Red Sun (41 page)

I froze when I saw him leaning
toward me.  At my side, I balled up my fist and braced myself for what I knew was coming.  When he touched his lips to mine I stopped breathing, suddenly feeling like he was a stranger. He smelled all wrong.  It was the same smell he’d always had – not unpleasant or anything like that……just not
Jolon
.  His lips even felt unfamiliar now.  He forced his tongue inside my mouth and my body went limp as I sat in the seat lifelessly, feeling disgusting for letting this happen knowing that I didn’t want it to.  As strange as this sounds, this felt more like cheating than it did when I slept with Jolon.  Maybe it was because I really love Jolon.  It made sense when I gave myself to
him
.  Elan didn’t even seem to notice that I wasn’t into the kiss.  I felt his left hand creeping up my back and then around to touch my chest.  It felt all wrong – not at all like when Jolon touched me. Elan was too eager – too forceful. I suddenly regained control of my limbs and was able to push him away gently.   

He smiled, still unaware of the fact that I was distant.
  “I guess I should pace myself.  We have all night, right?”  That realization made me weary.  We
did
have all night.  I had all night to keep up this façade and pretend to love him.  I smiled faintly and then turned to look out my window while I tried to get myself together.

I could feel Elan
watching me for a few seconds and then he sighed.  “You’re still mad?  I thought you said we were cool.”  He settled back in his seat.

I rolled my eyes, but he couldn’t see my face.
  “I’m fine,” I replied, taking a moment to think of an excuse. “I guess it’s just been a while since I’ve seen you and it just feels a little awkward.”  When I turned to face him, his expression was confused.

“Awkward?
”  He asked.  “I’m your man and it feels awkward when I touch you?”  He scoffed.  “Look, I know I pissed you off not calling like I should’ve, but…..” 

I took a deep breath and ran my fingers through my hair.  “We’re fine.  I just feel…..maybe I need……maybe I’m just not as over it as I thought.”  That wasn’t entirely true.  Well it was, but that had nothing to do with me being uncomfortable around him.

Elan sighed again and bit his lip while he thought.  I watched while he stared, waiting for him to respond, but he never did.  Eventually, he shifted the truck into reverse and then backed out of the driveway.  Neither of us spoke another word while we drove to the theatre.  From our parking space, I could see Jolon and Kaya sitting on the curb out front waiting for me and Elan.  I felt a pain in my heart, wishing that I could’ve been in her shoes.  The irony was undeniable because had Kaya known how close
I’d
gotten to him, she’d wish to be in
my
shoes.  She was sitting beside the man that I love and I felt stuck.

“Ready?”  Elan asked, a little more reserved than before.

I looked at him and feigned excitement.  “Yeah…sure.”  He took my hand as we walked toward the building and words cannot describe how uncomfortable I was when we approached Jolon.  I could see it all over his face that he wasn’t dealing with any of this very well.  It was one thing for him to be stuck with Kaya, but to be stuck with Kaya
and
forced to see me with his brother was another.  Kaya looked at me as she stood to her feet.  It was basically just a quick glance to take note of who I was watching – making sure my eyes weren’t on Jolon.  She smiled a little and didn’t even bother to speak as she quickly latched onto his hand while he looked away from her.

“After you,” Elan said politely as he stepped aside and held the door for me.  Jolon and Kaya were right behind us where we stood in line waiting to buy our tickets.  There was silence and tension between us all.  Kaya didn’t
want
to speak to me. Jolon
couldn’t
speak to me.  And Elan probably wasn’t sure what he could say to me because I was acting so strangely.  So there we all stood, lively conversation buzzing all around us while we waited quietly.

I looked around at all the happy couples in the theatre.  They smiled and laughed together – like couples were
supposed
to do.  That’s how it would’ve been if it were only Jolon and me.  Before I could get depressed about it, I quickly shook the thought from my head and focused on the posters hanging on the walls.  That was enough to keep me distracted.

