STARTING OVER (14 page)

"Thanks," she replied, feeling a new rush of shyness. Other people had commented on how quickly she had regained her figure after the birth, but somehow from him, it meant more. Her hands fumbled with the cups, and she had to struggle to refocus her attention on them.

"Kate," he said, his voice suddenly much closer. "I think it's time I turned in my notice. I've talked to a couple of pilots who are interested in the job. Maybe we can schedule appointments for you to meet them next week. If we can hire someone before the end of the month, I'll have all of July to work with them."

The news hit her like a blow to the chest. The spoon she had been holding slipped from her lifeless fingers and fell onto the counter with a clatter that echoed through the silent room.

"I don't want you to go," she admitted. After forcing her expression not to betray her distress, she pivoted. With her back pressed against the edge of the drainboard, she faced him, her eyes searching his.

"I told you this was a temporary job."

"I know, but you and I work so well together. Those other guys are probably nice enough, but I wish you'd reconsider. I think we can afford to increase your salary. Maybe we could hire one of your friends so he could take some of your runs. That would give you some time off so you could have more of a social life."

"I have no complaints about the hours or the work. And my social life is just fine. I don't want to fall in love. Not yet."

"I didn't mean to push anyone off on you. Are you upset because I've been trying to make a match? I just thought that if you met a nice young woman, you'd be tempted to stay."

"Damn it!" he exclaimed. "That's the problem."

Kate blinked, unsure of how to follow this new direction of the conversation. "Then you did meet someone you care about? It wasn't Susan, was it? And you and Elaine didn't seem to hit it off. Could it be Brenda or—"

"No, it's not any of the ladies you set me up with." He hurried to stop her before she had a chance to name all of the women he had met since he moved to Lake Jackson.

But her curiosity wasn't so easily stifled. "Then who...?" It dawned on her that perhaps he was missing someone from his past. A lump rose in her throat that made it difficult for her to continue, but she had to know. "Oh, it's someone you knew before you arrived here."

"It's not important who she is. But that is part of the reason I'm here tonight. She doesn't share my interest, and I want to have a clean break before I make a complete fool of myself."

With a desperation she didn't understand, Kate realized it was important to her who the woman was. "Maybe I can help. I could go to her and very subtly see how she feels about you. And, to be honest with you, I find it hard to believe that she isn't interested in you. I've known you for less than two months, and I'm closer to you than I am to anyone other than my parents. You're a very easy guy to like."

He reached out, his strong hands gripping her shoulders with a fierce tenderness. "You don't understand. This woman isn't exactly available."

"She's married!"

"Sort of.
Well, not really," he hedged. "But I don't think she's ready to think about a new relationship yet. Which is convenient, because I'm not ready to make a commitment, either."

"I think it's sad that two people who might have a chance at love can't get together. Perhaps you've underestimated the power of love. She might care more about you than you think. And you might be more ready to fall in love and settle down than you realize."

He considered her words for a moment, then shook his head. "I don't think so."

"I'm a woman. Trust me. I say she'll be delighted to hear how you feel."

One corner of his mouth lifted. He seemed to be amused at her suggestion, although Kate had meant it to be completely serious.

"So you think I should tell her?" he asked.

"Yes, I do. It would be a shame for you to disappear without telling her the truth."

His hands tightened and he met her gaze with open skepticism. "Okay, but remember, you talked me into this."

She nodded, but now that the moment of truth had arrived, she wasn't sure she wanted to hear who the lucky woman was who had won Rusty's heart. However, she had promised to help pave the way to his happiness, and she managed a weak smile as she encouraged, "Just tell me who she is, and I'll do whatever I can to help you."

"This is crazy. I must be suffering from heat stroke without realizing it. You're the last person I should be having this conversation with."

"Why is that?"

His expression sobered as he searched her eyes for some sort of life preserver that would save him once he took the fatal leap. "I'm definitely crazy for telling you this," he began, then flashed
her a nervous, almost apologetic smile. "I still think the only solution to my situation is to leave. Because, Kate Cramer, you're the woman."

Chapter Eight

He watched her closely, waiting for her reaction to his confession. At first, her eyes widened as she stared back at him in surprise. Her mouth opened as if she were about to speak, but no words came out.

Rusty's
attention became focused on the full, soft circle of her lips. He had never allowed himself the luxury of consciously thinking how they would feel beneath his caress or how they would taste. But each night had brought dreams, wonderful, painful dreams that probably far exceeded reality.

Before he had a chance to change his mind, he lowered his head. It would simplify matters considerably if she kissed like a fish and slapped his face in disgust. But from the instant he felt her warm mouth against his, all his resolutions melted.

She must have been too shocked to resist, because her lips not only accepted his kiss but returned it. His hands pulled her closer until her body was tight against his while his mouth moved over hers, exploring, savoring, adoring every inch of its rosy contours.

"Sparks and shooting stars!"
His tone was awed.

Kate knew what he was referring to, but she dared not speak or he might see how his kiss had rattled her senses.

"Kate . . . Kate, didn't you see them? Didn't you feel it? Oh, what have you done to me?" he murmured against her softness, unwilling to let her go yet. And "What am I going to do with you?"

She moved her head until it nestled in the curve of his neck. For a few emotion-filled seconds she allowed herself to be held before she lifted her hands and gently pushed him away.

"That shouldn't have happened," she murmured. The heated blush that stained her cheeks could be caused by embarrassment or excitement . . . or both. But, at the moment, she was clearly suffering guilt pangs.

