Lover's Roulette (5 page)

“You can’t do it by yourself?” I teased.

“It’s easier to attack the herd with another predator.”

Cortland took a drink of his beer then wiped the foam from his upper lip. “I want to get one so Monnique can give me a private show.”

“Sean and I aren’t doing that,” I said.

“Why?” Mike asked. “I could show you how.”

“You’re lucky I know you’re joking,” I said.

“Or am I?” he said as he winked at me.

“Wanna hit the tables?” Cortland asked.

“Let’s go,” I said as I downed the rest of my glass.

Cortland dropped the cash on the table before I could reach for my purse. Instead of arguing with him, I let it go. We walked onto the floor and heard the sound of the slot machines, money falling into the trays, and the sound of people shouting excitedly when they won the hand.

“I’m heading for the blackjack table,” Mike said as he walked away.

Cortland sat down at a poker table with two other guys. I stood beside him while he played a few hands. Cortland was pretty good at it. He lost two-hundred bucks but he won three-hundred.

“When you
’re up more than fifty bucks, that’s when you walk away,” Cortland as he walked from the table. When we looked at Mike, he was chatting with some blond at the table. We decided to give him some space.

“So, how are you feeling about the wedding?” Cortland asked as we sat at the bar in the casino.

“Good.”

He chuckled. “Whenever you’re short with me
, I know something’s bothering you.”

“I’m just worried my mom might make an appearance.”

He didn’t say anything but I knew he was curious.

“My mom was abusive to Ryan and I after my father died. She’s an alcoholic and a horrible person. She took the money my father saved for our college tuitions and basically cut us off completely. When she
was drunk she was abusive, physically and verbally. Ryan protected me as much as he could, taking a lot of hits. He helped me study for the SAT so I could get into a good college and get away from there. That was why he opened his shop so quickly. He had to get out.”

Cortland didn’t say anything for a long time, just staring at me. I could tell he was uncomfortable. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. We’re fine now.”

“But I don’t understand why she would come to your wedding if she wasn’t invited.”

“When Sean won our money back I know my mom wasn’t happy about it. She doesn’t know where I live so coming to the wedding is her best chance to confront me.”

He nodded. “I understand now.”

“Yeah.”

He placed his hand over mine and held it. “It hurts me to know you had such a horrible childhood. You both hide it pretty well, but I can see the pain when you talk about it. Now I know why Ryan had no family when you were gone. He would rather be alone than see your mom.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, at least you never have to deal with her shit again. If she came to the wedding, I
would do everything I could to make her leave.”

“I know.”

His hand still held mine on the table. It was warm and soft, making me forget about the horrible flashbacks that just shot across my mind.

I wanted to change the subject. “When are you going to ask her to marry you?”

He shrugged. “I haven’t decided. Her mom’s passing is still painful for her. I think I should wait.”

“That’s true. It would probably be best.”

“Yeah.”

“You have the ring?”

“No. I’m still looking.”

“Let me know if you need help. I know Sean had mine customized. You could ask him for advice too.”

“I’ll keep that in mind since he doesn’t hate me anymore—or hate me as much.”

“It’ll get better as time goes on. He’ll probably be back to normal after we get married. That way he’ll know I’m not going to take off.”

“He doesn’t know that already?”

“He’s still insecure because of all the bad things he’s done to me.”

He shook his head. “If you haven’t let him yet, I would assume you never would.”

“I never will but he doesn’t see it that way.”

“We can be our own worst critic.”

“I forgave him but he can’t forgive himself.”

Cortland released my hand and leaned back in his chair. “So, should we call them?”

“No need.” Sean sat in the chair next to me and grabbed my hand.

I flinched because I didn’t know he was there. Had he been listening the whole time? “Hey. Did you sleep well?”

“Until I realized you weren’t there.” He nodded to Cortland. “Where’s yours?”

“She’s asleep too. I’m too much for her in the sack.”

I laughed. “I highly doubt that. Not with an ass like that.”

“Are you checking out my girlfriend’s ass?” Cortland asked.

“It’s hard not to miss it,” I said.

“I sneaked a peek too,” Sean said.

Cortland looked at him but didn’t respond to his comment.

I immediately recognized Sean’s intent. It was a direct jab at Cortland.

“She has a nice rack too,” Sean added.

“Knock it off, Sean,” I said as I grabbed his forearm.

“What?” he asked. “It’s not like I’ve seen them or anything.” He kept looking at Cortland, daring him to say something. “Or fucked her.”

Cortland clenched his fists on the table but kept his words from escaping his mouth.

