Red Sun (39 page)

“Do you
wanna talk about it?”  She asked softly.

I shook my head no.

“Alright, then.  Are you hungry?”  She asked.  On cue my stomach began to growl, causing her to smile a little.  “Come with me.  We’ll walk back to the house and have lunch.”

“What about the customers?”  I asked.

She shrugged nonchalantly.  “They’ll live.”  She smiled again and took my hand. 

Inside her home, she motioned for me to have a seat in the living room on the couch by the fan.  It wasn’t long after that that she returned carrying two sandwiches and two glasses of iced tea on a tray.  She set it down on the coffee table and at
e with me in silence – just what I needed while I got myself together.  When I finished, I leaned back on the couch and stared at the ceiling.

“I hate him,” I admitted.

Ruthann leaned her head to the side thoughtfully, and in a surprised tone asked, “Who, Elan?”

I shook my head no. 
“My father.” 

She continued to watch my expression while I bit the inside of my lip.  Saying the words aloud should’ve been difficult, but it was easy –
very
easy.  The reality of the situation was undeniable.  Time and time again he’d disregarded my feelings for someone who absolutely despised me – he’d been Alicia’s enabler for years now.  How could I
not
hate someone like that?  Not only had I lost my mother, now it felt like I’d lost my father too.  There was no other way to look at the situation in my opinion.

Ruthann remained quiet for a few moments while she thought, and then she spoke up.  “One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to realize is how much stronger you have to be to let go, than you have to be to hold on.”

When she didn’t give the typical adult response that should’ve consisted of something along the lines of
‘Sometimes parents have to be hard on their children and you’ll appreciate it when you’re older and have kids of your own,’
I was a bit caught off guard.  Her statement was absolutely right, though. 

“I can’t stand being there with him anymore.  But every time I mention wanting to venture out on my own, he brings up all the reasons I’m gonna fail if I do.”

Ruthann rubbed my back consolingly.  “Sweetheart, it sounds to me like he’s trying to scare
you
because it’s easier than admitting that he’s scared himself,” she replied.  “Even though you may feel like he doesn’t love you, maybe he just doesn’t know how to get his point across in a way that you’d understand.”

I shrugged.  “Maybe, but either way I don’t feel like sitting around waiting for him to get it together.  Life’s too hard and too short for that.”

She nodded in agreement.  “So, what’s your next move then?”

I stared at the wall and shrugged.  “Fill out my college apps and just take it one day at a time.”  I paused and took a deep breath.  “That’s all I
can
do really.”

She rubbed my back con
solingly and smiled to reassure me.  “I think that’s a great place to start.  Do everything you can to get your ducks in a row and keep making progress.  It’ll all work out.”  I didn’t have much of a choice but to hope Ruthann was right about that.  My only other option was to accept that things were going to go downhill from here and I wasn’t quite ready to believe that.

I sighed.  “Thanks for listening to me rant.  I just had to get out of the house and breathe.”

She laughed a little.  “My door’s always open if you need me.  You know that.”

I smiled.  “Mind if I come in tomorrow?  There’s no way I’m staying home with my dad all day and he’s off all weekend too.”

“Of course.  You can even stay here a few nights if you need to.  That way you both can have time to cool off.”

That was perfect.  I leaned in to hug Ruthann and drank the last of my tea before leaving.  The only bright spot in my day was that she officially gave me her car on my way out the door which meant that I now had an escape whenever I needed it.

That night I kept busy unpacking and repacking my bags, only keeping in them what I’d need for the next few days.  If I forgot anything I could always come back home while my father was at work and grab it.  As soon as I finished, I shoved my suitcase underneath my bed just in case he came in to try to talk again – the less he knew, the less he’d have to talk about. 

