Playing Well With Others (42 page)

Black Sheets Party -
An orgy for individuals who engage in kinky sex.

Blood Play -
Activities involving the deliberate drawing of blood. This may include temporary piercing, cutting, suturing, medical staples, or intense whipping. Often considered edge play. Please note that persons engaging in blood play should be aware of the health risks involved and take appropriate precautions. (aka
blood sports)

Body Modification -
Any practice that is intended to modify or change the appearance of the body, often permanently. This may include piercing, tattooing, branding, scarification and waist training/extreme corsetry.

Boi/Boy -
A term used within the LGBT and kink communities to refer to a sexual and/or gender identity.

Bondage -
(See also
Mental Bondage)
Any practice that involves the application of physical restraint. This may include total restraint, partial restraint or decorative restraint. Materials include rope, metal, cling wrap, fabric, leather, latex, and more.

Bootblack -
An individual who enjoys giving leather care and boot care as service or as a leather fetishist.

Bottom -
An individual who cedes a degree of control by becoming the recipient of physical sensation in a scene. (aka
bottoming)

Boundaries -
(See also
Hard Limits, Soft Limits)
Personal guidelines that outline a person’s desires and comfort zones.

Breath Play -
Activities involving the restriction or control of respiration. Some types of breath play are considered edge play. Please note that persons engaging in breath play should be aware of the health risks involved and take appropriate precautions. (aka
asphyxiation, asphhyxiaphilia, breath control)

Calling Cards -
A
card used as a social networking tool for introductions and providing contact information. (aka
slut cards, trick cards)

Capitalization -
The practice of identifying roles through upper and lower case writing, popularized online (e.g. “Mistress Molly and slave sally invite you to O/our play party”). Only used in select segments of the kink population, and dismissed by others.

CBT -
(See also
Genitorture)
An acronym for Cock and Ball Torment.

Chastity -
The practice of orgasm denial and erotic sexual restriction. This may include the use of locking devices, chastity belts, or genital piercings. (aka
tease and denial)

Cherry Popping -
Originally referenced concerning the “loss” of virginity, in the kink communities this term is used to celebrate having explored a kink activity for the first time.

Classes -
Learning opportunities within the kink communities on topics ranging from relationships to sexual and play techniques.

Co-bottom -
The practice of two or more individuals bottoming together in a scene (aka
co-bottoming)

Co-top -
The practice of two or more individuals working together to “run” a scene. (aka
co-domming, co-topping)

Collar -
(i) A garment or item that fastens around or frames the neck. (2) Any item signifying identity, submission, surrender, or ownership.

Collared -
(See also
Contract, D/S, M/S, Power Exchange)
The state of an individual engaged in a committed power exchange relationship, often signified by a ceremony of some kind. Variations include temporary collars, play collars, training collars, and collars of consideration, the last of which is used in select segments of the kink population, and dismissed by others. (aka
owned)

Colors -
The identifying insignia for a BDSM, leather or kink club, group or organization.

Compersion -
The feeling of pleasure when a loved one feels pleasure, often from an outside source. (aka
frubble)

Con -
A large gathering of individuals who share a common interest. In the kink community, this is often slang for a conference, convention, or other longer event that has a specific kink theme or special interest.

Con Crud -
Slang for being ill or having a cold, often in reference to something acquired at an event.

Con Drop -
(See also
Drop)
Post-event blues.

Consensual non-consent -
(See also
Rape Fantasy)
A scene or dynamic in which consent has been granted to “violate” specific boundaries. Often considered edge play. Please note that persons engaging in consensual non-consent should be aware of the risks involved and take appropriate precautions.

Contract -
(See also
Collared, M/S, Power Exchange)
A negotiated agreement between individuals involved in a power exchange dynamic. Contracts may be as simple as a verbal agreement, or as complex as a lengthy written document. (aka
formalized agreement, slave contract, temporary contract, verbal contract)

Corporal Punishment -
Activities involving punitive physical discipline.

Cross-dressing -
Sexual arousal or gratification from wearing clothing appropriate for the opposite sex.

Cruising -
The act of walking, driving, visiting bars, socializing at an event, or looking on the Internet in search of a sexual partner, often of an anonymous, casual and one-time variety.

Cuckoldry -
The practice in which an individual experiences sexual gratification through their partner having intercourse with other people. This may include an aspect of humiliation. (aka
cuckold, bull, cuckoldress)

D/S -
(See also
Power Exchange)
An erotic play or relationship style that focuses on power exchange. (aka
d/s, D/s, Dominance/Submission)

Daddy/Dad -
A term used within the LGBT and kink communities to refer to a sexual and/or gender identity.

Default World -
A
slang term for the broader society outside the kink community. (aka
vanilla, world at large)

Diminutive -
A form of address denoting smallness, familiarity, affection, lesser stature or triviality.

Discipline -
Psychological restraint, supported by rules and enforceable by punishment, designed to control behaviors.

DM -
An acronym for Dungeon Monitor. Someone who is empowered to facilitate the party, event or dungeon experience of others. Their roles may include safety, ambiance, medical assistance, and labor. (aka
event assistant, party monitor, PM, safety monitor, SM, venue facilitator)

Dominance -
The act of asserting control.

