STARTING OVER (13 page)

He wasn't sure if it was that first sighting or when he felt the baby kick his hand as it rested on Kate's stomach during the labor. But at some point, Rusty had bonded with the child. He had had no part in her conception, but he had played a vital part in her delivery. There was no physical attachment, but there was an emotional one.

The morning after she was born, when he woke up in Kate's room, he knew he was running late for the
Penico pickup. He had intended to slip out, but the sight of Kate's gentle face, peaceful in sleep, had irresistibly drawn him closer. He hadn't meant to touch her, much less kiss her. But she turned toward him, and the surge of emotions that swept through Rusty caught him by surprise, and he quickly stepped away.

He could have blamed his unexpected reaction to the excitement of the previous evening and his lack of sleep. But there was no excuse when he took the long route to the elevators and stopped at the nursery window. The lights were dimmed in the large room, but he was able to read the identification cards posted on the end of each clear-walled bassinet. There were at least twenty new arrivals, and as
Rusty's gaze traveled down the rows, he dismissed each sleeping face. They were small, wrinkled, red and totally without appeal . . . until he found her.

Girl Cramer.
7 lbs, 2 oz, June 5
. He hadn't known her first name yet, but already he was in love. She was special, much more beautiful than any other child in the room. One tiny hand was curled against her round, pink cheek, and her perfect mouth looked like a rosebud. She was only a few hours old, but he had known her all her life.

Rusty raked his fingers through his tousled hair. He was thinking like a father. It was a rank he hadn't been eager to achieve and had certainly not created. However, he felt he had earned a position in that little lady's life simply because he had been there when her real father had not.

But how could he sever his ties to Kate if he was having paternal feelings for the child? Both females were a roadblock on his path to adventure. And his first impulse was to run, as fast as his feet would move, in the opposite direction.

His retreat from the hospital had been abrupt and almost panicky. When
Penico had kept him busy, he had been delighted that he had a legitimate excuse not to return. He wanted to see Kate and the baby, and he couldn't afford to. They looked so sweet and innocent, but they were the two most dangerous ladies on earth.

But he couldn't stay away. Knowing Kate was home had been a distraction all afternoon. He had to check on how she was doing and if she was being well taken care of. His justification was to give her an update on C-Breeze, but he knew his ulterior motives were as elementary as just wanting to see her.

He flipped over onto his stomach and pounded the pillow with unnecessary force. He was acting like a schoolboy with a crush on a girl who didn't know he existed. Or rather, she knew he existed, but she considered him to be an underclassman.

It had come as no great relief to see her mother was handling Kate's every necessity. Perhaps he had hoped he would still be needed, in some capacity, to make Kate's personal life more happy and comfortable. Or maybe he had hoped she would have miraculously changed into a gushy, silly woman who would no longer appeal to him, and take away the danger.

Unfortunately, she looked better than she had since he had known her and was as fascinating as ever. Rusty could feel his roots trying to inch into the ground. Shanna's gurgling had been the final straw. He knew he had been rude in not waiting to see the baby, but he dared not.

Rebel put a paw on the edge of the bed and nudged Rusty with his cold, wet nose.

"Have you got your bones packed, fella?" Rusty's fingers automatically began scratching the dog's furry neck. "It looks like we'll be in California sooner than we expected. I think I'd rather take my chances with the earthquakes out there than chance surviving the tremors I've been feeling here."

SHANNA WAS TWO WEEKS OLD when Grandma reluctantly packed her suitcases and caught a plane for Austin. Kate had enjoyed having her mother around, teaching and visiting. But now Kate felt confident in her own ability to take care of her child, and was looking forward to accepting the full responsibility. And she and Shanna needed the time to truly get to know each other.

"It's you and me, sweetheart." Kate leaned over the crib and smiled at her daughter. "Your grandmother had to go back home to help Grandpa with the restaurant. Your daddy would be here if he could, but he's watching us from heaven. And Rusty . . . well, I guess he's been too busy to stop by. But you and I don't need anyone else. We're going to be fine, just the two of us."

Shanna watched, seeming to understand every word. She waved her arm to show she had complete confidence in her mother. As long as Kate was there to provide warm, nourishing meals and to change her diaper, Shanna didn't have a care in the world. Right now it didn't bother her that she didn't have a father or that her unofficial godfather hadn't cared enough about her to see her since her birth. The poor little girl wasn't having much luck with the men in her life, even at such a young age.

Kate lifted Shanna to her shoulder and hugged her as tightly as she dared. At least Shanna had a mother who loved her and four grandparents who adored her. Doug's parents lived in a beach house on Galveston Island and had visited their grandbaby while she was still in the hospital and several times since she had come home. They were both retired and didn't have much money to spare, but they gifted Kate with a standing offer of free babysitting whenever Kate needed it.

At the moment, however, Kate had no plans to take advantage of their generous services. She planned to continue to breast-feed Shanna for the next few months, which certainly would tie her down. But even if she could get away, she had no place to go.

Kate felt Shanna relax against her shoulder, and she knew the baby had fallen asleep. For several minutes longer Kate continued rocking until she was sure the baby wouldn't be disturbed when she was transferred into her crib. Kate arranged Shanna in a comfortable position and covered her with a lightweight blanket before turning on the night-light and turning off the overhead light as she left the room.

Shanna probably wouldn't wake again until just before her ten o'clock feeding, which meant Kate would have the whole evening to herself. It was still too hot to sit outside, and from the sound of the bug zapper, the mosquitoes were particularly bad. Kate checked the television listings but couldn't gather much interest for any of the reruns that were scheduled.