"Why not?" he asked, his hands aching to touch her again.
"You're free to fall in love again, and I'm not married. The only problem I see is timing, and I've always heard Cupid likes to shoot his arrows at the most inconvenient of times."

She shook her head, sending her honey-gold hair tumbling over her shoulders. "I'm not free to fall in love again. Doug hasn't been gone long enough."

"How long will be long enough? Six months? A year? Two years?" Rusty lifted his hands in despair. "Romance wasn't part of my plans, either. But I think you and I have a chance at something special together. And I'd be willing to wait if you wanted me to."

"I don't want you to leave. I really enjoy being with you, but..." She walked to the table and sat down. With her fingers threaded through the hair at her temples, she supported her head in her hands. "I don't know what I feel. This is all happening too fast."

He crossed the room and knelt beside her. "You told me that you knew you had to overcome your grief about your husband as quickly as possible and get on with your life. Surely you're not planning on never loving or being loved by another man. You're a young, beautiful, wonderful woman. You owe it to yourself to say goodbye to Doug and open your heart to your future. You owe it to your daughter to consider providing her with a father."

Kate's head jerked up, and she leveled an accusing look at him. "That's an ironic statement coming from a man who hasn't even seen my daughter since the moment she was born."

He stood and paced back and forth across the kitchen floor. "I wanted to. God, how I wanted to. I've never given a kid, including my nieces and nephews, a second thought. But your little Shanna made me realize what I might be missing by refusing to settle down. But until I found out if you and I have any chance at a future, I didn't want to get any more attached to her than I already was."

"Is that true?"

"I swear it is. I'll admit that I've never had any desire to be a father. And I wasn't interested in becoming a husband. But you two Cramer women have made my plans look pretty empty and lonely."

"But I thought you didn't care."

"I was afraid of caring too much," he admitted. "I'm still not sure how to handle it."

A tentative smile lifted the corners of her mouth. "Neither am I. Right now, I can't make any commitments, but I do know that if you leave. I'd miss you very much, and not just because of C-Breeze. Maybe we could try it slow and easy and see how things work out."

Shanna's whimpers kept the conversation from going any further. Kate glanced at the clock and stood up. "It's time for her supper. Let me feed her, then I'd like to formally introduce her to you." When he nodded his approval, she added, "Help yourself to the coffee. This won't take long."

Rusty knew this was a test, either of his sincerity or his awareness of what he might be getting himself into. This was his chance to show Kate that he could accept a child in his life. But even if he hadn't wanted to prove himself to Kate, he did want to see little Shanna.

He took his cup of coffee into the living room and tried to get interested in the news. But after a few minutes, he grew restless and wandered down the hall to the nursery. He stepped into the doorway, but the sight that met his eyes halted him before he crossed the threshold.

Kate was sitting in a ladder-back wooden rocking chair facing away from the door at an angle so she didn't see Rusty. Even if she had been in a different location, she probably wouldn't have noticed him. Her head was lowered so a silken veil of hair curved across the side of her face as she bent over the baby, and she was totally absorbed in the intimacy of the moment.

As Rusty watched the infant cling to Kate's breast, he was touched with an emotion he couldn't identify. It was totally nonsexual, yet he felt a constriction around his heart and a strange breathlessness he usually associated with passion. The sight of the baby's tiny hand spread against the whiteness of Kate's skin, the gentle grunting sound Shanna made as she suckled, the tender way Kate cradled the baby against her chest combined to create one of the most beautiful scenes Rusty had ever seen.

Quietly, he watched as Kate moved the child to her other breast, and a few minutes later lifted Shanna to her shoulder. Then, before she saw him, he retraced his steps down the hallway to the living room. He felt a little guilty because he had witnessed such a private act without either an invitation from Kate or an announcement of his presence. But he didn't regret staying, because seeing Kate and Shanna like that was something he knew had been indelibly etched on his memory.

By the time Kate joined him, he was able to fake an interest in the baseball scores that the announcer was listing.

"Did the Astros win or lose?" she asked.

Her question caught him by surprise. "Uh, I'm not sure. I guess I wasn't paying much attention," he admitted.

"Good, then Shanna and I won't be disturbing you." She stepped closer,
then stopped in front of the couch. "Shanna, I'd like you to meet the man who helped you come into this world. Rusty, would you like to hold her?"

The thought terrified him. "No, I don't think I'd better. She's so small, and I'm not used to babies."

"Neither was I, but I haven't broken her yet. Here, hold her like this." Against his protests, she transferred the baby from her arms to his, adjusting his hands so Shanna's head was properly supported and her body felt secure.

At first he was afraid to move, but as Shanna peered back at him with her clear blue eyes and wrapped her fingers around the collar of his shirt, he began to relax. She was lighter than he expected and softer, not at all like the stiff baby dolls his sisters had always tried to make him carry when they wanted to play house. A clean, powdery smell filled his nostrils, and Shanna's satisfied gurgles delighted his ears.

"Hello, little Shanna, How's my girl doing?" he murmured, barely aware that he had spoken aloud. "You're even prettier than I remembered."

Kate hovered nearby, watching anxiously as the man and baby got acquainted. She listened, her ears alert for the slightest hint that Rusty was tiring of the situation, but he seemed to actually be enjoying himself.

She didn't know what she was going to do with him. He fit into her life so well that she could no longer imagine not having him around. But she wasn't convinced their relationship could ever advance beyond friendship.