Red Sun (40 page)

She lowered her gaze.  “No…Kaya.”

Jolon didn’t respond right away.  I imagined he was scolding himself for being careless with his words when the call first came in.  He probably wished that he’d waited to be so laid back after hearing that it was me.  “Oh…hey.  What’s up?”  He said lightheartedly to cover his tracks.

Kaya only gave a half smile.  “Well, I was up here visiting Solei and we were talking.  What do you and your brother have planned tonight?  We were thinking we could all hang out again.”

Silence.

“I mean…if you’re busy we can always do it some other time,” she added when he didn’t respond right away.

“No, no…..that’s not it,” he explained vaguely.  “I just…..does she…..has she already talked to Elan?”  He finally forced out.

Kaya was confused.  “Not yet.  She’s gonna call him when she gets home.”

Silence.

“Look, if you just want me to call you later so you can think about it, that’s cool. I can…”

“No.  I’m down with whatever everyone else is down with.”  I could tell by his tone that he wanted to ask me how I felt about this first, but we had an audience that prevented it.

“Cool!  Once she talks to Elan we’ll settle on a time.  K?”

“Sounds good,” he replied unenthusiastically.  When she hung up, the abstract suspicion that was mounting in her mind was still very present, but she wasn’t sure where to direct it.  She was starting to think something, but I wasn’t sure if she even knew what that something was.

“So, we’re on then?”  I asked, hoping to distract her.

She smiled weakly.  “Looks that way.”

I nodded and looked up at the ceiling, wishing I could hide somewhere so I wouldn’t have to worry about confirming any of her suspicions. 

Kaya cleared her throat and smiled with her mouth, but not her eyes.  That to me meant that something was wrong.  “Well, I’m gonna take off.  I have a few things to do, but….tonight,” she concluded.

“Tonight,” I nodded, matching her weary smile.  That nauseated feeling was back again and I was starting to think that everything would hit the fan a lot sooner than expected.  As Kaya turned to leave the shop, my eyes followed her.  She pretended to be fine again, giving one last smile.  I inhaled as I watched her climb into her car.  Was this it? 
The final nail in the coffin?  I couldn’t be sure, but what I
was
sure of was that this was going to be my most awkward evening to date.  I rested my chin on my fist and stared aimlessly out the window while I thought, sighing the word, “tonight,” to myself again as I considered how badly this could all end.  Instead of wallowing in pity, I decided to be a little less pessimistic.  Maybe this didn’t have to be a catastrophe.  Right?

Chapter Six
teen

A slew of customers flocked to the store
all at once.  Of course they would right when there was something that I needed to take care of.  It was almost as if they knew I needed to call Jolon back.  He’d be able to tell me how to handle Elan; what sort of mood he was in last time they were together.  Those were all things I needed to know before calling him.  Plus, I wasn’t entirely sure this was something I could even pull off.  Jolon was going to have to walk me through it.  First chance I got, I called him.  When he didn’t answer, I panicked.  Ruthann was gone already so she didn’t have to witness my meltdown.  I paced the floors with my hands wrung tightly together, trying not to flip out, which wasn’t easy.  It was already six and I was sure we were supposed to be heading out by around eight and Elan still knew nothing about it.  And if he and I didn’t go, then that would put Kaya and Jolon alone together which I was far from being ok with.

Behind
me the door flung open.  “Thank God,” I breathed as soon as I realized it was Jolon.

“Sorry I couldn’t answer
– my battery’s just about dead,” he explained.

I wanted to hug him.  I wanted to kiss him.  But with my luck someone would ride past and catch us.  So instead I stayed behind the counter to keep from being tempted.

“I don’t know what to say to your brother – we haven’t talked in days so I can’t just call and be like
‘hey, sorry I’ve been avoiding you, but wanna hang out?’ 
What should I do?”

Jolon folded his arms and watched the floor.  “Just call and feel him out.  Tell him Kaya called you up and made the suggestion and you just wanted to run the idea past him.”

“But I mean is he mad at me?  Is he in a bad mood?”

Jolon shrugged.  “He’s been a little distant lately.
”  He cleared his throat.  “I found a letter addressed to me on his dresser, but I’m not totally sure where he was going with it.”

I was confused…confused and curious. 
“Really?  What’d it say?”

“
Mmmm…it was incomplete, but basically just that he’s been thinking about how we used to be and that he wants us to try to straighten it out.  Stuff like that,” he replied.

“Have things been all that different?  Did he really feel like he couldn’t talk to you about it face to face?”

He shrugged again.  “I mean, I guess we
are
a little bit more standoffish with each other than we used to be.  We talk a little while we work, but mostly
about
work.”