“Sean,
I mean it,” I said.

“What? I was just giving a compliment. She’s just a friend tha
t I’d like to fuck at her lowest point.”

I looked at Cortland. “C
ould you excuse us for a moment?”

Without a word, he stood up and walked away.

I turned on Sean. “I’m this close to slapping you across the face.”

He didn’t meet my look.

“Sean, look at me.”

He said nothing.

“What the hell was that about?”

“I saw him holding your hand. It just pissed me off.”

“Seriously? That set you off?”

“How would you feel if you walked into my office and I was holding hands with Maria, that slut I used to work with?”

I met his gaze and saw the anger in his eyes.

“How is that any different? Even if I never slept with her?”

I knew he had a point. “Sean, it meant nothing. I was telling him about my mom and he was trying to comfort me.”

His eyes widened. “You were telling
him
about her? You haven’t even told me.”

I saw the hurt in his eyes. “I didn’t go into detail. I just said the abridged version so he would understand what was going on.”

He shook his head. “Am I your best friend? Am I?”

“Of course.”

“Or is it him? You can’t have both.”

“Sean, it’s you. It’s always been you.”

“I’m making an effort to be friends with Cortland because he means so much to you, but I’m not going to do this if he means more to you than I do. So pick. Him or me?”

“What kind of question is that?”

“Who’s your best friend? Who’s the person who gets to hold your hand? The person that gets to marry you?”

“You. Of course it’s you.”

“Then I’m tired of sharing you. I trust you so you can be friends with him, but I don’t want you holding his hand or telling him something so personal that you won’t even tell me. That just hurts, Scarlet.”

“Like I said, I didn’t tell him anything.”

He looked away but the anger was still in his eyes.

“But you’re right. I won’t hold his hand
or be affectionate at all, other than hugging each other goodbye.”

“It’s ridiculous that I even have to ask you that. I don’t go around holding hands with my girlfriends, girls that I’ve fucked.”

“You’re right.”

“I know I am.”

“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

He sighed, running his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry I snapped. I just exploded
. I just don’t want you to be physical with him like that. I don’t care if you talk to him, spend time with him, or call him. I just don’t want you touching him.”

“Done.”

“Thank you. I’m sorry for yelling.”

“I’m not the one you should apologize to.”

He sighed. “I know. It just came out. I didn’t mean to be such an asshole.”

“Tell him that.”

“I will.”

“Thank you.”

“You still love me?”

I shrugged. “I guess.”

He smiled. “Why didn’t you sleep with me?”

“I wasn’t tired.”

“I don’t like sleeping without you.”

“We have our whole lives, dear.”

“That’s not long enough.”

I rose from the chair. “I’ll get Cortland. You have some apologizing to do.”

“Okay,” he said with a sigh.

I walked across the casino until I saw him standing by a poker table. My first instinct wa
s to grab his arm, but I stopped myself. “Cortland?”

He looked at me, annoyance in his eyes. “Yeah?”

“Sean wants to talk to you.”

“Good for him.”

“Cortland, he wants to apologize.”

He looked away and stared at the table.

“Come with me, please.”

He sighed then followed me back to the table. He sat across from us and lo
oked in the lobby.

Sean took a deep breath then leaned forward. “I take back what I said. I was being an asshole and I apologize. I was just angry that you were holding Scarlet’s hand and I wanted to make you feel like shit. I love Monnique and respect her. I don’t look at her in that way. Scarlet is the only woman who has my attention.”

Cortland drummed his fingers on the table for a long time before he sighed. “Okay.”

“You accept his apology?” I asked.

“Yeah, just don’t do it again. You can say whatever you want to me, but don’t ever disrespect my girl like that.”

“Deal,” Sean said. “I just don’t want you touching Scarlet anymore. You can hug her, but don’t hold her hand or put your arm around her. It makes me uncomfortable.”

“I won’t. My affection was purely platonic.”

“It doesn’t matter. It still bothers me.”

“Okay. I won’t.”

“Thank you.”

I looked at both of them. “Are we finally done with this?”

“I’m willing to be friends if he is,” Sean said.

“Me too,” Cortland said.

“Good,” I said. “So let’s move on—for real.”

Sean extended his hand and Cortland shook it.

Sean looked at me. “Would you have really slapped me?”

“Definitely.”

He smirked. “Maybe I should keep it up, then.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re into some kinky shit.”

“With you
I am.”

“Should I leave?” Cortland asked
with a smile.

“No,” I said.