At around midnight,
Elan tried calling for the first time since I’d left Conway a couple days ago.  I stared at his name as it flashed across my phone and wavered back and forth, trying to decide if I really wanted to answer.  On one hand, I probably should’ve just to keep up appearances.  But then again, I had two very good reasons not to pick up.  For one, he’d ignored me for the past few days which wasn’t sitting well with me.  And then there’s the small incident with Jolon the night before that I wasn’t sure I could hide very well.

That sealed the deal.  I waited for the ringing to stop and then set my phone down on the nightstand. What would he say to me anyway?  What reason did he have for forgetting about me and opting to sleep instead?  He could use the excuse that he was tired from working long hours, but whatever hours he’d worked Jolon had worked just as long and just as hard and
still
made it out to pick me up. 

If Elan had picked up
when I called, things would have been different –
very
different.  Was it meant to happen that way in order for Jolon to finally own his feelings?  Would there have been another opportunity like that one?  When I looked at it that way, it was a little harder to be upset.  Perhaps Elan’s inability to show up when I needed him to, led to a tender moment between Jolon and I that I couldn’t say for sure would’ve happened under any other circumstances.

Either way, I
wasn’t ready to talk to him.  I woke up thinking about it still the next morning.  While I showered and dressed, I couldn’t help but to wonder how my day would go.  I ended up having a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that slowed me down and even made me reconsider going into the shop altogether until it passed.  After all, I technically had the time off.  I stared at my face in the mirror and sighed.  I’ve never been the type to back down, but I’d done more running in the last three months than I’d done all my life and it was time to stop it.  Running from this wasn’t going to change anything and the least I could do for Jolon’s sake was keep a level head.

The nausea was still present when I pulled into Ruthann’s parking lot.  I sat in the car a few minutes before finally getting up the nerve to go inside.  When I finally did, I moved slowly.  I took a seat behind the register and waited – waited for my fate to be decided.  I waited in vain.  The entire day passed and none of them showed – not Elan, not Kaya, not even Jolon.  At closing time, I breathed a huge sigh of relief because I’d faced my fear and survived.  Of course it didn’t actually count because no one stopped in, but I believed it anyway even if it was just to hype myself up to come in another day.

Just like the day before, I awoke, got dressed, but this time only had to walk from Ruthann’s house to the shop.  I had hopeful expectations that I’d have yet another lucky day ahead of me.  Shortly after ten o’clock, Kaya walked in with the world’s largest needle, designed with the specific purpose of bursting my bubble.  As I watched her approach the door, I stood to my feet, hoping I’d feel less intimidated if we were at eye level.  When she first approached the counter, her expression was stoic, unreadable.

I smiled nervously.  “Hey.  What’s up?”

She raised her eyebrows and shrugged.  “Same old thing I guess.  Ruthann in?”  She asked.  “Lou asked me to stop in and leave her the key to his P.O. Box.  She said she’d stop by to pick up his mail when she goes into town later.”

I looked over my shoulder and pointed in the direction of the office.  “Um…yeah, I don’t think she left yet.  I’ll go grab her.”

Just as I turned to walk away, Kaya interrupted.  “You know what?  If you could just give this to her that’d be great.  I’m kind of in a hurry.”

I paused.  “Sure.”

She smiled weakly.  “Thanks.  Catch ya later.”

“Wait….”  My heart was racing
because I had no idea how this was going to go.  “I owe you an apology for overstepping my boundaries the other day, Kaya.  It was none of my business.”

Her
arms were folded over her chest while she watched me, wondering whether I was sincere or not, I imagine.  She stared with scrutiny.  “I wasn’t mad…..just a little…..confused.”  She paused and narrowed her eyes.  “Is there something you’re not telling me, Solei?  I mean….does he not like me or did he say something bad?  I feel like you’re hiding something and if that’s all it is I can handle it.  I’m a big girl.”

I know she didn’t intend for me to detect this, but she was desperate.  It wasn’t until then that I realized that her feelings might be more solid – more than her wanting to jump his bones.  What have I done?  I had to look away.

“No…..it’s nothing like that.”

