Owning Regina: Diary of my unxpected passion for another woman (28 page)

But honestly, what are the chances of Regina and I breaking up anytime soon… if ever?  The way it’s going, I’m already deeply in love and feel like I want to go the long haul with her. I’m positive she feels the same way.

I can’t believe I’m faced with all these questions from a simple invitation to dinner!  Could I really come right out and say “I’m gay?”  I don’t feel gay. I just feel in love.  Fuck.  But I suppose if I’m in love with a woman and have sex with her, I’m gay.  I could just hear myself now, “Hi Mom and Dad. A few weeks ago I met this amazing woman and now I’m gay.” Great.

But you know what? That’s pretty much the way it happened. I’m a lesbian. I’m not “bi” because I haven’t thought about dick a single time since meeting Regina. If I were “bi” I would probably be having straight fantasies. But I don’t at all.  I can’t imagine ever missing straightness, especially since there are plenty of toys available to accomplish the same thing without all the headaches of being with a dude.

You know what would be super hot? I’d love to force slave Regina to fuck me in the ass with a dildo.  Guys always love to put it in the ass.  But with Regina handling the tool, I think the experience could be amazing because she would be sensitive to me as a woman. It wouldn’t be merely wham, ram, thank you ma’am.

Sidebar: I think I should start having slave Regina service me more as a top. I could order her to be dominant and mean to me as part of the game, like my minion.  She would still be submissive, but playing the role of dominatrix by means of satisfying my orders to her.  Make sense?

Anyway, back to this dinner thing.  I talked myself through it. I need to come out and introduce Regina as my lovely girlfriend.  Life’s too short to pretend otherwise.  I will bring our relationship into the sunshine!  If you think there’s a boogey man, turn the light on! Too premature you say? Have you ever heard of love at first sight? It’s a real thing.  When you have it, you know.  I’ve never had it before Regina.  But now I know for sure.   She’s my angel. We were meant to cross each other’s paths at this time in our lives.

Next question: Do I tell my parents and sister in advance or spring it on them at the dinner? In the mere act of asking that question I discovered my own answer. I need to tell them in advance. There is no need for drama and surprise.

Dear Diary, I just did it!!!!!!! I’m out!!!

I texted Regina to see if she could make the date. She said she could.

Then, I just did it!!!!!!! I’m out!!! I responded to my mom’s email and cc’d my sister with the following:

__________

“Dinner sounds great. I’d love to make it. Also, I have some news, I met someone and I’m in love. Would it be ok to bring her to the dinner too?  Yes, you read that right. It’s a “her.” I’m in love with a woman. She’s amazing!

Love, Meg”

__________

My mom wrote back about five minutes later,
“Wow! Congratulations. We’re a bit surprised, but happy for you.  We are only surprised because we never saw any indications that you had those leanings.”
She also had a few questions about how we met, where she lives, etc.  I responded honestly.

Jenna wrote back too:
“Glad you can make it. We’ll see you both there.”
For me, Jenna’s omission of any questions about details led me to read between the lines that she either didn’t approve of me being a lesbian or was terrified of it.  Either way, it felt a little cold. But I don’t blame her. It’s like my mom said, “
we never saw any indications that you had those leanings.”
It was clearly out of left field for Jenna.  It’s okay if it takes her some time to digest it all, especially since she thinks it’s against the bible. Ha ha. Can you imagine what she would think if I told her I want to put Regina in a corset, handcuff her to a post and French kiss her while pinching her nipples!

After these emails, I called Regina to tell her how it all went down. She seemed really tickled and bubbly that I would be so bold as to officially call her “my girlfriend” and that I had the conviction to tell my family I was in love.  I’m pretty sure Regina thought we would continue in the dark for a while, so she seemed delighted that we could come out as ourselves.  And actually, it wasn’t really as hard as I had made it up to be in my mind.  Maybe Jenna is judging me behind my back, but I’m true to myself and my relationship seems less shameful now that it is in the open. It should be an interesting dinner.

Later in the day, Regina and I talked on the phone for about an hour about nothing in particular. It’s so nice to fit with someone so well that conversation flows so comfortably. I went to bed happy.

--- MONDAY APRIL 9 --- Paper Doll

Damn!! I had the worst headache when I woke up this morning!! I think I had too much dark chocolate before going to bed. I was channel surfing and popping chocolate squares like they were grapes.  Stupid. I’ve had this headache before for the same reason.  Late night chocolate gives me headaches and salty food makes me puffy in the mornings. 

It’s only a couple more days until Regina is mine again. Don’t get me wrong, Tucker is wonderful and I respect their time together, but… I need my girlfriend back.

We texted back and forth a bit in the morning, but at lunch (our usual time for connecting during the work week) she was booked in some faculty crap. So I took my laptop to a restaurant and surfed the net for new boots I could send Regina for fun.

I found these extremely hot Ugg boots called “Georgette.” I know it sounds impossible for Uggs to be sexy, but these shoes are killer! They are actually booties, which isn’t usually my thing. They kind of look like a high clog with fur lining around the top. The stacked wooden heel is super high. They look really natural and casual and would be fantastic with jeans.

I ordered a pair for Regina and had them mailed directly to her house. I can’t wait for the day when she wears them out with me on a casual date for a beer. I love the idea of her dressing down (maybe with a tee under a flannel shirt) and having these suede heels as a show of nonchalant sexiness. It’s fun to think that I own her and can dress her anyway I want, just like a paper doll.

