Scars and Songs (27 page)

Grace opened her mouth to say something, but stopped the words before they could reach my ears. 
Why did she always hold back with me?

Sliding my hands slowly down her arms and around her back, I pulled her in and held her in my arms. 
Dear God, she shivered under my touch
.  The shivers became tremors when her hands slid up the length of my arms and gripped my shoulders.  The material of the shirt she wore rode up her back as she lifted her arms, and the knowledge of her not wearing any underwear made me freaking dizzy.  Hating myself for what I was about not to let happen, I leaned back and grabbed the boxer shorts I brought for her to wear and shoved them in her hands.  “Here, I can’t stand here with you like this, so wear a pair of my boxers,
please
.” 
YES, I am an ass
.  My dick was screaming profanities at me from behind the zipper of my jeans, and then blatantly asked me if I might be gay and just didn’t tell him yet.

Without taking her light grey eyes off me, she slowly slid the boxers up her long legs.  My jaw clenched tighter, I wanted desperately to rip them right back off her.

We just stood there, face-to-face, eye-to-eye knowing something could be about to happen.  Her eyes clouded over, her lips parted and her tongue slowly ran across her bottom lip, tasting what I wanted to taste. 
She was just in a fire.  She was just in a fire
.
She doesn’t need you poking her with anything right now. She’s exhausted, she’s been through a horrible night, and she probably isn’t in the mood even for a kiss
. 
I’m going to try to kiss her anyway, aren’t I?  I’ll ask her if she wants to…

“I’m really tired, Shane. In fact, right now, I kind of feel like I’m going to pass out.”  She leaned her hand on the sink heavily as if she was having trouble standing upright.

And there’s my answer.

I scooped her up and cradled her in my arms.  Her eyelids fluttered closed.  She wrapped her arms around my neck and dropped her head heavily on my shoulder.

With her held tight to my chest, I opened the bathroom door and watched as the cold air from the hallway sent goose bumps up her arms; I hugged her even tighter. 
I never wanted to let her go
.

Ethan was walking down the hallway towards us with a concerned expression across his face.

“She just conked out in my arms,” I explained.

“Yeah, Lea just passed out on Conner in the living room. He had to carry her to bed.  Where are you going
to put her to sleep?” 
Yeah, like he didn’t know the answer I was going to give him
.  Grace isn’t a girl that deserves being put in the Bone Room.  I don’t want her ever to see the inside of it.

I was moving through the hallway with her
, heading right towards my bedroom.  “Open the door to my room,” I said.

“Shane, that’s not the best idea.  She’s going to wake up pissed at you.”

“I’ll sleep in another room.  I’m not putting her in the Bone Room, Ethan.”

She opened her eyes as Ethan flicked the light on in my room and she lifted her head off my shoulder.  Scanning the room with her eyes, she smiled.

“Hey, Grace, can I get you anything?”  Ethan asked her.

“No, Ethan, thank you.  I’m just wiped out.  I don’t care where I sleep, I just need to sleep.”  She was still looking around and then her eyes widened when they registered what lay in the corner up against the wall.  She turned her face into mine, our lips not even two inches apart, “You saved my guitar?”

Pulling back the covers of my bed, I delicately laid her down and sat beside her, giving her a slight nod and a smile.  She closed her eyes and nestled her head into my pillow. 
Damn that was beautiful; her head on my pillow
.  “Get some sleep, Grace. We’ll be right outside if you need anything,” I whispered.

Before I could stand up, she reached her arm out and tugged me toward her. “Don’t leave, Shane,” she whispered.

Those three words where like a drug, pure and electric, coursing wildly through my veins.  There was nothing in this world that I wanted more than to spend another night with her wrapped around me.

I squeezed her hand softly and moved off the bed.  Ethan gave me a goofy smile and slipped out of the room. I walked to my dresser to change.  I threw my clothes into my hamper and threw on a pair of pajama bottoms and nothing else.  I wasn’t putting a shirt on. I wanted to feel her skin against mine when I held her all night, because that’s what I was going to do. I was going to hold her all fucking night. 
I might never let her go
.

I switched off the light and crawled under the covers right beside her.  I ran a single finger along her arm from her shoulder to
her elbow.  “Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yes, I just didn’t want to be alone.  I’m sorry,” she whispered.

I pulled Grace closer to me, “Don’t be sorry.  I get to hold a beautiful woman in my arms all night, so I’m definitely making out on the deal.”

“Thank you,” she said.  I could feel the smile on her lips.

I nuzzled my face against the back of her neck and between her shoulder blades.  She arched her body into mine. “For what, saying you’re beautiful?  Like you don’t hear that from every freaking guy that looks at you.”

“No, not that.  For saving my life tonight.  You could have gotten killed, Shane.  Don’t do anything like that for me again.”

I softly placed my lips on the nape of her neck, and kissed her.  “Shut up and go to sleep, Grace.”

I didn’t think I’d ever get to sleep that night, with her in my arms, her body so close against me, and the terrifying thoughts that somewhere
, there was someone trying to hurt her.  However, when her body settled and her breaths evened out, my eyelids became too heavy and I drifted off to sleep.  It was a dreamless night, but I kept waking to make sure she was still safe in my arms.  

Grace was poking me and giggling quietly to herself.  I could see from behind my closed eyelids and the brightness that hit them, that it was daytime on the other side.  She tried to slide herself out from my arms, but I only smiled and held her tighter. 
While she was trying to roll over and fling her legs onto the floor, I rolled my body on top of hers and started a full-fledged wrestling match.  She finally pinned me down and flung herself off the bed and onto the floor laughing. 
So
, I dove on top of her.