“You’d tell me if he wasn’t really into me, right?  You wouldn’t let me make a fool of myself if you heard something?”  There was that desperate look again.

“No, Kaya.  I’d never do that,” I replied dryly.  The longer this went on, the more terrible I felt.

Instantly she started smiling.  “Good.”

“You’re not mad anymore?”

She grinned even wider.  “No worries.  I couldn’t stay mad at you if I tried,” she assured me, leaning over the counter to hug me.  While she couldn’t see my face, I closed my eyes and rethought what I was doing.  How had I let myself fall in love with the same man as a friend?  Granted my feelings showed up long before I found out how
Kaya felt, but the smart thing to do would’ve been to be straight up with her from the beginning.  Now, I’d allowed her to fall even deeper for Jolon while also allowing myself to develop a physical relationship with him.  Did it make a difference that I knew he loved me and not her?  No…..of course that didn’t matter.  What I was doing was wrong no matter how I cut it.  When Kaya ended our embrace, I had to quickly fix my expression before she noticed.

“So, how was your trip home?”  Her expression became confused as she realized the date.  “Wait…..you weren’t supposed to be back for a couple days, right?”

I nodded.

“What happened?”  She asked.

I thought about the truth and then decided to lie.  “My dad needed to come back early.  Something came up on the site.”

Kaya nodded.  “Oh…..well I’m glad your back anyway.  Maybe we’ll hang out this weekend or something.”  Her eyes lit up when she had an idea.  “
Ohhhhhh…we should double again!  It’ll be fun!”

I sighed inwardly.  She’d just gotten done asking me why I was acting strangely about her and Jolon and already I was facing my first test.  She stood there expecting me to respond. 
“Umm…..yeah!”  I said, feigning excitement.  “Sounds like fun!”

“Great!  You call Elan and I’ll call Jolon and we’ll set everything up.”

“K, sounds like a plan.”

It wasn’t until Kaya stood there with her hands on her hips that I realized that she was waiting for me to call now.  This just keeps getting better. I still hadn’t talked to Elan so it would’ve been awkward to call him out the blue to ask him to go out with me.

“Well….Elan’s supposed to be really busy working today,” I lied.  “I’ll just call him when I get home.”

She looked disappointed.  “
Uhhh fine, but give me the phone real quick so I can call Jolon before he makes plans,” she demanded with her hand out and waiting.  “Mine’s in the car.”

I reached for the store phone and saw the red light on, indicating that it was in use. 
“Can’t.  Ruthann’s on it.”

Kaya sighed.  “Fine,
lemme see your cell.  Promise I won’t run up your minutes.” 

I froze.  Protesting too much would completely undo the apology I’d just given,
but I was leery to hand it over.  My movements were slow and hesitant as I passed my phone.  She smiled and just about snatched it from me, thoughts of him on the other end making it hard for her to even dial straight.  When she pressed the last digit the smile faded a little and her eyes flickered ever so slightly.  I knew what she’d seen before she even said anything. 

“Oh…you already have his number saved? 
Hm…,” she breathed thoughtfully, the phone ringing aloud on speaker.  I smiled nervously and looked away, unable to come up with a formidable response.  She was now too immersed in thought to dig deeper. 

The sound of Jolon’s
voice made my pulse quicken just as I was sure Kaya’s did.  “You’re timing’s perfect,” he answered, sounding too familiar, too casual. 

Again Kaya’s eyes flickered as her wheels began to turn, wondering what his greeting implied.  “H-hey,” she stuttered shyly. “Busy?”

There was silence on the other end while Jolon tried to figure out if he’d misread his caller ID or if he’d just misheard my voice.  He knew something was off.

“Hello?”  Kaya said hesitantly, furrowing her brow while she spoke.

“Yeah….I’m here,” he replied. There was another pause.  “Solei?”  He finally asked.  His intention was only to verify who was on the other end, but he instantly crushed Kaya’s heart right before me when he didn’t immediately recognize her voice.