That was interesting.  “Hmm…
,” I replied.

“Yeah, so I guess I’m not the person to ask about his mood or whatever.
  You’ll just have to try him and see.”

He smiled when I
shook my head in protest and whined, “But what if I don’t wanna?”

“Need
me to stay while you do it?”

I sighed.  “Not if I’m holding you up from something.
  You look like you were headed somewhere.”

He sh
rugged again.  “Just going to the church to pick up a check.  We’ve been doing quite a bit of work out there getting the lawn ready for some wedding that’s coming up in a few weeks.  Nothing that can’t wait a few minutes.”

I nod
ded to myself.  “Oh, that’s right……Joanna.”

He frowned. 
“Who?”

“Joanna.  Some girl Ruthann’s hel
ping plan her wedding.  Don’t remember what the groom’s name is though.”

Jolon
was silent while I took out my phone and dialed Elan’s number.  It rang twice and he picked up.  Jolon’s gaze dropped to the floor, his expression thoughtful.

“
Hello?”  Elan said, sounding a little surprised to hear from me.

I watched Jolon’s face.  He seemed distracted.  “Hey…..how’ve you been?”  I asked when I couldn’t think of anything else
to say.

“Fine.”
  He paused, turning the television down in the background.  “I’m glad you called.  I was actually just thinking about you.”

I
smiled nervously.  “Really,” I said flatly, not as a question – more like I didn’t believe him.

“Yeah…..I just didn’t think you’d answer if I tried to call.”  He took a deep breath.  “I really miss you –
like a
lot.”

I cou
ldn’t respond to that; mainly because Jolon was standing right in front of me.

“I don’t know if you’re still mad or not that I didn’t call back that night, but I really am sorry.  This isn’t an excuse, but I was exhausted and just fell out as soon as I walked in the house,” he lied.  He didn’t know that
, thanks to Jolon, I knew he wasn’t too tired to eat first.  I rolled my eyes at him through the phone when he continued.  “I’ll be the first to say that was messed up.”

I took a deep breath.  “It’s cool.  Let’s just move past it.”

“I’ll make it up to you,” Elan promised.  Jolon leaned against the counter and sighed.  I couldn’t help but to wonder if it bothered him listening to me talk to his brother.

“Don’t sweat it,” I added.  Before he could interrupt me by apologizing again, I spoke up.  “Hey, listen.  You got plans for tonight?  Kaya wanted us to hang out with her
and Jolon.”  Saying such a thing aloud made me want to puke.

He sighed thoughtfully. 
“Uh….sure.  As long as I get to see you, I’m game.”

I looked down and shook my head at the thought of how difficult this ordeal was going to be.

“You still there?”  He asked when I didn’t respond.

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“So, what time.  It’s a little after six now, so…..”

I leaned my head to the side, watching Jolon daydream while he stared out the window.
  Something was on his mind.  Maybe he was just dreading tonight like I was.

“
Mmmm…..probably like eight or eight thirty I’m thinking.”

He sounded as though he was smiling when he replied, “
Where’re we going?” 

“I don’t know.  I was thinking the movies or something.”  That was the
only place I could come up with that wouldn’t require any of us to have to talk much.  The less that was discussed, the better and easier it would be for me.

“Cool…am I picking you
up, or…..what?”  He asked hopefully.

I closed my eyes.  “Yeah that’s fine.”

“Alright.  I’ll come to your house at like 7:45 or something.  Does that give you enough time to get ready?” 

“Oh…um…actually I’m staying at Ruthann’s for a few days, but yeah that’s plenty of time.”

“Ruthann’s?  Everything ok?  You fall out with your dad or something?”

His lon
g list of questions made it become even clearer just how out of tune he was with my life.  He’d missed a lot these past few days and all of a sudden I didn’t feel close enough to him to share the details of my personal life, so I did what I’ve been doing a lot of lately…..I lied.  “No, everything’s cool.  I just wanted to get out the house for a while.”

“Oh, ok.”  He paused.  “I know I’ve got to prove myself again, but I still want you to know that if something
was
wrong you can call me anytime.”

I rolled my eyes again as I remembered the last time I tried to depend on him.  He dropped the ball in a major way that changed everything.  It
was the mistake that gave Jolon a chance to step up and step in, proving to be more loyal to me than his brother. 

“I’m fine.  No need to worry about me,” I replied, watching Jolon from the corner of my eye.  He stretched and leaned his
head to the side while he cracked his neck.  When he caught me staring, he smiled a little.

