Teaching Kids to Think (17 page)
Read Teaching Kids to Think Online
Authors: Darlene Sweetland
We did not leave any teacher responses out of these lists nor did we only choose the ones that fit with our perspective. Research, teachers, administrators, and clinicians all agree that the most important skills and abilities to promote in our children are character traits developed through having the opportunity to learn how to solve problems while at the same time being considerate of other people and the consequences of their choices.
Putting It All Together
The Issue
Focusing on the end product is more comfortable for many parents because it is measurable and provides evidence their child is doing well. Parents also don't want their children to be left behind and want to celebrate their strengths, which means they focus on objective measures of their achievements like letter grades and GPA.
The Trap
Parents can get caught up in the “talk” among other parents about the achievements of their kids' peers. This leads them to push their children too fast or focus on the small details, rather than the process of learning (planning, organization, initiating, problem solving, and making and fixing mistakes). When children are denied opportunities to learn, they may get the grades or test scores to be admitted into the college of their choice, but they are lacking the skills to manage life independently once they get there.
The Alternative
Understand that test scores, grades, and academic awards are based more on work effort than intelligence. Point out and reinforce the work they put toward academics. Take note of effort, planning, organization, initiation, and communication about their academic performance.
1.
Help your child develop a positive academic self-concept by discussing a balance of strengths and weaknesses. One way to do this is to avoid talking about the smart kids. Instead, talk about the individual gifts of some kids. For example, “Wow, John is really good at math,” “Sue is a great reader,” or “Matt is really coordinated.” Then make sure to point out the gifts of your children.
2.
Another way to support a positive academic self-concept is to talk about areas of challenge as individual challenges. It is important not to generalize them to what type of student a person is or how it relates to intelligence.
3.
When discussing grades or academic measures, use the phrase “positive grades” (or scores) rather than “good grades.” This takes the focus from the number and emphasizes the child's effort.
4.
Have your child set his own academic goals (knowing that they might not align with your own). A good time to do this is when report cards come home. Even young children can do this. When the teacher's evaluation is in front of them, the information is much more meaningful and doesn't seem so forced. After goals are set, feel free to support your child and discuss additional concepts he might have overlooked.
C
HAPTER
7
The Phones Might Be Smart, but What about Us?
Parent:
Dr. Ron, nothing seems to motivate our son to change his behavior. He continues to be disrespectful of our family rules and he is doing terrible in school. We have put him on restriction and taken away video games and other electronics.
Dr. Ron:
I noticed that during our session that afternoon he was holding his phone and kept checking it. I asked him why he still had his phone when I had just heard that he had lost his electronics. His response was, “They let me keep my phone in case there is an emergency. I don't think they understand that I can do everything on it. They can take away everything as long as they let me keep my phone.”
A recent national survey indicates that 68 percent of twelve- to thirteen-year-olds (middle schoolers) and 83 percent of fourteen- to seventeen-year-olds (high schoolers) have a cell phone.
1
The study goes on to indicate that cell-phone ownership by children is increasing every year. Another study found that 20 percent of third graders and almost 40 percent of fifth graders have their own cell phone.
2
The Impact of Cell-Phone Use on Children
With the rampant use of cell phones among children and teens, it is important to understand the impacts that cell phones have on children, both positive and negative. Because cell phones are such a common part of the everyday life for this generation, most people assume that they can only be helpful. However, research shows that cell-phone use can have a negative impact on children's ability to process some information.
It is trueâthe growing dependence on technology is reducing the opportunity for children and teens to solve problems and, ultimately,
to think
. A recent article previewing a large national study suggests that too much technology takes a toll on kids' ability to utilize working memory.
3
Working memory
is the ability to hold information in short-term memory while figuring out how to use the information. Because so much data and storage is available with a smartphone, children and teens are not required to remember many things (e.g., phone numbers). Therefore, they are not strengthening this ability. They depend on technology to plan their day and remind them of their responsibilities rather than building an internal ability to do this. Technology is a wonderful tool to assist with time management and planning, but it becomes a hindrance when children and teens rely on it to the exclusion of taking personal responsibility. When they fail to fulfill a commitment because their phone didn't remind them, more and more teens blame the phone rather than taking ownership of the mistake, as if that is an acceptable excuse.
In addition, we are more likely to remember the most recent things we have experienced. A recent conversation or something we read will be stored in our short-term memory until we experience new things that take its place. If a teen is checking his or her phone every few minutes and is texting, using social media, looking at pictures, and checking for email, then these activities will be the things that are retained in the short-term memory. This means that teenagers will not likely remember what you asked them to do right before they began playing with their phone, because they may have a dozen new experiences to cloud their memory in only a few minutes. Good luck getting the trash taken out, the dog fed, or the room cleaned if you ask while a child is playing with his or her smartphone. When children are plugged into their phone, they are disconnected from their environment and everything that is going on around them, which includes being attentive to and remembering your requests, as well as seeing the cues in their environment that remind them what needs to be done.