There was a loud knock on my door and both of us bolted off the floor laughing like we were afraid of getting caught all over each other.

Without another knock
or anything
, Ethan came barging in holding a steaming cup of coffee, “Hey, I got coffee and bagels inside!”  His eyes looked back and forth between Grace and me.  His face reddened and he looked down at the floor, “Ah, sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.” 

Yeah, right
.

“Ethan, you didn’t interrupt anything. We were just wrestling to get to the door first.  There is absolutely nothing going on between Shane and me.”  Her cheeks were stained crimson.

What the hell?  Absolutely nothing going on?  She was rubbing that gorgeous ass of hers against my rock hard dick all fucking night and there’s nothing going on? 

Ethan shrugged, nodded his head and gave me a serious look.  “Well, breakfast is inside anyway.  Everybody is packing up now, so we should be heading out soon.”  Not waiting for a response from either of us, he just turned his back and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Her eyes caught mine, and I’m sure my emotions where screaming loud and clear at her. 
I was livid
.

“What’s
that
look for?” she asked.

“Why do you do shit like that?”  I said, pointing to the door Ethan just closed.

“Like what?” 
Now she’s playing all innocent?

“Pretend that you don’t give a shit about me.  You’re the one that asked me to sleep in here last night.  I get a lot of mixed signals from you, Grace.”

I could see her mind scrambling for an excuse, wracking her brain for something to tell me so we couldn’t continue on this tense rollercoaster ride.  Wrapping her arms around her stomach, she tilted her head down and sighed, “Look, I was with someone for a long time.  We had to go our separate ways, but I’m
still
in love with him.  I don’t...want anybody else.  So...this is weird for me.  I’m sorry if I’m giving you
any
signals. I really don’t want to be with anyone but him.”  Her eyes dropped to the floor, she couldn’t even fucking look at me.

I call BULLSHIT!

Nevertheless, she continued with her
bullshit
story, “
Ever
. Especially with anyone who would think I was only worth one night of their existence,” she whispered.  She still looked down; cheeks blazing red.

That was the reason, plain and simple.  My,
well, really mostly Shane’s
, history of being a player.  There was nothing I could do at the moment to prove that she was wrong. It was going to take me just being her friend and earning her trust to get her to understand me and let me in.

So I let her walk out of my room.  When she got into the hallway, I called after her, “Every fucking breath I take from now on will be solely to prove you wrong, Grace,
every last one
.”

Grace strolled right into the bathroom and softly closed the door behind her, pretending she couldn’t hear me, ending our discussion.

Frustrated, I stormed into the kitchen.  Everybody was there; even Tucker’s asshat of a cousin, Blake, was there.  Maybe a year ago, the real Shane would have thought that was cool, having Blake around.  The real Shane and Blake were once tight.
Of course
, drug addicts stick together and party hard. 
Freaking junky
.

Bagels and a big
Box of Joe
littered the table and counters.

“Hey, there’s my partner in crime.  You got a little hottie in that Bone Room of yours?” Blake fist bumped me with a coffee and bagel in his hand.

Pounding his fist back, I said, “Hey, Blake.  What’s new?”

He sipped his coffee and swallowed, “Great shit.  Tucker’s father has me in his firm now. I’ve been staying with Tuck for a few days until I get a place set up for myself.”

“Great,” I said through clenched teeth.  Didn’t he realize I didn’t even want to look at him, let alone talk to him?  I pulled myself up to sit on the counter.  There was no room around the table, since Tucker, Ethan, Conner, Alex, and Brayden sat in each seat.

“Dickbag, where’s Grace?” Tucker cut in.

I shrugged.  “Bathroom maybe.”

“Thanks for helping Grace last night,” Tucker smiled.  “I plan to make my
girl
really fall in love with me this weekend, going to sweep her right off her feet.”

“She’s not your girl, Tucker,” I said flatly.

Everyone just sat back and watched our exchange, laughing.  Even I laughed at Tucker’s stupidity and arrogance. 

Then Grace walked in.  I could hear the audible gasp from Blake’s lips when he saw her, and saw how his whole body went rigid.  I completely understood what the guy was going through, but it would be over my dead body before I would let
that
drug addict loser lay a finger on her.

“Hey, there she is!  Good afternoon, beautiful! It’s about time you got up!” Tucker called out, shoving a bagel in his mouth. I pulled myself up onto the countertop
quietly and didn’t even lift my head when she walked in.  Lea walked in behind her, patted me on the knee, and smiled. 
I wonder what Lea is thinking, is she encouraging me?  I wish human women came with a book or even a little tiny pamphlet of instructions…just something to explain them to me.

Grace nodded in Tucker’s direction, walked straight to the Box of Joe, and poured herself some coffee.  I tossed her a packet of sweetener, and even though she kept her head down, I watched her bite her bottom lip and smile, knowing I remembered how she liked her coffee. 

Tucker jumped out of his seat, food falling all over the floor, cleared his throat and started barking out commands, “So, Grace, we are going to be taking your Jeep and Blake’s truck.  As soon as you are ready, we can leave.  I’ll drive your Jeep and you can just sit and enjoy the ride.”

Stirring in the sweetener, Grace looked up towards Tucker with venom in her steel colored eyes.  “
I’m
driving my Jeep, Tucker.  And I have no clothes, since my bedroom somehow caught fire last night,
so
before I go on your little trip, I’d like to stop at a store to buy some clothes, so I don’t have to stay in Shane’s tee-shirt and boxers the whole time I’m there.  When you guys are ready,
you
can leave, and I’ll be about an hour behind you.  Just give me the address. I have a GPS, so I’ll be fine.”

Curt.  Cold.  Hiding emotions.  She was hiding from me.