Lovely Shadows (14 page)

“Nice,” Billie snickered. “Margie said you were upset a few days before you died.”

“Only because I bumped into Kevin a few days before, and he gave me hell over reporting him.” Aidan shrugged. “The guy's a loser. He and his dad talk a big game, but rarely back it up so I wouldn't worry about them.”

“What about Andy?”

“Who is Andy?” Aidan was confused.

“Your ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend, you know, the guy she cheated on you with.”

“Wait, she cheated on me with Andy George? Andy is Darren's best friend.”

“Yeah, we know. We met Darren last week.”

Aidan's grip on Jessa tightened. “You did what?”

She looked at him with innocence. “Billie and I met with him to talk about you. Almost every other person on our list either moved, wouldn't talk with us, or couldn't talk with us. Darren was the only one who was willing to see us.”

Aidan closed his eyes. Darren Foster was one of the most dangerous people he knew. And Jessa had sat a few feet away from him, unprotected.

“Jessa, don't you ever do that again.”

“Why? He was pretty friendly...”

“Friendly is not the word people use to describe Darren. Promise me you won't ever see him again.”

“But...”

“Promise me Jessa, or you'll be joining me on the other side.”

“You'd kill me?” Now she looked confused.

“No, he might.”

Billie watched them, her eyes darting back and forth. Aidan did not want to have this conversation in front of her. True, she'd helped Jessa learn more about his death, but Billie wasn't strong enough for this kind of thing. Jessa was, and he still wanted her to have no part of it.

The irony of the situation wasn't lost on him. The whole reason he pursued her in the first place was because he needed her help. She was the only one who could see him; it seemed logical she should help him solve the mystery and cross over. Now, she was too close to the situation, one that was growing darker by the minute. Solving what happened and crossing over were the least of his worries, it seemed.

Keeping Jessa—and Billie—alive was his new mission.

11.

I still couldn't believe Aidan was back. I also couldn't believe how upset he was about the whole Darren situation. Thankfully, I hadn't told him about Darren being in Browton. I just hoped Billie had the same foresight to keep her mouth shut as well.

Billie's shock at seeing Aidan wore off rather quickly. They seemed to get along well though I knew Aidan thought Billie was somewhat shallow. She could be; however, she was also the most loyal person I knew. She promised once more to keep our secret, just as I promised to keep hers. Aidan listened patiently while Billie and I recounted our trip to Blue Rapids. When we mentioned Darren, he became visibly agitated.

“Jessa, don't you ever do that again.”

“Why? He was pretty friendly...”

“Friendly is not the word people use to describe Darren. Promise me you won't ever see him again.”

“But...”

“Promise me Jessa, or you'll be joining me on the other side.”

“You'd kill me?” I was confused.

“No, he might.”

Chills ran up my spine. Aidan's eyes were so dark they were almost black like ink dots.

Even Billie looked disturbed by this. “Do you really think he'd do something to two defenseless girls?”

“He'd kill a dog if he thought it crossed him.”

“Creepy. Jess, maybe we shouldn't get involved. No offense, Aidan,” she said quickly, “But I like my life. I like being alive. I want to help you cross over but not at the expense of my own life.”

“I wouldn't want you to. In fact Jessa, I don't want you involved either. Maybe you can write an anonymous letter and mail it to the police.”

“What?” I shook my head. “No way. We've come this far. I want to see it through.”

“It's too dangerous.”

“Aidan, I can do this, okay? Darren is involved somehow; I can feel it. Let's not give up.”

He laid his hand against my cheek. “I can't lose you, Jessa. There are other ways to solve this without putting your life—and Billie's—on the line.”

“Boy, you two really are in love,” Billie interjected dreamily.

Aidan looked at her. “Yeah, we are.” Then he looked back at me. “When did you tell her you loved me?”

“Last week.”

He smiled. “I've loved you longer.”

“This is like some kind of warped fairy tale.” Billie shook her head.

I threw a pillow at her.