Cortland looked at his phone, checking the time. “This is just ridiculous. I feel like we’re fifty years old.”

I stood up. “I’ll get her. She probably needs help picking out an outfit.”

“I can help her with that,” Cortland said.

I placed my hands on my hips. “Then she would never get dressed.”

He smiled. “I like it natural.”

I looked at the two men. “You two play nice while I’m gone.” I gave Sean a stern look.

“We’ll be fine,” Cortland said with a nod.

I stared at them for
another moment before I walked away. The drama between them was getting old. I was marrying Sean so the entire situation should be resolved. I wasn’t sure why Sean was so upset about it. I understand the hurt he feels, but it doesn’t explain everything. I wanted to ask but I knew I should just let it go. Hopefully that was the last time the drama would flare up.

4

Sean

Cortland avoided my gaze and watched the people in the lobby. The noise from the machines was irritating when I concentrated on the sound. Every time the bar was pulled on the slot machine, it made music that sounded like it belonged in a circus. Waitresses walked by with their drinks on trays and handed it to the people who were gambling, emptying their pockets. I wasn’t much of a gambling man, more of an investor. And if I did hit the casino, I strictly played cards because the game was actually enjoyable. Slot machines were just boring. It didn’t require any intellectual ability. Perhaps that was why stupid people lost their savings so often.

I looked at Cortland but he still didn’t meet my gaze. “I want to ask you something.”

He sighed as he turned his gaze on me. “I knew this wasn’t over.”

“I just want to clear something up.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you love her?”

“Of course.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Have you seen my girlfriend? I’m totally sprung.”

That response didn’t make me feel better.
“Lust and love aren’t the same thing. Now answer me.”

He met my gaze. “I’m in love with Monnique.”

“And you don’t love Scarlet?”

“I love her like a sister and a friend. How many times do I have to say this? Every time you bring this up
, you push Scarlet away. I’m her friend—that’s it.”

“I’ve never been friends with someone I fucked.”

“So that makes it impossible for anyone else?” He leaned back in his chair and rested his arm on the table.

“Perhaps I’m biased but I can’t imagine anyone sleeping with Scarlet and not falling madly in love with her.”

“You did.”

I glared at him, knowing he was right. “That’s a completely different situation.”

“Whatever you say.”

“Did you have feelings for her before?”

“Does it matter?”

“What kind of response is that?”

He leaned forward. “For argument’s sake, let’s say I did have feelings for Scarlet, I was in love with her, and I wanted her to end up with me instead of you. What would that change? She’s marrying you, not me. I’m with Monnique now. And more importantly, Scarlet loves only you. What does it matter how I feel? I understand you’re jealous and bothered by the idea of me being with her, but you’re totally blind to what you have—her complete devotion. Your insecurities are getting old.”

I knew he was right. I was dragging this out longer than I should. As stupid as it was, I still felt threatened by Cortland. Knowing she was so close to him made me jealous. As selfish as it sounded, I wanted to be the only man Scarlet confided everything to. I wanted to be the only man she fucked like an animal. Since I had treated her so poorly in the past, I was scared a better man would come along and take her away. She shouldn’t have given me another chance and I knew I had been a horrible jerk to her. I guess I just had a guilty conscious. “It would be different if she didn’t see you every day.”

“Do you trust her?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then there’s absolutely no reason why you should hate me. Even if I was a total sleazebag, Scarlet wouldn’t cheat on you. So just get over it.”

“You never answered my question.”

“What?”

I leaned forward, staring him down. “Did you have feelings for her?”

Cortland said nothing.

“You did, didn’t you?”

“Why are you asking me this? Just let it go. Be happy.”

“That answers my question.”

Cortland met my gaze with equal confidence. “So, are we going to have a brawl right here in the middle of the casino?”

“No.”

“Then what do you want to do?”

“I’m not mad.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You’re not?”

“No.”

“You’re a living orthodox.”

“Everything you said is true. I shouldn’t feel threatened by you. But I would like you to elaborate on that.”

“There’s nothing to say.”

“I won’t tell Scarlet.”

He sighed. “I had a thing for her as soon as I saw her. Originally, I thought she was one of Ryan’s lady friends. When he said she was his sister, I was taken by surprise. Obviously, I thought she was very attractive. She and I just clicked as soon as we met. I liked being around her, I could be myself. The only drawback was you. She was totally hung up on you. After we fooled around, I felt guilty because I had a girlfriend. When I was with Scarlet, I knew the moment meant nothing to her. I could tell. There’s no doubt in my mind that she loves me, but she doesn’t love me in a romantic way. It might be different if you weren’t in the picture. I knew she was so in love with you that my feelings were misplaced. Instead of going down a path that was doomed, I decided to move on with someone else. That’s when I met Monnique, who I’m madly in love with, would rip out my own heart just to make her happy, and the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. That’s the story. It’s over.”

