Running with Scissors (37 page)

“Yeah,” Connor said, his voice soft and completely devoid

of hostility. “As long as it doesn’t mess with the band, it’s their business.”

“But . . .” Vanessa glanced at Connor, and then turned to

A.J. and Jude. “But there’s still no guarantee that things won’t 294

go to shit if you two go to shit. If you guys keep doing what

you’re doing, how do we know the band won’t fall apart?”

“What she said.” Shiloh shot Jude a pointed look.

“Because I am not joking—this thing fucks with the band,

there’s going to be hell to pay.”

Connor cleared his throat. “I . . . don’t think it’s going to

be a problem.”

Every head snapped toward him.

He shifted a little, cheeks coloring. “Look, let’s face it—

most of the drama in this band has been because of Jude and

me. Or, well, because of me. Feelings happen, and people hook

up even when it’s not a good idea, but . . .” He swallowed.

“We’re all adults here.”

He turned to A.J. and Jude. A.J.’s heart clenched. He’d

never seen this side of Connor—a little contrite, a little sad, and—considering the discussion was about Jude’s love life—

civil. Connor held Jude’s gaze for a second before lowering

his. “I don’t see why we can’t all make this work.”

“You’re sure about this?” Shiloh asked gently. “I mean,

you’re really okay with it?”

“Yeah.” Connor pushed his shoulders back. “Look, Jude

and I had a lot of shit we needed to sort out. And I think . . .

I think I let a lot of that come into play with me and Wyatt.”

Some more color bloomed in his cheeks. “I should probably

cal him too.”

A.J. tensed.

“He’s not coming back,” Shiloh said firmly. “You two can

sort your shit out all you want, but we’ve got a bassist and a

drummer.”

Connor glanced at A.J., and for a split second, A.J. was

sure the lead singer was about to stomp all over everything

he’d just settled with their bandmates. Instead, Connor

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nodded. “I know. Wyatt deserves closure, though. God

knows I needed it.” He gestured at Jude. “Things would’ve

been a lot better for all of us if Jude and I had figured that out a long time ago.”

“Live and learn,” Jude said quietly. “We’re good now. I’m

sure you and Wyatt can sort it out too.”

“I hope so.” Connor leaned against the table. “But I’ll deal

with that. As far as the band, I agree with Shiloh. We’ve got a bassist and a drummer.”

Jude took a breath like he was about to say something,

but right then, the bus door opened again, and as Kristy

stepped aboard, everyone straightened like soldiers snapping

to attention.

Their manager scanned the group, pausing on each band

member in turn. “So, what’s the verdict?”

“The verdict is that the band comes first.” Jude took

A.J.’s hand, and though Connor was looking right at them,

he didn’t flinch. “Whatever happens between us stays

between us.”

“Mm-hmm.” She eyed them both dubiously. “And you all

know things like that are easier said than done, right?”

“We know,” Connor said. “But high school’s over. We

should, you know, probably act like it.”

“I’ve been telling you that for a long time.”

“I know. And . . .” Connor paused, and then looked A.J.

in the eye. “You’ve got a really good guy. Just . . . you know . . .”

He grinned. “Keep the son of a bitch in line, will you?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jude rolled his eyes and laughed quietly.

Every jaw in the room fell open, including A.J.’s.

Kristy blinked. “Okay, that?” She gestured at Connor and

then Jude. “That’s not what I expected to see tonight.”

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“I’ll take it,” Shiloh said. “If it means Connor’s easier to

live with and you two aren’t plotting to kill each other.”

Connor and Jude exchanged glances and laughed. Connor

clapped Jude’s shoulder. “I think we’ll be okay.”

“For both of your sake,” Kristy said, “I would hope so.”

She paused. “So, we’re all in agreement, then? Everyone can

live with this, and Jude and A.J. are going to be adults if things don’t work out between them?”

Murmured affirmatives rippled through the group.

She exhaled. “All right. Well, we’ll see how this plays out,

but I’m holding every last one of you to this.” She turned

to A.J. and Jude. “Especially you two.”

