Running with Scissors (34 page)

“Don’t care. Now.”

A.J. kissed him again, harder this time. “Condoms?”

“In my pocket. Gimme a sec.”

“I’ll get them.”

Jude released him. A.J. moved away, and Jude just

breathed for a moment, still coming down from his orgasm

268

and completely coming unglued at the thought of A.J.

fucking him. He hadn’t even realized how much he’d been

craving A.J.’s touch until tonight, and with as long as it had

been since they’d had sex, and considering he had no idea

when they’d have this opportunity again, he wanted it all
now
.

A.J. knelt on the bed beside him and rolled on the

condom. “I want you on your stomach again.” He flashed a

wicked grin as he reached for the lube. “You’re tight as hell

like that.”

Jude’s skin broke out in goose bumps. Without a word, he

shifted onto his stomach, and his heart started going crazy as

A.J. got on top of him once more.

A.J. pressed his cock against Jude’s ass. “You’re lucky I

didn’t wind up fucking you in the back of the cab.” He kissed

his neck. “I’ve been so turned on since we left.”

“Wouldn’t have . . . wouldn’t have stopped you.”

A.J. laughed quietly, and he pressed a little harder. He

breached him and in the same moment released a breath

across Jude’s neck, and Jude couldn’t decide which was hotter.

Hell, it didn’t matter. A.J. was inside him, against him, and

God, don’t stop
.

A.J.’s knee pushed Jude’s leg forward. Now Jude could

barely move, but A.J. could. Jude held on to the pillow, eyes

squeezed shut as A.J. started thrusting. He found the most

delicious rhythm, and all Jude could do was lie there and

take it.

“God, I could do this all night,” A.J. groaned.

“Please do.”

A.J. dug his fingers into Jude’s hip and held him in place

while he fucked him harder.

Jude kneaded the pillow, wishing he could move, wishing

he could touch A.J., but damn, this felt good—and from the

269

sharp, hot breaths and the soft, profane whimpers, A.J. was

enjoying the hell out of it too.

“Oh shit . . .” A.J. buried his face against Jude’s neck.

“Fuck, I’m gonna . . .”

Jude rolled his hips as much as his position allowed,

which wasn’t much, but it must have been enough—A.J.

swore again, and then exhaled hard beneath Jude’s ear, and

shuddered. His hips jerked a few times as his cock pulsed

inside Jude, and then he col apsed over him.

“Fuck, I needed that,” A.J. slurred.

“Me too.”

A.J. kissed the side of his neck. Then he withdrew, and

Jude rolled onto his back on the mattress while A.J. stepped

away with the condom. When he returned, they pulled each

other close on top of the covers and kissed lazily as they caught their breath.

The dust slowly settled, and though they drew apart

enough to look at each other, they didn’t let go.

“I love you,” A.J. whispered.

“I love you too.” Jude ran trembling fingers through

A.J.’s hair.

A.J. smiled and then brushed his lips across Jude’s. “So

what do we do now?”

“Well.” Jude pushed himself up on his elbow and met

A.J.’s gaze. “We sit down with the band and, if you’ll pardon

the pun, face the music.”

“How do you think they’ll take it?”

Jude swallowed. “I can guarantee Connor isn’t going to

be happy.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Whatever happens is up to the band. But as far as you

and me . . .” Jude caressed A.J.’s face. “I want to make this work.”

270

“Me too.” A.J. kissed him lightly. “We should clean

ourselves up and head back to the bus.” He stretched his arms

and twisted his back until it cracked. “If we’re going to talk to the band, we should get it over with.”

“Good point.” Jude didn’t want to let him go, but he

didn’t stop him from getting up. “But maybe we should give

them tonight. I mean, they’re out partying and having a good

time. Let’s let them have that, and we can talk about this

tomorrow.”

“Fair enough. Especially if it means
we
have tonight.”

Jude smiled. “Excellent point.”

And he pulled A.J. into another kiss.