I nodded. For some reason, the revelation made me feel better. I always suspected it and knew Scarlet was
oblivious to it. The confirmation that I had been right the entire time gave me some satisfaction. I wasn’t sure how to explain it. “You don’t feel anything for her anymore?”

“I may have cheated on my ex, but that isn’t my style. I’ve always been a monogamous man, always honest and true. Monnique is the only woman in my heart. I think Scarlet is an amazing person, a perfect woman, but she doesn’t hold sway over me. I look at her and see a friend, a family member. When I look at Monnique, I see my whole world. When she looks at me, I see the same feeling on her face. So to answer your question, no.”

“Okay.”

“Can this be our secret? I don’t want Ryan to know either.”

“I’ll take it to the grave.”

“Thank you. So we’re cool?”

“Yeah. Thanks for telling me the truth.”

“Scarlet has told me a lot of things. Would you like to hear what she said about you?”

I nodded.

“When she first moved her
e, she said she couldn’t imagine being with anyone else for the rest of her life. She didn’t want to date anyone, talk to anyone, do anything. She didn’t even go out with us because she didn’t want to meet anyone. After you came back, she told me you were the best sex she ever had, better than me, and that was because she was madly in love with you, something she would never feel for anyone else as long as she lived. It’s always been you from the first day I met her, and even after all the shit we’ve been through, all the crap you did to her, it’s still you. Her love in unconditional. I don’t know what you did to win that girl’s heart, but it’s yours forever.”

“I know it is.”

“So stop hating me.”

I laughed. “Okay. I’ll stop.”

“And if Scarlet knew the truth of my feelings, she would stop talking to me. I’m trusting you not to tell her.”

“She wouldn’t do that.”

“Yes, she would. She fights for our relationship because she believes we are purely platonic, which we are, but if she knew I ever had feelings for her, she would sever the relationship because it wouldn’t be fair to you, that she so close to someone who wanted her to be more than just a friend. So please don’t tell her.”

The realization hit me. If I told Scarlet the truth, I could get rid of Cortland forever. I wouldn’t have to see him anymore and think about what he did with Scarlet. It would be a weight off my shoulders and something I wouldn’t have to stress about. No longer would I have to look at his face and think about him being with Scarlet—my fiancé.

But I loved Scarlet. I always put her first. I knew she loved Cortland and needed him in her life. She had such a horrific past and I knew this new family healed those old scars. As much as I wanted to throw Cortland under the bus just to make myself happy, I couldn’t do that to her. I had to do what was best for her. “I won’t say anything.”

Cortland nodded. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“What?”

“I figured th
e first thing you would do is tell Scarlet so you could get rid of me.”

I smiled. “It crossed my mind.”

“And why aren’t you?”

“Scarlet’s happiness is always more important than mine. She goes first.”

He nodded. “You’re a good man. I’m glad Scarlet is marrying you.”

His words surprised me. Perhaps Cortland wasn’t such a bad guy. Even though he was flawed and had committed serious sins, he was always honest and forthcoming about his intents and feelings. He was loyal to his friends and loyal to Monnique. “I’m glad Scarlet has you as a friend.”

He smiled. “Scarlet would be so happy if she could hear us.”

“Maybe we should hug
in front of her. That would make her ecstatic.”

“Knowing her, she would start crying or something.”

“And I would get some hot sex.”

“Whenever I clean the house, Monnique makes it worth my while.”

“Maybe I’ll try that.”

“But what she doesn’t know is that I purposely make the apartment messy so there’s something to clean up.”

I laughed. “Wow. You don’t get enough?”

“No, I do. But she does this really sexy dance for me when I go that extra mile.”

“And she doesn’t notice that you’re trashing the house?”

“I do it gradually.”

“My head is swirling with ideas.”

“I mark up the floors with my shoes because it’s so noticeable. She’s usually too tired to clean when she gets home from work, so when I do it I look like a hero.”

I laughed again. “I’m glad I can turn to you for ideas.”

He shrugged. “What are friends for?”

“Actually, what’s family for?”

A slight smile spread across his lips. He glanced at me then looked away. The relationship between us had finally been repaired. I didn’t see Scarlet when I looked at him. The anger and jealousy had disappeared. Now I just saw a friend.