STARTING OVER (15 page)

As far as she could see, they had three strikes against them. The first and most important to her, at least, was Doug. In spite of her determination to overcome her past, it was still very much a part of her present. With so many loose ends left untied, it would be difficult for her to get over the tragedy.

Second, there was the fact that she was very settled and quite comfortable with the suburban life she was leading. Rusty, on the other hand, wanted to see the sun set into the Pacific and watch the aurora borealis light up the northern sky. She couldn't offer any excitement to rival that. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that after the variety wore off, Rusty's desire to follow the sun would return, and he would be gone. Or he would resent her for holding him back.

Kate wanted to put that day off as long as possible, but she held no delusions that he would stay forever. And she had been truthful when she told him it would be more than just C-Breeze's loss; it would also be hers. The two weeks he had stayed away had proven that. Even though he had called her with updates, a business conversation on the telephone was in no way comparable to a friendly evening at her home.

The memory of a kiss that had been much more than friendly brought a renewed blush to her cheeks. The fact that she hadn't automatically resisted added to her embarrassment. If she was to be absolutely honest with herself, she would have to admit that the kiss had stirred her slumbering emotions. And it hadn't been because she was missing Doug, but because the man whose mouth had felt so exciting on hers was Rusty.

His appeal had slipped up on her. She'd noticed how attractive he was, but only because she had been trying to match him with her girlfriends. She admired his expertise, his charm and his boundless energy. But he had a maturity that made it easy for her to forget how young he was . . . which reminded her of the third strike.

There was almost a seven-year difference in their ages. It didn't seem to bother him now, but Kate suspected it would matter a great deal later. She hadn't made an issue of it, but it wasn't something she could easily forget.

There were so many reasons for her not to fall in love with Rusty that she didn't see how it would ever happen. It was totally inappropriate.

However, as she watched him with Shanna, his big hands holding the baby as if she were the most precious, fragile object in the world, and as Kate remembered the way she had responded to his kiss, she was reminded that the best things in life often weren't expected or planned. Could loving Rusty be one of them?

"I'M GLAD you're back," Rusty told her as he snapped the sides of the portable crib into a locked position. "You have no idea how boring this office is without you here."

Kate waved off the comment. "You're just saying that because you'd rather be up in the air than down here on the ground like us mere mortals."

"I won't deny that I'm not crazy about being tied to a desk. I'd much rather make money than spend it."

"You are a man after my own heart." Kate laughed. "Although I'd much rather be spending money on new furniture than on old bills for heaven knows what. But I don't think I'm going to mind doing the bookkeeping now that we have some money in the bank. We should be able to catch up on all the bills and maybe even pay a couple off."

"By the end of June, C-Breeze should be operating in the black again." He didn't try to hide the pride in his voice. It had been quite an accomplishment to resurrect the desperately ill company, and Rusty deserved to be pleased with the result of his efforts.

He picked up the clipboard that held his daily schedules. "I guess I'd better get back to work. I probably won't be back until almost dark today."

"Will you be over for dinner?" Kate's question was hesitant because she wasn't quite sure how to act now that the rules were changing. In fact, she wasn't sure if their conversation Friday night had actually happened or if she had just dreamed it. So far, there was nothing in
Rusty's attitude to indicate anything was different than it had been for the past two weeks.

But as he answered, the heated gleam in his eyes confirmed that Friday night had definitely been real, "I was hoping you'd ask. I don't mind taking things slow and easy as long as we're moving forward. Besides, I like to spend time with you in the kitchen." The rakish lift of his eyebrows left no doubt that he wasn't referring to making coffee.

The room seemed larger and lonelier the instant he stepped out the door. Again Kate was struck with how much she would miss him when he was gone from her life permanently.

HE EASED the
JetRanger down on the pad, then shut down the engine and flipped off all the switches. As the rotor slowed to a stop, he pulled off his headphones and hopped out of the cockpit.

In spite of a stiff neck and sore muscles from sitting in the helicopter for so long, his steps were quick as he headed toward the office. He knew Kate would already have left, but he was anxious to get home, take a shower and change clothes before going to her house.

As he rounded the corner of the metallic building, his pace slowed. A car he didn't recognize was parked next to his truck, and a man got out when he spotted Rusty.

"Hello, I'm Al Nicholson from Freedom Life Insurance. Is Mrs. Cramer here by any chance?" The man extended his hand as he introduced himself.

Rusty shook his hand. "No, she's already left for the day. Have you tried reaching her at her home?"

"Yes, but I must have missed her there, too. Oh well, I'll try to catch her tomorrow."

"Was there something I could help you with?" Rusty asked, hoping to save Kate any more pain the man's inquiry might cause.

"Not really. I just had a few more questions to ask her before we issue a check."

"A check? For what?"

"For her husband's policy.
Maybe you haven't heard, but today the justice of the peace declared him officially dead."

Rusty tried not to be too pleased at the news. If it was true, it would be a positive step toward Kate's acceptance of the truth and her recovery. "But I thought she would have to wait seven years because they haven't found the body."

"Whenever there is little or no doubt that the person could not have survived, the seven-year rule can be waived," Al explained. "In this case, the helicopter debris made it clear that there had been a crash, and because of the depth of the water and the isolation of the area, it was not likely the body could have been recovered even if the Coast Guard could have located the site within a couple of minutes."