Jude was wide awake, but A.J. slept soundly beside him.

The faint light coming in from outside illuminated the very

edges of him, picking out his profile as he snored softly with

his back to Jude.

Jude envied his ability to sleep tonight. Then again, after

the way they’d fucked, and how exhausted and shaky A.J.’d

been after the second time, it was a miracle he’d been able to

stay awake long enough to share a shower before he’d col apsed

in a heap. If he was going to lose any sleep over this, it would apparently have to wait until
after
his body had recovered.

Jude was exhausted too, but not enough to pass out like

A.J. had. And he didn’t really mind—he just enjoyed being

beside A.J., skin to skin while his body still ached from some

long-overdue sex.

Everything in their world was far from settled. Though

for once in his life he hadn’t run away from something, he was

271

probably about to get his walking papers from Running with

Scissors.

But
this
part was settled. It was all out in the open, and despite the potential consequences that would come when

they told everyone else, A.J. was lying beside him.

Whatever happened once they sat down with the band,

at least he had tonight. He had this. Even if it was just a few more hours before A.J. woke up and they slipped back onto

the bus, they had tonight.

And tomorrow, it really was time to man up and face the

music.

272

fter the show the next night, the band scattered in

a search of food. A.J. and Jude returned to the buses,

though, and quickly showered and decompressed so they’d be

ready when the others came back.

When the band arrived, A.J. and Jude were outside, and

Jude was halfway through his second cigarette.

A.J. took a deep breath, and they exchanged glances.

Well. Here goes nothing.

Jude cleared his throat and turned to the others. “You

guys have a minute?”

Their bandmates halted, and they all eyed A.J. and Jude.

“For what?” Vanessa asked.

“We need to talk.” Jude glanced at A.J. “As a band.”

Shiloh’s eyes darted back and forth between them, and

as her shoulders sank, she rolled her eyes and mouthed,

Oh fuck . . .

Vanessa’s expression hardened. “Is this about you two?”

“Yes,” A.J. said quietly.

“I thought this thing was all over and settled,” Richie said.

“Why do we have to bring it up now?”

273

“You guys are fucking again, aren’t you?” Vanessa folded

her arms and glared at Jude. “Is this talk going to be the ‘We’re in love and you can’t stop us’ bullshit? Because you can shove

that up your ass along with him.” She nodded toward A.J.

and then stalked past them and stomped onto the bus.

One by one, everyone boarded and took their places—

Vanessa and Richie on the couch, Shiloh at the table. Connor

stood beside the table, and A.J. and Jude both stood beside

the kitchenette, staying an arm’s-length or so apart.

Every band member fidgeted under the weight of the

heavy silence.

“All right, look.” Jude exhaled. “This is what it is. A.J. and

I didn’t set out to get involved in the first place, but we . . . we did. And—”

“Yeah, we know,” Shiloh said through her teeth. “And it

was over. So what the hell happened?”

A.J. and Jude glanced at each other.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Vanessa muttered.

Connor winced, clenching his jaw and looking away.

“I mean . . .” Vanessa threw up her hands. “I just have to

ask—how did it even get to that point? You two fucking in

the first place? You knew what this band has been through,

and you—”

“How does anything ever get to that point?” Jude asked

calmly. “It happened. I’m not sure what else you want me

to say.”

“Bullshit,” she threw back. “You’re both grown men.

You had to know at some point before this thing got out

of control. You couldn’t back off and put the fucking band

first? Especially after the way things have blown up in the

past? And then you
still
don’t see why it’s a problem to start fucking each other
again
?”

274

Connor bristled, but said nothing.