Separate Homework Time from Phone Time
Smartphones have a lot of useful tools on them that seem like great homework aids. In most circumstances, though, a smartphone shouldn't be part of the process. Children are too often distracted by all the other things they can be doing on the phone instead of homework. It is a lot more fun to check social networks and email or play a game than it is to do homework. It is just simply too tempting for most kids. So be observant and wary if your kids have their phones while doing homework or studying.
How Smartphones Inhibit Problem-Solving Skills
With such a dependence on cell phones, children and teens are losing even more opportunities to learn how to solve dilemmas. As we discuss throughout this book, identifying regular ways for children to practice problem solving is the most important and effective way for them to learn how to tackle the challenges that life throws their way. However, with the dependence on technologyâin this case, smartphonesâto solve problems for them, they are losing this essential practice.
Consider this scenario: A fifth-grade child is told by her father before school to “wait on the steps in front of school when you are let out today.” When 2:30 comes around, classes are dismissed, and the young girl dutifully arrives at the steps to wait for her father to arrive. When she does not see him at 2:30, she impatiently checks her phone and starts calling and texting her father to see why he isn't there. Her dad sends a text saying that he will be late but to continue to wait on the steps at school. Eventually, she is safely picked up with no undue anxiety for any of the parties involved.
However, this scenario also doesn't provide the child with critical-thinking opportunities. Without the phone, she would need to show patience and wait a few minutes, consider the various reasons her father might be late, and then, after some time, figure out what to doâfor example, continue waiting, let someone in the school office know her parents hadn't shown up, call a grandparent or neighbor, or even walk home. These are all more difficult choices than looking at a cell phone and retrieving a text with instructions about how to behave. But ultimately, that's the point. This child gets the opportunity to make decisions and solve the problem on her own.
Childhood is a great time to practice thinking and figuring out problem-solving strategies. Our position is that the child who lacks opportunities to practice these skills will not ultimately develop the skills to the same degree as a child encouraged to come up with possible solutions and pick the best one. We are not saying you shouldn't send your child a text when a plan changes or an unforeseen circumstance occurs. Communication seems like the reasonable thing to do. What we are suggesting is that you try not to become too dependent on rescuing your children from the opportunity to at least
think
about what they might do by providing them with options.
Talk about Your Texts
Cell phones provide a convenient way to communicate with your children, particularly when there is an unexpected change in plans. However, we really encourage you to use each opportunity to talk with your children about what they would do if they did not receive a message or text from you about the change.
Let's take the example of the child who was picked up late from school. If you find yourself in a similar situation, your child's safety and peace of mind are paramount; therefore, go ahead and send the text and then pick up your child as planned. Afterward, have a conversation about what your child might have done if he or she had forgotten his or her phone at home that day (e.g., notify the school office, ask a teacher for help). Let your child take the lead; don't give him or her the answers. This is a great opportunity to see your child think through a situation. Based on what you learn, you can then plan some opportunities to practice safe decision making.
The cell phone isn't the problem. It is how quickly and easily a child can take care of a problem without having to think. Information can be instantly accessed, so there is very little time left for him to consider anything at all. This technologically dependent generation is developing a strong need for instant gratification. The cell phone meets that need perfectly. Similar to many of you, we love our cell phones and aren't giving them up. This is not a condemnation of our appreciation for technology; it is a reminder that opportunities to solve problems are missed because cell phones make so many things easy.
At 10:40 p.m. on a Saturday, a seventeen-year-old is leaving a friend's house and is about to drive home for the night. When he goes out to his car, he notices that one of the tires seems a bit underinflated but not flat. He calls home and says, “Dad, the car has a tire that looks low.” His father responds, “I'll call AAA and be right there.”
Calling home in this instance is a great idea, no problem there. The opportunity that is lost is what happens next. In the previous scenario, the teenager's father, not the teenager, called AAA for assistance. The boy lost the opportunity to gain experience talking to the dispatcher and feeling comfortable answering all the questions the dispatcher will ask. There wasn't even a discussion about how low the tire was or how far the drive was. Did he consider spending the night at the friend's house and examining the tire in the daylight or even getting a ride home? Because he had a cell phone, he didn't even have to go back inside his friend's house before there was a repair truck and a parent on the way.
Again, the right thing to do was to make the call home. The missed opportunity was the parent who rescued him so quickly. It would be great to know how the teenager would have handled the situation if a parent wasn't able to pick up the phone. In addition, this was a safe environment for him to practice problem-solving skills. He was in front of a friend's house, and help was available right inside. What a perfect opportunity to have him be more active in the decision process. More important, he would have practiced not only dealing with the underinflated tire but also dealing with an unexpected problem too.
It is invaluable for teens to experience having a problem to solve, feeling a little anxiety about what to do, and focusing on the possible solutions. This gives them a sense of pride, accomplishment, and confidence in dealing with problems in the future. The more times a person does this, the more options for solutions that person has in preparation for the next unexpected problem. From a parent's perspective, that is very comforting. The next time you are tempted to rescue your child from a frustrating inconvenience, sit back and rejoice in the opportunity for learning.