"From what I hear, it's amazing the Coast Guard found anything because that helicopter sank so fast and Doug wasn't able to complete his Mayday call before he crashed."

"Yes, the records show that the reconnaissance jets made several passes before they sighted the debris." Al stepped back into his car and shut the door. Through the open window be added, "You know, as far as trying to find it or recover the remains, that helicopter couldn't have gone down in a worse spot if the pilot had planned it."

Chapter Nine

It had never occurred to Rusty that the crash might not have been accidental. He couldn't imagine anyone's situation being so unbearable that they would resort to suicide. What would it take to push a sane person over the edge?

Rusty leaned against the window frame and stared out into the dusk that was quickly enveloping the helicopter. Had Doug been so depressed by the possible failure of C-Breeze? Had he dug himself into a financial hole so deep that the only way out was a payoff on his insurance policy?

Perhaps Doug had been
afraid Kate and the baby wouldn't be able to live as well as he thought they should, so he had found a drastic means to support them for the rest of their lives. Rusty had no idea how much the insurance amount was, but he suspected it was large. And although Kate had said Doug didn't fly the JetRanger very often, was it mere coincidence that the helicopter that sunk to the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico was the mortgaged-to-the-limit LongRanger? Surely Doug had known that the helicopter's policy would pay-off immediately, absolving the loan so Kate wouldn't have to worry about the huge payments.

What Doug probably hadn't taken into consideration, if indeed these types of thoughts even occurred to him, was that it might take seven years to declare him dead. More than likely he hadn't realized he might be putting Kate in a worse financial bind by not allowing her to liquidate any of their community property.

She would be pleased to hear that the question of whether or not he had survived had been resolved. Or would she? It might have been her security blanket to keep a protective wall between herself and future relationships. Or even worse, she might be completely devastated that Doug was truly dead. What if all this time she had been holding out a thread of hope that he would, somehow, be found safe and well?

A fat, white moon seemed to fill the sky, taking away the pure darkness of the night. The helicopter's rotor blade sparkled in the incandescence, and the tall salt grass that grew in the empty fields around the miniature airfield danced in the breeze like lithe ghosts.

Should Rusty discuss his suspicions with Kate? How would she react to such a possibility? Would the ghost of her late husband always dance between her and Rusty?

He ran his hand over his chin and along his jawline, barely noticing the roughness. He knew Kate would be wondering what was keeping him so long. She was expecting him for dinner.

But Rusty wasn't sure how to handle this new development. Should he risk her heartbreak and possibly her anger at him if he was wrong.? He didn't actually know anything. It was all conjecture based on a casual comment.

However, Rusty knew he wouldn't ever be able to completely put this out of his mind. But just as Kate thought they should let their relationship develop naturally, Rusty decided he would play it by ear as far as working into the conversation the possibility that Doug might have committed suicide. It was definitely not a subject he wanted to blurt out as soon as he saw her.

He adjusted the miniblinds around the room so they closed out the night. For several seconds, he stood in the darkened office as if challenging Doug's ghost to come forward and clear up the mystery. He waited, listening for a spiritual message, and cursed when there was nothing.

"How could you do this to Kate? She needed you. She loves you. She would have understood and helped you work out your problems. Didn't you know how lucky you were?" Rusty shouted, his voice echoing around the room.

WHEN AL NICHOLSON GAVE HER the news and the justice of the peace confirmed it, Kate's feelings were mixed. It was over—the waiting, the wondering, the hope. Yet as she visited Doug's grave and left a bouquet of daisies on the tombstone that marked the empty spot, she felt a release. It was almost as if she had been holding her breath for the past five months, and now, at last, she could suck in a fresh lungful of air.

It wasn't that she was relieved he was dead. But the not knowing had been subconsciously controlling her life. Of course, she would never forget Doug or even completely get over losing him. But now, for the first time, she could believe that her future could be happy without him.

She still didn't believe that future would include Rusty in anything more than a partnership/friendship capacity, although she had to admit that sometimes her thoughts strayed to more personal possibilities. He had begun to appear with disturbing regularity in her dreams . . . and not always in a platonic role.

Kate blamed it on the kiss. Although she often caught him looking at her with undisguised interest, he had not made another attempt to corner her in the kitchen o
r any other room. Kate told herself that she was relieved that he wasn't putting any sort of sexual pressure on her, but a twinge deep within her persisted in reminding her just how nice that kiss had been. Warm and tender, yet barely restrained, the caress of his lips against hers had forced her to view him in an entirely different manner. He was a hot-blooded, mature man. Even more shocking was the fact that he wanted her.

Her mirror didn't lie. Every morning as she dressed, it told her that for a woman in her mid-thirties, she didn't look bad. But she would never be mistaken for a college coed again. Her hair, which she considered her best feature, had always had pale ash strands mixed with the darker gold, so any gray hairs she might have earned through the years didn't stand out. And she didn't even want to think about how her figure had changed since Shanna's arrival. The weight had gone quickly, but her shape had redistributed. Her old clothes were a little snugger in the hips and a lot tighter across the chest, but she expected that to reduce as soon as she stopped breastfeeding the baby.

In spite of his declaration of attraction, Kate didn't see how she could measure up, in his eyes, to women who were ten years younger. She knew she would have to be very careful not to let herself get into a position that would make it uncomfortable for her and Rusty to work together in the future. Even if she was ready, she couldn't allow them to become lovers, because after that, their friendship would be forever changed.