“What did you expect me to do?” Jude snapped, suddenly

angry. “You all kept me at arm’s length—and that’s being

pretty fucking generous to you—from the time I came back

into the band, and yet now you’re telling me that getting

involved with A.J. is what’s causing all the tension. Is the

tension only acceptable if it’s me who feels like a fucking

outcast? Jesus, you guys. Yeah, I fucked up. I know I did, and

I spent a year and a goddamned half kicking myself for it. But

doesn’t it tell you something that I quit my job on a whim

and came back when you needed me? That I was as desperate

to be a part of this as you were desperate for someone to fill

in for Wyatt? A.J. was the only one who didn’t treat me like a

fucking pariah when I came back.”

“So?” Vanessa growled. “We’re all on guard because of

your bullshit, so you fucked him just to get back at—”

“No. No.” Jude exhaled. “I’m sorry, that’s . . . that’s

not what I meant. The thing is, I was alone. He was alone.

And we—”

“You know what?” A.J. broke in, and every head turned

toward him. “Enough. There’s no point arguing about why

it happened, or who felt what. Can we just skip to the part

where we talk about where we go from here?” His stomach

twisted—confrontation still made him queasy, but so did the

direction the conversation had been taking. “Because beating

dead horses is only going to make things worse.”

“He’s right.” Shiloh glanced at A.J. and nodded. “We

might as well be civil about this.”

“Civil?” Connor rolled his eyes. “Seriously? Didn’t you

make it clear that if they touched each other again, Jude was

gone?”

275

“Yes, I did,” she snapped. “Because the last
two
times a couple of bandmates broke up, it’s turned into a screaming

match that almost split up the band. Whatever happens

tonight, I’m not going to let that part happen again. What’s

done is done. Now we get to sort this shit out, and yes, even if this does end with somebody getting the boot, we’re going to

be civil about it.
All
of us.”

Connor glared at her for a moment, but wisely backed

down.

Jude cleared his throat. “Look, we want this to be civil

too. And yes, it was a mistake to fuck around with someone

in the band.” He swallowed, pushing his shoulders back. “But

I’m not going to pretend it was a mistake to get involved

with A.J.”

“That’s very sweet,” Vanessa spat. “But what the hell

happens if the two of you break up?”

“We already did,” A.J. said. “Yeah, it hurt to be around

each other, but we managed. And so did all of you.”

She rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Except now you’re

back together.”

“Yeah,” A.J. said.

“He does have a point,” Richie said. “Even after they broke

up, they still worked together. It wasn’t comfortable, but . . .”

He shrugged tightly.

Shiloh groaned, squeezing her eyes shut and balling

her fists.

Jude took a breath. “Listen, I’ve put the band through

hell because of my personal life before, and I’m not out to

do that again. I didn’t set out . . .” He shifted his gaze to A.J., and swallowed hard as he took A.J.’s hand. Facing the other

members, he said, “I didn’t set out to feel this way about him.

And I’m sorry to put you all in this position again. There’s no 276

way I can promise how this will turn out one way or another,

but . . . you have my word that the needs of the band are going to be my priority.”

A.J. nodded. “Same here. Neither of us wants to fuck up

the band.”

“So we’re leaving the next step up to all of you,” Jude said.

“If you want me out, then I’m out.”

“Oh, great. Thanks.” Shiloh scowled. “I don’t know what

we can say, you know? It’s done. You’re both in the band.

You’re seeing each other. So . . . what
can
we do? You’ve got us all backed into a corner here.”

“She’s right,” Vanessa said. “You’re not giving us much

of a choice here. We need you both. And . . .” She glanced

back and forth between them. “You both obviously need each

other too.”

Jude swallowed. “If . . . if we can’t make this work as a

band, you don’t have to fire me. If you want me to, I’ll stay on until you find a bassist, and I’ll walk.”

“So, that’s it?” Shiloh gave a sharp half shrug. “You’re

choosing him over the band?”

“I want both. And if I can’t have both, then I won’t leave

you guys in the lurch this time. I promise. I’m here until

someone can take my place. And I’ll understand if that’s what

has to happen.”

“We’re still cornered,” Vanessa said through her teeth.

Jude moistened his lips, glancing at A.J. “Then tell me