Billie went to Luke's room when he came home. I warned him that Grandpa sometimes came home early. He thanked me then shut and locked the door.

“Kid moves fast,” Aidan observed.

“I hope not. Billie has no inhibitions. She's scared of everything, but the times she needs to be cautious...I just hope that they're being smart.”

“You're not going to stop them?”

“Luke is sixteen. He needs to live his own life, make his own choices. I can't save him from himself.”

Levi called after three. His mother extended an invitation for me to join them for dinner.

“Oh, meeting the parents,” Aidan teased. His smiled didn't quite reach his eyes.

“I've met them,” I said. “Now that Levi and I are 'official' I guess they think they need to make a big production of it.”

I stripped out of my clothes and stepped into the shower. Aidan sat on the closed toilet, waiting while I washed my hair and body. Through the shaded glass shower doors, I made out Aidan's profile. How easy it would be to just invite him in, to let myself get lost in him once more. I no longer felt guilty about what happened that day a week ago. The guilt wore off when the pain of Aidan's absence became hard to bear. Turning away from him, I processed every emotion I felt. From longing to lust to love, my body ached to be near him. It wasn't even sex I wanted; I wanted nothing more than to fade into him, to be an irrevocable part of him for the rest of our lives.

I shut off the shower, and he handed me towel before leaving for my room. I wrapped it around me and searched my closet for something to wear at a dinner with my boyfriend's parents. I kept that thought in mind—I'm going to my boyfriend's house—as I got ready. I settled for a khaki skirt that stopped just below my knees, a green t-shirt, and green ballet flats. I was casually respectable, if such a thing existed. When I started to brush my hair, Aidan took the comb from me and ran it through my tresses. I watched him in the mirror. A look of contentment mixed with sadness marred his angelic face. I didn't have to ask why he was sad because I felt the sadness as well. Under different circumstances—if he was alive, if Levi wasn't my boyfriend—we could really be together.

His eyes never left mine as he laid the comb down on the sink. Frozen in his gaze, I couldn't move. Why did everything have to be so complicated? I hated that Aidan would soon be gone; I hated that I despaired his impending absence. I hated that I loved him more than Levi, and I'd known Levi my entire life. Most of all, I hated that Aidan's death was the only way he found me.

“I'm going to stay here,” he said, brushing his lips across the back of my neck. “I will be here when you come home.”

I simply nodded. The irony of his statement wasn't lost on me. He had to let me go in order for me to come back to him. A part of me wished I'd never have to leave.

Yet, the other part of me was quite happy to be near Levi. His sunny personality spilled into every word and action on the way to his house. He held my hand as we bounced over the rutted terrain. His long dirt driveway wound up the small hill and ended at the garage behind the house. Behind the garage four large red barns stood a couple hundred feet apart, each holding either livestock or machinery. Levi drove all the tractors, balers, and whatever else was required. Over the years he'd tried teaching me the proper names of the equipment but I rarely paid attention. In hindsight, I should have listened more. One day Levi would run this farm, and I'd need to know everything about it.

The inside of Levi's house could have its own spread in
Better Homes and Gardens
. The colors were bright and summery; the décor of apples and chickens fit in with the farm theme; hardwood floors ran throughout every room; and the short doorways and small rooms gave the impression the house was hundreds of years old rather than twenty-five. Levi's dad built the house when he married Levi's mother. Every brick and piece of wood and glass had been laid by Mr. Moore's own two hands. I loved the house with its palatial spread, but it was too much for me. I preferred something much smaller and simpler. A three-bedroom, two-bath house worked for me.

Mrs. Moore greeted us in an apron and high heels. As long as I'd known her she'd always tried to pull off the June Cleaver look. Her blond hair was perfectly curled, a strand of pearls adorned her neck, and her fingernails were manicured and painted. She wore the slightest hint of makeup and always smelled like Elizabeth Taylor's White Diamonds perfume.

