Shy Kinda Love (8 page)

Chapter 10

On Friday night we’re getting ready to go over to one of the frat houses for a party. I’m a disaster because I have no desire to go to a college party, let alone at a frat house. The girls have begged me, saying I need to try it just once. Because these two have been so amazing to me, I give in to their pleas, and agree to go, as long as I can drive and we leave when I say so.

Gemma and I are singing and dancing around her room while we wait for Keegan. When we are on the verge of sweating from our freaking awesome dance moves, Gemma turns the music off and we crash on her bed laughing. I love this girl. She has taught me how to laugh again, and she finds a way to make me do it every day.

Keegan always takes so long to get ready because she tries on about eight outfits and has to check herself out in all five mirrors in the apartment. She says that every mirror gives her a different perspective, like having five friends give you their opinions. Neurotic much?

Keegan dressed me and Gemma did my hair. Over the summer they forced me into a shopping trip. I agreed to go, since I did still have the gift card from Ryder. It was a horrible experience until we found a cute western shop, and then Keegan showed me that I could look cute and still stick to my style. So tonight I’m wearing a simple denim dress, brown belt and matching boots. When Gemma saw me pulling my hair into a ponytail, she rushed in, shoved me into a chair and began her work. Although my hair does look great, falling in long curls around my shoulders, I sneak a ponytail holder into my pocket, knowing I’ll want it later.

We get to the party and head to the basement to get in line for the keg. The house is huge, and looks exactly like thirty college boys live in it. There is trash, including condom wrappers, lying all over the floors. It smells like stale beer and piss, and the music is so loud we have to shout in each other’s ears when we talk. I hate it, but I’m going to try it.

After we have our plastic cups in hand we walk back upstairs. We find Adrian and Max in the living room looking like they already had too many beer-filled plastic cups. Adrian is leaning against the wall with his eyes at half-mast and Max is dancing, not at all sexy-like, by himself. Keegan walks up to Max and joins him in his unsexy dance, wrapping both arms around his neck. Max smiles and wraps his arms around her waist.

I walk over to Adrian and lean against the wall next to him. “Hey, Adrian, how long have you boys been here, and more importantly how much have you had to drink? You do realize it’s only about ten and you two look like your party is almost over.”

Adrian slowly lifts his head to meet my eyes, and then he begins, even more slowly. “Two hours. Tequila. Beer now.”

I laugh, then ask, trying to sound indifferent, “Where’s Kade? Did he already pass out?”

Now Adrian’s eyes light up. “Nope, with Taylor Morris. Lucky bastard, she’s fucking hot.” He slurs most of his words.

My stomach drops. I don’t like the idea of Kade with Taylor—not with anyone. Although I already admitted to myself that Kade and Taylor make sense. I know I have no right to care who he is with, but I can’t help what I feel. This is what I tell myself, just before I decide this needs to be a very drunken night.

I need something stronger than beer.

“Adrian, you said you had tequila. Any chance you have any of that left?” I ask, desperate to turn off all thoughts of Kade, at least for one night.

“Yep, in Alec’s room, upstairs. Let’s go, I need a walk anyway,” Adrian slurs as he pushes off the wall, almost falling into me.

I tell Keegan and Gemma we are headed upstairs for liquor and they gladly follow, with Max in tow.

We are almost to the steps when Adrian comes to halt, causing us all to domino into each other. Adrian turns around, looking like he forgot something. He lifts one finger and pauses, as if thinking. Then he lowers his hand and points to Keegan’s crotch. “Hey, you gonna eat that?” he asks, without ever cracking a smile. Keegan just rolls her eyes and turns to lead the way up the steps. I smack Adrian on the back of the head as I pass him.

When we get to the top of the steps Adrian goes to one of the doors and struggles to open it. While we’re waiting for him, I look down the hall and see Kade walking towards us. I glance past him but I don’t see Taylor. Thinking he is just going to say hi and move on, I give him a small smile, then look immediately back to where Adrian is opening the door.