“Understood,” they both said.

“Good. Now, everyone get some sleep. We’re back on the

road at first light.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Connor said, saluting playfully.

She rolled her eyes, but laughed. As everyone dispersed,

A.J. released his breath.

Jude put a hand on his back. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” A.J. eyed him. “You look like you could use a

smoke.”

“Like you wouldn’t believe.”

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utside the bus, Jude and A.J. stood in silence for the

olongest time. Neither of them spoke until after he’d

crushed the cigarette under his foot.

“You okay?” A.J. asked finally.

Jude chewed on the question for a while. “I think so,

yeah. I . . .” He met A.J.’s gaze. “I mean, this is settled, right?

Everything’s good with the band. It’s just been so up in the air and crazy, it feels kind of weird now.”

A.J. laughed quietly. “Yeah, when things have been tense

for a long time, peace doesn’t feel normal anymore.” He rolled

his eyes. “Ask me how I know.”

Jude blew out a breath. “I’m glad it’s over, though.”

A.J. slid his hands into his pockets. “Do you think it
is

over?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, everyone says they’re okay with us now, but . . .”

He studied Jude. “How long before someone sets someone

else off?”

Jude shook his head. “I think we’ll be fine this time.

Especially since Connor and I hashed things out. We were all

pretty sane and functional as a group before he and I started

butting heads.”

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“It’s hard to imagine this being a sane and functional

group.”

Jude laughed. “I promise. We can be.” He wrapped his

arms around A.J. and kissed his cheek. “It’ll be okay. I’m sure we’ll all butt heads, but I think . . . I think the worst is over.”

“God, I hope so.” A.J. lifted his gaze. “Did you really

mean what you said? About letting the band boot you out,

but staying with me?”

Jude nodded. “Yeah, I did.”

“What if they’d kicked you out? What would you have

done?”

Jude ran his fingers through A.J.’s hair. “Only thing I could

do—man up and face the music. Bow out gracefully. See if I

could find another band. Do the long-distance thing with you

if I had to while you’re touring.”

A.J. swallowed. “But you’d give up . . . I mean, this is your

band.”

“Yeah, it is. And it’s the band I want to be a part of, but if

push came to shove, there are others. I can still be a musician regardless of whether Running with Scissors lets me stay, just

like I can handle being a bassist if I can’t be a drummer.” He

caressed A.J.’s cheek. “But there’s only one you. I’ve already

used up a second chance with you, and I’m not about to find

out if there’s a third one.”

“Well, that part’s over. You’re back with me, we’re both

still in the band—can’t really ask for much more than that,

aside from the ability to erase the past.”

“I’m not even sure I’d want that.”

“You wouldn’t?”

Jude thought for a moment and then shook his head. “No.

I mean, I regret a lot of things I’ve done. And I seriously regret what I did to Connor and the band.” He ran the pad of his

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thumb along A.J.’s jaw. “But as Connor of all people pointed

out to me, it’s hard to come out and say I’d go back and change it, because then I never would’ve met you.”

A.J. swallowed. “In that case, is it wrong for me to be glad

things worked out the way they did?”

Jude smiled. “If that’s wrong, I don’t want to be right. I

mean, maybe we’d have found each other some other way.

Who knows.” He pressed a gentle kiss to A.J.’s forehead. “But

we did find each other this way. The end doesn’t necessarily

justify the means, but . . .”

A.J. nodded. “Yeah, I understand. Maybe we all had to

fuck up a few times in order to get it right.”

“Maybe. And, I mean, there’s no way we can guarantee

what will or won’t happen in the future. Maybe this will work

out. Maybe it won’t.” Jude slipped his hand into A.J.’s. “We’ll just have to take it one day at a time, and whatever happens,

keep it between us.”

A.J. looked down at their hands. After a moment, he

asked, “You really think Connor’s okay with this?”

“I think he’s more okay with it than he was earlier. We . . .

probably should’ve cleared the air a long, long time ago.