A white lace tablecloth draped over the ornate table in the dining room. The fine china was set before each of the six chairs. Each glass had sweet tea with a lemon. I thought it was overkill. I'd eaten at the Moore's dozens of times, and not once had she ever set out anything fancier than her chipped second hand set she used for the family dinners. Either this was really all for me, or something else was going on.

Mr. Moore, who was a carbon copy of Levi, came down the stairs looking fairly normal. Unlike his wife, Jack Moore didn't find it necessary to act fancy. His usual Dungarees, work boots, and flannel shirt suited him well. He sat at the head of the table and Levi and I sat to the right of him. Levi's two brothers Dylan and Michael sat opposite us. Mrs. Moore placed a ham on the middle of the table.

Like I said, overkill.

Mr. Moore said a short grace then carved the ham. I took a small piece then helped myself to mashed potatoes and green beans—all grown on the Moore farm. Eating organic tasted better than the store bought stuff so I ate until I felt full. The boys devoured several plates while Mrs. Moore beamed. I felt transported back to a different era; I kind of felt like I was eating dinner with the Waltons. Dessert consisted of lemon meringue and vanilla ice cream.

Throughout dinner everyone made small talk. Michael kept looking at me, which was kind of unnerving. Two years older than Levi, Michael was always considered the good-looking one in the family. When I was younger I had a huge crush on him. He was always out of my league and I never told anyone—especially Levi—about my crush. With the way Michael was looking at me, I wondered if he somehow knew. His expression vacillated between interest and amusement.

After dinner, Levi and I went outside and sat on one of the porch swings. The evening breeze was cool and soothing. Levi rocked us back and forth. I sat with my back against the arm and my legs over his knees.

“Good dinner,” I complemented, rubbing my stomach.

“Yeah, except for Michael staring at you the whole time. God, that was annoying.”

“You noticed?” I laughed.

He nodded. “I thought about punching him but decided it wouldn't be gentlemanly to fight in front of you. I'll wait until later.”

“Thanks,” I said dryly. “Why do you care?”

“He's a bit pissed you're with me. He's always kind of liked you.”

“What! No way!”

Levi's eyes darkened. “Why do you care?”

“Oh, I don't. I just think it's funny. I had a crush on him years ago...”

“And now?”

“I never think of him at all. I haven't since about the ninth grade.”

“Would you rather be with him?”

Instantly remorseful, I climbed into Levi's lap and held him close. “Not at all. I'm happy with you, Levi. I'm spending my life with you. Remember? We're in this for life.”

He smiled. “That's right, for life.”

“I wish you wouldn't feel so insecure,” I blurted out.

He seemed surprised. “Do I seem insecure to you?”

“Sometimes. I feel that I have to reassure you that I love you.”

“I guess its because you're beautiful and smart—you can have any guy you want. Sometimes I fear that one day I'll wake up and you'll vanish like a beautiful dream.”

Unfortunately, I understood too well. “Levi, I'm with you...for life. Just trust my love enough.”

“I will. I do. I love you.”

I kissed him, hoping it quashed his qualms and ended the discussion. Levi needing reassurance surprised me. He was the self-confident person I knew. How he felt about me was the way I felt about Aidan.

I called Billie and she and Luke met us at the pond. Michael and Dylan joined us, as well. The six of us swam and laughed until Luke and I had to leave. Billie drove us home. Leaving Luke and her in the car, I raced inside and up the stairs. All I wanted was to make sure Aidan was still there. It was strange how compartmentalized my life had become. I had my life with Levi and Luke and Billie—my family since birth. Then I had my secret life with Aidan. Billie knew about Aidan but I still didn't consider her a part of what he and I had.

I found Aidan sleeping on my bed. Relief flooded through me. Exulted he was still here, I laid down next to him. He looked every bit the angel I believed him to be. I lightly kissed him, careful to not wake him. But his arms were instantly around me, holding me to him. Afraid he might vanish, I didn't encourage the behavior. Fear over losing him warred with my desire for him.