Behind me, I heard Kaya laugh quietly, apparently at something she and Jolon were discussing.  It killed me not knowing what they were talking about.  From my peripheral, I could see her reposition her hands on his bicep, just below the sleeve of his t-shirt.  Her fingers were pressed tightly into his skin
.  In the pit of my stomach, a knot the size of Texas was beginning to form.  She needed to let him go.  Whether she knew it or not, he belonged to me.

“Did you hear me?”  Elan asked, apparently wondering why
I hadn’t answered the question he’d just asked.  If I hadn’t been so focused on Kaya’s behavior, I would’ve heard him.

“Sorry, no.  What’
d you say?”  I asked sweetly, pretending to have been so engrossed in the posters that I didn’t hear him.

“I was asking if you were hungry.  Maybe you and Kaya could go grab some snacks while
me and Jo get the tickets.”

“
Mmmm…..sure, but I can get it myself.”  There was no need for Kaya and me to go together.  Besides, I didn’t really want her around me at the moment.  I turned to look at her over my shoulder to find her already staring.

“No, it’ll be too much for you to carry the drinks and everything on your own.  Just take her with you and we’ll meet you two at the theatre entrance.”

I think I was the only one who saw her roll her eyes when she released Jolon’s arm and began to follow me to the concession stand.  There was one couple in line in front of us placing their order, so we had to wait.  My arms were folded defensively over my chest and I stared at the people passing by.  She had her hands in her back pockets and leaned all of her weight on one foot, her head cocked to the side as if to say that she had something better to do than stand here with me.  I sighed.  She sighed.  It became clear from her body language and lack of conversation for me that she at least suspected
me
of having some sort of underlying feelings for Jolon.  But chances are, she was so into him that he could do no wrong in her eyes which meant that she was blind to the fact that he was feeling me too.

“Can I help you?”  The young girl behind the counter asked.

I looked over at Kaya just as she turned her face away from me.

“I guess that means I’m going first,” I said to myself.  “Let me get
a large popcorn with extra butter and two bottles of water, please.”

The girl punched the order into the computer.  “Ok, is there anything else I can get you?” 

I turned to look at Kaya one last time to see if she wanted something.  “The same,” she breathed, sounding increasingly annoyed.

“
Just double that, please,” I replied to the girl, pulling the twenty from my pocket that Elan had given me.  I waited for my change and then stepped aside while she filled the order.  Kaya nearly had her back to me now.  I couldn’t stand it.  I had to say something.

“Everything ok?”
  I asked.  “You seem a little…I don’t know….a little upset.  “Did I do something?”  I was speaking as sweetly as I could.  Admittedly, my fuse was a little short because I was starting to get jealous by this point.  My thinking was that even if she brought up the whole thing about the phone conversation from earlier, I could seize this opportunity to deny whatever she accused me of and hopefully convince her to chill out for the rest of the evening.

She rolled her eyes.  “Just drop it, ok.”

“How can I if you’re gonna act like this?  You haven’t said a word to me all night.  You keep rolling your eyes at me like I’m your enemy or something when I’m supposed to be your girl.  Just be straight up with me,” I insisted.

She laughed coyly.  “You want me to be straight up with you?”

I nodded and leaned my head to the side, waiting, and also making sure the guys weren’t on their way over toward us.  There was rage in her eyes, but she isn’t the type to make a scene so she refrained.  She wanted to speak her mind so badly…..but for some reason she couldn’t voice her assumptions – which were more than likely dead on.  She looked me straight in the eye and toiled with whether or not she could say the words.  Eventually she dropped her gaze to the ground and just shook her head.

“It’s not even worth talking about,” she finally blurted.  It was so clear that she didn’t trust me, but I also got the impression that she was expecting for me to
lie my way out of it which meant that she was only holding her tongue until she got further confirmation that I’d been a disloyal friend.  There, right alongside the rage in her eyes, was hurt – hurt that I’d caused her. 