About everything.” Jude exhaled. “I mean, we should’ve

gotten our shit together before I quit the band, but definitely when I came back. Before . . .” He glanced at A.J. “Before we

hooked up.”

“Except we didn’t know we were going to.”

“No, but I did know things were going to go to shit with

Connor eventually.” He stared out into the night. “And one

of these days I will learn that ignoring something with him

won’t make it go away.” He paused and then laughed softly.

“Funny thing is, he said he’s actually known about us for

a while.”

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A.J.’s eyes widened. “He did? How?”

“I guess I gave it away.” Jude cradled both sides of A.J.’s

neck and leaned in, pausing just long enough to whisper, “He

saw the way I look at you.”

A.J.’s lips parted, but before he could speak, Jude

kissed him.

“Guess I wasn’t as subtle as I thought I was,” Jude said

after he pulled away. “But it’s kind of hard not to look at you like this.”

A.J. smiled, sending a shiver through Jude, but the

smile didn’t last. “If he’s known all along, why didn’t he say

anything?”

“The same reason he and I never settled our bullshit

two years ago—Connor’s as good as I am at avoiding

uncomfortable subjects.” Jude brushed away a few spiky

strands that had fallen onto A.J.’s forehead. “Maybe he

thought it would go away if he ignored it long enough.”

“Yeah.” A.J. laughed. “Just like if I ignored how much I

wanted you, it would go away, right?”

“Glad I’m not the only one who had that problem.”

A.J. smiled again, and it stayed this time, especially as he

wrapped his arms around Jude. “I’m glad this worked out.”

“Me too. I love you, A.J.”

“I love you too.” A.J. pulled him closer. “And here I was

worried that you’d elbow me out of the band.”

Jude laughed and kissed him softly. “Not a chance. Even

if we hadn’t hooked up, you’re the drummer of Running with

Scissors now. That was never going to change.”

A.J. studied him for a moment, and as he exhaled, he

shook some tension out of his shoulders. “It’s funny. After

everything tonight, I’m starting to actually believe that.”

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“You’d better believe it. You’re a damn good drummer.”

Jude kissed him again, and this time neither pulled away. A.J.’s fingers drifted up into Jude’s hair, and Jude slid his hands into A.J.’s back pockets. When he broke the kiss, it was just enough to murmur, “Think anyone will notice if we sneak off for a

little while?”

A.J. grinned. “I think they’d all be surprised if we didn’t.”

“Good point.” Jude kissed him once more.

“Maybe we should go find a horizontal surface

somewhere.”

“Maybe we should. And we will.” Their lips brushed. “In

a minute.” And Jude claimed a deep kiss. A.J. didn’t protest—

he tightened his fingers in Jude’s hair, gripped it
hard
, just right to let him know exactly what kind of night awaited him

when they finally did hunt down a horizontal surface, but

even that wasn’t enough for Jude to let him go yet. Kissing A.J.

like this—out in the open, no longer afraid of getting caught

or shy about admitting he was in love—gave him more of a

rush than the music or the nicotine. He could quit anytime

he wanted, but he didn’t want to, so he held A.J. tight and let the kiss go on and on.

Even as he lost himself in making out with A.J. and

turning him on, Jude couldn’t believe they were here. That

this was real, and that everything had worked out like this.

If he could’ve gone back and unhurt Connor and their

bandmates, if he could’ve erased the night with the bartender

and skipped over that miserable year and a half in a cubicle,

he would’ve in a heartbeat. And yet, maybe it was best that

all those things had happened. He’d regret the damage he’d

done until the day he died, but he couldn’t ignore that those

events had brought him to this moment, standing here

outside the Running with Scissors tour bus with A.J. in his

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arms. It had been a long and fucked-up road paved with

his stupid mistakes, but somehow they’d wound up here.

All those missteps and wrong turns had inexplicably been

leading them to this.

In a weird way, it was all the mistakes—the face-plants,

the dick moves, idiot decisions—that made him believe he

and Connor and A.J. and the band were on the right track

now. No one wanted to go back to that bullshit.