good to know.

Obligatory piece of clunky intertextuality (5)

“So you felt demeaned, debased, abused and assaulted – how very Tess Durbeyfield of you.” (p293)