In the evening, Regina was busy with Tucker and grading papers. At one point, we were Skyping and Tucker commandeered the camera and started mugging and using an app to make crazy funhouse mirror faces to me.  We were all cracking up. After he got bored and went away, Regina gave me a sweet goodnight kiss right on the lens. I felt it on my lips.

--- TUESDAY APRIL 10 --- Apart but together

Nothing much happened today.  Regina and I exchanged a few emails and greetings about missing each other, but there was nothing else interesting outside of that.

Oh, there was one thing… In a phone conversation this evening, Regina and I decided on a fun little game to play at yoga on Wednesday night when we are both finally together again.  Don’t worry, dear Diary, it’s not a kinky game; you can get your head out of the gutter now.

We thought it would be fun and interesting to go to yoga and pretend that we weren’t friends… or lovers.  We won’t have seen each other in a while and it would be a challenge to try to pretend like we were indifferent about each other’s presence.

I’m not really sure how this concept materialized in the phone conversation. I think it was Regina who was kind of wondering out loud what it would be like to see each other with fresh eyes. Then the notion morphed into this little plan where we would pretend to be apathetic about each other.

We both thought it would be exciting to feel all that pent up romance for each other and not be able to act or dive into it, like that same buzz kids feel on Christmas eve. There are presents under the tree but you can’t open them until the next day. (My dad was always the biggest proponent of delayed gratification).

Hopefully our little activity of feigning apathy will not end in some kind of catastrophic explosion of hurt feelings. But we thought it was worth the risk and vowed to always try new things in our relationship so it will never turn stale.

It’s late now and I’m typing while wearing my corset. I’m going to tie my ankles together to sleep tonight.  I told Regina about it and it seemed to arouse her.  We agreed that at exactly 11pm, we would both masturbate together.  Even though we would be in different locations, it was a way to connect.  Nighty night.

--- WEDNESDAY APRIL 11 --- Strangers all over again

Good morning Diary.   Are you a male or female?  Never mind.  That was a stupid question. You are a female.

I had such a great sleep!! I just came from the shower. Regina and I had a great sex last night.   How do I know that, because she texted me this morning and said she did the 11 o’clock thing just like I did.

Today is the big day we finally get to be with each other again since she will no longer be on mommy duty for a while!  I’m really excited to show up to yoga and NOT give her a hug.  She said she is excited about it too.  I’m going to treat her just like any other woman in class.  Of course, my heart is probably going to be racing with excitement underneath the blasé façade.  Who would have ever thought that pretending not to be lovers with someone would be hot?  Does anyone else do that? We must be freaks!

At lunch, we Skyped for a few minutes. She looked so cute. It was really fun seeing her smiling beautiful face!

Dear Diary, don’t tell her this but I was scrutinizing her face during the video call.  She has this little way her nostrils flare out at the sides whenever she is smiling.  Her eyes are so full of life and excitement. It’s easy to see there is something exciting and curious behind her eyes, which radiate a playful, inquisitive, and slightly mischievous energy. God only knows what she sees on my end.

After work, it was finally time for yoga. I had been literally counting the minutes! I walked up each step toward the class with ever more anticipation.  When I arrived in class, I quickly scanned the people in the room. Regina hadn’t arrived yet.

I put out my mat and started stretching. A few moments later, a new girl walks in. Actually, it was Regina incognito.  Hahahahha.  She was dressed like a totally different person. Instead of her usual yoga pants and tank top, she wore cobalt blue short shorts and a navy boyfriend tee, and get this… charcoal thigh high leg warmers!  Her hair was done in a loose off-center braid that fell to the front of her right shoulder.  Even though she is 38, the outfit completely worked on her.  The effect felt classy and stylish in a whole different way then her usual self. Clearly, she was taking this whole “stranger” concept to a level I had never expected. I was dressed as my usual self. Boring. I wish had been more creative like her.

She placed her mat about 5 women away from me, never giving me eye contact.  I tried to ignore her. But the truth is, every time I thought I could get away with it, I stole glances at her. Maybe she did the same to me, but I really got the sense that she was COMPLETELY in character and never broke to spy on me.

There was this secretive energy between us that felt really fun and devious. Well, at least, it felt that way to me.

Every once-in-a-while, our teacher initiates partnering up.  (There are a whole bunch of yoga poses that are done with partners). So today, of all days, it was “partner” day.  We had to pair up.

The woman next to me asked to be my partner.  Regina asked someone behind her to pair up.  So there we were, stretching and doing these intimate poses with real strangers. I wished I could have been partnered with Regina, but that’s not the way the dice rolled in our little game.

The woman I was working with was pleasant enough, but I had absolutely no connection to her and will probably forget her face by bedtime. We were going through the motions. I kept thinking how sexual all these poses would have been if I were with Regina.

In spying on Regina, it seemed she had a bigger connection to her partner, an athletic-looking woman I had never seen in class before. They seemed to be having fun and an awful lot of eye contact and smiles, all while intertwining their bodies in various ways.

Okay, I admit it. I became a bit jealous.  I kept thinking that Regina’s natural charisma wasn’t for me alone. Maybe she was capable of charming others like she had with me. At first, I thought there was a unique energy between us.  But the more I watched her with this new yoga partner, the more I thought that maybe Regina simply shines her light on whomever is present.  It’s kind unnerving to think that I’m not special in that way.  It’s threatening to think that she could find someone else to connect with so easily.