Her hand closed around the receiver of the telephone. She should call someone, a friend, and see if they wanted to come over. But it was a Friday night. Everyone would be out for the evening or have other plans. If Kate called them, they might feel sorry for her and cancel their plans, a thought that horrified her.

She moved away from the phone and selected a book from the pile her mother had brought. Settling on the couch, Kate tried to get interested in the story, but her gaze kept straying to the phone. She wondered if Rusty was at home. He had called at least once a day, keeping her updated on C-Breeze and his work schedule. But he hadn't stopped by for a visit since her first night home from the hospital.

Her mother had been terrific company, but Kate missed the companionable evenings she'd spent with Rusty. If she was to be perfectly honest with herself, she would admit that the friend she would most like to call would be him. However, she felt sure he must have a date. That would explain why he hadn't had time to come to her house lately, not even to use the pool. While she was delighted that he might have finally hit it off with a local woman, a part of Kate was sorry he had someone he preferred over her to spend his time with.

The feeling was so close to jealousy that Kate was shocked. How silly of her to be so possessive of the man. Of course, he had better things to do than to spend his free time with his boss and her baby. That was normal and even healthy for a man of his age and libido. He was probably out at that very moment with a gorgeous, thin young woman sharing a quiet, romantic dinner at a fine restaurant or dancing the night away.

Kate couldn't remember the last time she had dined in a fine restaurant or danced the night away. Doug had been so busy the last few months before his death that most of his entertaining had not included his wife as he wined and dined prospective customers. She hadn't minded staying away from these functions, because she really hated trying to appear to be amused by the off-color
jokes, or at the very least, not to be offended by them.

She glanced at her watch. It was after nine. That meant dinner was probably over. If Rusty and his date weren't dancing, they were probably at a movie, or they might have gone back to his place and were . . .

Kate opened the book and began following the words with aggressive determination. It would be a good idea to get her mind involved with the love lives of the characters in the book rather than speculate on Rusty's. He was an adult and had every right to pursue whatever form of happiness he chose. She had no interest in how he spent his time before or after work . . . no interest at all.

The doorbell startled her, and the book fell forgotten to the floor as she leaped to her feet. After a quick check through the leaded glass panel next to the door, she hesitated a few seconds longer while she tried to gather her scattered thoughts.

What was Rusty doing on her doorstep at this time of night? If he wanted to swim, he would probably have simply gone in the backyard as he had done almost every night before Shanna was born. Had something happened at C-Breeze? Had he found a replacement? Or had he stopped by merely to see her and find out how she and the baby were doing?

With mixed amounts of anticipation and dread, Kate opened the door. She wished she had a clue about his purpose for the visit so she could respond with the appropriate attitude.

"Hi, Traveling Man. Is this visit business or pleasure?" she asked, deciding on a direct approach. She was too old to be playing silly guessing games.

His solemn expression relaxed into a grin as if he appreciated her frankness. "Both, I suppose. Did your mother make it back to Austin okay?"

Kate stepped aside, and he followed her into the living room. "Yes, she called a couple of hours ago. Dad was really glad to have her back. It seems the customers have been complaining that his piecrusts aren't as flaky as hers."

"I can believe that. The piece of cherry pie I ate when I came for dinner was the best I've ever tasted."

"That's why you kept coming back, huh?" The words slipped out, and Kate regretted their sarcasm, but she couldn't ignore the hurt behind them. It had been shimmering below the surface, covered by a layer of decorum. She didn't want it to matter so much that he didn't value their friendship.

But it did.

He sat at the opposite end of the couch from her, but when his gaze met hers, she felt as if he had reached out and touched her. "I couldn't come back," he said, the anguish in his voice explaining more than the words he had spoken. His chest rose and fell as a bewildered sigh escaped before he added, "But I couldn't stay away."

"Why should you? We're friends and business associates. I'll admit that I've been preoccupied with the baby, but I've missed our talks."

He stood with an abruptness that brought her to her feet in an automatic response. "I'd better leave," he stated flatly.

"Don't go, Rusty," she implored, wondering what she had said to cause him to want to escape so soon. "I'll make some coffee, and we can catch up on what's been happening since I've been out of the office."

Her curiosity about the business was logical, and he owed her a progress report. He seemed less than thrilled that his exit was being delayed, but he accepted his responsibility with a shrug. "Sure, we'll talk about C-Breeze."

Kate had already filled the coffee machine for morning, so all she had to do was turn it on. She looked around to see if Rusty had followed her and saw he was standing in the doorway, keeping his distance, both physically and emotionally.

He looked unhappy, and Kate realized the lighthearted twinkle had gone from his eyes. Instead there was a troubled, almost brooding look shadowing his expression. She wanted to ask him what was wrong, but his attitude made her decide to keep the conversation strictly
business.

"So, have there been enough jobs to keep you in the air? Did the
Southoil payment ever arrive?" she asked, turning her back to him while she busied herself gathering the cups, saucers and spoons. To her relief, she finally heard the scrape of a chair across the floor and the sound of him sitting down.

"Yes, to both questions," he answered. "I've negotiated three more contracts for regular shift changes. I'll bring them over as soon as I receive them. I haven't had time to do anything with
the books other than log in the deposits. Do you think you'll have time to come in next week to write the checks, or do you want me to bring everything over here?"

"I'm feeling terrific now, so I don't see why I can't start going to the office for a few hours next week." She could
fed the heat of his gaze even though she didn't turn around.

"You're looking terrific."

His calm, quiet compliment caught her by surprise. When she glanced over her shoulder at him, she was further flustered by the intensity and confusion in his eyes. She didn't understand the first emotion, but the second one was becoming all too familiar to her.