“Well, see you in about an hour then,” Elan said, concluding our
conversation.  I hung up and took a deep cleansing breath.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?”  Jolon asked.

I shot him one of those
‘easy for you to say’
looks and shoved my phone back in my pocket.  He smiled again.

“Well, I’m gonna run up to the church so I can get home and change.”  I was forced to think again about him and Kaya together on this date.  The idea of it plagued me even though I’d be there to supervise.  But what could I do if she
did
do something?  It wasn’t like I was in any position to protest.  Elan would be all over that – wondering why I cared so much. 

This made me think about how I’d react if Elan tried something of a physical nature
with
me
.  How was I supposed to handle
that
?  Push him away?  Let him kiss or touch me even though I didn’t want him to?  How would Jolon feel about that?  I was distracted when Jolon took a few steps toward the counter.

“I hate that I can’t even
hug
you right now…..I feel like we’re hiding from our parents or something,” he joked.  While he made the statement seem lighthearted by laughing, it was true.  The shop had windows everywhere and the entire front of the building was glass.  With night descending quickly, the light inside outshined the light outside which made it easier to see in than it was to see out.  It was bad enough that he was here with me while I was alone.  That in itself could seem suspicious to someone.

“What am I supposed to do – give you dap?”  I asked smiling.

“Maybe so,” he shrugged, “But I’m gonna have to take a chance just this once.”  When he finished speaking, he leaned in and kissed my lips once quickly, met my gaze and then gave in to the urge to do it once more.  I smiled with my eyes closed when he pulled away.  A breath of fresh air. 

“
It feels like I haven’t seen you in months,” he said softly.  I knew exactly what he meant.  Almost every second of every day was spent thinking of him, wishing there was some way to change things.

I opened my eyes again and stared into his.  “I’m not looking forward to sharing you tonight,” I said, watching him
as he watched me.

He smiled.  “When you have a man’s heart as completely as you have mine, there’s no such thing as sharing it,” he replied.  “I’m just going along with this until we come up with some way to handle this without E getting hurt.”

“What if she tries to touch you again?”  I asked.  “She told me about that you know.”

He put his head down and laughed a little.  “I should’ve guessed that she would.”

“Yeah and what if she tries it again tonight?”  The image of her hands on him forced me to look down while I waited for him to respond.

Jolon continued to smile and cocked his head to the side.  “Jealous?”

I folded my arms, pouting a little I’m sure when I replied, “Maybe, but can you blame me?  She’s beautiful!  Perfect!  And she just happens to be your date for tonight.”

He smiled and came back for one more kiss, leaving his hand lingering on the back of my neck.  “Don’
t even waste your time and energy thinking like that,” he commanded, still holding my gaze.  “I’m sure I’ll be too busy watching my brother around you to even pay her any attention.”

I smiled
and probably blushed a little too.  Inwardly, I sighed as I stared.  All I wanted was to go somewhere with him where we could be alone and just be in each other’s arms.  But instead, we were about to spend our evening with two people who meant very little to us, all to keep up appearances.  Part of me wanted to throw caution to the wind and do what I wanted to do.

“I’m gonna get going, but I’ll s
ee you in a bit,” he said, eventually taking his hand off me as he turned to leave.  I watched him walk to the truck, thinking to myself how badly I wanted him to stay.  When he pulled out of the parking lot, I looked up at the time and readied the store for closing.  After straightening a little and turning off the lights, I locked up and walked back to Ruthann’s to take a quick shower and to get dressed.  I changed into my favorite jeans – the ones with the holes in the knees – and pink tank top and then sat outside on the porch to wait for Elan.  It was already a few minutes past 7:45.

He finally
came flying up Ruthann’s driveway, kicking up dust behind him.  I stood to my feet and took a deep breath while I walked toward the truck.  I squinted to see through the windshield as I approached, thinking Jolon could be inside too, but it was only Elan.  That meant he rode with Kaya.  In her car. 
Alone
in her car.

“Hey, Sunshine,” Elan said smiling as he reached over to help me into the truck.

“Hey,” I replied, smiling weakly.

He looked me up and down like he wanted to eat me.  Subconsciously, I readjusted the straps of my tank top to
lift it higher so that it would cover more of my chest. 

“You look great,” he said, still looking over every inch of my body.  I could already tell that he was going to be especially physical tonight – even more than usual.  Something about his tone made me feel dirty.  Was something different about
him,
or was something different about
me
that made me see him in a new light?  I couldn’t tell, but maybe I could just see him for who he really was now that my emotions and feelings for him were no longer clouding my judgment.   The physical attraction was still very present, but the bond that once existed was now gone.  There was no connection.  No chemistry.