When Kade gets to me, though, he places a hand at the small of my back and leans in. “Good to see you. I was in desperate need of an escape.” I want to ask him what he’s escaping from, but just then Adrian gets the door open and we all practically fall through. Kade is the last one through so he closes the door.

While Adrian is digging through this guy’s closet to get to the alcohol, I feel Kade come up beside me. “So, you going to do Patrón tonight?” he asks, in my ear.

I can hear the smile in his voice and I know he’s teasing me. So I tease back. “That depends. Are you Patrón in this scenario, or are we talking about tequila?”

I hear his sharp intake a breath but he covers it quickly. “Let’s say, for the sake of avoiding an awkward moment, we are discussing tequila.”

I turn to look at him and realize he is so close our chests are almost touching. It is a small room, but I’m pretty sure there’s more space available. I can smell his body wash mixed with the beer, and again I try not to dive into his shirt, face-first, grasping it in both hands while inhaling deeply. It would probably be considered a little strange to reenact a fabric softener commercial right here.

In an attempt to get my mind off my face in his shirt, I create yet another awkward moment. “So, where’s Taylor?”

Kade furrows his brow, but before he can answer Keegan beckons me to the makeshift bar. I duck around Kade and head straight to the one thing I know will take Kade Cross off my mind for the night. Tequila.

There’s a little bit of a scuffle between Gemma, Keegan, and me over the tequila. Gemma is trying to remind me about my rule of no tequila in public, and Keegan is telling her to shut up. I know what my rule is, and I know there are a lot of people here, which is part of the reason I need the tequila. Being in a space filled with so many strangers is causing my anxiety to increase by the second. The tequila will help me not care about the people, and also not care that Kade came here with Taylor.

Chapter 11

Over the next hour, the six of us have a great time drinking and laughing. Adrian and Keegan flirt and fight, but I’m pretty sure it’s like foreplay for them. Max and Gemma take turns telling stories about each other from high school.

After we are done doing shots, Kade sits next to me on the ratty old couch. It’s a small couch so his leg is pressed against mine and, when he gestures with his hands, his arm rubs against mine.

After the liquor settles in and makes adjustments to my personality, I begin leaning into him when I laugh. Once, when our eyes meet, I hold his gaze, and even smile when he doesn’t look away. His eyes shift to my mouth, but then he quickly looks away and clears his throat. After that, Kade makes a special effort to not touch me, or even look at me.

Feeling my drunken haze fade, and my irritation increase, I stand and make my way back to the makeshift bar. “Keegan,” I snap. “Come help me find my happiness at the bottom of this bottle.” Before I finish my request, Keegan is at my side and lifting the bottle to my glass. While she’s filling my glass, I lean my head against her shoulder. “I love you, you know that, right?” I ask.

Keegan pulls back and I have to regain my balance. I look up and see her soft eyes, and small smile. “I know you’re half-drunk, Shy, but that still means a lot to me.”

I see the hug coming, but choose not to defend myself against it. I know I’m half-drunk too, which means I speak the truth. Even with the progress I’ve made this summer, admitting my feelings while sober is not yet in my comfort zone.

When Keegan’s arms are wrapped tightly around my head, and my face is buried in her shoulder, I hug her with one arm and hold out the other, protecting my shot glass. Because of Keegan’s vice grip on my head, I don’t see Gemma coming. So when she slams into us, embracing us both while confessing her own love, my drink loses its battle against gravity.

“Okay, okay,” I mutter into Keegan’s shoulder. “That’s enough affection to last me a few months.”

Just then Alec, the owner of the room, enters and tells to move our party elsewhere. Keegan and Adrian lead the way, leaning on each other for support. Once back downstairs, I notice that Kade didn’t follow us. I guess he went to find Taylor.

Before I have time to dwell on that thought, a random guy pulls me into a group of people. “Hey, beautiful,” he says, leaning close. “How’d you like to join our game?”