I settled back on my heels, deciding to give Kaya the space that she wanted.  After all, everything she was thinking about me was the truth.  I
was
disloyal.  I
did
have feelings for the same guy she was pursuing.  It wasn’t right to lie to her simply to cover my tracks.  The least I could do was not try to convince her that she was going insane and imagining everything.

“Here you ladies go.  Enjoy your movie,” the server said with a smile.

I thanked her and grabbed me and Elan’s food.  Kaya waited for me to move and then took her and Jolon’s from the counter.  She stayed five paces behind me while we went to the theater entrance where the guys were waiting just like they said.  Kaya’s disposition totally changed when she was back in Jolon’s presence.  The smug look had faded and there was a huge smile on her face now.  It had nothing to do with wanting to make me jealous or angry or anything like that.  I realized that now.  It was just because she liked being around him.  Wanting to be a gentleman, even though the situation is far from ideal, Jolon indulged her and was polite nonetheless.  He took the popcorn from her hands so that she wouldn’t have to struggle with it and even held the door when we entered the screening room. 

When we got to the back row, Elan slid in first, leaving three seats for the rest of us to take.  I took the one beside him.  Kaya stood at the end of the row and
stared at the seat next to me and then looked up to meet my gaze.

“You know what, Jolon?  Why don’t we go down a few rows so we can stretch out a bit?
  We may as well – it’s pretty empty in here anyway.”  She was speaking to him, but watching me.  I had to keep a straight face.

He glanced at me discreetly, detecting the tension between
her and me without me having to say a word.

“Umm…..sure.
  That’s fine,” he agreed.  Kaya cut her eyes at me and then followed him down three rows where she took the seat next to him.  My blood was boiling. 

Elan laughed a little to himself.

“What’s funny?”  I asked.

He shrugged.  “Your girl is.  She tries too hard and she really doesn’t have to.  Jo already likes her.”

I snapped my head in his direction.  “Really?”  I asked calmly, surprising myself when I actually pulled that off.  “He said that?”

Elan shook his head.  “No, not directly, but I can tell.  He hasn’t been as uptight as usual this past week.”  He smiled devilishly.  “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he hit it already too.  I’ve been telli
ng him for the longest that was all he needed.  All that pent up energy he had wasn’t good for anybody – especially
me
.  I’m the one who has to live with him.”

I smiled to myself.  Kaya wasn’t the reason for Jolon’s new lease on life –
I
was. “So, he’s been that different?”

Elan nodded and sipped his water.  “Yup…like a totally different person,” he looked down for a second before continuing.  “I mean, I haven’t talked to him about it or anything, but I think I’m right.”
  This made me think of what Jolon told me earlier that day in the shop.  They hadn’t talked about much of
anything
lately for some reason. 

Elan realized that I was watching and fixed his expression.  “But yeah…it’s cool I guess.  Brothers dating friends – it’s convenient if nothing else,” he joked.

I was still smiling about what he’d said about Jolon, but he assumed that it was because of his statement.  He sipped his water again.  “They look good together, though.  Don’t you think?”  He asked, looking in their direction.

I shrugged nonchalantly.  “Yeah, beautiful people always look good together.  It’s just kind of a given, I guess.”

A second passed and he turned to look at me.  There was no expression on his face and it wasn’t until then that I realized what was wrong.  I’d just told him inadvertently that I think his brother’s beautiful.  It was an honest slip of the tongue, but this was no time to be making such mistakes.  Luckily it was dark so he couldn’t see my face turn red.

“I mean, look at Brad and Angelina for instance.  They ma
ke a really nice couple,” I added, trying to stop him from dwelling on the last thing I’d said.  When I turned to look at him, he was still watching me.  After a couple seconds, he finally looked away thoughtfully.  Inwardly, I scolded myself.  Now Kaya probably wasn’t the only one thinking that I had something to hide.  It was bad enough that Elan knew of Jolon’s feelings, now he also knows that I think his brother’s attractive.