Dominant -
(i) adj. The quality of asserting authority or influence. (2) noun. An individual who exercises control in a power exchange dynamic. (aka
Dom, Domme)

Dominatrix -
A
female do minant.

Drop -
A physical and emotional post-scene reaction. This can be characterized by feelings of loss, sadness, anxiety or regret. (aka
bottom drop, con drop, dom drop, sub drop, top drop)

Dungeon -
A
s pace where BDSM encounters take place. (aka
play space)

Edge play -
(i) A type of play that pushes personal boundaries or limits. “Edge play is wherever your edge is.” (2) A BDSM activity that involves a higher degree of physical or psychological risk. This list includes fire play, gun play, consensual non-consent, breath play, blood play, and ball busting. Many forms of edge play are banned or limited in public (and private) play spaces.

Electrical Play -
Activities involving the use of electrical discharge. This may include the use of shock collars, tasers, stun guns, electric fly swatters, violet wands, TENS units, or e-stim devices. Some forms of electrical play are considered edge play. Please note that persons engaging in electrical play should be aware of the risks involved and take appropriate precautions.

EMT Shears -
A type of scissors used by paramedics and other emergency medical personnel to quickly and safely cut clothing from injured people. Often used in BDSM play to rapidly remove a person from bondage in the event of an emergency. (aka
bandage scissors)

Endorphin Rush -
A
term for the “high” resulting from physical and emotional stimuli. Endorphin is a generic word for a morphine-like substance originating from within the body, produced under duress or physical stress. Endorphins can also be produced through exercise, excitement, pain, orgasm, and consumption of spicy food.

Exhibitionism -
The compulsion, desire or fetish to expose oneself to others. This may include physical, mental or emotional exposure. (aka
exhibitionist)

Exploratorium -
A gath ering of kinky people that offers the opportunity to experience a variety of techniques. (aka
sampler, tastings)

Female Supremacy
-
A
kink lifestyle that asserts that women are by nature dominant over men. (aka
gynarchy)

Fetish -
(See also
Paraphilia)
A sexual arousal resulting from specific objects, situations, or individuals. (aka
fetishism, a kink)

Fetish Ball -
A kink-themed event featuring performances and a high fetish dress code. (aka
kinky ball, fetish gala)

Fetish Night -
A kink-themed party event, often in a night club. (aka
club night)

Fire Play -
Activities involving the deliberate use of fire on or around the body. This may include fire cupping, flash cotton, cell popping, branding, torches, or fire flogging. Often considered edge play. Please note that persons engaging in fire play should be aware of the risks involved and take appropriate precautions.

Flagging -
(See also
Hanky Code)
The use of props, symbols or tools to denote role, orientation, identity or sexual interest. Examples may include bandannas, handcuffs, keys and more (see
Appendix2
for further examples of flagging).

Flogger -
A multi-tailed impact tool, often made of leather. (aka
cat-of-nine-tails, flail, scourge)

Fluid Bonding -
Unprotected sex or fluid exchange in established relationships. This is often entered into once medical advice has been sought, STI statuses are known, and agreements have been made concerning safer sex practices outside the relationship(s).

Fisting -
A sexual activity of inserting a lubricated hand into the vagina or rectum. (aka
handballing)

Frenzy -
Obsessive interest in experiencing everything kinky, sometimes sacrificing common sense or safety.

Furry -
(See also
Animal Role-playing)
A style of play where individuals dress and/ or role-play as anthropomorphic animal characters. (aka
fursuiter, furvert)

Genitorture -
The torment or torture of the genital region. (aka
ball busting, CBT, cock and ball torment, cunt torture)

Girl/Grrl -
A term used within the LGBT and kink communities to refer to a sexual and/or gender identity.

Good Pain -
Intense physical sensation desired by the participants.

Gorean -
(See also
Kajira)
A style of power exchange based on the Gor erotic novels of John Norman, predominantly featuring male dominance and female submission.

Gun Play -
Activities involving the concept or use of actual or simulated firearms. This may include the mindfuck of guns being involved, use of toy guns, pieces of disassembled guns, permanently disabled guns or empty firearms. Most forms of gun play are considered edge play. Please note that persons engaging in gun play should be aware of the risks involved and take appropriate precautions.

Hanky Code -
(See also
Flagging)
Flagging colored bandannas or handkerchiefs to denote role, orientation, identity or sexual interest. (see
Appendix 2
for the breakdown of the Hanky Code)

Hard Limits -
(See also
Boundaries, Soft Limits)
Scenes or activities that are forbidden as non-negotiable, usually because they are contrary to core values, identity or capacity.

Harem -
A group of submissive individuals or slaves serving one or more dominant individuals.

Heterosexual -
A sexual orientation categorized by an interest or attraction to individuals of the opposite sex or gender.

Historical Role-playing -
A style of play where individuals dress and/or role-play as characters from other time periods, or manifest a persona from another era. Common historical roles include serf, geisha, concubine, odalisque/sex slave, butler, maid, lord, lady, royalty, and military roles. May include fantastical characters.

Homosexual -
A
sexual orientation categorized by an interest or attraction to individuals of the same sex or gender.

Honorific -
A
form of address denoting superiority, deferral, respect, or higher status.

House -
A group of individuals who have chosen to create a leather family of choice. (aka
household, leather house, leather family)

House Party -
A kinky gathering in a private residence.