I see one person with a phone to her forehead and several other people yelling at her, trying to get her to guess what the phone says. Well, this looks like a stupid game.

I look back to Random Guy. “Sure,” the alcohol answers for me.

When it’s my turn to hold the phone to my head, I learn I’m a terrible guesser. Well, to be fair, my word was really hard. I mean, who would guess “elephant” when everyone is yelling “it has a trunk” at you? Okay… so I’m just a terrible guesser.

Just as my second turn comes around, I spot Kade leaning against the wall. Without thinking, I toss the phone to Random Guy and quickly cross the room, practically throwing myself into his arms.

I wrap my arms around his neck and he automatically wraps his arm around my waist. I lean back to look up at him. “Where have you been? I’ve missed you,” I ask.

“Well, Filly, I just saw you upstairs about twenty minutes ago,” he replies with a smile.

“I like it when you call me that,” I admit. I know tomorrow I will regret my honesty, but right now it feels good to not hide behind walls. Then I clarify my question. “I didn’t mean tonight. I mean this week. I haven’t seen you since Monday. Are you avoiding me?”

He cocks his head to one side. “I’ve been busy with schoolwork.”

“So, you weren’t trying to avoid me?” I ask again, this time taking a step back so his arms fall from around my waist.

I see a flash of disappointment before he answers. “No, but what about you? Where were you this morning?”

Feeling a little embarrassed, I answer. “Well, I was trying to avoid
you
. I stayed longer at the barn this morning so I wouldn’t see you when I got home.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” I say with an audible sigh. “I didn’t want to see you because I thought you were avoiding me and I saw you with Taylor yesterday. Seeing you with her made me feel stupid.” I pause, then correct myself. “Not like dumb-stupid, but goofy-stupid. You know, like I think it was jealousy, but I’ve never been jealous before, but I’m pretty sure that’s what it was.” Damn, I sound like an idiot.

When I look up from playing with the beer in my hands I see his shocked expression. “Shit, I’m talking way too much.” I can’t believe he hasn’t gone running for the door yet. Here I am, the girl that told him I want nothing from him, telling him I missed him and I was jealous seeing him with another girl.

Instead of running, he lifts a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, causing a small shiver. “I disagree. I love everything that you’re saying and I would love to hear more.” He prods, “Why would you feel jealous seeing me with Taylor?”

I shrug and lift my eyes to meet his. “I don’t know. I can’t seem to figure that out. I thought maybe… I guess… well… I don’t know. I guess I just didn’t think about you having a girlfriend. So when I saw you with her it surprised me, but you two look great together. You two make sense,” I say, dropping my eyes back to the floor. I kind of wish he would run so we could put an end to this conversation, because I can’t seem to stop the verbal diarrhea.

I see pair of cute brown strappy sandals appear next to Kade’s sneakers. I look up, only to see Taylor standing next to him. Well… that feels like a punch to the boob.

Kade looks from Taylor back to me. I look from him back to Taylor then I try to smile. “Hey, Taylor. Good to see you again,” Taylor’s face lights up, just like it always does, reminding me how good she must be for Kade.

“You too, Shyanne. I hear you’re living next door to Kade this year,” Taylor states as she leans into him. 

I just nod and excuse myself. “I should get back to the game.” Then I go back to sit next to Random Guy, wishing Taylor had punched me in the book—then I would have an explanation for the ache in my chest.

When I look back in Kade’s direction a few minutes later, both of them are gone. So when Luke appears and asks me to take a walk with him, I do.

I follow him down to the basement where we play air hockey, and then we watch, and he has to explain, a game of beer pong.

“Are all college parties like the Olympics for silly games?” I ask.

“You know, I never really thought about that, but you’re right. The only difference between our parties and a ten-year-old’s is that it’s mandatory to drink while playing at ours.” He laughs and a dimple appears. I’ve never noticed that dimple before. Probably because Keegan is always standing between us, trying to chase him away.

From the time Luke pulled me away from my Phone on the Forehead
game, he’s been a complete gentleman. I’m just realizing this because I’m starting to sober up, and none of my friends are around. A couple of months ago, even drunk, I would never wander away from people I knew—especially with a guy who is known for his sexual activities.

I bump his arm with my shoulder and Luke turns to look at me, his blonde hair falling into his eyes. “You know, you’re not the creep everyone makes you out to be.”

He smiles half-heartedly and looks around the room, as if thinking. When he meets my eyes again, his are filled with shame. “I wish that were true, but I
can
say that I’m trying to change.”

His eyes fall to my mouth as I realize this conversation just took an uncomfortable turn. I have come to like Luke, and maybe even trust him a little, but I am still not attracted to him.

I clear my throat and push off the wall. “Hey, I think I’m ready to go home.” I remove my phone from my back pocket and text Gemma. When Luke doesn’t respond, I look up and see he is still leaned against the wall, but now his head is leaned back and his eyes are closed. He looks frustrated, and I assume it’s because of me. I should have never agreed to come down here with him.

The chime of my phone interrupts my thoughts and I see it’s from Gemma. She and Keegan are not ready to leave. Dammit. I sigh audibly.

“What’s wrong?” Luke asks, pushing off the wall.

I shrug. “Nothing, it’s just that the girls aren’t ready to go yet.”

“I can get one of the pledges to drive you home.”

I shake my head quickly. No way I’m getting into a car with a stranger. “No, that’s okay.”

Luke smiles a little. “I’ll ride with you,” he says, as if reading my mind.

I draw in a long breath, feeling nervous but also really wanting to go home. Luke lifts my chin with one finger, then gives me a bigger smile. “It’s only around the corner, and you
just
said I’m not a creep.”

I agree because it’s past two a.m. and I’m exhausted. I text Gemma back, letting her know my plan.

When we get into the car, Luke climbs in the back seat with me, but stays on his own side. He tells the pledge where to go, and I look out the window, hoping to avoid another awkward moment. We don’t speak during the drive until we’re parked in front of my apartment and I open the door to get out.

“I’ll walk you to the door,” Luke says, looking slightly embarrassed. I look out my car door, where my apartment steps are just a few feet away, then back to Luke. He shrugs. “I told you I’m trying to change, but I’m honestly not sure how to do the nice guy thing.”

I appreciate his honesty so I nod. I climb out and he’s at my side quickly, but he is not facing the apartment; he is staring at me. Shit, this is going to get really awkward again. “Um—“ I begin, but he cuts me off.

“Shyanne, I like you. I mean, I like you like I’ve never liked anyone before,” he says.

I want to tell him he used the word
like
too many times, but he’s moving closer, and suddenly his hand is at my waist. The oxygen is gone from my lungs. I look into his eyes trying to remind myself that this is Luke, not some man who is going to hurt me.

I see his lips moving so I focus on his words.

“You are so sweet, and so beautiful, and your eyes. When I look at your eyes I feel like—”

That’s all I hear because he places his other hand on my waist and my vision shifts. I no longer see Luke. I begin swinging my arms and pushing at the man on top of me.

“Shyanne!” Luke, yelling my name, snaps me out of my flashback. “What’s wrong?” He has backed up several steps and has both hands up in front of him.

I shake my head, trying to shake off the images. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” I repeat, having no idea what else to say. My breaths are still shallow and my heart rate too fast. “I have to go,” I tell him, needing to sit down. I turn and run through the front door, closing it behind me.

I stumble through the entryway to our door. I can’t breathe, I can’t focus. I’m trying to find the right key when I feel someone’s arms around me. I’m about to scream when I realize it’s Kade. He pulls me into him and begins rubbing my back.

“Shh, I’ve got you,” he coos in my ear. And with that, I melt into him.